IRELAND: No Backspace
A brief, incomprehensive preview of Ireland’s Six Nations 2020, written fast
Having muffed the entire last calendar year, Irish rugby returns to Europe feeling sorry for itself. The normal provincial success continues, but means nothing come the bitter dawn of the first weekend of February. It’s Six Nations time.
Daddy Faz is our new leader and he’s talked a lot of fan-service shite about how we’ll be a pure-running Irish team, ferocious and feral and flames for eyes. His actual vision for the side will get its first public airing this weekend. Many of the personnel are the same as the World Cup – too many, in a particular rather than strategic sense – but this still represents a period of major change.
Yet change is not to be feared. The history of Ireland at Rugby World Cups shows that a constant state of flux is, paradoxically, needed to maintain standards as well as develop them. 2019 was as clear an example as 2007 of the desiccated horror of trying to take a successful side that has just hit a peak and shield it from the passage of time. The only ways to stop a tiger changing daily are death and taxidermy.
And, so, we come to another paradox. Minimal changes of personnel at this time are not necessarily expressions of fear of that which is new. We could have bucked out everyone over the age of 30 – but we’re not picking the 2023 World Cup team in January 2020. We must be prepared to keep evolving in perpetuity. No need for do-something panic now.
This weekend’s team:
Spuds: Healy, Herring, Furlong, Henderson, Ryan, Stander, van der Flier, Doris
Gravy: Murray, Sexton, Stockdale, Aki, Ringrose, Conway, Larmour
Seconds: Kelleher, Kilcoyne, Porter, Toner, O’Mahony, Cooney, Ross Byrne, Henshaw
Johnny Sexton is the captain, and this is OK. He remains our best ten by a way and is one of a handful of nailed-on starters. If there is an issue with his captaincy, it’s not his age or his ability – it’s his captaincy. The key part of the job is dealing with the ref and, while he seems a charming and self-effacing man when in his civvies, game-day Johnny Sexton is an insufferable wanker. He makes enemies of the whistlers and, while recently he has tried smiling and coercion (and looked unnatural doing so), he’s only one perceived affront away from calling Romain Poîte a brainless snaildick. Contrast with your memories of perfect-son-in-law Sam Warburton and the issue is clear.
Conor Murray’s selection is a poor call. Conor of the past 12 months or so is not the champion player of the years prior. He’s not been bad, per se, and his imperiousness may still return. The issue is alternatives. John Cooney has been the most influential player in Europe this year.
Peter O’Mahony has been unshovellable shite for a year and the fact he made the Six Nations squad at all should have been questioned. Overall, his previous body of work makes that the right call – but picking him in a match-day 23 is frankly the wrong choice. The starting back row looks well-balanced, and chucking 21-year-old Doris straight in barely feels like a risk. However, Max Deegan or Jack O’Donoghue should be on the bench – with the choice of which made on a tactical and stylistic basis rather than trying to decide which of the two great athletes in great form best deserve the number 20 shirt.
Anyway, it’s just one weekend. The variable calls:
- which of four centres gets to play beside Ringrose?
- Larmour or Addison, or maybe both?
- the selected front rows look like our best six, but each of the calls could go either way – do we have a best front row, and do we even need a clear starting trio?
And so we will have room to breathe over the course of the tournament. A tournament we can win (we won’t, England will).
Now is the time for experimentation, to a point. But Andy Farrell does not get a free hit. Anything less than three wins is failure and, ultimately, we’re in it to win it.
Scotland by 50.
ENDS
Preview courtesy of EnzoM
WALES: The Dog That Didn’t Know Whether to be Under or Over
With apologies to Edmund Spenser:
One day they wrote his name upon the sheet,
But at night I came and washed it all away.
Again they wrote it in media and tweet
But in I crept, and made the twittering my prey.
Vain man! cried they, to wipe his name away
A frightening act, a cruel spine-tingler
To ensure Wayne Pivac forgets Aaron Shingler
Link to Squad for the 2020 Guinness Six Nations
Team to play Italy in Cardiff:
Leigh Halfpenny; Johnny McNicholl, George North, Hadleigh Parkes, Josh Adams; Dan Biggar, Tomos Williams; Wyn Jones, Ken Owens, Dillon Lewis, Jake Ball, Alun Wyn Jones (capt), Aaron Wainwright, Justin Tipuric, Taulupe Faletau.
Replacements: Ryan Elias, Rob Evans, Leon Brown, Cory Hill, Ross Moriarty, Rhys Webb, Jarrod Evans, Nick Tompkins.
Endings & Beginnings
As Wales sings Po Atarau / Now is the Hour to bid a fond farewell to Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, and a jauntier ‘I’ll Bet you a Kangaroo’ to help Howley hop off, the mood in the Heimat is unexpectedly optimistic.
Wayne Pivac seems to have seamlessly sewn himself into Warren’s catsuit, sorry tracksuit, and the players have gone through the four stages of post-RWC grief faster than a Greased-Zammit down a slippurly slurp℠.
Rather than the sour reek of sweaty anxiety, there’s the fresh morning air of new dawns and bright horizons. Players appear well-rested and happy to be in the new coaching set-up, and the injuries are not casting long shadows over the squad, even though some top players and Handsome Legends are missing.
But…
It’s in times like these that Wales can turn in some honking performances, especially in their opening 6N encounters at home, when all the optimism and expectation dissolves into blunt, turgid attack and weak, chaotic defence. Home cheers fade into murmurings about the bloody roof being open. Or closed.
But fair’s fair, a good old underdogging seems inappropriate, so like a Frankfurter in a bap I will settle for some in-between dogging followed by complete fantasy with my forecasts.
Saturday’s Match vs Italy
Wales have opted for a solid start, fielding an experienced line-up and just one new cap. We’ve flirted with North at 13 before and not much happened, good or bad. These days George is a more seasoned and moderate player, no longer the impetuous young buck throwing homophobes over his shoulder for fun. George has never been great positionally, but I hope his experience and maturity nails the position down for the duration of the Championship.
McNicholl is the only first-capper and Halfpenny’s selection at 15 is a wise move, so we should see some exciting counterattacking running from our Welsh Johnny. Let’s hope it doesn’t lead to a lot of turnovers because his teammates can’t keep up.
Wales are likely to creak in the scrum, but lineouts should be efficient enough with Tipuric and Wainwright doing a lot of the leaping at the tail. As great as it is to see Faletau back, I’m not getting carried away as it is still a long way back to his 2015 Lions Tour form and fitness.
Ball will no doubt go about his ball-carrying like a pig snouts truffle, but he makes some hard yards and plenty of tackles. AWJ will hopefully be his niggly, majestic self and lead from the front.
Prediction: a stuttering 23-11 Wales victory.
Round 2. Away to Ireland
Our first away match is against Ireland, and the Irish look like tournament favourites with both a strong team littered with in-form players, and the desire to lay to rest their World Cup ghosts and memories.
Unfortunately, Scotland seem determined to undermine their own chances in the opener against Ireland, so Wales will be up against a green wave of Grand Slam expectation.
Prediction: a brave effort but a narrow 29-23 Welsh defeat.
Fantasy Rugby 1. Home to France
I think France are really fed-up of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against Wales, and this will be a big match for them. Time to unburden some true Welsh pessimism and imagine the worst.
After a bruising encounter in Dublin, Faletau leaves for an early Bath with another broken arm-bone. North and Halfpenny haven’t recovered from their HIAs and Greased-Zammit starts on the wing with Welsh Johnny switching to full back. Pivac has his full ‘Welsh Way’ moment and picks Willowy Shingler at 6, drafts Owen Williams into inside centre to replace a stolid Mr. Glue, with Bury my Heart at Watkin’s Knee selected at OC.
Big Dan Biggar spends the entire match kicking grubbers into the French in-goal area for Zammit to chase like a spaniel. France score five breakaway tries and Owen Williams reveals his wonky temperament by being red carded for scramming Fickou in the face during a touchline tussle.
Prediction: Wales lose 13-49 and Barry John calls for Pivac to be replaced by Rob Howley
Fantasy Rugby 2. The Miracle in Twickenham
After the madness in Cardiff, normal service is resumed and Wales return to full strength, except for Faletau. Halfpenny and North are recalled, and Liam starts on the wing. Wainwright replaces Shingles, and a fired-up Moriarty comes in at 8.
England are marching towards a Slam after victories over France, Scotland, and the BIG ONE against Ireland. Eddie is basking in a contract extension until 2027, making him the best paid coach in RU history.
After 60 minutes England are winning comfortably without stretching away. Pivac plays his joker and turns to his Dragons on the bench. Dee for Owens, Brown for Lewis, Hill for Ball, and squad replacement Tyler Morgan for wee Georgie North.
My-oh-my, what a comeback. A brace from Brown and a classic outside break from Morgan brings the score back to within one point. Greased-Zammit enters the fray while England are camped on the Welsh 5-metre line with 5 minutes to go.
A re-set scrum and Dee strikes against the head! Tomos feeds Biggar who feigns a touch-kick but slips a pass to Morgan. A step sends Billy V into Row C, creating space to free Zammit! Zammit scorches the length of the field to score like a Welsh Andy Hancock – in half the time.
Prediction: England 21-25 Wales
Fantasy Rugby 3. Highland Flings in Cardiff
After their surprise win against France, new Scottish Player-Coach Finn Russell selects the same team while captaining the side for the second time. Wales are also unchanged.
Both sides are committed to playing high-risk running rugby under a closed roof. Madness ensues, and the game ends 49-all, while breaking all records for the highest number of knock-ons ever recorded in an international rugby match. Finn invites both sides for a celebratory night out in Newport, where more pints are spilled than consumed. News comes in from Scotland that Toony and Hoggy have eloped. Jim Telfer’s neck explodes.
Preview courtesy of MisterIks
On the telly this week (SIX NATIONS!!!)
Friday 31st January
| Blues v Chiefs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Brumbies v Reds | 08:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Sharks v Bulls | 17:10 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Ireland U20 v Scotland U20 | 19:15 | YouTube / RTÉ TWO |
| Wales U20 v Italy U20 | 19:35 | S4C |
Saturday 1st February
| Sunwolves v Melbourne Rebels | 03:45 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Crusaders v Waratahs | 06:05 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Stormers v Hurricanes | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Wales v Italy | 14:15 | BBC One / S4C |
| Cheetahs v Southern Kings | 15:00 | Freesports |
| Ireland v Scotland | 16:45 | ITV |
| France U20 v England U20 | 20:00 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Los Jaguares v Lions | 23:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
Sunday 2nd February
| France v England (women) | 12:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Wales v Italy (women) | 13:00 | BBC Two Wales |
| Ireland v Scotland (women) | 13:00 | BBC Alba / red button |
| France v England | 15:00 | BBC One |
Ovally Balls 
I literally saw a great big blatant knock on.
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OK I’m convinced. we should have beaten the old & the slow last week. Young and fast England are going to paste us by 69.
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Just chuck the rake in the garden Chimpie. It’ll be fine.
lazy and effective.
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Afternoon all! What’s been happening? Been a little off the pace the last few days. Work curse.
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Thauma – I sent you something. Open with care.
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Hi deebbe.
Standard stuff. Chimpie is suffering from concussion brought on by frequent collisions with a rake which is seriously hindering his rugby judgment.
I’ve lost my eyesight, or rather, my crstal clear eyesight is seeing stuff that isn’t there apparently. Probably due to a kitchen cupboard door.
France aren’t really all that.
Ireland are finally actually old and slow.
Ticht is making home made Pizza, of which I am very jealous.
there some games on soon as well.
That about covers it.
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Hmm. The rake in the garden approach, whilst both lazy and effective results in a side effect of me being told to put it away somewhere.
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https://images.app.goo.gl/dgAcTLmZQig1WLV56
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Try again
https://images.app.goo.gl/CbrkFv9yhFX73oA19
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Chimpie. Chuck it on the lawn and then don’t cut the grass. Soon nobody will see it and it’ll be like its not there.
To think I give my advice for free as well.
you’re welcome
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Fail!
How do you embed gifs on this thing?
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@enzo
Going to my school probably qualifies you for Ireland, to be fair.
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Yeah – the IQ U18/U20 teams play in pre-season tournaments – IRFU are quite efficient at scouring around for promising UK-based players with an Irish “connection”.
And it’s not just a case of looking for Murphys or O’Tooles… a UK-based work acquaintance of mine (we’re not close enough to be called “colleagues”) had his son playing last year in a U18 tournament in Limerick – mom is Irish, my “colleague” is English with (I’d hazard a guess) an old-school Anglo-Saxon type name
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right, I’ve stolen some stats from the SRB again.
Average ages
Backs
Scotland 26.5, England 28.3
Forwards
Scotland 25.9, England 26.2
Subs
Scotland 27.7, England 26.8
so England are older on average, but are they slower?
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Deebee’s Lions aren’t good.
I thought Glos were doing ok this season? Did I miss something?
“rock a Michael Flatley vibe”
That made me chuckle.
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I seem to remember his Dad playing for Rochdale RUFC (Rochdale is possibly more 50/50 in the union-league split*). I think Danny Jr got a scholarship to Kirkham Grammar and now plays for Loughborough University, so he’s obviously pretty good.
*Having said that in the Warrington vs St Helens match last night there were 3 lads who had come up the ranks at Rochdale Mayfield, having been coached by Marvin Connolly, another lad in my year at school.
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I find it all a bit dishonourable, does that make me a dinosaur?
Good manners and impeccable behaviour are timeless qualities Ticht – it’s simply your age that makes you a dinosaur.
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This was a sore point with junior clubs in a meeting I was at last Tuesday … as the programme for the Scotland match only referenced the senior club (Cork Con for Crowley, and Shannon for Aherne – the big 2nd row)
It’s improved inasmuch that you can now see their “first” club… now this was a junior club meeting – no school represented..
Our U13/14s have a trip down to Clon next weekend – a return visit. I’ve spent half the season trying to get challenges outside our usual 3-4 club circle – building a network of “friendly” clubs
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Even the halcyon days of the 70s – while we took a few “doing overs” in Cardiff (71, 75, 77) – it was nearly always close at Lansdowne (big exception 76). Then came the bizarre 80s and 90s – when we never lost in Cardiff but could hardly ever win at home.
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“so England are older on average, but are they slower?”
Yes. Mostly.
May will be the quickest man on any rugby pitch and Daly is also rapid. No contest in the forwards, your lads are quicker. You’ve more zip in midfield too.
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I watched the Wales vs Italy game again, and we weren’t as good as the scoreline suggested, and Italy not so bad. I think Italy will improve over the tournament, as long as their best players stay fit.
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Trisk, it just seemed strange as most of the others had their school, then club.
I still have a lot of family in Clon it’s a fine little town. If you go Inchydoney, there’s a lovely old house called The Youghals my great grandfather loved there as a kid
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When he isn’t sharing a pitch with Hadleigh Parkes, yes.
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Good one Yos.
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I wasn’t there in a few years – but I’ll try to keep in mind to look for the house next time
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These guys just don’t know when to stop.
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At this stage, I think we deserve to keep our titles etc. out of recognition of our noble ability to achieve against the odds, given we appear to be being run by the most incompetent/corrupt cheating bastards (delete as appropriate) in the world.
We make the organising committee of Old Wanktonians 4th XV look competent.
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Think Old Wanktonians also breached the salary cap too – something about co-investments in the local pub.
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From this it looks more like a two-point deduction than four. That would still be enough to move them below Glasgow, however.
And I expect that will be the decision. I realise it was a different organisation meting out the slaps in 2000 but they are run on very similar bases and if Sarries don’t get docked points Glasgow could well mount an appeal (I certainly would) and that’s a mess that’s best avoided. Prem Rugby have shown how to really fuck up a situation by dragging it out. ERCC should be going Goodfellas here. Sarries as Joe Pesci.
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English rugby is fecked for a few years I think. These lads will want out of club and probably country next year, there’s going to be some pretty strange England teams put out for the next couple of years.
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Not sure it’s that bad Dova, guys like Farrell and Itoje have already indicated they’ll stay and I’m not sure us missing out on getting slapped around by Leinster will affect the decisions players were making wrt next year (just means the only interesting club rugby for the rest of the season for me has gone!).
The established guys will stay at Sarries and remain available for selection (the point around them being conditioned for the step up is a fair one though) and the fringe players will be moving on to other premier clubs to ensure they don’t lose their spots (e.g. Lozowski, Earl, Spencer) so although that hurts us, not sure how it affects England.
If anything I think we’ll benefit from this, the likes of Farrell and Itoje will potentially get a longer career off the back of this and we’ll properly blood a chunk of academy talent.
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Does the panel think the RFU will allow players to be picked for England if they are playing elsewhere?
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Plus I think where this ultimately ends up is ring fencing once Sarries are back in (along with Newcastle) and whilst there’s pros and cons to relegation, it will mean more rest for our top players and therefore hopefully being more competitive at HEC and international (and better player welfare!)
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‘May will be the quickest man on any rugby pitch and Daly is also rapid. No contest in the forwards, your lads are quicker. You’ve more zip in midfield too.’
Let’s look at this
Don’t know enough about Furbank, but assume he’s reasonably rapid, probably equal-ish to current stage Hogg
May is quicker than Treacle Toes
HornKing is rapid so at least equal to Daly
Centres probably about equal, both JJ and Jones are fast, while Johnson and Faz don’t have a high top end speed.
Hastings higher peak speed than Ford, but Ford probably better acceleration
Price faster than ol’ man beanz
About equal probably. Same with forwards
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I think it’ll depend on the player Ticht – someone like Mako or George (I’ll ignore Farrell and Itoje as we know they’re staying) would probably be an exceptional circumstance, particularly if it’s only a loan deal.
Someone like Kruis probably not.
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Ticht. I don’t think so if there’s loads of them. Its supposed to be exceptional circumstances. 1 or 2 players at the most I’d have thought.
I also don’t see how they can pick any of the ones that do stay and play championship rugby, They simply wont be able to step up without any meaningful rugby to play between internationals.
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The main point is that it starts from now. The Sarries players will have no meaningful rugby to play outside internationals from this point on. no europe and already relegated. That must be a weird place to be for them.
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I’ve sympathy with this PoV….
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Some opportunistic prickyness from Rattez:
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It’s an interesting one – one school of thought is it might encourage them to play out their skin rest of the tournament if it’s their past shot at glory this season.
In terms of next year – if the training camps at international are good enough, will it matter?
As an example, the Ospreys have been dire this season and in the few games AWJ and North played for them, it’s not like the standard was very high but they seem to be fine again once back with Wales, class will out and all that.
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Interestingly, if one believes the official stats, Scotland have the bigger starting pack.
Seem to remember this has been the case for a while even with Billy in the team.
The ‘England might have too much power’ thing , is a stereotype.
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Top drawer…..
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That’s french prickyness Enzo.
Totally acceptable.
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See!!
This stuff is lauded if you like the player and criticised if you don’t.
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FFB – it depends. I think you’re better off playing in a team not quite good enough for the standard of oppositon (Ospreys, Saints, last season for eg) than either not playing at all or beating up amateurs every week.
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It’ll make fuck all difference to a player as good as Itoje or Farrell. They’ll rock up to international rugby just fine.
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Is it time for the RG Snyman gif of the week?
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It’s the way he gestures as if he’s going to pick it up for him, nice and sporting like.
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Oh, but it’s the timing – if he’d just thrown it off the field – that would have been tidying up and fair enough…
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that’s proper bastard stuff. Totally harmless but utterly humiliating.
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