OvallyBalls can now reveal that our operatives have made secret recordings of discussions that took place some years ago. Names may have been changed to protect the not-that-innocent.
Wrigel Nay: Right, chaps, this salary cap is a bit awkward, eh what? If we are to DOMINATE the Premiership and the European Cup, we need you players. And obviously you won’t play as well if you’re not millionaires.
Basil ‘Bog’ Brush: Well, y’need the motivation. I coulda gone inta footba’, and got my money for nothing, and my chicks for free. In rugby, I have t’ make a lo’ o’ no-arms tackles, and tha’ stings a bi’ sometimes.
Maro Match (melodiously): Uhmm, I’ve got lots of arms; I’m like an octopus, mate. Uhmm, but every extra 100 grand grows another arm. Plus, it’s fodder for my political campaign chest.
The Puny Voles: We’ve got our private doctors and personal massage therapists to pay for. It’s not cheap being injured all the time. We are reduced to pretending to go on Z-list sleb programmes to survive. And it’s boring, so the finest Dom is in order.
Maro Match (melodiously): Uhmm, Classic Dom?
The Puny Voles: Nah, mate, Dom Pérignon.
Wrigel Nay: Don’t worry, chaps, I have a plan. You set up some limited companies, and we ‘invest’ in them in lieu of salary.
[Collective sound of gum-guard-sucking.]
Wrigel Nay: I’ll have my people contact your people to explain it all. [Drones on until everyone falls asleep.]
On the telly this week
Friday 8th November
| Connacht 11 – 42 Leinster | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 2 |
| Edinburgh 20 – 17 Dragons | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale 28 – 18 Wasps | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| France 10 – 20 England (women) | 13:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Gloucester 12 – 21 Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Zebre 7 – 31 Glasgow | 15:00 | Free Sports |
| Ospreys 14 – 16 Kings | 15:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff 30 – 17 Cheetahs | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1* / S4C |
| Munster 22 – 16 Ulster | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1* |
| Scarlets 20 – 11 Treviso | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
*Both of these cannot be right. But that’s what the site says.
Sunday 3rd November
| Exeter 17 – 22 Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
“Award-winning” Kestrel Super.
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McGuigan always looks good for Sale. Doesn’t look so good for Scotland.
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@ticht
My dad used to buy crates of Kestrel Super from the cash and carry.
So of course the curious younger me tried it.
I didn’t drink a second tin.
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Special brew
*shudders*
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Times like this I’m glad I drank whisky when I was a Younger BB.
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That man is a joke
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?????
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Ridiculous
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I’m assuming you mean Clancy and not Toolis?
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Couldn’t watch poor wee Connacht getting hammered by the Bad Guys, so switched over. To find Clownshoes.
So we’ve decided to go to the Clermont v Ulster match in a couple of weeks.
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Think ol’ George has been on the shrooms
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That is another bullshit card against Dragons this time, the guy has no clue
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I’d suggest a meet up but not sure I can deliver. I’ve got plans for this already and suffice to say I may be unreliable in a very tangible sense.
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Nice try Dragons.
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These forward passes are killing us
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Oh, are you going too, Enzo? Well, we’ve got each other’s mobile numbers now, so if we manage it, that’s great. It’s the mister’s birthday the following day, so we may also spend the weekend in a bit of a blur.
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Better from Embra!
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Thank flip for that
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Harp and Skol did wonders for the sale of lime cordial, as I recall.
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Clancy does seem to live in his own world.
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Enzo – find the pub in Clermont called the Salvation Jane. It’s a very good pub, and a rugby pub. Good food too. It’s run by two blokes who used to run pubs in England, so if you don’t speak French, you’ll be fine.
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Through many a year, I’ve never seen the point of Fairbrother.
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Larry speaks French. Well, he does in the book that has the big finale on the oil rig with Suavo and Utna battling the villains.
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Shiel showing the difference between him and Henry seconds after coming on.
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Thaum, the game in a couple of weeks is in Belfast – hope you’ve not booked flights already.
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Shiel has posed more of a threat in ten seconds than Pyrgos has in 75 minutes
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Clyde: would that be this one? https://www.brookmyre.co.uk/books/one-fine-day-in-the-middle-of-the-night/
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Ludicrous from Sam Davies to rush that penalty to touch. Silly arse wasted 20 metres or more.
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Enzo – oh fuck, so it is! We were having such fun planning the trip. Many thanks for alerting us though!
Erm, we might go to Cardiff for that match then.
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Two teams desperate to play rugby and it’s been a shitfest, cheers George
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Love that book, Thaum. It’s why I’ve never gone to any school reunion…..
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Naarch have conceded right at the start of the second half to go with one in the first minute to be 2-0 down to Watford, the only team below them. This despite having had the better of most of the game at least according to Pat Nevin. It’s almost as if the World Cup dream is over and all that’s left is watching dodgy streams of the Ospreys fecking around in the Pro-14.
Still at least these dishes are never-ending.
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Ryan has made Dragons a tough nut to crack, their defence was very good.
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BB – Brookmyre is one of my all-time favourite current writers. Although he’s gone a bit more conventional lately.
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A win at least.
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@Thaum – I’ve no interest in ripping off Carl Hiassen. The craft in this book will be that all the comedy will at least appear to be unintentional.
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Thaum – have you read his science fiction book? Released this year I think – it was pretty good.
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BB – nope, not read that one! I keep asking for the backlog that I haven’t read for xmas (last year, the year before), and then get some other shite I don’t want instead.
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Right, so it looks like the trip to Clermont will be in January instead.
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BB.
is that places in the darkness?
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Chimpie – yup.
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This is my fave Brookmyre tho: https://www.brookmyre.co.uk/books/the-sacred-art-of-stealing/
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“Larry speaks French. Well, he does in the book that has the big finale on the oil rig with Suavo and Utna battling the villains”
I’m already looking forward to this.. I’m going to be disappointed if it doesn’t show up in print in the next 18 months …
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Cockers just listed Edinburgh’s next few fixtures – 2 French teams in Europe, then Munster, then Wasps twice in Europe, then Glasgow twice!
That’s a helluva tough run of games!
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Well, two French teams, Munster and Wasps are tough
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That was an interesting red card, for Odogwu of Wasps. He jumped for a high ball, then extended a leg and kicked a Sale player in the face.
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Nice one Ticht! This is the year we get the 1872 Cup back!
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My mate from Llanhileth says that Kronenburg 1664 is a pint of numbers. I’m guessing it works with any beer that has, er…, numbers.
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Any beer drunk from an 1872 cup.
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“This is the year we get the 1872 Cup back!”
Two of the games are at Murrayfield.
I’ll put my avatar on Edinburgh retaining the cup in its rightful place, BB
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