ITALY: Azzurri in Space
Italy squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Props
Pietro CECCARELLI (Edinburgh Rugby, 9 caps)
Danilo FISCHETTI (Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Andrea LOVOTTI (Zebre Rugby Club, 40 caps)
Marco RICCIONI (Benetton Rugby, 7 caps)
Giosuè ZILOCCHI (Zebre Rugby Club, 2 caps)
Hookers
Luca BIGI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Oliviero FABIANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 10 caps)
Federico ZANI (Benetton Rugby 13 caps)
Second row
Dean BUDD (Benetton Rugby, 26 caps)
Niccolò CANNONE (Argos Petrarca Rugby/Benetton Rugby, uncapped)
Federico RUZZA (Benetton Rugby, 18 caps)
David SISI (Zebre Rugby Club, 9 caps)
Alessandro ZANNI (Benetton Rugby, 117 caps)
Back row
Marco LAZZARONI (Benetton Rugby, 4 caps)
Giovanni LICATA (Zebre Rugby Club, 8 caps)
Johan MEYER (Zebre Rugby Club, 4 caps)
Sebastian NEGRI (Benetton Rugby, 22 caps)
Jake POLLEDRI (Gloucester Rugby, 13 caps)
Abraham STEYN (Benetton Rugby, 36 caps)
Scrum-halves
Callum BRALEY (Gloucester Rugby, 5 caps)
Guglielmo PALAZZANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 36 caps)
Marcello VIOLI (Zebre Rugby Club, 15 caps)
Fly-halves
Tommaso ALLAN (Benetton Rugby, 54 caps)
Carlo CANNA (Zebre Rugby Club, 39 caps)
Centres
Giulio BISEGNI (Zebre Rugby Club, 14 caps)
Tommaso BONI (Zebre Rugby Club, 11 caps)
Luca MORISI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Alberto SGARBI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Back three
Mattia BELLINI (Zebre Rugby Club, 22 caps)
Tommaso BENVENUTI (Benetton Rugby, 62 caps)
Michelangelo BIONDELLI (Fiamme Oro Rugby/Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Jayden HAYWARD (Benetton Rugby, 23 caps)
Matteo MINOZZI (Wasps Rugby, 16 caps)
Edoardo PADOVANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Leonardo SARTO (Benetton Rugby 34 caps)
Italy go into this year’s tournament fresh, in some ways. New coach? Check. Former Cheetahs and Newport Clart legend Franco Smith takes over the ‘I’m picking the team’ task with previous coach Conor O’Shea moving to Twickenham to become the new RFU director of performance rugby. New captain, too, in Zebre hooker Luca Bigi, and while there aren’t many new caps, the squad is still relatively light on the cap count. It’s a team that’s been around a bit, but the age profile suggests that the 2023 World Cup cycle was always the plan rather than the most recent event in Japan.
It’s a new Italy in many ways and the King is dead. Well, almost. He’s making a comeback, briefly. Despite not being named in their squad, Italy’s most capped player, Sergio Parisse, is going to play at least one more time for Italy against either Scotland or England.
I’m going to go out on a limb and make a prediction here: Parisse will play in the match v Scotland. Why? Because he’ll want to go out on a winning note and Scotland still represents Italy’s best chance of a win in the 2020 Six Nations, 20 years on from their winning debut against the reigning Five Nations champions. They have wins against all in this competition apart from England, but have not won a Six Nations match since 2015. Here’s a good quiz question: who was the last Italian outside half to start in a winning Six Nations match? Don’t google the answer and let me tell you that it was Kelly Haimona. Remember him? Even better question: the last starting outside half when they won a home match? Luciano Orquera. In 2013.
Are Italy going to win a match this season? Realistically, no. They face Wales (where they’ve never won) and France (one win ever, pre-Six Nations in 1997) away from home in the first two rounds before facing Scotland in round three. England are visitors to Rome in round four and they’ve never lost to Italy, so…. A trip to Dublin rounds off the championship and, yes, Italy’s record there is not good. The Azzurri’s chances rest on the round three clash, sandwiched between the previously mentioned fixtures. It is not so much on their own form coming into this, but more on how Scotland have got on two weeks prior in the Calcutta Cup match. If Toonie retains his hex over Eddie, then you’d have to fancy Scotland to put the clown suit on Italy.
But wait … minutes after I write the above paragraph, Finn Russell is sent home from the Scotland camp for being naughty.
Let me re-write this story. Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland. For Italy it is a celebration of all the good moments that Sergio has brought them. Why can’t they win? Why can’t they send their most iconic player of all time off into the sunset with a win? Good things do happen. People sometimes go home happy. Rome is a pretty joyous place most of the time but imagine it after the first Italian Six Nations win at home in 7 years: kids throwing themselves into fountains, grown men clasping at Tommy Allan’s hands as he is chaired off after dropping an injury time goal, every pizzeria making haggis-topped pizzas for one night only. Believe, Italia. Believe you can win and win well. Don’t make me come back next year and write the same Six Nations preview reminding you of when you last won a match. I don’t want to do it, you don’t want to hear it and my server doesn’t want to store this file for 12 months. Win, if not for me, win for little Sergi.
Can Italy win against crisis team Scotland? Yes. Will Italy win against the Finn-less, rudderless Scots? Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the first Italian in space, Franco Malerba, when he says “La Scozia? Pfft, naturalmente vinceremo”.
Preview courtesy of Yosoy
ENGLAND: Fecked!
England’s ‘Prospects’ For the 2020 Six Nations
The lie of the land
In a word, we’re fecked. If you are wondering why the beaten Rugby World Cup finalists are fecked, allow me to elaborate on why this is.
We were BEATEN by the dastardly Boks in the RWC final having duffed the All Blacks in the previous week. We should have been handed the cup and been given an apology by Rassie Erasmus for having the temerity to even think about competing with us for the cup. That would have been justice served. Justice 4 Brexit, Justice 4 Boris, Justice 4 Sag.
Instead we were smashed in the heid, scrum and breakdown and did stupid, stupid things like put Faz in a lineout. I know he can counter ruck the Scottish lock off a ball, but feck the feck off the lineouts.
More recently the wonderful, lovely, amazing Saracens have been fined, points docked and told they will be relegated at the end of the season. Just for some measly lost pounds. Which those dastardly Munster boys told Jamie George he should lose. The fecking cheek of that.
So, with a beaten up, demoralised, divided camp let’s look at these wooden spoon receivers.
Forwards
The good news is that we’ve nicked the heinous Bok forwards coach. The bad news is that he’s definitely a plant and we’ll be running upright into contact and stripped of the ball by some cheeky Valleys scamp in red. The scrum will go backwards, the lineouts fail and Billy is broken again. Maybe he should run with his arms above his head like my uncle, Earl Cnut, in battle.
Props are too fat and slow, locks are knackered, flankers are locks, no8 is broken. In terms of selection, I am sanguine. There’s no one else available. We’re absolutely fecked.
Backs
Where to start with this bunch of clowns. I guess Eddie is determined to give Ben Youngs his centurion of caps. But if he doesn’t improve then he can make like a tree and get out of here.
It would have been nice to have seen Shithair in the squad but he’s injured. Otherwise we’ve got Manu. At least we’ve got Manu. He can pair up with JJ. But when was the last time Bath actually won anything? Last millennium. They’ve been shit since Guscott left. Maybe Manu could play no8 or something and we don’t even have centres.
Fly half is captain Faz and will probably be red carded two minutes into each game and we can’t rely on his boot.
Our wings are sort of okay, but the only time they’ll see the ball is when they are retrieving it from the crowd. At least they can chase a kick.
I’m predicting disaster.
Matches
France
First up in Paris. We’ll get mullered by a hungry French team displaying the guile and wit we knew they were keeping secret for the last 15 years as a funny prank to play on us in this game. About the same score as last year, but reversed.
47-8 to France.
Scotland
Then we come to Murrayfield. Even if you told us to hold on to a 30-point advantage for half a game, at home, we still couldn’t win against this lot.
This is Scotland’s Six Nations Grand Final and they’ve had the Calcutta for the last 2 years (cats have also been lying with dogs). Expect this to continue for another year with a pictures of an arse-faced EnglishScotsman holding the cup sticking his tongue out like Gene Simmons (but without the infamous charm) appearing all over Twitter. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
23-3 to Scotland
Ireland
We then come to the first home game where Ireland will roost us into oblivion and avenge the freak loss from 2019. England’s forwards won’t have enough for this bunch of miserable bastards. Only the sight of a beaten puppy can crack a smile into their faces. That beaten puppy will be England.
28-3 to Ireland
Wales
Next up, we have the Welsh at Twickenham. New coach, some new players, world cup high of winning morally against the All Blacks, means that this Welsh team will cross the Severn brimming with confidence. Expect it to rain Welsh tries and the doom and gloom to continue. England will be served on toast mixed into a cheese and beer sauce.
60-0 to Wales
Italy
The last game should be the easiest, but we’ll be so lacklustre that we’ll fuck it up and Sergio will finish his glittering career by ratcheting up a win against us in Rome. England to be roasted in a giant pizza oven and served up on smaller pieces of toast than last week.
10-9 to Italy
Conclusion (#FACTBOMB)
So there we are. Fecked. England to eat shit and come last. Eddie, the French and the Celts to keep laughing. The Italians to stare disbelievingly at each other until the June tours when Reality will rear its hideous head. Craigsman to pick the wrong month to give up meth again.
Preview courtesy of Craigsman
Further Reading
FalteringFullback with more on England’s woes, and his 6N predictions.
On the telly this week (sod all)
Friday 24th January
| Northampton v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 25th January
| Southern Kings v Cheetahs | 13:00 | Freesports |
| Bristol v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 26th January
| Harlequins v Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
“A surprising amount of people are quite wedded to the idea of animal death, for various reasons.”
Morons, as Sag would call them.
But on a more positive note, we could arrange for those people to work in a slaughterhouse for a week. Those still enjoying it after a few days could be removed into psychopathic holding cells, thereby reducing murder and serial killer investigation costs.
LikeLike
Sorry, typed that on the previous blog before noticing Thauma’s warning, and by christ I wasn’t going to waste the effort.
Looking forward to reading the ATLs with due diligence.
LikeLike
Are you sure it’s wedded to the idea of animal death, or is it a deep suspicion of the long-term health effects of lab-grown meat?
LikeLike
@ Craigs
F**kin ‘ell – why so optimistic……………………..I was interested to read of your realistic interpretations. Oh, well.
You’re probably right ‘though.*
*apostrophes especially for OT
LikeLiked by 1 person
LC-D is absolutely flying at the moment. EJ should start with him
LikeLike
‘Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland.’
Ha. Quite
We haven’t lost to Italy for a while but have had a fair few close shaves. can see a classic Scottish Meltdown in the offing.
LikeLike
Good words ATL, a bit hard to believe, perhaps?
I heard Treviso and Zebre seriously improved this season. I hope Italy finally learn from them, although it seems a bit premature, as usual.
As for England, all this underdogging from the Irish and the Scots proved extremely infectious. A quarantine, à la vache folle, is what the doctor suggests.
LikeLike
Craigs, I can’t be believe you’re being that Chicken Licken about the whole thing. Mo more than 99% of your prediction will come true.
Splendid, yos.
LikeLike
Not much. Treviso aren’t terrible. Zebre are still weak.
LikeLike
Treviso prob’ly better last season than this.
LikeLike
*Breaking news*
Weir in as 10 back up
Graham out with knee ligament injury. fuckity poopantshitbollocks
LikeLike
arsearsearsearsearsearse
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even the Legends beat Treviso, away, minus our international players. I think ‘good’ is relative outside the top 3 or 4 in the ProWoo.
LikeLike
Darcy Graham was doomed from the minute I marked him out as our “one to watch”. Poor laddie never gad a chance.
Coo Face to pop over the winning drop goal in Dublin on 83 minutes.
Good atl, lads.
LikeLike
A rather quick score;
LikeLike
Thank you for the entertaining previews, gentlemen.
I don’t know if I agree with some of the predicted results, however.
LikeLike
It’s not exactly what one might call a plethora of rugby this weekend, eh?
I guess I’ll be able to find Top 14 stream somewhere
In the meantime, a diverting little number from someone I discovered today. All I know about her is that she’s a New Zealander. I kind of like this, anyone that can pull off wearing a Vick’s nasal stick on their heid gets my vote
LikeLiked by 1 person
Words yos. Although, I wish you’d taken the assignment seriously. Italy obviously win one game. Against us.
LikeLike
And neat little line under the low salaried one. Well done, thaum/craigs.
LikeLike
Tomp – chicken licken was my favourite story at one point. Then I discovered Fifty Shades.
LikeLike
Ticht, I know your pain. Every year I pick Scotland to win the Slam. Every year fate conspires against them (and me).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ollie Thorley interview has him picking Benny Disraeli, a right winger, as a past hero. Typical England rugby player.
LikeLike
@craigs
I’m all about the positivity but I couldn’t match yours this year. England win, again.
LikeLike
Thanks Tam, but I’m sure Wales’ record under Gats has served to ease the pain somewhat from your point of view
LikeLike
A diverting wee choon there Ticht. She’d obviously borrowed Elton’s boots though….
LikeLike
Something of a Nick Drake vibe, sort of, I thought, BB.
LikeLike
My daughter sent me a message saying I should check out Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats
I haven’t done so yet
LikeLike
Ha, they sound like early Sabbath with Ozzy
LikeLike
No one have a comment on Daffyd Howells?
Will we be seeing play in the big leagues?
LikeLike
Have to admit, Nick Drake is a bit of a blind spot for me – he’s one of these artists I keep seeing on ‘best of’ lists and being quoted as being influential to loads of folk, but I don’t think I’ve ever knowingly listened to any of his stuff. I should probably rectify that at some point.
LikeLike
He’s in the Big Leagues, LaDoaB. He plays for the Dragons. Ah, right.
LikeLike
Am listening to Glaswegian legends the Pastels at the mo.
BB, this is a Nick Drake song you must know:
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or this one:
LikeLike
Don’t know if that try’s any quicker than this one…
LikeLike
What’s the Nick Drake producer called? He did Pink Floyd and REM and loads of others.
LikeLike
The Dragons winger? He’s had a lot of injuries so we’ll likely never know what his ceiling was.
LikeLike
Joe Boyd?
LikeLike
Joe Boyd, of course.
Northern Sky is a production by one of the best, Wales’s own John Cale.
LikeLike
I have to admit I didn’t know he’d worked with REM
LikeLike
Thanks, TomP.
I checked the Dragons site, and he’s played 3 games and has 10 points. 3 games doesn’t sound as if he’s XV material. But then I noticed that there isn’t one winger who has played in all the matches. Ashton Hewitt has played in 9 games so far.
Do the Dragons rotate their wingers? Injury crisis? No one has put their hand up to claim the starting positions?
LikeLike
Fables of the Reconstruction, which is only my third fave (REM record, not rugby player. That’s still Rey Lee Lo).
LikeLike
BB – Doddie lining up for the kick off there – it’s suddenly become dusty in here
LikeLike
Top Three REM records, Yos?
LikeLike
Gotta be ChronicTown and Dead Letter Office – or a bootleg of the earliest of Athens gigs.
LikeLike
I had an ill-fated love affair with a woman who loved Nick Drake. I didn’t know much about him but read the liner notes and saw Cale’s name and tried to persuade her to get into Fear. She didn’t much take to JC.
LikeLike
Reckoning, Murmur, Fables.
They weren’t the first I heard but my brother picked them up cheap on cassette and we spent a summer fixing up Dutch barn roofs with those three as the soundtrack on a crappy little portable tape deck. Cash in hand, plenty of sunshine and knocking off at 2 on Fridays.
Might stick them on now as I make macaroni cheese.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I really like the first three and certainly the first two are classics, but I also like Green because of Time & Place and, this may be controversial, but I really like Monster, too.
LikeLike
Big Taq v Naholo
LikeLike
Saints’ England players are away, as is Dancin’ Dan, but Hutchinson is playing for Northampton? Why isn’t he with the Scotland squad?
LikeLike
Surprisingly, two New Zealanders caught offside.
LikeLike