ITALY: Azzurri in Space
Italy squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Props
Pietro CECCARELLI (Edinburgh Rugby, 9 caps)
Danilo FISCHETTI (Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Andrea LOVOTTI (Zebre Rugby Club, 40 caps)
Marco RICCIONI (Benetton Rugby, 7 caps)
Giosuè ZILOCCHI (Zebre Rugby Club, 2 caps)
Hookers
Luca BIGI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Oliviero FABIANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 10 caps)
Federico ZANI (Benetton Rugby 13 caps)
Second row
Dean BUDD (Benetton Rugby, 26 caps)
Niccolò CANNONE (Argos Petrarca Rugby/Benetton Rugby, uncapped)
Federico RUZZA (Benetton Rugby, 18 caps)
David SISI (Zebre Rugby Club, 9 caps)
Alessandro ZANNI (Benetton Rugby, 117 caps)
Back row
Marco LAZZARONI (Benetton Rugby, 4 caps)
Giovanni LICATA (Zebre Rugby Club, 8 caps)
Johan MEYER (Zebre Rugby Club, 4 caps)
Sebastian NEGRI (Benetton Rugby, 22 caps)
Jake POLLEDRI (Gloucester Rugby, 13 caps)
Abraham STEYN (Benetton Rugby, 36 caps)
Scrum-halves
Callum BRALEY (Gloucester Rugby, 5 caps)
Guglielmo PALAZZANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 36 caps)
Marcello VIOLI (Zebre Rugby Club, 15 caps)
Fly-halves
Tommaso ALLAN (Benetton Rugby, 54 caps)
Carlo CANNA (Zebre Rugby Club, 39 caps)
Centres
Giulio BISEGNI (Zebre Rugby Club, 14 caps)
Tommaso BONI (Zebre Rugby Club, 11 caps)
Luca MORISI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Alberto SGARBI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Back three
Mattia BELLINI (Zebre Rugby Club, 22 caps)
Tommaso BENVENUTI (Benetton Rugby, 62 caps)
Michelangelo BIONDELLI (Fiamme Oro Rugby/Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Jayden HAYWARD (Benetton Rugby, 23 caps)
Matteo MINOZZI (Wasps Rugby, 16 caps)
Edoardo PADOVANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Leonardo SARTO (Benetton Rugby 34 caps)
Italy go into this year’s tournament fresh, in some ways. New coach? Check. Former Cheetahs and Newport Clart legend Franco Smith takes over the ‘I’m picking the team’ task with previous coach Conor O’Shea moving to Twickenham to become the new RFU director of performance rugby. New captain, too, in Zebre hooker Luca Bigi, and while there aren’t many new caps, the squad is still relatively light on the cap count. It’s a team that’s been around a bit, but the age profile suggests that the 2023 World Cup cycle was always the plan rather than the most recent event in Japan.
It’s a new Italy in many ways and the King is dead. Well, almost. He’s making a comeback, briefly. Despite not being named in their squad, Italy’s most capped player, Sergio Parisse, is going to play at least one more time for Italy against either Scotland or England.
I’m going to go out on a limb and make a prediction here: Parisse will play in the match v Scotland. Why? Because he’ll want to go out on a winning note and Scotland still represents Italy’s best chance of a win in the 2020 Six Nations, 20 years on from their winning debut against the reigning Five Nations champions. They have wins against all in this competition apart from England, but have not won a Six Nations match since 2015. Here’s a good quiz question: who was the last Italian outside half to start in a winning Six Nations match? Don’t google the answer and let me tell you that it was Kelly Haimona. Remember him? Even better question: the last starting outside half when they won a home match? Luciano Orquera. In 2013.
Are Italy going to win a match this season? Realistically, no. They face Wales (where they’ve never won) and France (one win ever, pre-Six Nations in 1997) away from home in the first two rounds before facing Scotland in round three. England are visitors to Rome in round four and they’ve never lost to Italy, so…. A trip to Dublin rounds off the championship and, yes, Italy’s record there is not good. The Azzurri’s chances rest on the round three clash, sandwiched between the previously mentioned fixtures. It is not so much on their own form coming into this, but more on how Scotland have got on two weeks prior in the Calcutta Cup match. If Toonie retains his hex over Eddie, then you’d have to fancy Scotland to put the clown suit on Italy.
But wait … minutes after I write the above paragraph, Finn Russell is sent home from the Scotland camp for being naughty.
Let me re-write this story. Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland. For Italy it is a celebration of all the good moments that Sergio has brought them. Why can’t they win? Why can’t they send their most iconic player of all time off into the sunset with a win? Good things do happen. People sometimes go home happy. Rome is a pretty joyous place most of the time but imagine it after the first Italian Six Nations win at home in 7 years: kids throwing themselves into fountains, grown men clasping at Tommy Allan’s hands as he is chaired off after dropping an injury time goal, every pizzeria making haggis-topped pizzas for one night only. Believe, Italia. Believe you can win and win well. Don’t make me come back next year and write the same Six Nations preview reminding you of when you last won a match. I don’t want to do it, you don’t want to hear it and my server doesn’t want to store this file for 12 months. Win, if not for me, win for little Sergi.
Can Italy win against crisis team Scotland? Yes. Will Italy win against the Finn-less, rudderless Scots? Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the first Italian in space, Franco Malerba, when he says “La Scozia? Pfft, naturalmente vinceremo”.
Preview courtesy of Yosoy
ENGLAND: Fecked!
England’s ‘Prospects’ For the 2020 Six Nations
The lie of the land
In a word, we’re fecked. If you are wondering why the beaten Rugby World Cup finalists are fecked, allow me to elaborate on why this is.
We were BEATEN by the dastardly Boks in the RWC final having duffed the All Blacks in the previous week. We should have been handed the cup and been given an apology by Rassie Erasmus for having the temerity to even think about competing with us for the cup. That would have been justice served. Justice 4 Brexit, Justice 4 Boris, Justice 4 Sag.
Instead we were smashed in the heid, scrum and breakdown and did stupid, stupid things like put Faz in a lineout. I know he can counter ruck the Scottish lock off a ball, but feck the feck off the lineouts.
More recently the wonderful, lovely, amazing Saracens have been fined, points docked and told they will be relegated at the end of the season. Just for some measly lost pounds. Which those dastardly Munster boys told Jamie George he should lose. The fecking cheek of that.
So, with a beaten up, demoralised, divided camp let’s look at these wooden spoon receivers.
Forwards
The good news is that we’ve nicked the heinous Bok forwards coach. The bad news is that he’s definitely a plant and we’ll be running upright into contact and stripped of the ball by some cheeky Valleys scamp in red. The scrum will go backwards, the lineouts fail and Billy is broken again. Maybe he should run with his arms above his head like my uncle, Earl Cnut, in battle.
Props are too fat and slow, locks are knackered, flankers are locks, no8 is broken. In terms of selection, I am sanguine. There’s no one else available. We’re absolutely fecked.
Backs
Where to start with this bunch of clowns. I guess Eddie is determined to give Ben Youngs his centurion of caps. But if he doesn’t improve then he can make like a tree and get out of here.
It would have been nice to have seen Shithair in the squad but he’s injured. Otherwise we’ve got Manu. At least we’ve got Manu. He can pair up with JJ. But when was the last time Bath actually won anything? Last millennium. They’ve been shit since Guscott left. Maybe Manu could play no8 or something and we don’t even have centres.
Fly half is captain Faz and will probably be red carded two minutes into each game and we can’t rely on his boot.
Our wings are sort of okay, but the only time they’ll see the ball is when they are retrieving it from the crowd. At least they can chase a kick.
I’m predicting disaster.
Matches
France
First up in Paris. We’ll get mullered by a hungry French team displaying the guile and wit we knew they were keeping secret for the last 15 years as a funny prank to play on us in this game. About the same score as last year, but reversed.
47-8 to France.
Scotland
Then we come to Murrayfield. Even if you told us to hold on to a 30-point advantage for half a game, at home, we still couldn’t win against this lot.
This is Scotland’s Six Nations Grand Final and they’ve had the Calcutta for the last 2 years (cats have also been lying with dogs). Expect this to continue for another year with a pictures of an arse-faced EnglishScotsman holding the cup sticking his tongue out like Gene Simmons (but without the infamous charm) appearing all over Twitter. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
23-3 to Scotland
Ireland
We then come to the first home game where Ireland will roost us into oblivion and avenge the freak loss from 2019. England’s forwards won’t have enough for this bunch of miserable bastards. Only the sight of a beaten puppy can crack a smile into their faces. That beaten puppy will be England.
28-3 to Ireland
Wales
Next up, we have the Welsh at Twickenham. New coach, some new players, world cup high of winning morally against the All Blacks, means that this Welsh team will cross the Severn brimming with confidence. Expect it to rain Welsh tries and the doom and gloom to continue. England will be served on toast mixed into a cheese and beer sauce.
60-0 to Wales
Italy
The last game should be the easiest, but we’ll be so lacklustre that we’ll fuck it up and Sergio will finish his glittering career by ratcheting up a win against us in Rome. England to be roasted in a giant pizza oven and served up on smaller pieces of toast than last week.
10-9 to Italy
Conclusion (#FACTBOMB)
So there we are. Fecked. England to eat shit and come last. Eddie, the French and the Celts to keep laughing. The Italians to stare disbelievingly at each other until the June tours when Reality will rear its hideous head. Craigsman to pick the wrong month to give up meth again.
Preview courtesy of Craigsman
Further Reading
FalteringFullback with more on England’s woes, and his 6N predictions.
On the telly this week (sod all)
Friday 24th January
| Northampton v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 25th January
| Southern Kings v Cheetahs | 13:00 | Freesports |
| Bristol v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 26th January
| Harlequins v Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
BB, he isn’t covered by the international window thing until next week
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Dan’s got more clout than he has as well.
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But Biggar is? Or has he maybe just been rested by Saints.
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@ticht
Monster is underrated.
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Or they don’t need Dan as much as they need Hutchinson…
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Watching with Czech commentary. What’s the deal with the Northamptonians’ socks? School team? First club team?
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Schools in the various local areas that make up the county, I think. It was mentioned before kick off but I wasn’t really paying attention.
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That was crazy. Looked very bad and very, very lucky to get yellow
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Meehan just buggered up a great position for Irish there.
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@Tomp & BB
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That’s what I said – only done better…..
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Saints are going to miss Reinach when he leaves.
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I don’t remember Cowan pulling up many trees with Scotland, but he seems to be everywhere tonight, both legally and illegally.
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Healy needs to learn the laws of the game, really
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BB, Sam Hidalgo-Clyne was the best scrum half in the Lyon Saints game last week.
Sammy is so bloody frustrating, he has all the tools, a huge ego and a propensity to play like a drain. His ceiling is as high as anyone’s, but he doesn’t work at his game
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Cheers, refit. Thanks for putting him on the right path, BB.
Here’s the full list:
15 Ahsee Tuala – Peterborough RFC
14 Ollie Sleightholme – Northampton Old Scouts RFC
13 Rory Hutchinson – Shelford RFC
12 Piers Francis – Olney RFC
11 Taqele Naiyaravoro – Stewart & Lloyds RFC
10 James Grayson – Old Northamptonians RFC
9 Cobus Reinach – Northampton Casuals RFC
1 Ben Franks – Towcestrians RFC
2 Mikey Haywood – Colchester RFC
3 Owen Franks – Long Buckby RFC
4 Alex Coles – Cambridge RFC
5 Api Ratuniyarawa – Rushden & Higham RFC
6 Tom Wood – Bugbrooke RFC
7 Teimana Harrison – Brackley RUFC
8 Mitch Eadie – Ipswich RFC
Replacements:
16 James Fish – Ampthill & District RFC
17 Alex Waller – Kettering RFC
18 Ehren Painter – Wellingborough RFC
19 Lewis Bean – Dunstablians RFC
20 JJ Tonks – Northampton Mens Own RFC
21 Henry Taylor – Northampton BBOB RFC
22 Andy Symons – Leighton Buzzard RFC
23 Tom Collins – Old Northamptonians RFC
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I like that sort of thing, I remember the Ospreys had the names of the local clubs from their region on their shirts, Glasgow did it too, though with different club names, natch
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Northampton Mens Own RFC is a quirky name. Club was founded from a fellowship at a local chapel, apparently.
Northampton BBOB RFC is the Boys Brigade Old Boys club.
Old Scouts are old scouts.
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Hutchinson played for Shelford as a kid. It’s just outside Cambridge.
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Interesting interview with Scotland international Kieran Low:
https://www.therugbypaper.co.uk/features/34863/my-life-in-rugby-former-london-irish-and-scotland-forward-kieran-low/
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Mandeep Singh is fucking brilliant:
https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-who-called-shop-singhsbury-17622945
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I would shop exclusively in Singh’sbury Local
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Pretty sparky this game – Saints down to 14 now. Maybe not so Saintly after all.
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Nickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkky PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppppsssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Morrisinghs is good to, and fair play to Morrison’s for giving their blessing
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Blair Cowan is a hard man, getting battered like that and standing up again
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I’m pretty envious of Saints, the crowds they get and the atmosphere they play in at home
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You’ll probably get a good atmosphere at Mini Murrayfield, once CJ finishes building it. Scotstoun has a pretty good atmosphere for a wind tunnel (and there’s lots that can be improved around the ground – mainly toilets and general facilities).
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Blair Cowan’s apparently leading the tackle count in the Premierchips this season. That’ll change next season when Jonny gets down there.
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London Irish are shit. You’d have to be appallingly bad (Leicester) or deeply corrupt (Saracens) to be relegated ahead of them.
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Blair Cowan >> Bergamasco
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Lovely try from Irish!
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Or not? Drops the ball or high tackle?
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Wow Reinach got there but it’s an illegal tackle
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This game’s going to run well over 2 hours,
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8’m not sure about that, I have no dog in this race, but the way it has been reffed all night, that is a penalty try
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Reinach is bloody quick – don’t think many players would have got back like that. If he’d made that sort of tackle elsewhere, would that have been a penalty?
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This ref is terrible.
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Worse than Clancy.
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Blair Cowan’s got quicker service than Pyrgos. Irish get a try now!
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You can really appreciate how fit scrum halfs are and how far they run, and how fast, when a team doesn’t have one
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BB, did you watch Embra last week?
The difference in service between Groom and Pyrgos was painful to watch, Pyrgos is Aaron Smith in comparison, Shiel is much faster, linger and more accurate than Pyrgos.
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Irish’s winger has made an impact of late
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I thought our reffing was bad, and it is, but…
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Ticht – haven’t seen any of Embra in the Challenge Cup. Sounds like Groom is Embra’s version of Frisbee for Glasgow. Unfortunately he’ll be our main scrum half during the 6N.
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Irish deserve that
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Irish win it! Think they’ve deserved that – mainly because of their defensive performance.
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Again that is fucking terrible telling Irish they can run down the clock, ffs
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Cowan MOTM – deserved I think.
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Ah, you often hear that old Ayrshire Cowan brogue
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