IRELAND: No Backspace
A brief, incomprehensive preview of Ireland’s Six Nations 2020, written fast
Having muffed the entire last calendar year, Irish rugby returns to Europe feeling sorry for itself. The normal provincial success continues, but means nothing come the bitter dawn of the first weekend of February. It’s Six Nations time.
Daddy Faz is our new leader and he’s talked a lot of fan-service shite about how we’ll be a pure-running Irish team, ferocious and feral and flames for eyes. His actual vision for the side will get its first public airing this weekend. Many of the personnel are the same as the World Cup – too many, in a particular rather than strategic sense – but this still represents a period of major change.
Yet change is not to be feared. The history of Ireland at Rugby World Cups shows that a constant state of flux is, paradoxically, needed to maintain standards as well as develop them. 2019 was as clear an example as 2007 of the desiccated horror of trying to take a successful side that has just hit a peak and shield it from the passage of time. The only ways to stop a tiger changing daily are death and taxidermy.
And, so, we come to another paradox. Minimal changes of personnel at this time are not necessarily expressions of fear of that which is new. We could have bucked out everyone over the age of 30 – but we’re not picking the 2023 World Cup team in January 2020. We must be prepared to keep evolving in perpetuity. No need for do-something panic now.
This weekend’s team:
Spuds: Healy, Herring, Furlong, Henderson, Ryan, Stander, van der Flier, Doris
Gravy: Murray, Sexton, Stockdale, Aki, Ringrose, Conway, Larmour
Seconds: Kelleher, Kilcoyne, Porter, Toner, O’Mahony, Cooney, Ross Byrne, Henshaw
Johnny Sexton is the captain, and this is OK. He remains our best ten by a way and is one of a handful of nailed-on starters. If there is an issue with his captaincy, it’s not his age or his ability – it’s his captaincy. The key part of the job is dealing with the ref and, while he seems a charming and self-effacing man when in his civvies, game-day Johnny Sexton is an insufferable wanker. He makes enemies of the whistlers and, while recently he has tried smiling and coercion (and looked unnatural doing so), he’s only one perceived affront away from calling Romain Poîte a brainless snaildick. Contrast with your memories of perfect-son-in-law Sam Warburton and the issue is clear.
Conor Murray’s selection is a poor call. Conor of the past 12 months or so is not the champion player of the years prior. He’s not been bad, per se, and his imperiousness may still return. The issue is alternatives. John Cooney has been the most influential player in Europe this year.
Peter O’Mahony has been unshovellable shite for a year and the fact he made the Six Nations squad at all should have been questioned. Overall, his previous body of work makes that the right call – but picking him in a match-day 23 is frankly the wrong choice. The starting back row looks well-balanced, and chucking 21-year-old Doris straight in barely feels like a risk. However, Max Deegan or Jack O’Donoghue should be on the bench – with the choice of which made on a tactical and stylistic basis rather than trying to decide which of the two great athletes in great form best deserve the number 20 shirt.
Anyway, it’s just one weekend. The variable calls:
- which of four centres gets to play beside Ringrose?
- Larmour or Addison, or maybe both?
- the selected front rows look like our best six, but each of the calls could go either way – do we have a best front row, and do we even need a clear starting trio?
And so we will have room to breathe over the course of the tournament. A tournament we can win (we won’t, England will).
Now is the time for experimentation, to a point. But Andy Farrell does not get a free hit. Anything less than three wins is failure and, ultimately, we’re in it to win it.
Scotland by 50.
ENDS
Preview courtesy of EnzoM
WALES: The Dog That Didn’t Know Whether to be Under or Over
With apologies to Edmund Spenser:
One day they wrote his name upon the sheet,
But at night I came and washed it all away.
Again they wrote it in media and tweet
But in I crept, and made the twittering my prey.
Vain man! cried they, to wipe his name away
A frightening act, a cruel spine-tingler
To ensure Wayne Pivac forgets Aaron Shingler
Link to Squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Team to play Italy in Cardiff:
Leigh Halfpenny; Johnny McNicholl, George North, Hadleigh Parkes, Josh Adams; Dan Biggar, Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones, Ken Owens, Dillon Lewis, Jake Ball, Alun Wyn Jones (capt), Aaron Wainwright, Justin Tipuric, Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Rob Evans, Leon Brown, Cory Hill, Ross Moriarty, Rhys Webb, Jarrod Evans, Nick Tompkins.
Endings & Beginnings
As Wales sings Po Atarau / Now is the Hour to bid a fond farewell to Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, and a jauntier ‘I’ll Bet you a Kangaroo’ to help Howley hop off, the mood in the Heimat is unexpectedly optimistic.
Wayne Pivac seems to have seamlessly sewn himself into Warren’s catsuit, sorry tracksuit, and the players have gone through the four stages of post-RWC grief faster than a Greased-Zammit down a slippurly slurp℠.
Rather than the sour reek of sweaty anxiety, there’s the fresh morning air of new dawns and bright horizons. Players appear well-rested and happy to be in the new coaching set-up, and the injuries are not casting long shadows over the squad, even though some top players and Handsome Legends are missing.
But…
It’s in times like these that Wales can turn in some honking performances, especially in their opening 6N encounters at home, when all the optimism and expectation dissolves into blunt, turgid attack and weak, chaotic defence. Home cheers fade into murmurings about the bloody roof being open. Or closed.
But fair’s fair, a good old underdogging seems inappropriate, so like a Frankfurter in a bap I will settle for some in-between dogging followed by complete fantasy with my forecasts.
Saturday’s Match vs Italy
Wales have opted for a solid start, fielding an experienced line-up and just one new cap. We’ve flirted with North at 13 before and not much happened, good or bad. These days George is a more seasoned and moderate player, no longer the impetuous young buck throwing homophobes over his shoulder for fun. George has never been great positionally, but I hope his experience and maturity nails the position down for the duration of the Championship.
McNicholl is the only first-capper and Halfpenny’s selection at 15 is a wise move, so we should see some exciting counterattacking running from our Welsh Johnny. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a lot of turnovers because his teammates can’t keep up.
Wales are likely to creak in the scrum, but lineouts should be efficient enough with Tipuric and Wainwright doing a lot of the leaping at the tail. As great as it is to see Faletau back, I’m not getting carried away as it is still a long way back to his 2015 Lions Tour form and fitness.
Ball will no doubt go about his ball-carrying like a pig snouts truffle, but he makes some hard yards and plenty of tackles. AWJ will hopefully be his niggly, majestic self and lead from the front.
Prediction: a stuttering 23-11 Wales victory.
Round 2. Away to Ireland
Our first away match is against Ireland, and the Irish look like tournament favourites with both a strong team littered with in-form players, and the desire to lay to rest their World Cup ghosts and memories.
Unfortunately, Scotland seem determined to undermine their own chances in the opener against Ireland, so Wales will be up against a green wave of Grand Slam expectation.
Prediction: a brave effort but a narrow 29-23 Welsh defeat.
Fantasy Rugby 1. Home to France
I think France are really fed-up of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Wales, and this will be a big match for them. Time to unburden some true Welsh pessimism and imagine the worst.
After a bruising encounter in Dublin, Faletau leaves for an early Bath with another broken arm-bone. North and Halfpenny haven’t recovered from their HIAs and Greased-Zammit starts on the wing with Welsh Johnny switching to full back. Pivac has his full ‘Welsh Way’ moment and picks Willowy Shingler at 6, drafts Owen Williams into inside centre to replace a stolid Mr. Glue, with Bury my Heart at Watkin’s Knee selected at OC.
Big Dan Biggar spends the entire match kicking grubbers into the French in-goal area for Zammit to chase like a spaniel. France score five breakaway tries and Owen Williams reveals his wonky temperament by being red carded for scramming Fickou in the face during a touchline tussle.
Prediction: Wales lose 13-49 and Barry John calls for Pivac to be replaced by Rob Howley
Fantasy Rugby 2. The Miracle in Twickenham
After the madness in Cardiff, normal service is resumed and Wales return to full strength, except for Faletau. Halfpenny and North are recalled, and Liam starts on the wing. Wainwright replaces Shingles, and a fired-up Moriarty comes in at 8.
England are marching towards a Slam after victories over France, Scotland, and the BIG ONE against Ireland. Eddie is basking in a contract extension until 2027, making him the best paid coach in RU history.
After 60 minutes England are winning comfortably without stretching away. Pivac plays his joker and turns to his Dragons on the bench. Dee for Owens, Brown for Lewis, Hill for Ball, and squad replacement Tyler Morgan for wee Georgie North.
My-oh-my, what a comeback. A brace from Brown and a classic outside break from Morgan brings the score back to within one point. Greased-Zammit enters the fray while England are camped on the Welsh 5-metre line with 5 minutes to go.
A re-set scrum and Dee strikes against the head! Tomos feeds Biggar who feigns a touch-kick but slips a pass to Morgan. A step sends Billy V into Row C, creating space to free Zammit! Zammit scorches the length of the field to score like a Welsh Andy Hancock – in half the time.
Prediction: England 21-25 Wales
Fantasy Rugby 3. Highland Flings in Cardiff
After their surprise win against France, new Scottish Player-Coach Finn Russell selects the same team while captaining the side for the second time. Wales are also unchanged.
Both sides are committed to playing high-risk running rugby under a closed roof. Madness ensues, and the game ends 49-all, while breaking all records for the highest number of knock-ons ever recorded in an international rugby match. Finn invites both sides for a celebratory night out in Newport, where more pints are spilled than consumed. News comes in from Scotland that Toony and Hoggy have eloped. Jim Telfer’s neck explodes.
Preview courtesy of MisterIks
On the telly this week (SIX NATIONS!!!)
Friday 31st January
| Blues v Chiefs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Brumbies v Reds | 08:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Sharks v Bulls | 17:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Ireland U20 v Scotland U20 | 19:15 | YouTube / RTÉ TWO |
| Wales U20 v Italy U20 | 19:35 | S4C |
Saturday 1st February
| Sunwolves v Melbourne Rebels | 03:45 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Crusaders v Waratahs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Stormers v Hurricanes | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC One / S4C |
| Cheetahs v Southern Kings | 15:00 | Freesports |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France U20 v England U20 | 20:00 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Los Jaguares v Lions | 23:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
Sunday 2nd February
| France v England (women) | 12:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Wales v Italy (women) | 13:00 | BBC Two Wales |
| Ireland v Scotland (women) | 13:00 | BBC Alba / red button |
| France v England | 15:00 | BBC One |
Ovally Balls 
Cooper is a legend non doubt
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Remember EJ does have some direct experience of fans taking it too seriously.
Seems since then he’s lost a bit of judgement on this stuff.
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Tommy Cooper
Major plus: Welsh
Major minus: Wore a fez so likely a Saracens fan.
Verdict: Funny but tainted.
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Summed up nicely tomp.
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MrIks, I’m not sure England have the best in depth squad. There are some big holes there: 8, 9, 14, 15. Even the centres are not that much. Farrell is better at ten than at 12 where he offers little besides kicking. With slow pace and not much bosch besides injured Billy and Manu, how do you attack?
Not sure they’re favorite vs Scotland, even Finnless. Also their back row is so unbalanced that the French schoolboys had the upper hand.
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Dov, I think those guys were pished knobheads, rather than people taking it too seriously. It started out okay and then they got lary, drink had been taken.
No excuses for their behaviour, if they had left it after they’d gotten a photo with Eddie and a bit of bantz about the result, fine, but they started jostling him and calling him all sorts, that is way beyond the line of acceptable behavior.
Drunk pricks.
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– Who wins elections?
– Well, usually whoever gets the most votes. I mean I think it’s that.
– You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But you’d be thinking wrong.
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Flair knows the score.
England are fecked.
History indicates it’ll be for a good 5-10 years.
By which time it’s all mutants and dinosaurs if I remember the prophecy correctly.
Aye ticht, that’s a fair summation.
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Flair, flair point. I was thinking more of the entire resources in the whole English set up.
And there’s that little prejudice of mine when I see a sense of entitlement lurking in the underbelly of English rugby. Not so much in the players, but in the press and public expectations surrounding them.
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WTAF is that Iowa caucas guy wibbling on about?
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I had no idea how to pronounce buttigieg
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Ticht, by a sweet coincidence, the inspiration for my quip about Slade’s nurse and your Stradivari reminiscence are here together:
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Yeah iks. We are terrible. EJ gets a pass, as an ozzie, but the rest of us… sheesh.
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@Chimp – I still have no idea how to pronounce Buttigieg and I don’t want to listen to that again to try to get it right.
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Buttygig.
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The best way to explain it is to do it.
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No no no Dova it’s not about actual supporters like your good self and anyone else. I can’t explain this well but it is around that albatros of entitlement and expectation that gets hung around England’s neck by the English rugby press and a hefty chunk of English supporters.
Lanky as I recall tried to reign it in with some success but it ran out out of control once the pressure of home World Cup expectations kicked in. Eddie has pursued the opposite approach, embiggening the expectations and arrogance of the English rugby stereotype, also with mixed results.
Hopefully I’m not being hypocritical here because many supporters of Wales in the 70s/early 80s were insufferable, not least in the Iks household when the gloating of my father and brother drove me cheer on anyone but Wales in my teen years.
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Soft g. Two soft gs.
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Booty jedge.
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EJ gets a pass, as an ozzie
Seriously, wtf Dov.
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That video does remind me of this:
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What is Chris Morris up to these days?
MrIks, yeah that is the exact clip I thought of when I read your joke, it is really good to see it again.
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You know that feeling, when you are on your way to a second round interview, and you realise that you are wearing the same tie as last time?
FECKED.
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Ticht – he made The Day Shall Come. Released last year.
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Iks – I’ve tried to reign in the expectation too but for some reason people think I was joking.
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Ticht, he did an interview on Channel 4 news last year to promote the film. It’s worth a look:
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I know it is.
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New tie acquired.
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RIP Kirk Douglas
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This is where that piece falls down, because shirley it would be “that bollix” rather than, “your man”
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Ludlam on Saturday’s game:
“We are emotionally there. They hate us and we hate them. There is no difference,” he said.
“We’re revved up. We want to be brutal. We don’t want to give them an inch to breathe. We’re coming for them.”
‘salot of hate and brutality
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England have only won on 3 of their last 7 visits to M-field. Interesting stat considering how pish we’ve been for a lot of that time.
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I really, really dislike the use of that kind of language in any sport.
Hate is when someone kills your family via a drone…………not when someone/team out – thinks/ smarts/plays you or your team.
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Lawes with a slightly more sober and sensible assessment
“It’s about winning when the opposition has got your number,” said Lawes, 30.
“It’s about being able to assert yourself when things aren’t going your way, when the strategy and tactics aren’t working.”
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Quite, slade. It’s a game of rugby.
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Good comment Chimpie – and Lawes words are good also.
On a similar theme………if Ryan speaks to players like he writes his articles he should be on his way to the sun, pronto…………………
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Still, a game where one may get emotionally invested to what seems like an absurd degree sometimes.
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By accident i caught the tail-end of a programme on French TV last night – real time stuff from within the French training camp.
Ibanez the leader, setting the tone; Fickou talking clearly to the guys about active defence, Sean looking on and Galthie shadowing all.
Wish I’d seen the whole thing.
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I might support Scotland at this rate.
Sure Telfer will chip in at some point to rectify this.
Sounds like Ludlam thinks he’s got into the team. That would be a positive I think if it means Lawes not playing in the back row. he might want to shut his gob and concentrate on preparing though.
Think we find out later today who our lambs to the slaughter will be.
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The Day Will Come went completely under my radar for some reason, it’s the sort of thing that I would make every effort to see, and I will.
Cheers for the heads ups, lads.
I’m pretty worried about our government’s recent move to bypass media and have complete control over their message without any hint of scrutiny . I was very surprised by someone yesterday morning when I turned on the tv and it happened to be on itv, Piers Morgan, of all people, was ranting about not having one government minister on the show for the entire month of January, this was the first time this has happened, ever.
I know they are not appearing on the BBC flagship “Today” programme under instruction, journalists walked out of No10 the other day when half of them were vetted out, and those that chose to walk voluntarily are sympathetic to this government.
The government themselves are using their own in-house media teams to hold strictly scripted Q&A sessions with ministers.
This is alarming to say the least
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The invisible Ewels is oot isn’t he? So no more Lawes at 6. Most unsporting going for a functional back row.
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Chimpie, We’ve very often struggled up there, even when you were pish and we were alright.
I remember a game when we were both pish and it was raining. Was amongst the worst game of rugby ever played. Must have been late 00s?
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EJ and now Ludlam setting England up for another fall then. Lovely.
Jones oot!
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‘I remember a game when we were both pish and it was raining. Was amongst the worst game of rugby ever played. Must have been late 00s?’
there were a quite a few candidates from that time period
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Ticht, it is.
the hope is that, at the moment, they are doing this because they can. I mean, in that, there is no opposition voice for them to counter using these channels. JC barely did these kind of interviews either so its been happening for a while.
The hope is that when / if the opposition sort themselves out and start getting messages out the government will be forced to join in again as opposed to being seen to be empty chaired.
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@Ticht
All seems to be a concerted campaign to avoid scrutiny or difficult questions. Any kind of pressure or difficult questions and this lot in government seem to go into meltdown
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Chimpie, I remember a close range sniping try from your 9 (Nichol??) settling one such affair.
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And Labour, sort yourselves out and stop being so useless ASAP, pls.
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ultimately they can do what they want for 5 years now regardless of strength of opposition. The new Tory MPs know who got them there and that he’s quite prepared to purge non-believers as he’s done before. Your man (bollix) has total power.
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