ITALY: Azzurri in Space
Italy squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Props
Pietro CECCARELLI (Edinburgh Rugby, 9 caps)
Danilo FISCHETTI (Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Andrea LOVOTTI (Zebre Rugby Club, 40 caps)
Marco RICCIONI (Benetton Rugby, 7 caps)
Giosuè ZILOCCHI (Zebre Rugby Club, 2 caps)
Hookers
Luca BIGI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Oliviero FABIANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 10 caps)
Federico ZANI (Benetton Rugby 13 caps)
Second row
Dean BUDD (Benetton Rugby, 26 caps)
Niccolò CANNONE (Argos Petrarca Rugby/Benetton Rugby, uncapped)
Federico RUZZA (Benetton Rugby, 18 caps)
David SISI (Zebre Rugby Club, 9 caps)
Alessandro ZANNI (Benetton Rugby, 117 caps)
Back row
Marco LAZZARONI (Benetton Rugby, 4 caps)
Giovanni LICATA (Zebre Rugby Club, 8 caps)
Johan MEYER (Zebre Rugby Club, 4 caps)
Sebastian NEGRI (Benetton Rugby, 22 caps)
Jake POLLEDRI (Gloucester Rugby, 13 caps)
Abraham STEYN (Benetton Rugby, 36 caps)
Scrum-halves
Callum BRALEY (Gloucester Rugby, 5 caps)
Guglielmo PALAZZANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 36 caps)
Marcello VIOLI (Zebre Rugby Club, 15 caps)
Fly-halves
Tommaso ALLAN (Benetton Rugby, 54 caps)
Carlo CANNA (Zebre Rugby Club, 39 caps)
Centres
Giulio BISEGNI (Zebre Rugby Club, 14 caps)
Tommaso BONI (Zebre Rugby Club, 11 caps)
Luca MORISI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Alberto SGARBI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Back three
Mattia BELLINI (Zebre Rugby Club, 22 caps)
Tommaso BENVENUTI (Benetton Rugby, 62 caps)
Michelangelo BIONDELLI (Fiamme Oro Rugby/Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Jayden HAYWARD (Benetton Rugby, 23 caps)
Matteo MINOZZI (Wasps Rugby, 16 caps)
Edoardo PADOVANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Leonardo SARTO (Benetton Rugby 34 caps)
Italy go into this year’s tournament fresh, in some ways. New coach? Check. Former Cheetahs and Newport Clart legend Franco Smith takes over the ‘I’m picking the team’ task with previous coach Conor O’Shea moving to Twickenham to become the new RFU director of performance rugby. New captain, too, in Zebre hooker Luca Bigi, and while there aren’t many new caps, the squad is still relatively light on the cap count. It’s a team that’s been around a bit, but the age profile suggests that the 2023 World Cup cycle was always the plan rather than the most recent event in Japan.
It’s a new Italy in many ways and the King is dead. Well, almost. He’s making a comeback, briefly. Despite not being named in their squad, Italy’s most capped player, Sergio Parisse, is going to play at least one more time for Italy against either Scotland or England.
I’m going to go out on a limb and make a prediction here: Parisse will play in the match v Scotland. Why? Because he’ll want to go out on a winning note and Scotland still represents Italy’s best chance of a win in the 2020 Six Nations, 20 years on from their winning debut against the reigning Five Nations champions. They have wins against all in this competition apart from England, but have not won a Six Nations match since 2015. Here’s a good quiz question: who was the last Italian outside half to start in a winning Six Nations match? Don’t google the answer and let me tell you that it was Kelly Haimona. Remember him? Even better question: the last starting outside half when they won a home match? Luciano Orquera. In 2013.
Are Italy going to win a match this season? Realistically, no. They face Wales (where they’ve never won) and France (one win ever, pre-Six Nations in 1997) away from home in the first two rounds before facing Scotland in round three. England are visitors to Rome in round four and they’ve never lost to Italy, so…. A trip to Dublin rounds off the championship and, yes, Italy’s record there is not good. The Azzurri’s chances rest on the round three clash, sandwiched between the previously mentioned fixtures. It is not so much on their own form coming into this, but more on how Scotland have got on two weeks prior in the Calcutta Cup match. If Toonie retains his hex over Eddie, then you’d have to fancy Scotland to put the clown suit on Italy.
But wait … minutes after I write the above paragraph, Finn Russell is sent home from the Scotland camp for being naughty.
Let me re-write this story. Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland. For Italy it is a celebration of all the good moments that Sergio has brought them. Why can’t they win? Why can’t they send their most iconic player of all time off into the sunset with a win? Good things do happen. People sometimes go home happy. Rome is a pretty joyous place most of the time but imagine it after the first Italian Six Nations win at home in 7 years: kids throwing themselves into fountains, grown men clasping at Tommy Allan’s hands as he is chaired off after dropping an injury time goal, every pizzeria making haggis-topped pizzas for one night only. Believe, Italia. Believe you can win and win well. Don’t make me come back next year and write the same Six Nations preview reminding you of when you last won a match. I don’t want to do it, you don’t want to hear it and my server doesn’t want to store this file for 12 months. Win, if not for me, win for little Sergi.
Can Italy win against crisis team Scotland? Yes. Will Italy win against the Finn-less, rudderless Scots? Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the first Italian in space, Franco Malerba, when he says “La Scozia? Pfft, naturalmente vinceremo”.
Preview courtesy of Yosoy
ENGLAND: Fecked!
England’s ‘Prospects’ For the 2020 Six Nations
The lie of the land
In a word, we’re fecked. If you are wondering why the beaten Rugby World Cup finalists are fecked, allow me to elaborate on why this is.
We were BEATEN by the dastardly Boks in the RWC final having duffed the All Blacks in the previous week. We should have been handed the cup and been given an apology by Rassie Erasmus for having the temerity to even think about competing with us for the cup. That would have been justice served. Justice 4 Brexit, Justice 4 Boris, Justice 4 Sag.
Instead we were smashed in the heid, scrum and breakdown and did stupid, stupid things like put Faz in a lineout. I know he can counter ruck the Scottish lock off a ball, but feck the feck off the lineouts.
More recently the wonderful, lovely, amazing Saracens have been fined, points docked and told they will be relegated at the end of the season. Just for some measly lost pounds. Which those dastardly Munster boys told Jamie George he should lose. The fecking cheek of that.
So, with a beaten up, demoralised, divided camp let’s look at these wooden spoon receivers.
Forwards
The good news is that we’ve nicked the heinous Bok forwards coach. The bad news is that he’s definitely a plant and we’ll be running upright into contact and stripped of the ball by some cheeky Valleys scamp in red. The scrum will go backwards, the lineouts fail and Billy is broken again. Maybe he should run with his arms above his head like my uncle, Earl Cnut, in battle.
Props are too fat and slow, locks are knackered, flankers are locks, no8 is broken. In terms of selection, I am sanguine. There’s no one else available. We’re absolutely fecked.
Backs
Where to start with this bunch of clowns. I guess Eddie is determined to give Ben Youngs his centurion of caps. But if he doesn’t improve then he can make like a tree and get out of here.
It would have been nice to have seen Shithair in the squad but he’s injured. Otherwise we’ve got Manu. At least we’ve got Manu. He can pair up with JJ. But when was the last time Bath actually won anything? Last millennium. They’ve been shit since Guscott left. Maybe Manu could play no8 or something and we don’t even have centres.
Fly half is captain Faz and will probably be red carded two minutes into each game and we can’t rely on his boot.
Our wings are sort of okay, but the only time they’ll see the ball is when they are retrieving it from the crowd. At least they can chase a kick.
I’m predicting disaster.
Matches
France
First up in Paris. We’ll get mullered by a hungry French team displaying the guile and wit we knew they were keeping secret for the last 15 years as a funny prank to play on us in this game. About the same score as last year, but reversed.
47-8 to France.
Scotland
Then we come to Murrayfield. Even if you told us to hold on to a 30-point advantage for half a game, at home, we still couldn’t win against this lot.
This is Scotland’s Six Nations Grand Final and they’ve had the Calcutta for the last 2 years (cats have also been lying with dogs). Expect this to continue for another year with a pictures of an arse-faced EnglishScotsman holding the cup sticking his tongue out like Gene Simmons (but without the infamous charm) appearing all over Twitter. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
23-3 to Scotland
Ireland
We then come to the first home game where Ireland will roost us into oblivion and avenge the freak loss from 2019. England’s forwards won’t have enough for this bunch of miserable bastards. Only the sight of a beaten puppy can crack a smile into their faces. That beaten puppy will be England.
28-3 to Ireland
Wales
Next up, we have the Welsh at Twickenham. New coach, some new players, world cup high of winning morally against the All Blacks, means that this Welsh team will cross the Severn brimming with confidence. Expect it to rain Welsh tries and the doom and gloom to continue. England will be served on toast mixed into a cheese and beer sauce.
60-0 to Wales
Italy
The last game should be the easiest, but we’ll be so lacklustre that we’ll fuck it up and Sergio will finish his glittering career by ratcheting up a win against us in Rome. England to be roasted in a giant pizza oven and served up on smaller pieces of toast than last week.
10-9 to Italy
Conclusion (#FACTBOMB)
So there we are. Fecked. England to eat shit and come last. Eddie, the French and the Celts to keep laughing. The Italians to stare disbelievingly at each other until the June tours when Reality will rear its hideous head. Craigsman to pick the wrong month to give up meth again.
Preview courtesy of Craigsman
Further Reading
FalteringFullback with more on England’s woes, and his 6N predictions.
On the telly this week (sod all)
Friday 24th January
| Northampton v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 25th January
| Southern Kings v Cheetahs | 13:00 | Freesports |
| Bristol v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 26th January
| Harlequins v Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Aye, I meant just first class appearances for Quins. Ihope he does suffer burn out, I think he can be one of the top 10s in the game.
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“Doesn’t suffer burn out”, obviously
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Good grief, Loz hit the line at speed there.
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This is the first time I’ve properly watched Smith on the front foot, he looks awesome, love the outrageous dummy that no one bought but he still beat them
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Dombrandt’s winning the man of the match in this game. Ugo and Lol constantly nattering about him.
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Was it this fixture that was postponed to the Monday last year or the year before due to snow?
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Sarries v Clermont got put back to a Monday night a couple of years back. Not sure if it happened in the English league,
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I think I’m conflating that with another game played in a blizzard
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This one?
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Yeah, it was probably that one
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Can we play this lot every week?
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Glad EJ only took away our props for his squad – Dombrandt and Smith thoroughly enjoying themselves
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Oh no. Quins have lost so many hookers. Ellia Ellia only just back
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Quins had better not emulate Eng v Sco now!
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Make a bid to take Fattie George on loan.
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Lovely rip by Marcus Smith there.
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I’ve been a fan since I saw him play as an 18 year old, but this might be the best I’ve seen Smith play, his kicking has been top notch today, and though I’ve seen him run more his play today in these conditions has been terrific
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Heidelberg trip booked :-)
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First time I’ve seen a ref ‘sack’ a captain.
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I think Quins rather enjoyed that
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Doubt if anyone considered a 27 point margin on Superbru
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I was closest OBer/AODeron the Superbru, codders. Picked Quins to win by 7. 86% of all players picked Sarries to win.
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Good win by Quins – Sarries players looking pretty down.
Quins shouldn’t let the margin of victory go to their heads too long – this was a pretty weak Sarries team.
I think the reduced Sarries squad is going to get some harsh treatment over the rest of the season based on this game. I hope they can retain their esprit and cool.
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Am not sure whether Sarries home crowds are going to keep up for the rest of the season.
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Oh we’ve had some pretty dross performances earlier this season so no one should read too much into this one game it is business as usual for a Quins fan watching their inconsistency – but it was fun today from the warmth of my lounge.
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‘Heidelberg trip booked :-)’
*Purrs*
Time for some propaganda to convince the waverers. This chancer managed to capture the magic hour that occurs only once every 50 years, when the cows and the river flow backwards…
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Sadly the weather won’t be quite so nice in March.
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Iks – saw that building on a hotel website (Hotel Panorama, I think it was called). Some really stunning photos. It’s not the one we’ve booked, though!
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Oh, I see, it’s the castle!
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I was given a bottle of Haig Club for Christmas. Tried it neat and on ice. Rubbish. I read that it’s meant to be good with a mixer so tried one of their recommendations tonight: Haig Club with tonic and a slice of orange. Might as well have been vodka.
What on Earth am I meant to do with this stuff??
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Clean the drains?
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Only you would try to book the castle, Thauma.
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It wasn’t the castle, it was a misleading photo on their site!
Found a smoking hotel instead :-)
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A lot of the really good bars in the old town ‘Unterestrasse’ still permit smoking.
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Woo hoo! I am overjoyed. We’re coming Friday – Monday, to give some time to explore.
Bizarrely, on a previous blog (not this one) piss-up, I found a hotel in Manchester that had smoking rooms. I’m fairly sure it’s illegal in the UK, but wasn’t going to argue.
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Ally Fogg came to that piss-up; he’s very funny.
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DAB, Whisky & Coke, with ice.
It’s how I drink the cooking whisky, it doesn’t matter that it taste crap on its own
The other alternative is a Highball, which is how a lot of very expensive whisky is drunk/wasted in Japan according to a source.
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I got a bottle of Haig Club a while back. Quite enjoyed it myself. Went down very easily. Accidentally drank 1/3 of a bottle in one night.
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‘Accidentally’
I hear you, bro. These things happen.
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I’m not a huge fan of grain whiskies, there is an overarching taste of cedar or pencil shavings to my mind.
btw, there is no reason to not make your own blends, just mix up some whiskies you don’t particulalry like, if all else fails, just reach for the coca cola and ice
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You’ll be grand in Heidelberg Thauma. Bars that don’t serve food are not compelled to be smoke-free. This means there are some old trad watering holes in the heart of the old town that still carry on as bars, not as coffee shops or pub-restaurants.
There are about 7-8 of them clustered together in the back streets of the old town, very local but not unfriendly. I can write you up a list, or better still I can take you on a circa 8-minute walk past most of them when you get here.
I should add I’m not a smoker, so I only tend to drink in these places early evenings or Saturday afternoons.
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Thanks Ticht! That’s what I suspected!
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Dab, whisky and Irn Bru is good too, I’m serious, especially with stuff that isnae up to much
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Robshaw looking good to steady the rudderless post-pummelling England side. They need his leadership and decisionmaking abilities.
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Felt all lost and at sea over the weekend, because for some reason WordPress needed me to log in again and I hadn’t the foggiest what my password was until I got into the office this morning and searched for it. I am now back on track! Really crappy sporting weekend for me: Proteas are getting hammered in the cricket, Blitzboks finished 10th in New Zealand and Liverpool were held to a draw by Shrewsbury!
Had a good trip to Cape Town on Thursday and Friday, mind: attended a client management getaway where I did a presentation for an hour on trends in Africa, followed by cocktails and canapes on a yacht cruising round the peninsula. It was beautiful. Friday did another client presentation from offices overlooking the harbour and Waterfront, which really made me wonder why I work in Jo’burg. Then you remember that ‘work’ in an alien concept to most down there and they are lumped with the Stormers too…
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‘Morning, Deebs.
Cocktails, canapés and yachts, eh? Cruising around the peninsula? Being windswept and interesting, as Billy Connolly put it.
We used to do all that with the farm fencing right enough.
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I’m hoping some kind of beast from the east weather event happens in the next few days, cancellation is Scotland’s best chance of a result on Saturday
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It’s not just losing Finn to drunken stupidity, and Darcy Graham to pinged knee ligaments, young Hastings is as bright a prospect as they come and Blair Kinghorn has serious pace, they will deputise ably enough, it’s just that unless our pack steps up and doesn’t get shamed, the 8 were in Japan, the result isn’t in any doubt.
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Read, “the way the 8 were in Japan”
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Mind you, this could be a second half to this fixture, like the second half at Twickenham last Spring
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