ITALY: Azzurri in Space
Italy squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Props
Pietro CECCARELLI (Edinburgh Rugby, 9 caps)
Danilo FISCHETTI (Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Andrea LOVOTTI (Zebre Rugby Club, 40 caps)
Marco RICCIONI (Benetton Rugby, 7 caps)
Giosuè ZILOCCHI (Zebre Rugby Club, 2 caps)
Hookers
Luca BIGI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Oliviero FABIANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 10 caps)
Federico ZANI (Benetton Rugby 13 caps)
Second row
Dean BUDD (Benetton Rugby, 26 caps)
Niccolò CANNONE (Argos Petrarca Rugby/Benetton Rugby, uncapped)
Federico RUZZA (Benetton Rugby, 18 caps)
David SISI (Zebre Rugby Club, 9 caps)
Alessandro ZANNI (Benetton Rugby, 117 caps)
Back row
Marco LAZZARONI (Benetton Rugby, 4 caps)
Giovanni LICATA (Zebre Rugby Club, 8 caps)
Johan MEYER (Zebre Rugby Club, 4 caps)
Sebastian NEGRI (Benetton Rugby, 22 caps)
Jake POLLEDRI (Gloucester Rugby, 13 caps)
Abraham STEYN (Benetton Rugby, 36 caps)
Scrum-halves
Callum BRALEY (Gloucester Rugby, 5 caps)
Guglielmo PALAZZANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 36 caps)
Marcello VIOLI (Zebre Rugby Club, 15 caps)
Fly-halves
Tommaso ALLAN (Benetton Rugby, 54 caps)
Carlo CANNA (Zebre Rugby Club, 39 caps)
Centres
Giulio BISEGNI (Zebre Rugby Club, 14 caps)
Tommaso BONI (Zebre Rugby Club, 11 caps)
Luca MORISI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Alberto SGARBI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Back three
Mattia BELLINI (Zebre Rugby Club, 22 caps)
Tommaso BENVENUTI (Benetton Rugby, 62 caps)
Michelangelo BIONDELLI (Fiamme Oro Rugby/Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Jayden HAYWARD (Benetton Rugby, 23 caps)
Matteo MINOZZI (Wasps Rugby, 16 caps)
Edoardo PADOVANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Leonardo SARTO (Benetton Rugby 34 caps)
Italy go into this year’s tournament fresh, in some ways. New coach? Check. Former Cheetahs and Newport Clart legend Franco Smith takes over the ‘I’m picking the team’ task with previous coach Conor O’Shea moving to Twickenham to become the new RFU director of performance rugby. New captain, too, in Zebre hooker Luca Bigi, and while there aren’t many new caps, the squad is still relatively light on the cap count. It’s a team that’s been around a bit, but the age profile suggests that the 2023 World Cup cycle was always the plan rather than the most recent event in Japan.
It’s a new Italy in many ways and the King is dead. Well, almost. He’s making a comeback, briefly. Despite not being named in their squad, Italy’s most capped player, Sergio Parisse, is going to play at least one more time for Italy against either Scotland or England.
I’m going to go out on a limb and make a prediction here: Parisse will play in the match v Scotland. Why? Because he’ll want to go out on a winning note and Scotland still represents Italy’s best chance of a win in the 2020 Six Nations, 20 years on from their winning debut against the reigning Five Nations champions. They have wins against all in this competition apart from England, but have not won a Six Nations match since 2015. Here’s a good quiz question: who was the last Italian outside half to start in a winning Six Nations match? Don’t google the answer and let me tell you that it was Kelly Haimona. Remember him? Even better question: the last starting outside half when they won a home match? Luciano Orquera. In 2013.
Are Italy going to win a match this season? Realistically, no. They face Wales (where they’ve never won) and France (one win ever, pre-Six Nations in 1997) away from home in the first two rounds before facing Scotland in round three. England are visitors to Rome in round four and they’ve never lost to Italy, so…. A trip to Dublin rounds off the championship and, yes, Italy’s record there is not good. The Azzurri’s chances rest on the round three clash, sandwiched between the previously mentioned fixtures. It is not so much on their own form coming into this, but more on how Scotland have got on two weeks prior in the Calcutta Cup match. If Toonie retains his hex over Eddie, then you’d have to fancy Scotland to put the clown suit on Italy.
But wait … minutes after I write the above paragraph, Finn Russell is sent home from the Scotland camp for being naughty.
Let me re-write this story. Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland. For Italy it is a celebration of all the good moments that Sergio has brought them. Why can’t they win? Why can’t they send their most iconic player of all time off into the sunset with a win? Good things do happen. People sometimes go home happy. Rome is a pretty joyous place most of the time but imagine it after the first Italian Six Nations win at home in 7 years: kids throwing themselves into fountains, grown men clasping at Tommy Allan’s hands as he is chaired off after dropping an injury time goal, every pizzeria making haggis-topped pizzas for one night only. Believe, Italia. Believe you can win and win well. Don’t make me come back next year and write the same Six Nations preview reminding you of when you last won a match. I don’t want to do it, you don’t want to hear it and my server doesn’t want to store this file for 12 months. Win, if not for me, win for little Sergi.
Can Italy win against crisis team Scotland? Yes. Will Italy win against the Finn-less, rudderless Scots? Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the first Italian in space, Franco Malerba, when he says “La Scozia? Pfft, naturalmente vinceremo”.
Preview courtesy of Yosoy
ENGLAND: Fecked!
England’s ‘Prospects’ For the 2020 Six Nations
The lie of the land
In a word, we’re fecked. If you are wondering why the beaten Rugby World Cup finalists are fecked, allow me to elaborate on why this is.
We were BEATEN by the dastardly Boks in the RWC final having duffed the All Blacks in the previous week. We should have been handed the cup and been given an apology by Rassie Erasmus for having the temerity to even think about competing with us for the cup. That would have been justice served. Justice 4 Brexit, Justice 4 Boris, Justice 4 Sag.
Instead we were smashed in the heid, scrum and breakdown and did stupid, stupid things like put Faz in a lineout. I know he can counter ruck the Scottish lock off a ball, but feck the feck off the lineouts.
More recently the wonderful, lovely, amazing Saracens have been fined, points docked and told they will be relegated at the end of the season. Just for some measly lost pounds. Which those dastardly Munster boys told Jamie George he should lose. The fecking cheek of that.
So, with a beaten up, demoralised, divided camp let’s look at these wooden spoon receivers.
Forwards
The good news is that we’ve nicked the heinous Bok forwards coach. The bad news is that he’s definitely a plant and we’ll be running upright into contact and stripped of the ball by some cheeky Valleys scamp in red. The scrum will go backwards, the lineouts fail and Billy is broken again. Maybe he should run with his arms above his head like my uncle, Earl Cnut, in battle.
Props are too fat and slow, locks are knackered, flankers are locks, no8 is broken. In terms of selection, I am sanguine. There’s no one else available. We’re absolutely fecked.
Backs
Where to start with this bunch of clowns. I guess Eddie is determined to give Ben Youngs his centurion of caps. But if he doesn’t improve then he can make like a tree and get out of here.
It would have been nice to have seen Shithair in the squad but he’s injured. Otherwise we’ve got Manu. At least we’ve got Manu. He can pair up with JJ. But when was the last time Bath actually won anything? Last millennium. They’ve been shit since Guscott left. Maybe Manu could play no8 or something and we don’t even have centres.
Fly half is captain Faz and will probably be red carded two minutes into each game and we can’t rely on his boot.
Our wings are sort of okay, but the only time they’ll see the ball is when they are retrieving it from the crowd. At least they can chase a kick.
I’m predicting disaster.
Matches
France
First up in Paris. We’ll get mullered by a hungry French team displaying the guile and wit we knew they were keeping secret for the last 15 years as a funny prank to play on us in this game. About the same score as last year, but reversed.
47-8 to France.
Scotland
Then we come to Murrayfield. Even if you told us to hold on to a 30-point advantage for half a game, at home, we still couldn’t win against this lot.
This is Scotland’s Six Nations Grand Final and they’ve had the Calcutta for the last 2 years (cats have also been lying with dogs). Expect this to continue for another year with a pictures of an arse-faced EnglishScotsman holding the cup sticking his tongue out like Gene Simmons (but without the infamous charm) appearing all over Twitter. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
23-3 to Scotland
Ireland
We then come to the first home game where Ireland will roost us into oblivion and avenge the freak loss from 2019. England’s forwards won’t have enough for this bunch of miserable bastards. Only the sight of a beaten puppy can crack a smile into their faces. That beaten puppy will be England.
28-3 to Ireland
Wales
Next up, we have the Welsh at Twickenham. New coach, some new players, world cup high of winning morally against the All Blacks, means that this Welsh team will cross the Severn brimming with confidence. Expect it to rain Welsh tries and the doom and gloom to continue. England will be served on toast mixed into a cheese and beer sauce.
60-0 to Wales
Italy
The last game should be the easiest, but we’ll be so lacklustre that we’ll fuck it up and Sergio will finish his glittering career by ratcheting up a win against us in Rome. England to be roasted in a giant pizza oven and served up on smaller pieces of toast than last week.
10-9 to Italy
Conclusion (#FACTBOMB)
So there we are. Fecked. England to eat shit and come last. Eddie, the French and the Celts to keep laughing. The Italians to stare disbelievingly at each other until the June tours when Reality will rear its hideous head. Craigsman to pick the wrong month to give up meth again.
Preview courtesy of Craigsman
Further Reading
FalteringFullback with more on England’s woes, and his 6N predictions.
On the telly this week (sod all)
Friday 24th January
| Northampton v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 25th January
| Southern Kings v Cheetahs | 13:00 | Freesports |
| Bristol v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 26th January
| Harlequins v Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Roel?
LikeLike
Maybe put ‘spelling’ in the challenges section?
LikeLiked by 7 people
Rael? Know a song about him….
LikeLike
Emmylou sings Bruce! Brings a wee bit more heartbreak to the song…
LikeLike
Craigs,
Weakness: Your Sweetness
LikeLike
” just listened to Josh Adams on the Scrum V podcast and LRZ is known as Zammo by the ladz.”
Funny thing there is that it’s Adams that looks like Zammo.
LikeLike
Bit harsh on Zammo I suppose.
LikeLike
@tomp
She was on Grange Hill as well.
LikeLike
If someone can make an LRZ highlights reel accompanied by the Grange Hill theme tune, then I’d die a happy man.
LikeLike
@yos
It would have to include a sausage on a fork.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A short puff piece about Nick Haining, the timing of its publication might mean he’s in the 23 for Saturday.
I have to say, I didn’t expect anything when he arrived at Embra, I thought he’d be a shirt filler till Mata and Bradbury got back from Japan, but he can knock a man on his arse, which is an enviable skill.
https://www.theoffsideline.com/ireland-scotland-nick-haining/amp/?__twitter_impression=true
LikeLike
What’s another way of saying ‘flexibility and adaptability’?
Worryingly unable to to stay the course? You lead – I’ll follow?
This has to be the best name in Super Rugby this year: Pouri Rakete-Stones
Poor old noisy bollocks!
LikeLike
Good HTML skillz there, flatface.
LikeLike
Geez Superrugby has gone downhill. New faces in Bulls starting team: 35-yo Morne Steyn, 30-something journeyman Josh Strauss and anohter ex-international who’se career went downhill in Juandre Kruger. Oh, and a 30-something Tongan international centre in the wider squad too. In Deebee’s Lions team squad. 37 yo Dr Jannie du Plessis and 35 yo Willem Alberts.
LikeLike
Yup, sounds like Haining in. Starting or on the bench is the question.
Get Bradbury to start & empty the tank for 50 / 60 minutes and get Haining on to run about would be my bet. But, then, I’m not an international coach.
LikeLike
15. Stuart Hogg CAPTAIN (Exeter Chiefs) – 72 caps
14. Sean Maitland (Saracens) – 44 caps
13. Huw Jones (Glasgow Warriors) – 23 caps
12. Sam Johnson (Glasgow Warriors) – 9 caps
11. Blair Kinghorn (Edinburgh) – 17 caps
10. Adam Hastings (Glasgow Warriors) – 16 caps
9. Ali Price (Glasgow Warriors) – 28 caps
1. Rory Sutherland (Edinburgh) – 3 caps
2. Fraser Brown VICE CAPTAIN (Glasgow Warriors) – 46 caps
3. Zander Fagerson (Glasgow Warriors) – 25 caps
4. Scott Cummings (Glasgow Warriors) – 8 caps
5. Jonny Gray (Glasgow Warriors) – 55 caps
6. Jamie Ritchie (Edinburgh) – 14 caps
7. Hamish Watson (Edinburgh) – 28 caps
8. Nick Haining (Edinburgh) – uncapped
Substitutes:
16. Stuart McInally (Edinburgh) – 33 caps
17. Allan Dell (London Irish) – 28 caps
18. Simon Berghan (Edinburgh) – 24 caps
19. Ben Toolis (Edinburgh) – 22 caps
20. Cornell du Preez (Worcester Warriors) – 6 caps
21. George Horne (Glasgow Warriors) – 10 caps
22. Rory Hutchinson (Northampton Saints) – 3 caps
23. Chris Harris (Gloucester) – 14 caps
LikeLike
I expect yesterday’s team posted by the Western Mail/WalesOnline to be incorrect in about 3 positions.
Navidi probably not fit, btw.
LikeLike
Dare I ask, but who is the reserve 10 for Scotland?
LikeLike
Hutchinson played 10 for the U20s, yos
LikeLike
@yos
toolis
LikeLiked by 3 people
Dammit
LikeLike
surprises for me are:
Haining Starts
No Bradbury at all
Nae Wullie McNel
10 cover has never played a pro game at 10
Pleased for Sutherland that’s a hell of a comeback from his injury. Understand why Johnson is in but would have gone for Scott on form
Otherwise reasonable
LikeLike
Ireland by 78
LikeLike
‘Dare I ask, but who is the reserve 10 for Scotland?’
Cornell du Preez. In SA he was always a poor-man Schalk Burger and Burger finished his Bok career under the excruciating Heyneke Meyer playing 10 off every ruck-&-maul.
LikeLiked by 1 person
On a slight tangent this is quite stunning:
“If a president does something which he believes will help him get elected in the public interest, that cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment.”
And furrin interference in elections is fine now apparently according to apparent lawyers.
LikeLike
That’s still a tidy set of backs even minus Russell and McShane.
LikeLike
Chimpie, Bradbury has a thigh strain apparently
LikeLike
Yos, Rees in the Graun has actually got something right in his team previews – “If referees clamp down on slowing the ball down at the breakdown, Scotland will be a threat. If they don’t, they won’t.”
We don’t have the pack to play a bosch game, but if we are allowed to play at pace we could incite a few squeaky bums
We’ll get whistled off the park in the scrum anyway
LikeLike
Ah that explains Bradbury’s absence.
Not actually that surprised by Gilcho’s omission, lamentable is probably on better form.
It’s a decent backline however it won’t matter if the pack is getting pasted, our tactics are inept and they don’t get any decent ball without a face full of Irishman.
LikeLike
Chimpie, the word is the players are happier with Tandy’s defence strategy, I guess we’ll see.
LikeLike
Navidi confirmed out for a month, same hammy he did in the RWC quarter.
LikeLike
Hah, quite, ticht.
We’ll likely get pasted in the scrum
LikeLiked by 1 person
shame for Navidi. Good player
LikeLike
Yes.
LikeLike
15. Leigh Halfpenny (85 Caps)
14. Johnny McNicholl (*Uncapped)
13. George North (91 Caps)
12. Hadleigh Parkes (25 Caps)
11. Josh Adams (21 Caps)
10. Dan Biggar (79 Caps)
9. Tomos Williams (16 Caps)
1. Wyn Jones (22 Caps)
2. Ken Owens (73 Caps)
3. Dillon Lewis (22 Caps)
4. Jake Ball (42 Caps)
5. Alun Wyn Jones (C) (134 Caps)
6. Aaron Wainwright (18 Caps)
7. Justin Tipuric (72 Caps)
8. Taulupe Faletau (72 Caps)
Replacements:
16. Ryan Elias (9 Caps)
17. Rob Evans (36 Caps)
18. Leon Brown (6 Caps)
19. Cory Hill (24 Caps)
20. Ross Moriarty (41 Caps)
21. Rhys Webb (31 Caps)
22. Jarrod Evans (3 Caps)
23. Nick Tompkins (*Uncapped)
LikeLike
No Zammo = Pivac is dead to me
LikeLike
Handy back row
LikeLike
Tomp – it’s something that I’ve worked on. Occasionally I overcompensate. Only a little…
LikeLike
Pivac done alright by me. Bet Gareth Davies is seething.
LikeLike
I expect him back in round 2. Webb hasn’t played much and this is the only match to take a look at players.
Also, Pivac says “We’ve had a couple of injuries, Josh Navidi picked up a hamstring injury so he is out for a few weeks, while Liam Williams, Owen Watkin, Gareth Davies and Elliot Dee weren’t quite ready to be available for selection.”
LikeLike
Ah, though it was a bit drastic to drop Davies.
LikeLike
Good to know that there is a home for ageing ex-international players that isn’t Super Rugby.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s good bbq in Austin. Be good to show an Australian what that actually means.
LikeLike
Worm on hook, line cast, just need to wait for the FD fish to swim by.
LikeLike
@Gecko, the Lions seem to think that if Schalk Brits could win a World Cup medal at 157 or however old he is, then spring chickens like Jannie Dup and Alberts are good to go for another couple of seasons. Morne Steyn? Nope, me neither!
How you feeling about the Canes game this weekend? Reckon the Stormers will sneak it by less than 5, Lions will get pumped in Argentina and the Sharks will beat the Bulls with a bit to spare.
LikeLike
I’ve got a VERY special Super Rugby pie planned for tomorrow. I don’t want to oversell it but it could be bigger than a 35 year old Saffa forward’s appetite.
LikeLike
You gonna have to do better than that, Craigs. I read somewhere that Folau has a new position of media liaison at Rugby Australia not that management has seen the light?
LikeLike
Yos, it revolves around the Lions unique feat of 3 losers medals on the bounce, doesn’t it?
LikeLike
‘There’s good bbq in Austin.’
Two actually. Franklin’s BBQ corner of Branch & East 11st street is just lovely. Worth getting in the queue at 8am for opening at 11.
Then Salt Lick BBQ in Driftwood, about 25 South West of Austin.
LikeLike
‘How you feeling about the Canes game this weekend? Reckon the Stormers will sneak it’
I have the same optimism I have every year. It usually last 2 games maximum. Sometimes it only last half the first game!
LikeLike