ITALY: Azzurri in Space
Italy squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Props
Pietro CECCARELLI (Edinburgh Rugby, 9 caps)
Danilo FISCHETTI (Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Andrea LOVOTTI (Zebre Rugby Club, 40 caps)
Marco RICCIONI (Benetton Rugby, 7 caps)
Giosuè ZILOCCHI (Zebre Rugby Club, 2 caps)
Hookers
Luca BIGI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Oliviero FABIANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 10 caps)
Federico ZANI (Benetton Rugby 13 caps)
Second row
Dean BUDD (Benetton Rugby, 26 caps)
Niccolò CANNONE (Argos Petrarca Rugby/Benetton Rugby, uncapped)
Federico RUZZA (Benetton Rugby, 18 caps)
David SISI (Zebre Rugby Club, 9 caps)
Alessandro ZANNI (Benetton Rugby, 117 caps)
Back row
Marco LAZZARONI (Benetton Rugby, 4 caps)
Giovanni LICATA (Zebre Rugby Club, 8 caps)
Johan MEYER (Zebre Rugby Club, 4 caps)
Sebastian NEGRI (Benetton Rugby, 22 caps)
Jake POLLEDRI (Gloucester Rugby, 13 caps)
Abraham STEYN (Benetton Rugby, 36 caps)
Scrum-halves
Callum BRALEY (Gloucester Rugby, 5 caps)
Guglielmo PALAZZANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 36 caps)
Marcello VIOLI (Zebre Rugby Club, 15 caps)
Fly-halves
Tommaso ALLAN (Benetton Rugby, 54 caps)
Carlo CANNA (Zebre Rugby Club, 39 caps)
Centres
Giulio BISEGNI (Zebre Rugby Club, 14 caps)
Tommaso BONI (Zebre Rugby Club, 11 caps)
Luca MORISI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Alberto SGARBI (Benetton Rugby, 29 caps)
Back three
Mattia BELLINI (Zebre Rugby Club, 22 caps)
Tommaso BENVENUTI (Benetton Rugby, 62 caps)
Michelangelo BIONDELLI (Fiamme Oro Rugby/Zebre Rugby Club, uncapped)
Jayden HAYWARD (Benetton Rugby, 23 caps)
Matteo MINOZZI (Wasps Rugby, 16 caps)
Edoardo PADOVANI (Zebre Rugby Club, 24 caps)
Leonardo SARTO (Benetton Rugby 34 caps)
Italy go into this year’s tournament fresh, in some ways. New coach? Check. Former Cheetahs and Newport Clart legend Franco Smith takes over the ‘I’m picking the team’ task with previous coach Conor O’Shea moving to Twickenham to become the new RFU director of performance rugby. New captain, too, in Zebre hooker Luca Bigi, and while there aren’t many new caps, the squad is still relatively light on the cap count. It’s a team that’s been around a bit, but the age profile suggests that the 2023 World Cup cycle was always the plan rather than the most recent event in Japan.
It’s a new Italy in many ways and the King is dead. Well, almost. He’s making a comeback, briefly. Despite not being named in their squad, Italy’s most capped player, Sergio Parisse, is going to play at least one more time for Italy against either Scotland or England.
I’m going to go out on a limb and make a prediction here: Parisse will play in the match v Scotland. Why? Because he’ll want to go out on a winning note and Scotland still represents Italy’s best chance of a win in the 2020 Six Nations, 20 years on from their winning debut against the reigning Five Nations champions. They have wins against all in this competition apart from England, but have not won a Six Nations match since 2015. Here’s a good quiz question: who was the last Italian outside half to start in a winning Six Nations match? Don’t google the answer and let me tell you that it was Kelly Haimona. Remember him? Even better question: the last starting outside half when they won a home match? Luciano Orquera. In 2013.
Are Italy going to win a match this season? Realistically, no. They face Wales (where they’ve never won) and France (one win ever, pre-Six Nations in 1997) away from home in the first two rounds before facing Scotland in round three. England are visitors to Rome in round four and they’ve never lost to Italy, so…. A trip to Dublin rounds off the championship and, yes, Italy’s record there is not good. The Azzurri’s chances rest on the round three clash, sandwiched between the previously mentioned fixtures. It is not so much on their own form coming into this, but more on how Scotland have got on two weeks prior in the Calcutta Cup match. If Toonie retains his hex over Eddie, then you’d have to fancy Scotland to put the clown suit on Italy.
But wait … minutes after I write the above paragraph, Finn Russell is sent home from the Scotland camp for being naughty.
Let me re-write this story. Are Italy going to win a match this season? Well, they face a Scotland team shorn of their playmaker, with a coach under pressure after a pool stage exit from the World Cup. All the pressure in that match is on Scotland. For Italy it is a celebration of all the good moments that Sergio has brought them. Why can’t they win? Why can’t they send their most iconic player of all time off into the sunset with a win? Good things do happen. People sometimes go home happy. Rome is a pretty joyous place most of the time but imagine it after the first Italian Six Nations win at home in 7 years: kids throwing themselves into fountains, grown men clasping at Tommy Allan’s hands as he is chaired off after dropping an injury time goal, every pizzeria making haggis-topped pizzas for one night only. Believe, Italia. Believe you can win and win well. Don’t make me come back next year and write the same Six Nations preview reminding you of when you last won a match. I don’t want to do it, you don’t want to hear it and my server doesn’t want to store this file for 12 months. Win, if not for me, win for little Sergi.
Can Italy win against crisis team Scotland? Yes. Will Italy win against the Finn-less, rudderless Scots? Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the first Italian in space, Franco Malerba, when he says “La Scozia? Pfft, naturalmente vinceremo”.
Preview courtesy of Yosoy
ENGLAND: Fecked!
England’s ‘Prospects’ For the 2020 Six Nations
The lie of the land
In a word, we’re fecked. If you are wondering why the beaten Rugby World Cup finalists are fecked, allow me to elaborate on why this is.
We were BEATEN by the dastardly Boks in the RWC final having duffed the All Blacks in the previous week. We should have been handed the cup and been given an apology by Rassie Erasmus for having the temerity to even think about competing with us for the cup. That would have been justice served. Justice 4 Brexit, Justice 4 Boris, Justice 4 Sag.
Instead we were smashed in the heid, scrum and breakdown and did stupid, stupid things like put Faz in a lineout. I know he can counter ruck the Scottish lock off a ball, but feck the feck off the lineouts.
More recently the wonderful, lovely, amazing Saracens have been fined, points docked and told they will be relegated at the end of the season. Just for some measly lost pounds. Which those dastardly Munster boys told Jamie George he should lose. The fecking cheek of that.
So, with a beaten up, demoralised, divided camp let’s look at these wooden spoon receivers.
Forwards
The good news is that we’ve nicked the heinous Bok forwards coach. The bad news is that he’s definitely a plant and we’ll be running upright into contact and stripped of the ball by some cheeky Valleys scamp in red. The scrum will go backwards, the lineouts fail and Billy is broken again. Maybe he should run with his arms above his head like my uncle, Earl Cnut, in battle.
Props are too fat and slow, locks are knackered, flankers are locks, no8 is broken. In terms of selection, I am sanguine. There’s no one else available. We’re absolutely fecked.
Backs
Where to start with this bunch of clowns. I guess Eddie is determined to give Ben Youngs his centurion of caps. But if he doesn’t improve then he can make like a tree and get out of here.
It would have been nice to have seen Shithair in the squad but he’s injured. Otherwise we’ve got Manu. At least we’ve got Manu. He can pair up with JJ. But when was the last time Bath actually won anything? Last millennium. They’ve been shit since Guscott left. Maybe Manu could play no8 or something and we don’t even have centres.
Fly half is captain Faz and will probably be red carded two minutes into each game and we can’t rely on his boot.
Our wings are sort of okay, but the only time they’ll see the ball is when they are retrieving it from the crowd. At least they can chase a kick.
I’m predicting disaster.
Matches
France
First up in Paris. We’ll get mullered by a hungry French team displaying the guile and wit we knew they were keeping secret for the last 15 years as a funny prank to play on us in this game. About the same score as last year, but reversed.
47-8 to France.
Scotland
Then we come to Murrayfield. Even if you told us to hold on to a 30-point advantage for half a game, at home, we still couldn’t win against this lot.
This is Scotland’s Six Nations Grand Final and they’ve had the Calcutta for the last 2 years (cats have also been lying with dogs). Expect this to continue for another year with a pictures of an arse-faced EnglishScotsman holding the cup sticking his tongue out like Gene Simmons (but without the infamous charm) appearing all over Twitter. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
23-3 to Scotland
Ireland
We then come to the first home game where Ireland will roost us into oblivion and avenge the freak loss from 2019. England’s forwards won’t have enough for this bunch of miserable bastards. Only the sight of a beaten puppy can crack a smile into their faces. That beaten puppy will be England.
28-3 to Ireland
Wales
Next up, we have the Welsh at Twickenham. New coach, some new players, world cup high of winning morally against the All Blacks, means that this Welsh team will cross the Severn brimming with confidence. Expect it to rain Welsh tries and the doom and gloom to continue. England will be served on toast mixed into a cheese and beer sauce.
60-0 to Wales
Italy
The last game should be the easiest, but we’ll be so lacklustre that we’ll fuck it up and Sergio will finish his glittering career by ratcheting up a win against us in Rome. England to be roasted in a giant pizza oven and served up on smaller pieces of toast than last week.
10-9 to Italy
Conclusion (#FACTBOMB)
So there we are. Fecked. England to eat shit and come last. Eddie, the French and the Celts to keep laughing. The Italians to stare disbelievingly at each other until the June tours when Reality will rear its hideous head. Craigsman to pick the wrong month to give up meth again.
Preview courtesy of Craigsman
Further Reading
FalteringFullback with more on England’s woes, and his 6N predictions.
On the telly this week (sod all)
Friday 24th January
| Northampton v London Irish | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 25th January
| Southern Kings v Cheetahs | 13:00 | Freesports |
| Bristol v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 26th January
| Harlequins v Saracens | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
@OT
of course Hans Zimmer doesn’t get all the credit – he only wrote the “choon” – Sandy McClelland is “responsible” (and I think that’s the appropriate word) for the lyrics
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Good man Slade. Keep well.
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Best assessment I’ve seen so far of LRZ’s strengths
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Morne in da houze!!!!!
Bulls – 15 Warrick Gelant, 14 Cornal Hendricks, 13 Johnny Kotze, 12 Burger Odendaal, 11 Rosko Specman, 10 Morne Steyn, 9 Ivan van Zyl, 8 Josh Strauss, 7 Abongile Nonkontwana, 6 Jeandre Rudolph, 5 Juandre Kruger, 4 Andries Ferreira, 3 Wiehahn Herbst, 2 Jaco Visagie, 1 Lizo Gqoboka.
Subs: 16 Johan Grobbelaar, 17 Simphiwe Matanzima, 18 Trevor Nyakane, 19 Ruan Nortje, 20 Ryno Pieterse, 21 Wian Vosloo, 22 Embrose Papier, 23 Manie Libbok.
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Top tip, fans of lesser national teams. LRZ is known as Lou to those close to him.
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I just call him L
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Thanks for the messages guys.
I understand that under certain circumstances the replacement bits are 3 -d manufactured on site – for that personal touch.
I don’t know whether this applies to me but the metal bits in the x-rays certainly look very unique to my joint/bone structure.
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’tis the calm before the LRZ storm hits the Azurri on Saturday
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Him and me normally just do a bit of telepathy so don’t actually speak. However, using the power of my mind I call him Lulu, which he doesn’t much like but tolerates.
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I’m waiting for Mason Grady – Macy Gray – to make the step up. This is how he answers when you ask him what he does on the park:
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LCD may miss out at the weekend. Tough break for him as he’s been playing pretty well recently.
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Hello everyone.
Will attempt a read back but I’m also aware I might have indicated a willingness to do an Ireland preview. The willingness remains. Readiness and ability are in doubt.
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@slade
I have a lot of conversations about people wanting to 3D print* implants. If you could highly personalise them it would be much better for the patient and you could get away with a load less bone loss. Problem is regulatory – the older casting technologies have decades of data proving their safety, and a single design can have every test thrown at it imaginable. If you personalise the implant then you obviously change the design. Plus the metal forms differently with 3D printing which may mean it fails differently.
Am impressed they have some facilities on sight, though. Looks like some of these issues are slowly getting dealt with.
*It’s additive manufacturing really but I’m being pedantic.
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Ireland preview: win, win, win etc. etc.
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@Chimpie – surprisingly, you’re on the money. I’m bullish. We are the best therefore we should win. Team looks strong (apart from POM stinking out the bench). A few personnel are different from what I would have chosen but, like I say, strong. Winning start. Big points for us. Big pain for Scotland.
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Surprisingly?
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Ireland & England to serve a titanic titillating tussle for the title
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Enzo – thank you! Just need a Welsh volunteer now.
Slade – hope you get through the agony stage quickly.
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Great to see Irish rugby liberated from the I.Ron fist of Uncle (but the bad kind) Joe.
I give Farrell 2 years.
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I’ll do it Thauma. Just because.
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If I jumped in too quickly I’ll be gwlad to step back, fellow Welsh posters.
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Cheers, Iksy!
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Iksy should do it and if it’s not a sonnet to Aaron Shingler I will be very disappointed.
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A sonnet is a cheerful thing. But I’m fighting off tasteless Shingler’s (on the) List gags.
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Wales Online predicting this, which is far more up my street than Jiffy’s prediction.
Expected Wales team: Leigh Halfpenny; George North; Nick Tompkins; Hadleigh Parkes; Josh Adams; Dan Biggar; Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones; Ken Owens; Leon Brown; Jake Ball; Alun Wyn Jones (capt); Aaron Wainwright; Justin Tipuric; Taulupe Faletau.
I like that team, the only change I would make would be to remove Jake Ball. That back row if they are all fit and firing, is tremendous.
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Someone tell me why I CAN’T send Third Year boys outside to do javelin catching?
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It’s January. Athletics season hasn’t started yet.
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Iksy, Ball’s there for the carrying, tough yards. Useful to have I suppose but not very sexy.
There is his beard, mind, which is a big turn on.
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Indoors?
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Am very impressed that Larry’s invented a time machine and is posting from 2018. Good work.
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Realise I’ve contradicted myself – I’d be quite happy to either send them outside whether the athletics season has started or not, or get them to practise javelin catching indoors. Either way, if I could cull a few, it would make my life so much easier (and that of most of the teachers as well). This year’s Third Years are a particularly obnoxious bunch, even by the standards of that particular school.
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Update: just listened to Josh Adams on the Scrum V podcast and LRZ is known as Zammo by the ladz.
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Jesus, last Zammo I heard of ended up chasing the dragon. Does this suggest LRZ is Newport-bound?
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I heard Josh Adams on the Welsh Rugby Podcast and he said that Dan Biggar’s nickname is Kendall.
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@OT
Hmm ….that’s interesting! All sorts of issues underlay an over-simplified view of a now more obviously complex subject.
It seems to me that knees are different to hips. Hips is more a sort of cut open/saw off/bash in type of activity.
With the knee there is an aim to straighten the whole leg, make sure it ends up the right length and match the metal put in to the existing/remaining form.
I’ll read more when I’ve stopped taking these damned chemicals……………………
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Poor old Lee McDonald:
https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/shortcuts/2016/mar/07/grange-hill-nancy-reagan-white-house-just-say-no#img-1
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I hope it all goes well, Slade
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Slade – yes, it’s my understanding from relatives that hip replacements are really pretty straightforward these days, but knees are a lot trickier.
And of course, when you’ve got more than one of those joints in trouble, they affect each other.
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Hope it sorts itself out soon Sladey.
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Am preparing for an interview on Friday. Thinking about my strengths and weaknesses.
Strengths: am super awesome.
Weaknesses: so awesome that people get jealous. Don’t hate me cos you want to be me.
There’s a section in the job spec on ‘major challenges’ the person will face. I think I’ll change the words around and make them my strengths. Maybe spin some of my previous experience into that.
Weaknesses can stay like the above.
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What’s another way of saying ‘flexibility and adaptability’?
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Good luck for Friday Craigs.
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Cheers BB. I’ve got another one next week so it’s all riding on that. It’s so nice to have some after over a month of silence.
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“What’s another way of saying ‘flexibility and adaptability’?”
Supple leopard? Although I think that one might already be taken.
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flexadaptability
“I share the key characteristics of the supple leopard – I’m flexible and my fur is softer on my tummy than on my back.”
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Hahahaha
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Less time sprinting, BB, more time catching the javelins.
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I’ve said that I work best in a roel with multiple tasks on the go and am able to adjust my priorities as needed.
He hehe.
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