IRELAND: No Backspace
A brief, incomprehensive preview of Ireland’s Six Nations 2020, written fast
Having muffed the entire last calendar year, Irish rugby returns to Europe feeling sorry for itself. The normal provincial success continues, but means nothing come the bitter dawn of the first weekend of February. It’s Six Nations time.
Daddy Faz is our new leader and he’s talked a lot of fan-service shite about how we’ll be a pure-running Irish team, ferocious and feral and flames for eyes. His actual vision for the side will get its first public airing this weekend. Many of the personnel are the same as the World Cup – too many, in a particular rather than strategic sense – but this still represents a period of major change.
Yet change is not to be feared. The history of Ireland at Rugby World Cups shows that a constant state of flux is, paradoxically, needed to maintain standards as well as develop them. 2019 was as clear an example as 2007 of the desiccated horror of trying to take a successful side that has just hit a peak and shield it from the passage of time. The only ways to stop a tiger changing daily are death and taxidermy.
And, so, we come to another paradox. Minimal changes of personnel at this time are not necessarily expressions of fear of that which is new. We could have bucked out everyone over the age of 30 – but we’re not picking the 2023 World Cup team in January 2020. We must be prepared to keep evolving in perpetuity. No need for do-something panic now.
This weekend’s team:
Spuds: Healy, Herring, Furlong, Henderson, Ryan, Stander, van der Flier, Doris
Gravy: Murray, Sexton, Stockdale, Aki, Ringrose, Conway, Larmour
Seconds: Kelleher, Kilcoyne, Porter, Toner, O’Mahony, Cooney, Ross Byrne, Henshaw
Johnny Sexton is the captain, and this is OK. He remains our best ten by a way and is one of a handful of nailed-on starters. If there is an issue with his captaincy, it’s not his age or his ability – it’s his captaincy. The key part of the job is dealing with the ref and, while he seems a charming and self-effacing man when in his civvies, game-day Johnny Sexton is an insufferable wanker. He makes enemies of the whistlers and, while recently he has tried smiling and coercion (and looked unnatural doing so), he’s only one perceived affront away from calling Romain Poîte a brainless snaildick. Contrast with your memories of perfect-son-in-law Sam Warburton and the issue is clear.
Conor Murray’s selection is a poor call. Conor of the past 12 months or so is not the champion player of the years prior. He’s not been bad, per se, and his imperiousness may still return. The issue is alternatives. John Cooney has been the most influential player in Europe this year.
Peter O’Mahony has been unshovellable shite for a year and the fact he made the Six Nations squad at all should have been questioned. Overall, his previous body of work makes that the right call – but picking him in a match-day 23 is frankly the wrong choice. The starting back row looks well-balanced, and chucking 21-year-old Doris straight in barely feels like a risk. However, Max Deegan or Jack O’Donoghue should be on the bench – with the choice of which made on a tactical and stylistic basis rather than trying to decide which of the two great athletes in great form best deserve the number 20 shirt.
Anyway, it’s just one weekend. The variable calls:
- which of four centres gets to play beside Ringrose?
- Larmour or Addison, or maybe both?
- the selected front rows look like our best six, but each of the calls could go either way – do we have a best front row, and do we even need a clear starting trio?
And so we will have room to breathe over the course of the tournament. A tournament we can win (we won’t, England will).
Now is the time for experimentation, to a point. But Andy Farrell does not get a free hit. Anything less than three wins is failure and, ultimately, we’re in it to win it.
Scotland by 50.
ENDS
Preview courtesy of EnzoM
WALES: The Dog That Didn’t Know Whether to be Under or Over
With apologies to Edmund Spenser:
One day they wrote his name upon the sheet,
But at night I came and washed it all away.
Again they wrote it in media and tweet
But in I crept, and made the twittering my prey.
Vain man! cried they, to wipe his name away
A frightening act, a cruel spine-tingler
To ensure Wayne Pivac forgets Aaron Shingler
Link to Squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Team to play Italy in Cardiff:
Leigh Halfpenny; Johnny McNicholl, George North, Hadleigh Parkes, Josh Adams; Dan Biggar, Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones, Ken Owens, Dillon Lewis, Jake Ball, Alun Wyn Jones (capt), Aaron Wainwright, Justin Tipuric, Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Rob Evans, Leon Brown, Cory Hill, Ross Moriarty, Rhys Webb, Jarrod Evans, Nick Tompkins.
Endings & Beginnings
As Wales sings Po Atarau / Now is the Hour to bid a fond farewell to Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, and a jauntier ‘I’ll Bet you a Kangaroo’ to help Howley hop off, the mood in the Heimat is unexpectedly optimistic.
Wayne Pivac seems to have seamlessly sewn himself into Warren’s catsuit, sorry tracksuit, and the players have gone through the four stages of post-RWC grief faster than a Greased-Zammit down a slippurly slurp℠.
Rather than the sour reek of sweaty anxiety, there’s the fresh morning air of new dawns and bright horizons. Players appear well-rested and happy to be in the new coaching set-up, and the injuries are not casting long shadows over the squad, even though some top players and Handsome Legends are missing.
But…
It’s in times like these that Wales can turn in some honking performances, especially in their opening 6N encounters at home, when all the optimism and expectation dissolves into blunt, turgid attack and weak, chaotic defence. Home cheers fade into murmurings about the bloody roof being open. Or closed.
But fair’s fair, a good old underdogging seems inappropriate, so like a Frankfurter in a bap I will settle for some in-between dogging followed by complete fantasy with my forecasts.
Saturday’s Match vs Italy
Wales have opted for a solid start, fielding an experienced line-up and just one new cap. We’ve flirted with North at 13 before and not much happened, good or bad. These days George is a more seasoned and moderate player, no longer the impetuous young buck throwing homophobes over his shoulder for fun. George has never been great positionally, but I hope his experience and maturity nails the position down for the duration of the Championship.
McNicholl is the only first-capper and Halfpenny’s selection at 15 is a wise move, so we should see some exciting counterattacking running from our Welsh Johnny. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a lot of turnovers because his teammates can’t keep up.
Wales are likely to creak in the scrum, but lineouts should be efficient enough with Tipuric and Wainwright doing a lot of the leaping at the tail. As great as it is to see Faletau back, I’m not getting carried away as it is still a long way back to his 2015 Lions Tour form and fitness.
Ball will no doubt go about his ball-carrying like a pig snouts truffle, but he makes some hard yards and plenty of tackles. AWJ will hopefully be his niggly, majestic self and lead from the front.
Prediction: a stuttering 23-11 Wales victory.
Round 2. Away to Ireland
Our first away match is against Ireland, and the Irish look like tournament favourites with both a strong team littered with in-form players, and the desire to lay to rest their World Cup ghosts and memories.
Unfortunately, Scotland seem determined to undermine their own chances in the opener against Ireland, so Wales will be up against a green wave of Grand Slam expectation.
Prediction: a brave effort but a narrow 29-23 Welsh defeat.
Fantasy Rugby 1. Home to France
I think France are really fed-up of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Wales, and this will be a big match for them. Time to unburden some true Welsh pessimism and imagine the worst.
After a bruising encounter in Dublin, Faletau leaves for an early Bath with another broken arm-bone. North and Halfpenny haven’t recovered from their HIAs and Greased-Zammit starts on the wing with Welsh Johnny switching to full back. Pivac has his full ‘Welsh Way’ moment and picks Willowy Shingler at 6, drafts Owen Williams into inside centre to replace a stolid Mr. Glue, with Bury my Heart at Watkin’s Knee selected at OC.
Big Dan Biggar spends the entire match kicking grubbers into the French in-goal area for Zammit to chase like a spaniel. France score five breakaway tries and Owen Williams reveals his wonky temperament by being red carded for scramming Fickou in the face during a touchline tussle.
Prediction: Wales lose 13-49 and Barry John calls for Pivac to be replaced by Rob Howley
Fantasy Rugby 2. The Miracle in Twickenham
After the madness in Cardiff, normal service is resumed and Wales return to full strength, except for Faletau. Halfpenny and North are recalled, and Liam starts on the wing. Wainwright replaces Shingles, and a fired-up Moriarty comes in at 8.
England are marching towards a Slam after victories over France, Scotland, and the BIG ONE against Ireland. Eddie is basking in a contract extension until 2027, making him the best paid coach in RU history.
After 60 minutes England are winning comfortably without stretching away. Pivac plays his joker and turns to his Dragons on the bench. Dee for Owens, Brown for Lewis, Hill for Ball, and squad replacement Tyler Morgan for wee Georgie North.
My-oh-my, what a comeback. A brace from Brown and a classic outside break from Morgan brings the score back to within one point. Greased-Zammit enters the fray while England are camped on the Welsh 5-metre line with 5 minutes to go.
A re-set scrum and Dee strikes against the head! Tomos feeds Biggar who feigns a touch-kick but slips a pass to Morgan. A step sends Billy V into Row C, creating space to free Zammit! Zammit scorches the length of the field to score like a Welsh Andy Hancock – in half the time.
Prediction: England 21-25 Wales
Fantasy Rugby 3. Highland Flings in Cardiff
After their surprise win against France, new Scottish Player-Coach Finn Russell selects the same team while captaining the side for the second time. Wales are also unchanged.
Both sides are committed to playing high-risk running rugby under a closed roof. Madness ensues, and the game ends 49-all, while breaking all records for the highest number of knock-ons ever recorded in an international rugby match. Finn invites both sides for a celebratory night out in Newport, where more pints are spilled than consumed. News comes in from Scotland that Toony and Hoggy have eloped. Jim Telfer’s neck explodes.
Preview courtesy of MisterIks
On the telly this week (SIX NATIONS!!!)
Friday 31st January
| Blues v Chiefs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Brumbies v Reds | 08:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Sharks v Bulls | 17:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Ireland U20 v Scotland U20 | 19:15 | YouTube / RTÉ TWO |
| Wales U20 v Italy U20 | 19:35 | S4C |
Saturday 1st February
| Sunwolves v Melbourne Rebels | 03:45 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Crusaders v Waratahs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Stormers v Hurricanes | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC One / S4C |
| Cheetahs v Southern Kings | 15:00 | Freesports |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France U20 v England U20 | 20:00 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Los Jaguares v Lions | 23:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
Sunday 2nd February
| France v England (women) | 12:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Wales v Italy (women) | 13:00 | BBC Two Wales |
| Ireland v Scotland (women) | 13:00 | BBC Alba / red button |
| France v England | 15:00 | BBC One |
Ovally Balls 
Power! Unlimited Power!!
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Probably best if Faz says the aim is to revisit the Highland Clearances and point out that his fave part at school was the history lesson he had where William Wallace was hung drawn and quartered.
Maybe if Ben Youngs could come out and compliment the Scottish countryside ‘but not the people’ too.
I think that’s appropriate right now.
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The tie didn’t matter in the end. I only saw someone new. Still…. Am a doofus.
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@Craigs And then Maro could chip in with a thoughtful comment about how Scotland is the perfect sandbox for testing out radical new policy initiatives like the poll tax before they get rolled out in the rest of “our United Kingdom.”
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I’m waiting for BoJo to start spraying force lightning everywhere.
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@Craigs was it a nice tie though? True story: my parents bought me a tie for my oxford university interview in 1997 when I was 17. At every interview I have worn it at since, I have been successful, including the interview for the job I am now in two years ago.
Hope your interview went well. If there’s a third round and you want to borrow my tie, let me know.
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‘Still…. Am a doofus.’
If you say so.
Hope it went well.
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Dab – Thank you. He said ‘well done’ unpatronisingly at the end so here’s hoping. I have a similar story about underpants*.
This a lovely tie. Fucking expensive given my time constraints. I’ll let you know.
* OK, not really.
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I haven’t worn a tie since my interview for this job. 18 years ago. 100% record that tie.
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A news roundup item
2020 Autumn Test series:
Saturday 7 November: Scotland v Argentina; BT Murrayfield Stadium (kick-off 3.15pm)
Saturday 14 November: Scotland v Japan; ; BT Murrayfield Stadium (kick-off 1pm)
Saturday 21 November: Scotland v New Zealand; ; BT Murrayfield Stadium (kick-off 5.30pm)
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It is a long time since I wore a tie. I think I managed to go all of last year without wearing one.
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A tie has to be one of the most pointless items of clothing ever invented.
I occasionally have to wear them but resent it hugely.
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Wore a hoodie and jeans to mine. Not sure that flies in the job market.
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There was obviously some point over the last 5 years that all the men in the Civil service here decided that ties were a bollix and stopped wearing them. It’s very rare to see anyone wearing one now unless you’re going to a meeting with external people
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State delegates, electoral college – what a system.
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I used to have a funeral tie. Sacked that off years ago.
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I’m reaching the age where wearing a bow tie and tweed jacket would not be seen as ironic.
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The transition from angry young man to grumpy old bastard
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’m reaching the age where wearing a bow tie and tweed jacket would not be seen as ironic.
I often dress thus for social occasions. With NO PANTS!
(trousers, not underpants)
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Always a cardigan for a funeral. Never a tie.
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I own a tweed jacket.
Someone bought it for me. I’ve never worn it.
There is a group of young, well off, cheshire types can eb seen around town that go with the flat cap, tweed jacket, jeans and t-shirt look. Not sure I could pull it off.
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Yes. And weddings
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This is a great piece, specifically, but I also found it interesting in the heads-up culture war, especially as I’m in the arch-woke camp that believes good structure provides the opportunities to play:
https://www.the42.ie/ireland-counter-attack-larmour-analysis-4993566-Feb2020/
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If you think players are overcoached you are IDW. If you also think playerz skillz were better in the 1980s (sorry, 1980z) you are alt-right, an anti-immigrant hipster, and a mens-rights’-activist/tradwife. Either way, you are Brexit.
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I wear the wrong tie to interviews, obviously.
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So – In summary, if you want to counter attack from kicks its a good idea to get back and support the receiver to give them options. Earlier, the better and don’t all try and occupy the same space.
Solid point.
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It’s a canny double-bluff from England. Scotland will think that England are provoking them into a brutal confrontational battle, but they won’t be fooled and spend the match avoiding collisions while throwing the ball around with gay abandon. England romp to victory.
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It’s almost like the kick is only as good as the chase, for both sides
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Right, ties are silly, but what’s more important is the knot you use.
Says everything about a man, woman or non-binary type.
If you go full windsor you are IDW. If you go half windsor or clip on you are alt-right, an anti-immigrant hipster, and a mens-rights’-activist/tradwife. Either way, you are Brexit.
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You need to ditch that Dragons tie. It’s holding you back.
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Ticht, that’s a good way to put it.
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someone’s got to do it as yous lot are a bit slow
Furbank; May, Joseph, Farrell, Daly; Ford, Heinz; M Vunipola, George, Sinckler, Kruis, Itoje, Ludlam, Underhill, Curry
Replacements: Dunn, Genge, Stuart, Launchbury, Lawes, Earl, Youngs, Devoto
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Eddie’s just named a 6/2 bench split. He’s shitting it.
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Packed the bench with forwards. Bring the brutality.
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fecked.
Poor Furbank. This could ruin him.
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England by 57
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Five changes is a lot. I’m pleased Furbank didn’t get scapegoated. This England side looks much better than last week. Mako is going to be getting a lot of ball.
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its just feebleness in greater numbers. We get to freshen up the weakness more comprehensively.
There’ll be no front foot ball, again.
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Word from the Thistle podcast is that Haining drops to the pine with Bradbury in, WP drops out of the sqaud with Berghan coming in for him
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‘This England side looks much better than last week.’
Agreed. England by 63
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shame for Haining if true, he didn’t do much wrong last week. No real surprise RE WP
Otherwise unchanged I imagine.
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Its not a case of scapegoating him Enzo, it wasn;t his fault we lost. But it was clear he wasn’t up to standard. His errors were basic and the confidence seemed to disappear quickly and completely.
I’d have saved him for Italy if they wanted to give him game time rather than discard him completely.
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The tie has elephants not dragons on it. And they have their trunks in the down position. My attempt to buck superstition is obviously failing.
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Mako will indeed see a lot of ball. He better be properly fit . Scotland may as well just all line up on him off of slow ball.
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Scotland just need to turn up really.
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Coffee no 3 to compound the red bull. Perfect prep for interview no 2 today.
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Forecast for wind. May start pishing down aswell
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Weather warnings for whole of the uk from Saturday evening through Sunday . 90 mph winds. Could be a scrappy weekend.
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When a cafe advertises ‘hygge’ I expect some dog damn cinnamon rolls.
Fucking cultural appropriators.
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Chimpie, if you’re not going to Myreside on Friday night, the SRU are showing the U20s game on their website
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