IRELAND: No Backspace
A brief, incomprehensive preview of Ireland’s Six Nations 2020, written fast
Having muffed the entire last calendar year, Irish rugby returns to Europe feeling sorry for itself. The normal provincial success continues, but means nothing come the bitter dawn of the first weekend of February. It’s Six Nations time.
Daddy Faz is our new leader and he’s talked a lot of fan-service shite about how we’ll be a pure-running Irish team, ferocious and feral and flames for eyes. His actual vision for the side will get its first public airing this weekend. Many of the personnel are the same as the World Cup – too many, in a particular rather than strategic sense – but this still represents a period of major change.
Yet change is not to be feared. The history of Ireland at Rugby World Cups shows that a constant state of flux is, paradoxically, needed to maintain standards as well as develop them. 2019 was as clear an example as 2007 of the desiccated horror of trying to take a successful side that has just hit a peak and shield it from the passage of time. The only ways to stop a tiger changing daily are death and taxidermy.
And, so, we come to another paradox. Minimal changes of personnel at this time are not necessarily expressions of fear of that which is new. We could have bucked out everyone over the age of 30 – but we’re not picking the 2023 World Cup team in January 2020. We must be prepared to keep evolving in perpetuity. No need for do-something panic now.
This weekend’s team:
Spuds: Healy, Herring, Furlong, Henderson, Ryan, Stander, van der Flier, Doris
Gravy: Murray, Sexton, Stockdale, Aki, Ringrose, Conway, Larmour
Seconds: Kelleher, Kilcoyne, Porter, Toner, O’Mahony, Cooney, Ross Byrne, Henshaw
Johnny Sexton is the captain, and this is OK. He remains our best ten by a way and is one of a handful of nailed-on starters. If there is an issue with his captaincy, it’s not his age or his ability – it’s his captaincy. The key part of the job is dealing with the ref and, while he seems a charming and self-effacing man when in his civvies, game-day Johnny Sexton is an insufferable wanker. He makes enemies of the whistlers and, while recently he has tried smiling and coercion (and looked unnatural doing so), he’s only one perceived affront away from calling Romain Poîte a brainless snaildick. Contrast with your memories of perfect-son-in-law Sam Warburton and the issue is clear.
Conor Murray’s selection is a poor call. Conor of the past 12 months or so is not the champion player of the years prior. He’s not been bad, per se, and his imperiousness may still return. The issue is alternatives. John Cooney has been the most influential player in Europe this year.
Peter O’Mahony has been unshovellable shite for a year and the fact he made the Six Nations squad at all should have been questioned. Overall, his previous body of work makes that the right call – but picking him in a match-day 23 is frankly the wrong choice. The starting back row looks well-balanced, and chucking 21-year-old Doris straight in barely feels like a risk. However, Max Deegan or Jack O’Donoghue should be on the bench – with the choice of which made on a tactical and stylistic basis rather than trying to decide which of the two great athletes in great form best deserve the number 20 shirt.
Anyway, it’s just one weekend. The variable calls:
- which of four centres gets to play beside Ringrose?
- Larmour or Addison, or maybe both?
- the selected front rows look like our best six, but each of the calls could go either way – do we have a best front row, and do we even need a clear starting trio?
And so we will have room to breathe over the course of the tournament. A tournament we can win (we won’t, England will).
Now is the time for experimentation, to a point. But Andy Farrell does not get a free hit. Anything less than three wins is failure and, ultimately, we’re in it to win it.
Scotland by 50.
ENDS
Preview courtesy of EnzoM
WALES: The Dog That Didn’t Know Whether to be Under or Over
With apologies to Edmund Spenser:
One day they wrote his name upon the sheet,
But at night I came and washed it all away.
Again they wrote it in media and tweet
But in I crept, and made the twittering my prey.
Vain man! cried they, to wipe his name away
A frightening act, a cruel spine-tingler
To ensure Wayne Pivac forgets Aaron Shingler
Link to Squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Team to play Italy in Cardiff:
Leigh Halfpenny; Johnny McNicholl, George North, Hadleigh Parkes, Josh Adams; Dan Biggar, Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones, Ken Owens, Dillon Lewis, Jake Ball, Alun Wyn Jones (capt), Aaron Wainwright, Justin Tipuric, Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Rob Evans, Leon Brown, Cory Hill, Ross Moriarty, Rhys Webb, Jarrod Evans, Nick Tompkins.
Endings & Beginnings
As Wales sings Po Atarau / Now is the Hour to bid a fond farewell to Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, and a jauntier ‘I’ll Bet you a Kangaroo’ to help Howley hop off, the mood in the Heimat is unexpectedly optimistic.
Wayne Pivac seems to have seamlessly sewn himself into Warren’s catsuit, sorry tracksuit, and the players have gone through the four stages of post-RWC grief faster than a Greased-Zammit down a slippurly slurp℠.
Rather than the sour reek of sweaty anxiety, there’s the fresh morning air of new dawns and bright horizons. Players appear well-rested and happy to be in the new coaching set-up, and the injuries are not casting long shadows over the squad, even though some top players and Handsome Legends are missing.
But…
It’s in times like these that Wales can turn in some honking performances, especially in their opening 6N encounters at home, when all the optimism and expectation dissolves into blunt, turgid attack and weak, chaotic defence. Home cheers fade into murmurings about the bloody roof being open. Or closed.
But fair’s fair, a good old underdogging seems inappropriate, so like a Frankfurter in a bap I will settle for some in-between dogging followed by complete fantasy with my forecasts.
Saturday’s Match vs Italy
Wales have opted for a solid start, fielding an experienced line-up and just one new cap. We’ve flirted with North at 13 before and not much happened, good or bad. These days George is a more seasoned and moderate player, no longer the impetuous young buck throwing homophobes over his shoulder for fun. George has never been great positionally, but I hope his experience and maturity nails the position down for the duration of the Championship.
McNicholl is the only first-capper and Halfpenny’s selection at 15 is a wise move, so we should see some exciting counterattacking running from our Welsh Johnny. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a lot of turnovers because his teammates can’t keep up.
Wales are likely to creak in the scrum, but lineouts should be efficient enough with Tipuric and Wainwright doing a lot of the leaping at the tail. As great as it is to see Faletau back, I’m not getting carried away as it is still a long way back to his 2015 Lions Tour form and fitness.
Ball will no doubt go about his ball-carrying like a pig snouts truffle, but he makes some hard yards and plenty of tackles. AWJ will hopefully be his niggly, majestic self and lead from the front.
Prediction: a stuttering 23-11 Wales victory.
Round 2. Away to Ireland
Our first away match is against Ireland, and the Irish look like tournament favourites with both a strong team littered with in-form players, and the desire to lay to rest their World Cup ghosts and memories.
Unfortunately, Scotland seem determined to undermine their own chances in the opener against Ireland, so Wales will be up against a green wave of Grand Slam expectation.
Prediction: a brave effort but a narrow 29-23 Welsh defeat.
Fantasy Rugby 1. Home to France
I think France are really fed-up of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Wales, and this will be a big match for them. Time to unburden some true Welsh pessimism and imagine the worst.
After a bruising encounter in Dublin, Faletau leaves for an early Bath with another broken arm-bone. North and Halfpenny haven’t recovered from their HIAs and Greased-Zammit starts on the wing with Welsh Johnny switching to full back. Pivac has his full ‘Welsh Way’ moment and picks Willowy Shingler at 6, drafts Owen Williams into inside centre to replace a stolid Mr. Glue, with Bury my Heart at Watkin’s Knee selected at OC.
Big Dan Biggar spends the entire match kicking grubbers into the French in-goal area for Zammit to chase like a spaniel. France score five breakaway tries and Owen Williams reveals his wonky temperament by being red carded for scramming Fickou in the face during a touchline tussle.
Prediction: Wales lose 13-49 and Barry John calls for Pivac to be replaced by Rob Howley
Fantasy Rugby 2. The Miracle in Twickenham
After the madness in Cardiff, normal service is resumed and Wales return to full strength, except for Faletau. Halfpenny and North are recalled, and Liam starts on the wing. Wainwright replaces Shingles, and a fired-up Moriarty comes in at 8.
England are marching towards a Slam after victories over France, Scotland, and the BIG ONE against Ireland. Eddie is basking in a contract extension until 2027, making him the best paid coach in RU history.
After 60 minutes England are winning comfortably without stretching away. Pivac plays his joker and turns to his Dragons on the bench. Dee for Owens, Brown for Lewis, Hill for Ball, and squad replacement Tyler Morgan for wee Georgie North.
My-oh-my, what a comeback. A brace from Brown and a classic outside break from Morgan brings the score back to within one point. Greased-Zammit enters the fray while England are camped on the Welsh 5-metre line with 5 minutes to go.
A re-set scrum and Dee strikes against the head! Tomos feeds Biggar who feigns a touch-kick but slips a pass to Morgan. A step sends Billy V into Row C, creating space to free Zammit! Zammit scorches the length of the field to score like a Welsh Andy Hancock – in half the time.
Prediction: England 21-25 Wales
Fantasy Rugby 3. Highland Flings in Cardiff
After their surprise win against France, new Scottish Player-Coach Finn Russell selects the same team while captaining the side for the second time. Wales are also unchanged.
Both sides are committed to playing high-risk running rugby under a closed roof. Madness ensues, and the game ends 49-all, while breaking all records for the highest number of knock-ons ever recorded in an international rugby match. Finn invites both sides for a celebratory night out in Newport, where more pints are spilled than consumed. News comes in from Scotland that Toony and Hoggy have eloped. Jim Telfer’s neck explodes.
Preview courtesy of MisterIks
On the telly this week (SIX NATIONS!!!)
Friday 31st January
| Blues v Chiefs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Brumbies v Reds | 08:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Sharks v Bulls | 17:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Ireland U20 v Scotland U20 | 19:15 | YouTube / RTÉ TWO |
| Wales U20 v Italy U20 | 19:35 | S4C |
Saturday 1st February
| Sunwolves v Melbourne Rebels | 03:45 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Crusaders v Waratahs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Stormers v Hurricanes | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC One / S4C |
| Cheetahs v Southern Kings | 15:00 | Freesports |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France U20 v England U20 | 20:00 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Los Jaguares v Lions | 23:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
Sunday 2nd February
| France v England (women) | 12:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Wales v Italy (women) | 13:00 | BBC Two Wales |
| Ireland v Scotland (women) | 13:00 | BBC Alba / red button |
| France v England | 15:00 | BBC One |
Ovally Balls 
Only got this far:
First public transport lol of the year.
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Words all round.
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Fabulous stuff Iks. Please let it happen
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Thanks so much guys……………………..great reading.
Fear all round – right and proper.
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JJ Tonks
England U20s #6 – brilliant name
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So Scotland by 50 and France win in Cardiff 49/13 ?
I didn’t know my pills had kicked in yet.
Where do I sign?
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Nice, Lazlo and Iksy.
Particularly enjoyed the parodying Spenser to put the fear of God into the Irish.
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Bulls 9-6 up in Durban . Gelant yet to score his usual hat-trick against the Tiddlers.
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Big weekend for Vasil Lobzhanidze of Georgia as he’s picking up his 50th cap. He’s 23 and is 28 days younger than George North was when he got to 50.
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One of those previews took ten minutes, and its not the one with verse,
Starting to get excited now. Trying to watch the U20s game. Anyone got a link? These things should be simpler.
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Enzo – can’t you get RTÉ?
This seems to be the YT link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eWcTfJ1wM
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Or, more accurately, this: https://e-stream.world/rugby.php?live=Ireland+U20+vs+Scotland+U20+Live+Stream
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Thaum, RTE block these games up here in the land of the free. For no reason whatsoever, given no-one owns UK rights and the thing’s on YouTube.
And thank you, much appreciated.
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Wait, is this game not just on YouTube?
Thaum, that site is asking me to register. Presumably it’s not going to steal all my digital nonsense?
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Yeah, I noticed the registration and stopped there. Give it a fake address and other fake info, and you’ll probably be fine, as long as your anti-malware is up to date!
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*throwaway address, as they’ll probably want you to confirm it via email.
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We’re going to watch the baby leeks on S4C.
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I still haven’t recovered from Iksy’s fantasy.
That was xxx rated filth.
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Yet another good reason to ditch Westmonster.
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New Turk signing Sam Costelow strolls in. Far too easy. 7 zip
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RTE Player is not blocked. Superb. Ireland winning 14-7 after 26. Both teams look decent.
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I should point out that Iksy also underdogged his piece and claimed it was written in a matter of seconds.
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Italy score after 27 phases. They’ve got some big ladz up front. Certainly look the better team in that department early doors.
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RTE player is blocked in Brighton, even when I put a Dubliners album on
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15 gone. 7-5. This is like watching any Welsh team against any non-Welsh opposition at any level: front 5 getting minced, backrow covering up those sins and backs scrambling well.
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Ha! from the SRU updates
24 mins Try Ireland
The TV footage seems pretty inconclusive, but the try is awarded to Thomas Clarkson, Crowley converts to extend the lead.
28 mins So close
A good take by Cameron Henderson in the line out allows the Scottish forwards to push towards the line, and they think they’ve scored by referee Gnecchi say’s it’s been held up.
Plus ca change….
(this is a joke, btw, I haven’t seen any of it)
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That’s because the Dubliners are dodgy and have been known to participate in country ‘music’.
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Italy’re getting better year by year. Should’ve beaten England in the Junior World Cup last year. Ended up in 9th.
In this game last year Taine Bashe(d ‘e)m.
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Ach Thaum, if Ronnie Drew and Luke Kelly are Country Music, then I love Contry Music.
but I do anyway, so that doesn’t work, hrmmm…
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Costelow with a big save, nice rip from an attempted drive over. Still, penalty Italy and now 7-8.
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Seemingly a try from Jack Blain , our one guy with pro expericence – he got about five minutes last season
Soon to be Embra leg end
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Tidy Scotland try after a period of pressure. No conversion. 14-12.
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Hoist on yer own petard, Ticht!
One of the Italian players appears to be called Cannoli. I’d only ever tasted cannoli in the US, and thought they were fucking horrible, but this summer I had some in Sicily that were absolutely delicious.
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‘talian scrum half is a former Turk U16, in Gloucester’s academy and son of Neath legend Adrian Varney.
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I love watching the U20s, this is so frustrating.
I’m in negotiation as to going to Spain for the U20s “Cup” or whatever it’s called – a couple of weeks on the Costa del Wotsit in mid September, watching the rugby – that sounds ok to me
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Wonder how many of our U20s have been playing in the ‘Super Six’ and if it will make any difference?
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The five minutes before half time are unhinged. Both teams look so dangerous. Scotland applying pressure, knock on, Ireland go coast to coast. 21-12 at ht but anything could happen.
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Not much by the sounds of it – Ireland score another try – 21-12 is it? Someone should write a song about that scoreline….
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BB, there is a guy on the Weedgie board who knows a lot of the current crop through his laddie. The word is that the Super 6 has made a huge difference, the fizzycality and strength and conditioning is close to the pros, where as the old premiership was a huge step down.
It’s only been going for a few months, so it’s very early doors, but this could really help us in the future.
Dodson was right!
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It’s all a bit Wacky Races.
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BB – hah, a musical reference I recognise!
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“Dodson was right!”
Worth every penny.
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Ticht – good. Here’s hoping that competition can develop further (and include a Glasgow team in the future). What Dodson does seems to be more effective than what he says.
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There’s a Zamboni(n) as well!
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Tam, I think he probably is, considering where we were before he got here and where we are now on the financial side. The playing side is still to catch up but Glasgow do okay. We operate out of the smallest playing base of the top ten nations, possibly down to the top fifteen, I haven’t checked for a while.
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Small playing base but a crack team of genealogists.
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BB, he isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but my reading of the whole thing over the last 30 to 40 years is that he has been a long time coming for Scottish rugby, there is a lot of embedded vested interest from the clubs still, they would drag the pro game and the international game back into the quagmire for their own inch of the tiny wee insignificant pond they operate in.
That is an exageration, but sometimes I get so frustrated at the clubs’ attitude, they cannae see beyond their own “status” such as it is.
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Crack team of genetisists, I think you mean Tam. Dolly and all that.
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Ireland start strong. 28-12.
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Wales getting minced here. Italy should be further in front and will have a decent wind at their back in the next 40.
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