ITALY: Azzurri in Space
Italy squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Props
Pietro CECCARELLI (Edinburgh Rugby, 9 caps)
Danilo FISCHETTI (Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Andrea LOVOTTI (Zebre Rugby Club, 40 caps)
Marco RICCIONI (Benetton Rugby, 7 caps)
Giosuè ZILOCCHI (Zebre Rugby Club, 2 caps)
Hookers
Luca BIGI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Oliviero FABIANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 10 caps)
Federico ZANI (Benetton Rugby 13 caps)
Second row
Dean BUDD (Benetton Rugby, 26 caps)
Niccolò CANNONE (Argos Petrarca Rugby/Benetton Rugby, uncapped)
Federico RUZZA (Benetton Rugby, 18 caps)
David SISI (Zebre Rugby Club, 9 caps)
Alessandro ZANNI (Benetton Rugby, 117 caps)
Back row
Marco LAZZARONI (Benetton Rugby, 4 caps)
Giovanni LICATA (Zebre Rugby Club, 8 caps)
Johan MEYER (Zebre Rugby Club, 4 caps)
Sebastian NEGRI (Benetton Rugby, 22 caps)
Jake POLLEDRI (Gloucester Rugby, 13 caps)
Abraham STEYN (Benetton Rugby, 36 caps)
Scrum-halves
Callum BRALEY (Gloucester Rugby, 5 caps)
Guglielmo PALAZZANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 36 caps)
Marcello VIOLI (Zebre Rugby Club, 15 caps)
Fly-halves
Tommaso ALLAN (Benetton Rugby, 54 caps)
Carlo CANNA (Zebre Rugby Club, 39 caps)
Centres
Giulio BISEGNI (Zebre Rugby Club, 14 caps)
Tommaso BONI (Zebre Rugby Club, 11 caps)
Luca MORISI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Alberto SGARBI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Back three
Mattia BELLINI (Zebre Rugby Club, 22 caps)
Tommaso BENVENUTI (Benetton Rugby, 62 caps)
Michelangelo BIONDELLI (Fiamme Oro Rugby/Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Jayden HAYWARD (Benetton Rugby, 23 caps)
Matteo MINOZZI (Wasps Rugby, 16 caps)
Edoardo PADOVANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Leonardo SARTO (Benetton Rugby 34 caps)
Italy go into this year’s tournament fresh, in some ways. New coach? Check. Former Cheetahs and Newport Clart legend Franco Smith takes over the ‘I’m picking the team’ task with previous coach Conor O’Shea moving to Twickenham to become the new RFU director of performance rugby. New captain, too, in Zebre hooker Luca Bigi, and while there aren’t many new caps, the squad is still relatively light on the cap count. It’s a team that’s been around a bit, but the age profile suggests that the 2023 World Cup cycle was always the plan rather than the most recent event in Japan.
It’s a new Italy in many ways and the King is dead. Well, almost. He’s making a comeback, briefly. Despite not being named in their squad, Italy’s most capped player, Sergio Parisse, is going to play at least one more time for Italy against either Scotland or England.
I’m going to go out on a limb and make a prediction here: Parisse will play in the match v Scotland. Why? Because he’ll want to go out on a winning note and Scotland still represents Italy’s best chance of a win in the 2020 Six Nations, 20 years on from their winning debut against the reigning Five Nations champions. They have wins against all in this competition apart from England, but have not won a Six Nations match since 2015. Here’s a good quiz question: who was the last Italian outside half to start in a winning Six Nations match? Don’t google the answer and let me tell you that it was Kelly Haimona. Remember him? Even better question: the last starting outside half when they won a home match? Luciano Orquera. In 2013.
Are Italy going to win a match this season? Realistically, no. They face Wales (where they’ve never won) and France (one win ever, pre-Six Nations in 1997) away from home in the first two rounds before facing Scotland in round three. England are visitors to Rome in round four and they’ve never lost to Italy, so…. A trip to Dublin rounds off the championship and, yes, Italy’s record there is not good. The Azzurri’s chances rest on the round three clash, sandwiched between the previously mentioned fixtures. It is not so much on their own form coming into this, but more on how Scotland have got on two weeks prior in the Calcutta Cup match. If Toonie retains his hex over Eddie, then you’d have to fancy Scotland to put the clown suit on Italy.
But wait … minutes after I write the above paragraph, Finn Russell is sent home from the Scotland camp for being naughty.
Let me re-write this story. Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland. For Italy it is a celebration of all the good moments that Sergio has brought them. Why can’t they win? Why can’t they send their most iconic player of all time off into the sunset with a win? Good things do happen. People sometimes go home happy. Rome is a pretty joyous place most of the time but imagine it after the first Italian Six Nations win at home in 7 years: kids throwing themselves into fountains, grown men clasping at Tommy Allan’s hands as he is chaired off after dropping an injury time goal, every pizzeria making haggis-topped pizzas for one night only. Believe, Italia. Believe you can win and win well. Don’t make me come back next year and write the same Six Nations preview reminding you of when you last won a match. I don’t want to do it, you don’t want to hear it and my server doesn’t want to store this file for 12 months. Win, if not for me, win for little Sergi.
Can Italy win against crisis team Scotland? Yes. Will Italy win against the Finn-less, rudderless Scots? Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the first Italian in space, Franco Malerba, when he says “La Scozia? Pfft, naturalmente vinceremo”.
Preview courtesy of Yosoy
ENGLAND: Fecked!
England’s ‘Prospects’ For the 2020 Six Nations
The lie of the land
In a word, we’re fecked. If you are wondering why the beaten Rugby World Cup finalists are fecked, allow me to elaborate on why this is.
We were BEATEN by the dastardly Boks in the RWC final having duffed the All Blacks in the previous week. We should have been handed the cup and been given an apology by Rassie Erasmus for having the temerity to even think about competing with us for the cup. That would have been justice served. Justice 4 Brexit, Justice 4 Boris, Justice 4 Sag.
Instead we were smashed in the heid, scrum and breakdown and did stupid, stupid things like put Faz in a lineout. I know he can counter ruck the Scottish lock off a ball, but feck the feck off the lineouts.
More recently the wonderful, lovely, amazing Saracens have been fined, points docked and told they will be relegated at the end of the season. Just for some measly lost pounds. Which those dastardly Munster boys told Jamie George he should lose. The fecking cheek of that.
So, with a beaten up, demoralised, divided camp let’s look at these wooden spoon receivers.
Forwards
The good news is that we’ve nicked the heinous Bok forwards coach. The bad news is that he’s definitely a plant and we’ll be running upright into contact and stripped of the ball by some cheeky Valleys scamp in red. The scrum will go backwards, the lineouts fail and Billy is broken again. Maybe he should run with his arms above his head like my uncle, Earl Cnut, in battle.
Props are too fat and slow, locks are knackered, flankers are locks, no8 is broken. In terms of selection, I am sanguine. There’s no one else available. We’re absolutely fecked.
Backs
Where to start with this bunch of clowns. I guess Eddie is determined to give Ben Youngs his centurion of caps. But if he doesn’t improve then he can make like a tree and get out of here.
It would have been nice to have seen Shithair in the squad but he’s injured. Otherwise we’ve got Manu. At least we’ve got Manu. He can pair up with JJ. But when was the last time Bath actually won anything? Last millennium. They’ve been shit since Guscott left. Maybe Manu could play no8 or something and we don’t even have centres.
Fly half is captain Faz and will probably be red carded two minutes into each game and we can’t rely on his boot.
Our wings are sort of okay, but the only time they’ll see the ball is when they are retrieving it from the crowd. At least they can chase a kick.
I’m predicting disaster.
Matches
France
First up in Paris. We’ll get mullered by a hungry French team displaying the guile and wit we knew they were keeping secret for the last 15 years as a funny prank to play on us in this game. About the same score as last year, but reversed.
47-8 to France.
Scotland
Then we come to Murrayfield. Even if you told us to hold on to a 30-point advantage for half a game, at home, we still couldn’t win against this lot.
This is Scotland’s Six Nations Grand Final and they’ve had the Calcutta for the last 2 years (cats have also been lying with dogs). Expect this to continue for another year with a pictures of an arse-faced EnglishScotsman holding the cup sticking his tongue out like Gene Simmons (but without the infamous charm) appearing all over Twitter. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
23-3 to Scotland
Ireland
We then come to the first home game where Ireland will roost us into oblivion and avenge the freak loss from 2019. England’s forwards won’t have enough for this bunch of miserable bastards. Only the sight of a beaten puppy can crack a smile into their faces. That beaten puppy will be England.
28-3 to Ireland
Wales
Next up, we have the Welsh at Twickenham. New coach, some new players, world cup high of winning morally against the All Blacks, means that this Welsh team will cross the Severn brimming with confidence. Expect it to rain Welsh tries and the doom and gloom to continue. England will be served on toast mixed into a cheese and beer sauce.
60-0 to Wales
Italy
The last game should be the easiest, but we’ll be so lacklustre that we’ll fuck it up and Sergio will finish his glittering career by ratcheting up a win against us in Rome. England to be roasted in a giant pizza oven and served up on smaller pieces of toast than last week.
10-9 to Italy
Conclusion (#FACTBOMB)
So there we are. Fecked. England to eat shit and come last. Eddie, the French and the Celts to keep laughing. The Italians to stare disbelievingly at each other until the June tours when Reality will rear its hideous head. Craigsman to pick the wrong month to give up meth again.
Preview courtesy of Craigsman
Further Reading
FalteringFullback with more on England’s woes, and his 6N predictions.
On the telly this week (sod all)
Friday 24th January
| Northampton v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 25th January
| Southern Kings v Cheetahs | 13:00 | Freesports |
| Bristol v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 26th January
| Harlequins v Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Blew that gag completely
LikeLike
Saints have a Rodber Bar
That makes me feel very old, it’s only old guys that get bars named after them, Tim Rodber is younger than me
LikeLike
My music shopping has fallen off a cliff this last 18 months or so. Aldous Harding was on the shopping list though.
LikeLike
Murmur is my fave REM record because it was the first one I bought when I knew nothing about them, and I thought it was brilliant. Never really recaptured that special feeling even when I liked songs from some other albums.
LikeLike
The wonders of our modern, connected world
‘Alexa, do a fart
What kind of fart?’
A wet fart, one minute long’
How did we ever manage before?
LikeLike
arsearsearsearsearsearse looks like one those difficult to pronounce Irish forenames.
LikeLike
That’s the kids, not me.
LikeLike
Was that a pair of franks I espied in the saints line up?
LikeLike
Good win for irish
LikeLike
BB, I also have a blind spot with Nick Drake, and the odd songs I have heard over the years never really surpassed my meh threshold.
@DoggyBone, injuries mainly with the Dragons wings. Hewitt has had a particularly miserable time thee last 2 or 3 seasons.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Anyway, had visitors tonight, so the ATLs are tucked under my pillow until tomorrow. Night all.
LikeLike
MrIks, did you know of Aldous Harding, then?
I only just heard of her today. I’ve played through a few other things of hers, I really like them.
BBC Radio 3 are embarking on a mamoth 125 programme, year-long celebration of 250 years since Beethoven’s birth. I’ve listened to a couple of the programmes so far, I’ll try to stick with them, I know he’s an improtant figure and I want to learn about classical music
LikeLike
Nick Darke kind of sneaks up on the outside and takes you by surprise after a good few listenings.
LikeLike
Not surprised with a name like that.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Nice to see the ‘Pro posting again earlier on.
LikeLike
Aye Ticht. Came across that particular video on youtube by accident last year, then went down the rabbit hole of listening to other songs / videos.
LikeLike
Chimpie – I got an email a while back saying I’d bought a ‘Fart expansion pack’ using Alexa for £2.99. Flipping kids.
We don’t really use her though. She’s mainly asked to tidy up by my 3 year old. Never does, the lazy cow.
LikeLike
If you want to have your problems (and all the current political bs) put in perspective then watch ‘For Sama’ on More4.
It’s not for the faint hearted.
LikeLike
LikeLike
I’m not expert, but isn’t already out of date if they have MMXIX?
Not to mention all of the other bollocks
on a more serious note, thanks for the heads up on that programme, it looks like a reality check
LikeLike
Wo, I’ve just watched a trailer for it (For Sama)
That is heavy duty
LikeLike
The most interesting thing about Nick Drake is that Dream Academy wrote Life in a Northern Town about him and his early life.
In an interesting geographical twist the northern town in question is Tamworth-in-Arden in Warwickshire.
LikeLike
Hey, it’s still grim oop here in Warwickshire.
LikeLike
Anyone who was alive in the 1970s: What the living fuck were you all doing???
LikeLike
Living on good old-fashioned home cooking and not paying any attention to the crap Fanny Craddock made.
LikeLike
I’m about to make my Saturday morning omelette but I haven’t got any icing sugar, so I’m not sure what to do now.
LikeLike
An omelette with icing sugar.
She was definitely pissed.
LikeLike
I loved that bit at the end celebrating British housewives and bemoaning the state of the nation. If nothing else this explains the rise of Margaret Thatcher around this time.
LikeLike
don’t forget the ciggy ash with everything………………….
LikeLike
Ha! – distant memories block blog
LikeLike
Big, big win for L.Irish – what were Saints doing/thinking?
LikeLike
Benny Hill and Bob Todd enjoyed sending up Fannie and Johnny, who was always pissed.
Meanwhile back in the playground one of our favourite jokes at the time was
Q: what’s the difference between a cross-country run and Fanny Craddock?
A: one’s a pant in the country…
LikeLiked by 1 person
……not heard that since about 1968
LikeLike
I have a soft spot for Dream Academy, especially some songs from their Different Kind of Weather LP.
Somewhere in that ol’ record collection of mine is a Kate St. John solo album with a heartbreaker on it about those lovers who were killed trying to reach each other on a bridge during the Balkans war, and Nick L-C’s Trashmonk cd in a cardboard promo cover.
LikeLike
Oh my, zenith underdogging from Craig’s up there. The twist will be that all those written-offs and hopeless cases will be fine, while Manu will fade out then fade away.
Tangentially, my brother Phillip’s best mate’s name was Zenith.
LikeLike
I hope Z man was in love with Nadia.
LikeLike
Italy in Space did not disappoint. I think they have a fair chance of turning Wales over if our coaching transition is less than seamless and Pivac’s team selection goes all ‘Welsh Way’ too much too soon in an effort to prematurely draw a line under the Gats era.
So 2 wins for Italy with their ‘steady as we go’ squad first up catching out a confused Wales, then Sergio’s cosmic transcendence burns off a Scottish rocket that’s lost its tail Finn.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lost on Z Man and Nadia?
LikeLike
Kings beating the Cheetahs 20-12 in PE.
LikeLike
LRZ playing in Bristol in 15 minutes time.
LikeLike
Bristol-Gloucester is high on endeavour, low on good chances. 15-9 to the home side.
Sale winning in Exeter.
LikeLike
LRZ not had a pass yet. Made some good tackles. Looks a little fragile.
LikeLike
Half-time, 15-9, LRZ has not touched the ball yet!
LikeLike
Jebus, Glaws are a double whammy today, boring and shite.
LikeLike
I once stamped on our scrum half’s hands to stop him pulling the ball out of the scrum too early when I was playing 8
LikeLike
Hughes has been bosching it today
LikeLike
Welsh qualified flyer scores
LikeLike
Suddenly turning into a proper rout in Bristol.
LikeLike
Barely deserved consolation try
LikeLike
Ticht – there are some great moments but it’s largely a chronicle of misery from a make shift hospital in Aleppo. And there’s no holds barred.
We (well, us and the US) should have done something there. Big mistake not to IMO.
LikeLike