IRELAND: No Backspace
A brief, incomprehensive preview of Ireland’s Six Nations 2020, written fast
Having muffed the entire last calendar year, Irish rugby returns to Europe feeling sorry for itself. The normal provincial success continues, but means nothing come the bitter dawn of the first weekend of February. It’s Six Nations time.
Daddy Faz is our new leader and he’s talked a lot of fan-service shite about how we’ll be a pure-running Irish team, ferocious and feral and flames for eyes. His actual vision for the side will get its first public airing this weekend. Many of the personnel are the same as the World Cup – too many, in a particular rather than strategic sense – but this still represents a period of major change.
Yet change is not to be feared. The history of Ireland at Rugby World Cups shows that a constant state of flux is, paradoxically, needed to maintain standards as well as develop them. 2019 was as clear an example as 2007 of the desiccated horror of trying to take a successful side that has just hit a peak and shield it from the passage of time. The only ways to stop a tiger changing daily are death and taxidermy.
And, so, we come to another paradox. Minimal changes of personnel at this time are not necessarily expressions of fear of that which is new. We could have bucked out everyone over the age of 30 – but we’re not picking the 2023 World Cup team in January 2020. We must be prepared to keep evolving in perpetuity. No need for do-something panic now.
This weekend’s team:
Spuds: Healy, Herring, Furlong, Henderson, Ryan, Stander, van der Flier, Doris
Gravy: Murray, Sexton, Stockdale, Aki, Ringrose, Conway, Larmour
Seconds: Kelleher, Kilcoyne, Porter, Toner, O’Mahony, Cooney, Ross Byrne, Henshaw
Johnny Sexton is the captain, and this is OK. He remains our best ten by a way and is one of a handful of nailed-on starters. If there is an issue with his captaincy, it’s not his age or his ability – it’s his captaincy. The key part of the job is dealing with the ref and, while he seems a charming and self-effacing man when in his civvies, game-day Johnny Sexton is an insufferable wanker. He makes enemies of the whistlers and, while recently he has tried smiling and coercion (and looked unnatural doing so), he’s only one perceived affront away from calling Romain Poîte a brainless snaildick. Contrast with your memories of perfect-son-in-law Sam Warburton and the issue is clear.
Conor Murray’s selection is a poor call. Conor of the past 12 months or so is not the champion player of the years prior. He’s not been bad, per se, and his imperiousness may still return. The issue is alternatives. John Cooney has been the most influential player in Europe this year.
Peter O’Mahony has been unshovellable shite for a year and the fact he made the Six Nations squad at all should have been questioned. Overall, his previous body of work makes that the right call – but picking him in a match-day 23 is frankly the wrong choice. The starting back row looks well-balanced, and chucking 21-year-old Doris straight in barely feels like a risk. However, Max Deegan or Jack O’Donoghue should be on the bench – with the choice of which made on a tactical and stylistic basis rather than trying to decide which of the two great athletes in great form best deserve the number 20 shirt.
Anyway, it’s just one weekend. The variable calls:
- which of four centres gets to play beside Ringrose?
- Larmour or Addison, or maybe both?
- the selected front rows look like our best six, but each of the calls could go either way – do we have a best front row, and do we even need a clear starting trio?
And so we will have room to breathe over the course of the tournament. A tournament we can win (we won’t, England will).
Now is the time for experimentation, to a point. But Andy Farrell does not get a free hit. Anything less than three wins is failure and, ultimately, we’re in it to win it.
Scotland by 50.
ENDS
Preview courtesy of EnzoM
WALES: The Dog That Didn’t Know Whether to be Under or Over
With apologies to Edmund Spenser:
One day they wrote his name upon the sheet,
But at night I came and washed it all away.
Again they wrote it in media and tweet
But in I crept, and made the twittering my prey.
Vain man! cried they, to wipe his name away
A frightening act, a cruel spine-tingler
To ensure Wayne Pivac forgets Aaron Shingler
Link to Squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Team to play Italy in Cardiff:
Leigh Halfpenny; Johnny McNicholl, George North, Hadleigh Parkes, Josh Adams; Dan Biggar, Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones, Ken Owens, Dillon Lewis, Jake Ball, Alun Wyn Jones (capt), Aaron Wainwright, Justin Tipuric, Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Rob Evans, Leon Brown, Cory Hill, Ross Moriarty, Rhys Webb, Jarrod Evans, Nick Tompkins.
Endings & Beginnings
As Wales sings Po Atarau / Now is the Hour to bid a fond farewell to Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, and a jauntier ‘I’ll Bet you a Kangaroo’ to help Howley hop off, the mood in the Heimat is unexpectedly optimistic.
Wayne Pivac seems to have seamlessly sewn himself into Warren’s catsuit, sorry tracksuit, and the players have gone through the four stages of post-RWC grief faster than a Greased-Zammit down a slippurly slurp℠.
Rather than the sour reek of sweaty anxiety, there’s the fresh morning air of new dawns and bright horizons. Players appear well-rested and happy to be in the new coaching set-up, and the injuries are not casting long shadows over the squad, even though some top players and Handsome Legends are missing.
But…
It’s in times like these that Wales can turn in some honking performances, especially in their opening 6N encounters at home, when all the optimism and expectation dissolves into blunt, turgid attack and weak, chaotic defence. Home cheers fade into murmurings about the bloody roof being open. Or closed.
But fair’s fair, a good old underdogging seems inappropriate, so like a Frankfurter in a bap I will settle for some in-between dogging followed by complete fantasy with my forecasts.
Saturday’s Match vs Italy
Wales have opted for a solid start, fielding an experienced line-up and just one new cap. We’ve flirted with North at 13 before and not much happened, good or bad. These days George is a more seasoned and moderate player, no longer the impetuous young buck throwing homophobes over his shoulder for fun. George has never been great positionally, but I hope his experience and maturity nails the position down for the duration of the Championship.
McNicholl is the only first-capper and Halfpenny’s selection at 15 is a wise move, so we should see some exciting counterattacking running from our Welsh Johnny. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a lot of turnovers because his teammates can’t keep up.
Wales are likely to creak in the scrum, but lineouts should be efficient enough with Tipuric and Wainwright doing a lot of the leaping at the tail. As great as it is to see Faletau back, I’m not getting carried away as it is still a long way back to his 2015 Lions Tour form and fitness.
Ball will no doubt go about his ball-carrying like a pig snouts truffle, but he makes some hard yards and plenty of tackles. AWJ will hopefully be his niggly, majestic self and lead from the front.
Prediction: a stuttering 23-11 Wales victory.
Round 2. Away to Ireland
Our first away match is against Ireland, and the Irish look like tournament favourites with both a strong team littered with in-form players, and the desire to lay to rest their World Cup ghosts and memories.
Unfortunately, Scotland seem determined to undermine their own chances in the opener against Ireland, so Wales will be up against a green wave of Grand Slam expectation.
Prediction: a brave effort but a narrow 29-23 Welsh defeat.
Fantasy Rugby 1. Home to France
I think France are really fed-up of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Wales, and this will be a big match for them. Time to unburden some true Welsh pessimism and imagine the worst.
After a bruising encounter in Dublin, Faletau leaves for an early Bath with another broken arm-bone. North and Halfpenny haven’t recovered from their HIAs and Greased-Zammit starts on the wing with Welsh Johnny switching to full back. Pivac has his full ‘Welsh Way’ moment and picks Willowy Shingler at 6, drafts Owen Williams into inside centre to replace a stolid Mr. Glue, with Bury my Heart at Watkin’s Knee selected at OC.
Big Dan Biggar spends the entire match kicking grubbers into the French in-goal area for Zammit to chase like a spaniel. France score five breakaway tries and Owen Williams reveals his wonky temperament by being red carded for scramming Fickou in the face during a touchline tussle.
Prediction: Wales lose 13-49 and Barry John calls for Pivac to be replaced by Rob Howley
Fantasy Rugby 2. The Miracle in Twickenham
After the madness in Cardiff, normal service is resumed and Wales return to full strength, except for Faletau. Halfpenny and North are recalled, and Liam starts on the wing. Wainwright replaces Shingles, and a fired-up Moriarty comes in at 8.
England are marching towards a Slam after victories over France, Scotland, and the BIG ONE against Ireland. Eddie is basking in a contract extension until 2027, making him the best paid coach in RU history.
After 60 minutes England are winning comfortably without stretching away. Pivac plays his joker and turns to his Dragons on the bench. Dee for Owens, Brown for Lewis, Hill for Ball, and squad replacement Tyler Morgan for wee Georgie North.
My-oh-my, what a comeback. A brace from Brown and a classic outside break from Morgan brings the score back to within one point. Greased-Zammit enters the fray while England are camped on the Welsh 5-metre line with 5 minutes to go.
A re-set scrum and Dee strikes against the head! Tomos feeds Biggar who feigns a touch-kick but slips a pass to Morgan. A step sends Billy V into Row C, creating space to free Zammit! Zammit scorches the length of the field to score like a Welsh Andy Hancock – in half the time.
Prediction: England 21-25 Wales
Fantasy Rugby 3. Highland Flings in Cardiff
After their surprise win against France, new Scottish Player-Coach Finn Russell selects the same team while captaining the side for the second time. Wales are also unchanged.
Both sides are committed to playing high-risk running rugby under a closed roof. Madness ensues, and the game ends 49-all, while breaking all records for the highest number of knock-ons ever recorded in an international rugby match. Finn invites both sides for a celebratory night out in Newport, where more pints are spilled than consumed. News comes in from Scotland that Toony and Hoggy have eloped. Jim Telfer’s neck explodes.
Preview courtesy of MisterIks
On the telly this week (SIX NATIONS!!!)
Friday 31st January
| Blues v Chiefs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Brumbies v Reds | 08:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Sharks v Bulls | 17:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Ireland U20 v Scotland U20 | 19:15 | YouTube / RTÉ TWO |
| Wales U20 v Italy U20 | 19:35 | S4C |
Saturday 1st February
| Sunwolves v Melbourne Rebels | 03:45 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Crusaders v Waratahs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Stormers v Hurricanes | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC One / S4C |
| Cheetahs v Southern Kings | 15:00 | Freesports |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France U20 v England U20 | 20:00 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Los Jaguares v Lions | 23:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
Sunday 2nd February
| France v England (women) | 12:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Wales v Italy (women) | 13:00 | BBC Two Wales |
| Ireland v Scotland (women) | 13:00 | BBC Alba / red button |
| France v England | 15:00 | BBC One |
Ovally Balls 
Rampant now. 33-12 with conversion to come.
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7 – 14 after two early second half penalties for Italy.
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Scotland with a foothold and their own seven pointer. 33-19.
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Italy 78% possession. They are throwing the ball around nicely, although not always managing to retain it when they do so.
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How’s the centre Hyde going, Larry? Big press about him earlier in the week.
Pleased to see the Sean O’Brien factory has produced another Sean O’Brien.
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Morgan Strong is a good name for a number 8.
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Tomp, he is a big slice, looked super powerful. Went off a while ago, hopefully no issue.
Scottish hooker has been the pick.
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Larry, Ewan Ashamn the hooker plays at Sale, he was on lone to Embra for the first part of the season, I’m kind of hoping he makes the move full time, Cockers will make him a real unit in the middle of the front row.
Not that Dimes is a shrinking violet or anything
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Ashman, even
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Yos, it will never match Samson for a tighthead
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@ticht
I’m just hoping that we one day see a lock called Lanky Streak of Piss
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Yos, a scrum half called Wee Shite
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Good win for the young Great Lads.
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This has been, probably, the worst U20 performance I can ever recall. With the exception of the skipper, Jac Morgan, the best Welsh player has been the Italian scrum half.
7-17, about 12 minutes left.
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Sounds like it was a good game, Lazza
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Just seen the try by Jack Crowley, the Ireland Under 20 outside half. Brilliant.
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And a good finish by the second row as well.
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Unusual situation: Italy capping replacements because they’re fairly sure they’ve got the match won.
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This is fucking brilliant:
rte.ie/archives/2020/0129/1111753-ireland-21-scotland-0/
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It’s all good but check out the line out throw at 8 minutes into the footage.
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Blimey, I’ve just seen that Scotland scored on the 85th minute – the game finishing 38-26
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Sounds as though Wur Wee Wans were beaten but not hammered (despite what the scoreline says).
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7-17 full time. Well deserved for Italy who should have won more comfortably.
After torturing my eyes like that I’m off to clean the oven and listen to Brexit Day parties on the radio.
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@tomp
Making a roaring trade from serial killer tours. You can get a good couple of hours from visiting the previous homes of Hindley, Brady, and Shipman.
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@TomP – some of the goalkicking could have gone better.
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@Larry – “Presumably it’s not going to steal all my digital nonsense?”
It seems unlikely that it would have space for it. After all the last place packed in once Sag’s garage and attic were full.
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Great previews by the way.
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Words Enzo. Lots of good ones including ” unshovellable shite” which I’m stealing. And fabulous underdogging in the classic tradition.
Wales U20’s. Some of those Italian ladz looked over 30. Did we send our U16 team in a hilarious scheduling error or were Italy very good/competent? Lots to work on.
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Will this work?
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ah, it did, good.
There wasn’t a “copy” option
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Hmmm, traditions forgotten.
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Ha maybe a bit random, but Italian none the less.
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If I may…
my favourite Italian song at the moment
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This is fun, kids from my home town, mucking about, I don’t know them but I know parents – shit how did I become old?
It’s from two years ago, but they are getting more gigs around Scotland and further
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Morning all! Great previews!
Missed the Sunwolves giving the Rebels a hammering this morning – 36-27 belies the fact that the Rebels scored two tries late on – and now the Tahs are getting stuffed by the Crusaders, 24-6 at the break. Not a great 1st weekend so far for FD’s health.
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Sharks discard Garth April apparently had a good game at 10 for Sunwolves.
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Tahs have been much better since the break. 24-18 going into the last 20. As I type that, they stand back and admire some silky running by Havili and a couple of phases later, Ennor gets his 2nd. Conversion missed, 29-18.
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And just like that, another 7 points and the Crusaders are put of sight again. Replacement hooker took a tapped drop out from the 22, good hands, good support, disjointed defence and under the posts. Stadium bloke unleashes the Kiwi Xmas Number 1 in celebration. Sweet Caroline gets the half filled stadium on its feet in unison. 36-18
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Tahs haven’t been bad to be fair, but too many errors trying to do too much and they’ve been punished almost every time.
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Luke Romano powers over from 5 out and it’s 43-18 with 5 to go. Justin Marshall being nice about the Tahs, so tou know it’s a stuffing.
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Great acceleration and cut back from Newsome and its 43-25 with a minute to play. Stadium bloke gets dark and dangerous with a smattering of Metallica.
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Full time. If the Tahs had had a bloke in the 5th row they’d have scored 4 or 5 more.
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There are probably some decent players there but you have to look at the coaching. Why the WRU haven’t crawled over glass to ask the FAW how they changed their coaching courses is beyond me. All that knowledge on the doorstep.
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O’Shea changed up the Italian system and the results are getting better at junior levels. Their challenge is to try and get this at big boys rugby.
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Here’s that lovely score from last night:
https://www.the42.ie/jack-crowley-try-v-scotland-4988424-Jan2020/
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I like this:
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That article on The42 is very good.
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@tomp
If Nigel Starmer-Smith was commentating you always felt you were being fobbed off with a cheaper, inferior alternative compared with what you’d asked for.
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