Act I: Isengard
Uglúk Farrell: Hail, Saruman the White! Rejoice, for I have brought unto you the head of Grishnákh Read, the leader of the Black Uruk-hai of Mordor.
Saruman Jones: It is well done, my servant, but have you also brought unto me the halflings?
Uglúk (pouting, and looking for all the world like a bog brush): The halflings disappeared during the scrummage with the Black Uruk-hai, my lord.
Saruman: How do you mean, disappeared?! The halflings are always lurking around the back of the scrummage, instructing the referee.
Uglúk: My lord, I believe they used some TMO enchantment to escape. But why concern yourself with mere halflings when there are mighty but cuddly Green Uruk-hai to face?
Saruman: You fool! To think that I have wasted years breeding White Uruk-hai only to produce morons who can’t capture halflings, and don’t know what a ruck is!
Uglúk (pouting again): That wasn’t me, that was Uruk-Dylan and Uruk-DOMINATOR.
Saruman: Get out of my sight!
[Exit Uglúk]
Saruman (pacing): Verily, it is a strange thing to have the head of Grishnákh and yet not the Ring. I fear there are some dark-green plots afoot.
Act II: The Forest of Fangorn
Treebeard: Hmm hoom, are you young halflings awake yet?
Merry Handré (bouncing up): Yes, Treebeard, we are full of the beans of life following your magic energy drink! Can we have some more, please?
Pippin Faf: Ooh, yes, please!
Gandalf Rassie: I would not advise drinking too deeply of Fangorn’s potions. Indeed, your skin is already taking on a greenish tinge, as if the moss grew upon it.
Halflings (in unison): Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Gandalf! We will be fine.
Gandalf: Do not then stumble at the end of the 22.
Act III: Dol Baran; night
[Merry and Pippin are huddled in their camp.]
Pippin: That ovally ball that old Gandalf’s got. He seemed mighty pleased with it. He knows or guesses something about it. But does he tell us what? No, not a word. Yet I picked it up, and I saved us from rolling out at the pool stages.
Merry: Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Go to sleep!
[Pippin waits for Merry to fall asleep, then sneaks out to look at the special ovally ball.
He bends low over it, looking like a greedy child stooping over a bowl of food, in a corner away from others. He gazes at it. The air seems still and tense about him. At first the oval is dark, black as an All-Black jersey, with the moonlight gleaming on its surface. Then there comes a faint glow and stir in the heart of it, and it holds his eyes, so that now he can not look away. Soon all the inside seems on fire; the ball is spinning, or the lights within are revolving. Suddenly it does one of those awkward ovally-ball bounces, and the lights go out. He gives a gasp and struggles; but he regains the ball and remains bent, clasping the ball with both hands like any sensible player approaching a tackle. Closer and closer he bends, and then becomes rigid; his lips move soundlessly for a while. Then with a strangled cry he falls back and lies still (with one eye on the referee).
The cry is piercing. The fatties leap (ungracefully) down from the banks. All the camp is soon astir.]
Gandalf: So this is the thief.
[Hastily he casts his cloak over the ovally ball where it lies.]
Gandalf: But you, Pippin! This is a grievous turn to things! The devilry! What mischief has he done to himself, and to all of us?
[The halfling shudders, his eyes closed. He cries out and sits up, staring in bewilderment at all the faces around him, pale in the moonlight.]
Pippin: It is not for you, Saruman!
Gandalf (sternly): What did you see, and what did you say?
Pippin: I saw a dark sky, and tall rugby posts. Then the lights went in and out. They were cut off by winger-like things. Very big, I think, really; but in the ovally ball they looked like white bats wheeling round the try-line. I thought there were fifteen of them.
Gandalf: Nazgûl! The storm is coming. The Nazgûl are coming! Run, run! Wait not for the whistle, and never mind the offside law! Let not the swift wait for the slow! Run!
Further reading
Yosoy philosophising on Wales’ performance with a depleted team.
TomPirracas’ touching tale of a young rugby fan’s decision on whom to support.
On the telly this week
Friday 1st November
| Wales v New Zealand | 09:00 | S4C / ITV |
| Ulster v Zebre | 19:35 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Glasgow v Kings | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Saints v Quins | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 2nd November
| England v S Africa | 09:00 | ITV / S4C |
| Leicester v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Scarlets v Cheetahs | 15:00 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Ospreys v Connacht | 17:15 | S4C / TG4 / PS1 |
| Treviso v Edinburgh | 17:15 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Cardiff v Munster | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
Sunday 3rd November
| Worcester v Exeter | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Well, there’s the two BS tries, does that signal the Wales comeback is on? SBT – your call!
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Sadly, it might well properly blow out now to a big late 90s Nz-Wales scoreline.
Wales have played some good stuff, and a few moments have gone NZ’s way, but Wales’ defence has been quite poor, both in terms of organisation and in terms of actually making tackles, and NZ are in sync with each other.
Worst BR performance from Wales I have seen in many a year. These 3 can’t play together again (actually, after this RWC, I don’t think James Davies and Moriarty should be anything other than injury cover in future).
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Some unusually sloppy handling from NZ and a real mess at the breakdown. Barnes may want to re-read the laws of the game prior to taking to the pitch?
But quite enjoyable. Biggar-less Wales showing more attacking flair and intentions in one half than they did most of the tournament.
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Alfie laughing and shaking his head at Big Sexy has been one of the highlights of the world cup
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Should probably stand up there, Bill
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@utna
he never stood up for Emlyn Hughes on Question of Sport
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@OT
Well, he jolly well should have!
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Eesh.
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Oh, that looked so simple. A miss-pass, an offload, a try.
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The old guys, Read, Smuth, SBW all playing well
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SBW & Crotty carve up after B Smith gets them on the front foot.
Hindsight is wonderful, and Wales at this 3rd place RWC aren’t the team England were in the SF, but Hansen got his selection badly wrong last week
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Was Foxy taken out off the ball? Justice for Wales!
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That was rather good
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That was rather forward
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Smith denied a third try. Too bad, it was a wonderful way to sign off for a wonderful player.
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JD2 shouldn’t be playing. today. His knee is in a mess. No lateral movement, no acceleration.
Gonna be lucky to finish the game without making his injury much worse
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And yes it was forward.
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What a charge by Tips.
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That is ridiculous from Barnes. No way is that “over the shoulder”. Swinging arm to the neck.
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Wtf! That was so high
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Mind you, Wales blew a 5-on-2 with a crap pass
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Utna, he ignored the forward pass to Shingler too, it was right in front of him
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@ticht
Yes, he did. Seems to be letting an awful lot go (and as I said earlier, it was largely to Wales’ benefit in the 1st half). Foul play is different to a forward pass or an accidental offside, though. Really poor
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not sure that was a try either…….
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Watkin looks happier at 12 instead of 13.
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Another of my bugbears, nothing against Wales here it just so happens it was them this time, but Barnes awarded Wales a penalty for ABs creeping offside when it came from a dummy/delay from the scrum half at the base, which is meant to be illegal now
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@Iks
Watkin looks happier at 12 instead of 13.
Just be happy we have a centre who is both a) not perpetually injured and b) under 30 years of age
Lets not get fussy
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Grasping a pastries again, Owen Lane hasn’t been overawed and has played with commitment. Elliot Dee looks pretty good if he can improve his darts. Rhys Carre is a prospect
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@ticht
You are the scrum guy. Black loses the bind and then his feet. Red penalised for pulling down. Correct?
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Oh Dan, you have to do better than that in a one on one defence
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Morning everyone. Been super busy, don’t even have time for a catch up. Good 3rd place game, this.
Semis were quite something. England brilliant, expect them to win tomorrow.
Wales-Boks was a trip. Can’t say I enjoyed it but what a wild sport this is. Boks passed the ball 67 times! Only time I can remember fewer by a winning side was Wales taking the Slam earlier this year, but think the Boks was the only time (from a winner or loser) I’ve ever seen a side make more carries than passes.
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I cannot imagine ever selecting George Bridge ahead of Bin Smuth.
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Cheeky!
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Larry, better hair and ‘tache
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Oh, well. NZ too good but sure they will still go home unhappy after last week. Probably need a coach from outside the system (Robertson?) to take them on now.
Wales had a good RWC all things considered but were quite poor today. Never mind, was always going to happen. Big transitional phase ahead. Hope Pivac is given the time and space to rebuild the team around some younger players
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Lienert Browns bum at the end brought a smile to my face.
Some good positives in this match, although I get the feeling we’ve taken a step back from Grand Slam champions to be being plucky underdogs. I suspect we’ll be plucky for a while/forever.
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T Williams, Watkin and Dee look like our future stars, I hope Jarrod Evans cuts it too
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Nice post match from Hansen. Arguably the greatest coach of the modern era. First time I have seen him emotional.
Gats -poor. Bit blasé and playing to the (mainly) NZ crowd. Could have thanked his captain and his team…….
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I know Bill Beaumont is an old man now, and maybe he has stooped a bit, but to see the NZ fullback and winger overlooking the former second row (considered a giant in his day) by a few inches really brings home how much the game has changed
Bill was barely up to Retallick’s shoulders
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Can’t help thinking this, and in my mind it is inexplicably being said with an ‘allo ‘allo / monty python over the top fake French accent
“Neu Zeeland, you get ze medal for ze loseurs, as for you Wales, you get nothing, au voir”
(sorry, flair)
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Utna – someone should make an atl out of that.
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Anyway, congratulations All Blacks and commiserations to Wales. Was always going to be tough given the All Black loss last week.
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Utna, I hope this is not going to be seen as sour grapes, because it is not, but I’m not sure Wales overall had a good RWC. Sure they reached the SF but how?
Besides a good game vs Australia, they did not produce much, including today where very little was at stake. A limited plan A (kick and chase) and a limited plan A’ ( one pass pick and goes), very little threat in attack.
From the NH, only England can be happy, not only with the result, but with the manner as well.
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@flair,
Well, you are correct. Wales had a good RWC because they reached the SF. Their 3rd time. They also beat Australia, their 1st victory against one of the SH heavyweights in a RWC since 1987.
Bear in mind that Wales have failed to make the 1/4 final on 3 occasions out of 9 RWCs. Wales’ record has been the poorest of all the “old powers” in this respect.
You are correct as well in that Wales played very limited rugby. But, with this team, it was always going to be a matter of milking out a few last backs-to-the-wall defensive epics this RWC before the last of the old brigade stumble off to the orthopaedic ward.
Ok, in hindsight, maybe a few young thrusters could have been tried in 2017 or in the 2018 6N, but, by and large, the young prospects weren’t ready. Add to that, the loss of the obvious incomers who had been blooded (Jenkins, Anscombe, Hill, Evans) through injury and some players at their peak (Faletau, Webb) before the tournament and others during (Navidi, L Williams, JD2) them Wales were forced to play a conservative game. They did exceptionally well to get as far as they did, even with a big slice of luck.
{Add to that, as I and others have posted, there are no foundations in Wales in terms of the regions/clubs (compared to say, France, England or Ireland)}
That said, this is not sustainable. over-achievement built around heart, defence, commitment and a bit of luck. (and AWJ).
Wales need to go back and learn to play a bit of rugby as well. They tried it today, but against NZ….. they lost by 30 points or so. Ordinarily, and I know this was not a typical game, they lose by a score to NZ playing with less ambition but more guts and brains.
One final point, Wales under Gats (particularly recent years) have built their game around the Edwards defence. This has been successful, but it is incredibly tough to play. You cannot (even if you are NZ) play with this defensive focus and then attack like, well NZ. When everything you do is built around defensive structures, you cannot transition to attack with fluency. Sure, the best sides have great defence and great attack, but in balance.
Just like Scotland, who attack better than almost anyone, but get found out in defence, Wales defend better than anyone but get found wanting in attack. Play to their strengths, for sure, but can’t regularly beat the best teams who do both as well as the “specialists” do either.
An intl team cannot say “we’ll play the Edwards defence, and the Townsend attack and beat anyone”. Because, to implement the Edwards defence, you must sacrifice your attack and same (but reverse) for Townsend
Not sure I am explaining myself well. But I do agree with you.
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Well…………………
Many household names disappear off the Intl radar after today, Many will be missed but what a chance now for the new generation!
I think it will be hard for Wales for a while and I have no idea what NZ will look like in 2020
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Good news…………………….Ben Smith coming to play just down the road at Pau – I might make the effort………….
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So, I *think* my work server now lets me access this website
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You certainly explained yourself well, and I do not sniff at the Welsh successes, especially at the 6N level, considering the scarcity of players available. But Gatland had years and years to prepare a plan B and came out with nothing.
Look at what Japan – which I forgot in my NH list of successful teams- achieved with less time and fewer players.
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Yes! #winning
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Chek – did you go to IT saying you needed to post for work purposes?
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