OvallyBalls can now reveal that our operatives have made secret recordings of discussions that took place some years ago. Names may have been changed to protect the not-that-innocent.
Wrigel Nay: Right, chaps, this salary cap is a bit awkward, eh what? If we are to DOMINATE the Premiership and the European Cup, we need you players. And obviously you won’t play as well if you’re not millionaires.
Basil ‘Bog’ Brush: Well, y’need the motivation. I coulda gone inta footba’, and got my money for nothing, and my chicks for free. In rugby, I have t’ make a lo’ o’ no-arms tackles, and tha’ stings a bi’ sometimes.
Maro Match (melodiously): Uhmm, I’ve got lots of arms; I’m like an octopus, mate. Uhmm, but every extra 100 grand grows another arm. Plus, it’s fodder for my political campaign chest.
The Puny Voles: We’ve got our private doctors and personal massage therapists to pay for. It’s not cheap being injured all the time. We are reduced to pretending to go on Z-list sleb programmes to survive. And it’s boring, so the finest Dom is in order.
Maro Match (melodiously): Uhmm, Classic Dom?
The Puny Voles: Nah, mate, Dom Pérignon.
Wrigel Nay: Don’t worry, chaps, I have a plan. You set up some limited companies, and we ‘invest’ in them in lieu of salary.
[Collective sound of gum-guard-sucking.]
Wrigel Nay: I’ll have my people contact your people to explain it all. [Drones on until everyone falls asleep.]
On the telly this week
Friday 8th November
| Connacht 11 – 42 Leinster | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 2 |
| Edinburgh 20 – 17 Dragons | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale 28 – 18 Wasps | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| France 10 – 20 England (women) | 13:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Gloucester 12 – 21 Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Zebre 7 – 31 Glasgow | 15:00 | Free Sports |
| Ospreys 14 – 16 Kings | 15:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff 30 – 17 Cheetahs | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1* / S4C |
| Munster 22 – 16 Ulster | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1* |
| Scarlets 20 – 11 Treviso | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
*Both of these cannot be right. But that’s what the site says.
Sunday 3rd November
| Exeter 17 – 22 Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Good stuff Thaum! Scarified Saracens eh? See what happens when you give a solid Saffer club back to the perfidious Albions!
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From the last blog, before I was Deebeed:
I think what RoG the Devious is suggesting is that England were so pathetic in the scrums that Cole going down ‘injured’ would have gifted them uncontested scrums and hence neutralized South Africa’s only scoring weapon. They had nothing else. He’s a genius. He gets a soft ride because of his pivotal role in the Boks 2009 Lions series win.
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Gold, silver and bronze!
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Show-off!
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Comments please BB
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Excellent stuff there. I don’t know if my dad would have thought the dug a tad too close. It nearly got butted a couple of times.
I wonder if that dug could stand as an MP – stare down a few of the current mob, They prolly wouldn’t put up as much resistance as those sheep did.
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ROG’s brilliant scheme might have worked except England spent a lot of time talking about how Marler could cover both sides of the scrum so two props’d’ve go down “injured”, no?
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I can understand Sarries fans being annoyed at the pain they’re taking – and, to a degree, Craigs’ own England-interested position – but otherwise surely sympathy here is orbiting around the zero mark? Fuck those guys. OT is right that loopholes do not have a legal meaning but they do have a real-world one. Fuck those guys.
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Enzo – yep, it’s almost like the Saracens are being run by the Tory Party.
What do you mean, I can’t just prorogue Parliament if I feel like it?
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Lest we forget:
“Worcester Warriors fans expected to “respect” Thatcher tribute at Saracens”
https://www.worcesternews.co.uk/sport/10345987.worcester-warriors-fans-expected-to-respect-thatcher-tribute-at-saracens/
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Ticht: https://rugby365.com/tournaments/super-rugby/news-super-rugby/beast-eyeing-stint-abroad
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I’m not sure we’ll ever find out how good he might be, and it’s the one area where Wales has a lot of competition.
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Great stuff Thaum – thanks for keeping the ship upright and sailing.
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Loving the Premier Sports adverts running on BT Sport.
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Cheers, Avs! If anyone else wants to contribute an ATL, I’m all for it….
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thanks for the work, Thaum……definitely making life much more bearable for this convalescent
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Don’tcha just love Borders?
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Slade – hope you’re well on the mend!
Don’t forget to save some of your opiates for your friends.
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no panic got me stash safe and what’s more got more from the pharmacy today in preparation for having nasty things cut off my back next week!
Did 2 hours physio on the French state this morning (3x per week) and I need all the pain killers I can get!!
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Have drive a fork lift in a previous life / job. It is fun.
I did as well, Avs.
“Fun”?
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I went to physio for me chronic back pain that I’ve had since childhood. Much to my surprise, having heard other people’s experiences of physio, the exercises really weren’t at all painful.
Except for … cue spooky music and Steve Martin voice … the Crucifixion Exercise. The physio who set it, when I told her how painful it was, and impossible to endure for the required ten minutes, said, Well, don’t do that one again then. Even though I did think it was helpful.
Then she got replaced by another physio, who said I should try it to the limits of endurance, which eventually did stretch to ten minutes.
It really did help a lot. In fact, I should probably be doing it now as things have regressed a bit.
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Oh, and the opioids also helped a lot!
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LADOAB – perhaps it’s not quite as fun if it’s your job day in, day out. But I think it looks like fun for an hour or so.
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Nice to see sheep looking like living creatures and not just meat and wool.
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Just watched the border collie vid … I do love those dogs. Those sheep looked rather un-ovine, in the popular sense.
As someone who’s an expert on sheep-herding, having watched One Man and His Dog, ooh at least five times, I concur with BB that perhaps the dug is getting too close.
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Have friends who have a couple of (pet) sheep. Friends decided they should get some alpacas. Sheep’s noses seriously out of joint, and one sheep in particular attacked the alpacas.
Some months later, they’ve all made friends. I love happy endings.
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Well, at least in real life. Hate happy endings in fiction.
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Ovally Balls is like a happy ending and a happy beginning.
*sniff*
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@Deebee – “See what happens when you give a solid Saffer club back to the perfidious Albions!”
Much more likeable when dear old cuddly Brendan Venter was in charge.
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I was working at a construction yard when I drove the fork lift. Was fun in that you got to load / unload / shift some challenging equipment etc. Not sure I’d want to do it for a career, but for six months or so it was fun.
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Almost perfect for this:
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My experience was in a factory, driving on the production lines. It was a good summer job when I was in university. And I didn’t cost the company too much in accidents…
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Hmmmmmm, umbrage is being taken. Mark my words!!!!
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Have also drive(n) a fork-lift on a number of occasions, mostly in factory work but also while working on the production platform (Montrose Alpha) in the North Sea. There was a big ‘room’ where all manner of chemicals were stored on pallets and in drums and I was sometimes assigned a stint there, helping move stuff around and mix the ‘mud’ they pumped down the hole to maintain the hydrostatic pressure, lubricate the drill bit, etc. And to mix whatever poisonous concoction they used to clean the shale in the shale-shaker (so the geologists could take clean samples of whatever stratum we were currently drilling through).
An eye-opening job for a slightly academic, not-particularly-macho young Suavster. Lost a lot of my shyness that year…
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Could get an FLT license before we’re all oot the door if I want. It’s just about the one thing they have offered.
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Hahahaha, Neil (sic) Gallagher trying to PR himself a little antipodean outrage…
https://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/music/117292056/u2-in-auckland-dont-look-back-in-anger–noel-gallagher-taunts-all-blacks-fans
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Asterix is 60 today. Top lad.
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It’s also Vlad the Impaler and Alan Curbishley’s birthday.
Great ladz, all.
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@Suavo
When were you on Montrose Alpha? I flew a few Bell 206 flights to/from that platform in the early 90s.
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Much more likeable when dear old cuddly Brendan Venter was in charge.
And so it was. Bless ‘im and his cuddly biscuits.
Almost perfect for this:
That much is true.
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@thaum
Isn’t a major reason to get alpacas because they protect the herd (including sheep) from foxes? I will bow to BB’s superior sheep herding knowledge, however
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I used to drive a grader of sorts on my ex’s dad’s farm on occasion. One of those lovely ones with the stabilisers and everything for heavy lifting and lifting stuff on uneven terrain. Was awesome fun, but not as a permanent job.
Also, having picked strawberries for a couple of seasons and made our own wine in the Cape for three years, I can confirm that anyone who uses the term ‘pick the low hanging fruit’ has never set form on a farm or picked fruit for more than 15 minutes. Wankers!
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Speaking of herds, a mate of mine’s favourite joke when talking all matters wildlife is to wax lyrical about a pack of buffalo he once saw. Someone will eventually say ‘Herd of buffalo’. To which he replies “Of course I’ve heard of buffalo – I wouldn’t be talking about them otherwise!”
I’ll get his coat.
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You know that feeling where you went out pretty hard until 1am last night and then had to get up at 6am for work?
That.
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I slept on the train as well. Pretty sure the whole carriage was laughing at my snoring.
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@utna, I was there 1978 – 79. Some diesel we used to lubricate the bullhorns froze in the winter. Someone said it freezes at -40. Dunno if that is true, but it was seriously cold.
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@Suavo
A bit before my time, then! Was wondering if you had been a passenger of mine.
Was still blydy freezing in my day too! Had to do all sorts of preflight stuff with fuel and lubricant in case of freezing (not the fuel itself, but ice crystals forming on lines and valves). Plus the rotor blades would ice up (which can be fatal if not sorted out) and they were a bugger to de-ice.
Hardcore environment worked by hard men, and the odd hard woman. (not me, I just dropped off and went back to the snug airfield and bar)
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Were you still flying in the north sea in the late 90s (or arabian gulf or Indonesia) Utna?
You may have had the joy of flying me if you were still doing it in that period.
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Deary me, Craigs
Shocking behaviour. None of us would do such a thing.
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Some interesting back stories here…. forklifts, helicopters, oil rigs…
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