OvallyBalls can now reveal that our operatives have made secret recordings of discussions that took place some years ago. Names may have been changed to protect the not-that-innocent.
Wrigel Nay: Right, chaps, this salary cap is a bit awkward, eh what? If we are to DOMINATE the Premiership and the European Cup, we need you players. And obviously you won’t play as well if you’re not millionaires.
Basil ‘Bog’ Brush: Well, y’need the motivation. I coulda gone inta footba’, and got my money for nothing, and my chicks for free. In rugby, I have t’ make a lo’ o’ no-arms tackles, and tha’ stings a bi’ sometimes.
Maro Match (melodiously): Uhmm, I’ve got lots of arms; I’m like an octopus, mate. Uhmm, but every extra 100 grand grows another arm. Plus, it’s fodder for my political campaign chest.
The Puny Voles: We’ve got our private doctors and personal massage therapists to pay for. It’s not cheap being injured all the time. We are reduced to pretending to go on Z-list sleb programmes to survive. And it’s boring, so the finest Dom is in order.
Maro Match (melodiously): Uhmm, Classic Dom?
The Puny Voles: Nah, mate, Dom Pérignon.
Wrigel Nay: Don’t worry, chaps, I have a plan. You set up some limited companies, and we ‘invest’ in them in lieu of salary.
[Collective sound of gum-guard-sucking.]
Wrigel Nay: I’ll have my people contact your people to explain it all. [Drones on until everyone falls asleep.]
On the telly this week
Friday 8th November
| Connacht 11 – 42 Leinster | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 2 |
| Edinburgh 20 – 17 Dragons | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Sale 28 – 18 Wasps | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 9th November
| France 10 – 20 England (women) | 13:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Gloucester 12 – 21 Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Zebre 7 – 31 Glasgow | 15:00 | Free Sports |
| Ospreys 14 – 16 Kings | 15:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Cardiff 30 – 17 Cheetahs | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1* / S4C |
| Munster 22 – 16 Ulster | 17:15 | Premier Sports 1* |
| Scarlets 20 – 11 Treviso | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
*Both of these cannot be right. But that’s what the site says.
Sunday 3rd November
| Exeter 17 – 22 Bristol | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Not watching the soccer, Deebee?
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Refitman, your boy Squidge has his review of the RWC final out tonight. 30 minutes long he says.
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Tom – been following his Twitter updates in anticipation. His video on Wales/SA is very good.
In other news, looks like Bristol have pinched a win at Exeter.
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From 17-0 down at half time, Bristol win 17-20. Bristol back to the top of the table.
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Bristol deserve that for their second half performance.
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Excellent comeback from Brizzle.
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GAH!
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Missed most of the 2nd half, but despite not being able to play rugby Bristol win with a maul over the line! 3 years of pointless replays that reveal fuck all are obviously aimed at getting a few more beers sold before the final whistle. Cuddly bears batter racists, so all good in the end.
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In truth, when CJPJN came on, he brought a whole bucket of carelessness with him
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Too nervous, TomP. May have a wee peek just now.
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Well, that’s a grand first 30 minutes! 2-0 definitely not game over against this Man City side though. Last few minutes they seem to have dominated midfield. Cushion of a 3rd would settlecmy nerves a bit.
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Nerves settled, Deebee?
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Hmph, I don’t like LI for obvious reasons.
Or not so obvious reasons.
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Dislike of PJ masks admiration for Nick Phipps, LaDoaB.
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As TomP has hinted, it’s a fly-half problem.
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@thauma
That makes sense. I thought it was because you’d been to watch them play and was appalled by the flatleyfication of their brand.
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Poor ol’ Foxy. Probably played 2 games with a fecked up knee held together by an improvised black bra.
You just can’t escape the fact that Gats’ strength-in-depth was all smoke and mirrors, but it is surprising that centre is as threadbare as lock.
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Got a feeling this is going to be a depressing season of rugby. Glaws are playing like numpties for 65 minutes a game, the reffing is compounding the problem, we can’t even provide a happy-ending thumping of Saracens, and at this rate we aren’t going to get close to a righteous thumping of PJs LI team either.
Still Toulouse on Friday, so we can offer them a first away win of their season.
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Been a couple of great weekends for my teams! Fantastic result at Anfield!
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Always is. Same for all of us.
Except this man. Deebee will probably singlehandedly win the Pro14. When you’re on a roll, you’re on a roll.
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He won’t be winning the Pro14 on a roll. A five-course lunch with extensive sampling of the extensive wine list, yes. A roll, no. I reckon he’s eyeing up Top14 gloire.
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Not even a Sag well-fired roll?
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For you or me that’d be fine., BB Dandy, in fact, but we’re not hard-bitten business types who’ve been biting hard into more lunches than we’ve had hot dinners .
No, no place for sentimentality when there’re proper lunches that other people are paying for out there and waiting to be eaten.
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PJ playing full back for LI. Myler at 10.
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…for whatever difference that makes.
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Was Lovejoy Chawatama playing? Great fans of the Ian McShane vehicle were his parents.
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As TomP has hinted, it’s a fly-half problem.
Of course. I forgot about that trade.
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Ah, TomP. Finally you get the idea. Did I mention I’m off to Milan in a couple of days? Then back there at the end of the month for a longer trip with about 25 clients. Hard work. Will deserve a few liquid lunches.
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It’s an interesting trip: Mozambique is about to develop the world’s largest new gas resource, with roughly $128 billion to be spent over the next decade. The project office is in Milan for one project and London for the other. So we’re taking South African companies 10,000km to punt for work on projects next door to us.
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Nice work if you can get it.
Me? Off to Leeds for the day. Oh the glamour
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I am, at least, going to get a lunch
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“The project office is in Milan for one project and London for the other. So we’re taking South African companies 10,000km to punt for work on projects next door to us.”
There should be a word for this. Y’know, when the exploitation of natural resources in a poorer region or country or continent is run by people sitting in richer countries. Maybe we’ll come up with a word one day.
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To be fair, the project office moves to Mozambique next year (at some stage) but you need to get in before then. Local content will be about 10% of the total project. Or roughly the size of Mozambique’s current GDP. Our mission is to get SA companies to invest there to raise that share and develop local industrial capacity. I work hard for my lunches.
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“work”
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This reminds me of Donald Trump’s ‘take the oil’ line.
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Rather have the wine, thanks.
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Squidge’s piece is entertaining and insightful as always. He’s absolutely on the money about Youngs having a shocker and losing his composure early, which I think cost England dearly. I thought he
There’s one thing from his video that is confusing me, though. He wanks on for ages about the SA move in which they set up a maul in midfield, but I can’t understand why the penalty was given against Dan Cole… He’s first man to make contact and tackles the man who is carrying the ball… I thought that was legal?
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@Dab – I think that by the time Cole had brought the player down, he no longer had the ball.
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@Refit – I don’t think so – you can see Vermeulen still has the ball when he’s on the ground.
Squidge says, “The moment a second man joins, it becomes a maul,” but that’s obviously not true as referees often give the ball carrier a chance to go to ground before declaring a maul. Otherwise, every time a ball carrier is being tackled and her team mate comes and helps drive her forward that would count as collapsing a maul.
It just seems like a real bullshit penalty to me, not a moment of genius by Rassie, which is what Squidge portrays it as.
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Dab – Without watching the video, or rewatching the game, or even thinking about it I can confirm that it was a real bullshit penalty as you say.
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Deebs the tyrant goes to poor war torn countries and takes the wine from them. What a bastard.
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Hmm. Actually I think I’m probably wrong because Maro goes in and binds to make it a maul at the same time as Cole makes the tackle. If Maro had kept his head, it would have been a legal tackle. As it is, Maro’s presence makes it a maul and puts poor Dan in the wrong.
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Was axmomentvof genius by Rassie. He knew Maro would cock it up and land Cole in the drink. Genius.
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Not genius typing skills from our friendly neighbourhood wine pilferer though.
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@Deebee no doubt mashing the keyboard with your silverware.
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Big Cup this week. The World Cup really squeezes the season. Ulster away at Bath – don’t think we’re playing well enough to expect a win. Annoying.
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Predictions:
FRIDAY
Glaws – Toulouse – must win for the home team, will win for the away team.
SATURDAY
Bath – Ulster – your heroes to get well washed.
Weedge – Sale – handy win for the home team, but Sale to make them work hard enough for it.
La Rochelle – Exeter – really could go either way… squeaky win for LAR.
Leinster – Benetton – bad guys win by a lot.
Clermont – Harlequins – big win for Les Jaunards.
Ospreys – Munster – great time for the Great Lads to play the woeful Ospreys. Allen-Clarke-getting-sacked level away win.
SUNDAY
Saints – Lyon – Dova’s lads to continue their good form.
Connact – Montpellier – fascinating battle, must win for the home side and I think they’ll just about do it.
Racing 92 – Saracens – gruelling away win for the absolute worst.
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Mitrea reffing.
Shitehouse Jr. has got Glaws v Toulouse. Genuinely baffling.
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Leinster – Benetton – bad guys win by a lot.
Those United Colours of Benetton ads really got to you, eh?
I think Lyon will win against Northampton, though. Lyon are at the top of the Top14, that’s got to account for something.
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By Christ it is suddenly cold here. Gotta risk the take down and care for my ducks.
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