IRELAND: No Backspace
A brief, incomprehensive preview of Ireland’s Six Nations 2020, written fast
Having muffed the entire last calendar year, Irish rugby returns to Europe feeling sorry for itself. The normal provincial success continues, but means nothing come the bitter dawn of the first weekend of February. It’s Six Nations time.
Daddy Faz is our new leader and he’s talked a lot of fan-service shite about how we’ll be a pure-running Irish team, ferocious and feral and flames for eyes. His actual vision for the side will get its first public airing this weekend. Many of the personnel are the same as the World Cup – too many, in a particular rather than strategic sense – but this still represents a period of major change.
Yet change is not to be feared. The history of Ireland at Rugby World Cups shows that a constant state of flux is, paradoxically, needed to maintain standards as well as develop them. 2019 was as clear an example as 2007 of the desiccated horror of trying to take a successful side that has just hit a peak and shield it from the passage of time. The only ways to stop a tiger changing daily are death and taxidermy.
And, so, we come to another paradox. Minimal changes of personnel at this time are not necessarily expressions of fear of that which is new. We could have bucked out everyone over the age of 30 – but we’re not picking the 2023 World Cup team in January 2020. We must be prepared to keep evolving in perpetuity. No need for do-something panic now.
This weekend’s team:
Spuds: Healy, Herring, Furlong, Henderson, Ryan, Stander, van der Flier, Doris
Gravy: Murray, Sexton, Stockdale, Aki, Ringrose, Conway, Larmour
Seconds: Kelleher, Kilcoyne, Porter, Toner, O’Mahony, Cooney, Ross Byrne, Henshaw
Johnny Sexton is the captain, and this is OK. He remains our best ten by a way and is one of a handful of nailed-on starters. If there is an issue with his captaincy, it’s not his age or his ability – it’s his captaincy. The key part of the job is dealing with the ref and, while he seems a charming and self-effacing man when in his civvies, game-day Johnny Sexton is an insufferable wanker. He makes enemies of the whistlers and, while recently he has tried smiling and coercion (and looked unnatural doing so), he’s only one perceived affront away from calling Romain Poîte a brainless snaildick. Contrast with your memories of perfect-son-in-law Sam Warburton and the issue is clear.
Conor Murray’s selection is a poor call. Conor of the past 12 months or so is not the champion player of the years prior. He’s not been bad, per se, and his imperiousness may still return. The issue is alternatives. John Cooney has been the most influential player in Europe this year.
Peter O’Mahony has been unshovellable shite for a year and the fact he made the Six Nations squad at all should have been questioned. Overall, his previous body of work makes that the right call – but picking him in a match-day 23 is frankly the wrong choice. The starting back row looks well-balanced, and chucking 21-year-old Doris straight in barely feels like a risk. However, Max Deegan or Jack O’Donoghue should be on the bench – with the choice of which made on a tactical and stylistic basis rather than trying to decide which of the two great athletes in great form best deserve the number 20 shirt.
Anyway, it’s just one weekend. The variable calls:
- which of four centres gets to play beside Ringrose?
- Larmour or Addison, or maybe both?
- the selected front rows look like our best six, but each of the calls could go either way – do we have a best front row, and do we even need a clear starting trio?
And so we will have room to breathe over the course of the tournament. A tournament we can win (we won’t, England will).
Now is the time for experimentation, to a point. But Andy Farrell does not get a free hit. Anything less than three wins is failure and, ultimately, we’re in it to win it.
Scotland by 50.
ENDS
Preview courtesy of EnzoM
WALES: The Dog That Didn’t Know Whether to be Under or Over
With apologies to Edmund Spenser:
One day they wrote his name upon the sheet,
But at night I came and washed it all away.
Again they wrote it in media and tweet
But in I crept, and made the twittering my prey.
Vain man! cried they, to wipe his name away
A frightening act, a cruel spine-tingler
To ensure Wayne Pivac forgets Aaron Shingler
Link to Squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Team to play Italy in Cardiff:
Leigh Halfpenny; Johnny McNicholl, George North, Hadleigh Parkes, Josh Adams; Dan Biggar, Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones, Ken Owens, Dillon Lewis, Jake Ball, Alun Wyn Jones (capt), Aaron Wainwright, Justin Tipuric, Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Rob Evans, Leon Brown, Cory Hill, Ross Moriarty, Rhys Webb, Jarrod Evans, Nick Tompkins.
Endings & Beginnings
As Wales sings Po Atarau / Now is the Hour to bid a fond farewell to Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, and a jauntier ‘I’ll Bet you a Kangaroo’ to help Howley hop off, the mood in the Heimat is unexpectedly optimistic.
Wayne Pivac seems to have seamlessly sewn himself into Warren’s catsuit, sorry tracksuit, and the players have gone through the four stages of post-RWC grief faster than a Greased-Zammit down a slippurly slurp℠.
Rather than the sour reek of sweaty anxiety, there’s the fresh morning air of new dawns and bright horizons. Players appear well-rested and happy to be in the new coaching set-up, and the injuries are not casting long shadows over the squad, even though some top players and Handsome Legends are missing.
But…
It’s in times like these that Wales can turn in some honking performances, especially in their opening 6N encounters at home, when all the optimism and expectation dissolves into blunt, turgid attack and weak, chaotic defence. Home cheers fade into murmurings about the bloody roof being open. Or closed.
But fair’s fair, a good old underdogging seems inappropriate, so like a Frankfurter in a bap I will settle for some in-between dogging followed by complete fantasy with my forecasts.
Saturday’s Match vs Italy
Wales have opted for a solid start, fielding an experienced line-up and just one new cap. We’ve flirted with North at 13 before and not much happened, good or bad. These days George is a more seasoned and moderate player, no longer the impetuous young buck throwing homophobes over his shoulder for fun. George has never been great positionally, but I hope his experience and maturity nails the position down for the duration of the Championship.
McNicholl is the only first-capper and Halfpenny’s selection at 15 is a wise move, so we should see some exciting counterattacking running from our Welsh Johnny. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a lot of turnovers because his teammates can’t keep up.
Wales are likely to creak in the scrum, but lineouts should be efficient enough with Tipuric and Wainwright doing a lot of the leaping at the tail. As great as it is to see Faletau back, I’m not getting carried away as it is still a long way back to his 2015 Lions Tour form and fitness.
Ball will no doubt go about his ball-carrying like a pig snouts truffle, but he makes some hard yards and plenty of tackles. AWJ will hopefully be his niggly, majestic self and lead from the front.
Prediction: a stuttering 23-11 Wales victory.
Round 2. Away to Ireland
Our first away match is against Ireland, and the Irish look like tournament favourites with both a strong team littered with in-form players, and the desire to lay to rest their World Cup ghosts and memories.
Unfortunately, Scotland seem determined to undermine their own chances in the opener against Ireland, so Wales will be up against a green wave of Grand Slam expectation.
Prediction: a brave effort but a narrow 29-23 Welsh defeat.
Fantasy Rugby 1. Home to France
I think France are really fed-up of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Wales, and this will be a big match for them. Time to unburden some true Welsh pessimism and imagine the worst.
After a bruising encounter in Dublin, Faletau leaves for an early Bath with another broken arm-bone. North and Halfpenny haven’t recovered from their HIAs and Greased-Zammit starts on the wing with Welsh Johnny switching to full back. Pivac has his full ‘Welsh Way’ moment and picks Willowy Shingler at 6, drafts Owen Williams into inside centre to replace a stolid Mr. Glue, with Bury my Heart at Watkin’s Knee selected at OC.
Big Dan Biggar spends the entire match kicking grubbers into the French in-goal area for Zammit to chase like a spaniel. France score five breakaway tries and Owen Williams reveals his wonky temperament by being red carded for scramming Fickou in the face during a touchline tussle.
Prediction: Wales lose 13-49 and Barry John calls for Pivac to be replaced by Rob Howley
Fantasy Rugby 2. The Miracle in Twickenham
After the madness in Cardiff, normal service is resumed and Wales return to full strength, except for Faletau. Halfpenny and North are recalled, and Liam starts on the wing. Wainwright replaces Shingles, and a fired-up Moriarty comes in at 8.
England are marching towards a Slam after victories over France, Scotland, and the BIG ONE against Ireland. Eddie is basking in a contract extension until 2027, making him the best paid coach in RU history.
After 60 minutes England are winning comfortably without stretching away. Pivac plays his joker and turns to his Dragons on the bench. Dee for Owens, Brown for Lewis, Hill for Ball, and squad replacement Tyler Morgan for wee Georgie North.
My-oh-my, what a comeback. A brace from Brown and a classic outside break from Morgan brings the score back to within one point. Greased-Zammit enters the fray while England are camped on the Welsh 5-metre line with 5 minutes to go.
A re-set scrum and Dee strikes against the head! Tomos feeds Biggar who feigns a touch-kick but slips a pass to Morgan. A step sends Billy V into Row C, creating space to free Zammit! Zammit scorches the length of the field to score like a Welsh Andy Hancock – in half the time.
Prediction: England 21-25 Wales
Fantasy Rugby 3. Highland Flings in Cardiff
After their surprise win against France, new Scottish Player-Coach Finn Russell selects the same team while captaining the side for the second time. Wales are also unchanged.
Both sides are committed to playing high-risk running rugby under a closed roof. Madness ensues, and the game ends 49-all, while breaking all records for the highest number of knock-ons ever recorded in an international rugby match. Finn invites both sides for a celebratory night out in Newport, where more pints are spilled than consumed. News comes in from Scotland that Toony and Hoggy have eloped. Jim Telfer’s neck explodes.
Preview courtesy of MisterIks
On the telly this week (SIX NATIONS!!!)
Friday 31st January
| Blues v Chiefs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Brumbies v Reds | 08:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Sharks v Bulls | 17:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Ireland U20 v Scotland U20 | 19:15 | YouTube / RTÉ TWO |
| Wales U20 v Italy U20 | 19:35 | S4C |
Saturday 1st February
| Sunwolves v Melbourne Rebels | 03:45 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Crusaders v Waratahs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Stormers v Hurricanes | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC One / S4C |
| Cheetahs v Southern Kings | 15:00 | Freesports |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France U20 v England U20 | 20:00 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Los Jaguares v Lions | 23:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
Sunday 2nd February
| France v England (women) | 12:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Wales v Italy (women) | 13:00 | BBC Two Wales |
| Ireland v Scotland (women) | 13:00 | BBC Alba / red button |
| France v England | 15:00 | BBC One |
Ovally Balls 
I imagine Wales will probably have fielded all three Saracens by the time the tournament is over. Tainty.
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All I ask is that people are not niggly and goading…………………………is that too much?
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@Slade – just rise above it like Maro Itoje.
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Perhaps Eddie just hasn’t noticed that Scotland aren’t picking Ryan Wilson any more.
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Eddie Jones is famed for being non-niggly and goady. It’s his thing.
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Just had the travelling nurse change the dressing on my knee – looks like a roll of brisket just before it goes in the oven!
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meh, Scotland haven’t lost to us for a long time. He’s just trying anything he can.
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3 years / 2 games isn’t that long
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almost as long as this blog kill
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15. Leigh Halfpenny (85 Caps)
14. Johnny McNicholl (1 cap)
13. George North (91 Caps)
12. Hadleigh Parkes (25 Caps)
11. Josh Adams (21 Caps)
10. Dan Biggar (79 Caps)
9. Tomos Williams (16 Caps)
1. Wyn Jones (22 Caps)
2. Ken Owens (73 Caps)
3. Dillon Lewis (22 Caps)
4. Jake Ball (42 Caps)
5. Alun Wyn Jones (C) (134 Caps)
6. Aaron Shingler (18 Caps)
7. Justin Tipuric (72 Caps)
8. Taulupe Faletau (72 Caps)
Replacements:
16. Ryan Elias (9 Caps)
17. Rob Evans (36 Caps)
18. Leon Brown (6 Caps)
19. Cory Hill (24 Caps)
20. Ross Moriarty (41 Caps)
21. Rhys Webb (31 Caps)
22. Jarrod Evans (3 Caps)
23. Nick Tompkins (1 cap)
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No Wainwright! Result.
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I’ve heard Tompkins compared to Henson, BOD and Conrad Smith this week. The combination of playing for Saracen and Wales and England u20 means you have the combined English and Welsh hype machine behind you
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Obviously I’d prefer to beat your very best side but we’ve not picked ours so why the hell should you have yours?
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Sorry Lazza, I posted last week’s team with Shingler instead of Wainwright. I was hoping to catch Iksy.
Team named tomorrow
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@FBC – excellent debut, in fairness. He’ll be money for the Dregs next season.
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Fuck you!
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Is that just yos winding up iks?
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@chimpie
Wait until I unveil the Scotland team later this afternoon. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
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Been a rollercoaster five minutes for me.
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Ugh. A bit slow there, chimpie
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@fbc
He’s destined to be the next Jamie Noon. Or Jamie ap Noon.
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Ffs Yos
Although I should really have known better with
Shingler at 6
You’re not the messiah etc
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*Non-fake news update*
Dewi Lake called into the Team Wales squad. Presumably there’s a doubt over Dee still.
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Dewi Lake would also be good to use in a country song lyric.
♫Although love had passed, my heart still ached
I had buried my wife out at Dewi Lake♫
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♫Dewi Lake good music
Sweet Soul music♫
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…………take a “pffffft”
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So Anthony Watson’s not available for the Scotland game. I guess Jones will stick with the same team than in Paris.
There is not much between consistency and stubborness but I don’t see Jones as an humble pie eater. Not after his new goading of Scotland after the French one was so successful.
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♫She said that when we first met that I was her passion
Now when she sees my lips she just wants to Basham
Although love had passed, my heart still ached
I had buried my wife out at Dewi Lake♫
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♫How Dewi Lake your eggs in the morning?
I like mine with a kiss♫
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OT drove me to read the BtLs in the Graun…………………….
My drugged memory tells me that when Sir Johnny started his first game for England – on tour – they got beaten something like 76 – 0.
The outcome is history and perhaps a poor analogy………….but I don’t think trying to convert a player from one role to another in real time is at all sensible – awful for the paying public, frustrating for the player.
Quite different to playing players in their ‘natural’/club position, allowing players to become masters of their role over time…………..
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♫- How Dewi Lake your eggs in the morning?
– Unfertilised, ta♫
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You’re right, Slade.
Those poor Aussie lads who had to do press-ups after every score.
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Likely British and Irish Lionz 2037 tour schedule announced:
https://www.space.com/41254-touring-mars-red-planet-road-trip.html
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Olympus, mun
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Fires fecking Yos up his own space force.
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“Just had the travelling nurse change the dressing on my knee – looks like a roll of brisket just before it goes in the oven!”
But her bedside manner is good.
Dedicated to Les Dawson and/or Tommy Cooper.
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Refit! Blog Meet?
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Come on Refit, if you can make it to the Wild Wesht….
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Flair, I suspect Jones knows he has all the player firepower to beat Scotland 9 times out of 10, on paper.
I still reckon he hasn’t quite got to grips with the riptides of the 6Nations. Having the best in-depth squad of players is one thing, and pushing the pedal to the floor about English dominance is also understandable.
But it doesn’t mean that being the best equipped team in the tournament guarantees winning it. The loss in France should have been a lesson about still having lots of work to do. If his team knows he is having a laugh with the press while they are getting on with rectifying performance issues then fine. If not, he is inviting another spanking in Murrayfield.
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@Isk – unfortunately not. Funds don’t allow at the moment (that and I’ve just paid for a trip to Butlins to see Dick & Dom and Aswad).
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Its not a Calcutta Cup week until Jim Telfer comes out with something stupid about England. Frankly I wish both sides would quit all this shite.
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MrIks, that Tommy Cooper Rembrandt and Stradivari gag is my all-time favourite joke, his delivery is just brilliant
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His Queen and Cup Final tickets is also brilliant.
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I know what you mean, BB, but as long as no one treats it any more seriously than the bollocks boxers come out with before a bout, then it’s no harm done. It’s only when fans start taking it personally that it becomes a problem.
Personally I quite like the rubbish Eddie comes out with, it’s all box office, it has absolutely no bearing on the game whatsoever.
I’m trying to think of a coach I actively disliked and to be honest I’m struggling.
Oh hang on, Matt Williams can go fuck himself.
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There’s one Tommy Cooper routine that i can’t even watch because it makes me laugh so much. It’s the one with hats and he puts of a viking helmet with two long blonde pigtails . He doesn’t say anything. It’s blissful.
Am also a sucker for Norman Collier’s broken mic and his chicken.
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I haven’t read back yet, so at the risk of repetition, it seems the RWC draw from France 2023 is to take place in November, a full three years before the tournament.
WR’s vice president wasn’t even made aware of the decision
The whole thing seems daft, I guess teams have to make preparations, but to be honest I’m no sure they need three years
https://www.rugbydump.com/news/world-rugbys-vice-president-wasnt-consulted-on-rwc-2023-pool-draw-timing
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Football teams manage just fine with 6 months to scout out facilities and hotels etc.
Rugby blazers are still the *worst.
*2nd worst. Olympic blazers take gold every time.
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Tam, there was some televised dinner that Tommy Cooper was speaking at, I remember watching and all he did was stand up in preparation and the whole audience started falling about. He didn’t say a word, but played it beautifully, with that silly expression.
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ok guys – kick me when i’m down – but thanks for the tommy cooper reminders!
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