2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
Going for penalties. France rattled
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Totally lazza.
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I thought Ollivon was supposed to be the swoon inducing one?
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If Italy stopped giving away silly penalties, they’d be winning.
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Dunno thaum, italy are at their absolute peak just to stay with them. France make it look easier
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Yeah, maybe not!
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Dupont is ridiculous.
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Brace is just not letting Italy get over the ball while allowing France a lot of latitude.
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Handsome Pinball Wizard!
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Football as always ahead in Larry’s observation: Harry and Jamie Redknapp, the Lampards pere et fils
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Andy Farrell and Colleen O’Loughlin is the best rugby romance ever.
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Bellini on one wing and Tom Collins on the other would be nice.
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Why does no one try a couple of chip kicks against this blitz defence? Huge space in behind.
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Italy looking really good right now.
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Obviously listening to you, FF.
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I can see us getting clowned ( to use a yos-ism) by Italy in a couple of weeks
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“The young french 10 ( I know who he is but didn’t want to do him the disservice of miss spelling his name) has yo be the most handsome man in world rugby.”
Pfft. Tyler Morgan makes Foxy look like Rondo Hatton. And Foxy is very, very handsome.
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Think it’s more France have eased off Thaum!
Are you at Murrayfield or Rome Chimpie?
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Rome
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Ah.
Yes that could be a challenging one if you get the Italy that turned up for the last 20 of the first / first 20 of this half
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Sergio’s last game. Scotland’ll be winning 15-13 as time runs out but Italy are knocking on the door. Ball comes out and the overlap is on, Tommy Allen swings it wide to Minozzi who’ll have a run in but Sergio defies the years and leaps like a bald Argentinian salmon to intercept and knocks on.
Gregor Townsend gets a 7-year contract extension.
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And then as I type that Ntamack cuts the defence to ribbons.
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Pffft.
You’ll better these lot.
The weather did for you yesterday.
France aren’t all that, rugby wise (clearly the best looking).
Ireland should walk a slam this year.
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France change props – Poirot on, Bye-Bye Cyrille.
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Ireland got away with one a bit against Scotland though and have got to win in Paris and Twickers.
That’s the funny thing, no one looks especially outstanding this year.
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Try Italy!
Nice work by the forwards. Game still on?
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Ireland have the wins on the board though without having played italy. Well in the box seat.
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Aye, Dova, but who have they played? The Dead Coach Walking XV and a side that picks Nick Tompkins.
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Yeah they’re definitely favourites, but it’s a big ask to do Twickenham and Paris back to back.
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I think Ireland will win the 6N at this stage, but no GS
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Italy playing really well around the fringes. Spunky performance after a dozy start when they failed to get to the breakdown in time if a player crossed the gain line.
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Classic French implosion on the cards here.
Good job Shaun has no hair left.
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They’ve played the grand slam champs and a very dangerous scotland team, without reaching the levels they are capable of (see leinster)
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Proper coaching from Galthie – Ntamack drops the ball, hooked immediately.
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They’ve also yet to play the world cup finalists who have yet to reach the level they’re capable of (NZ semi-final).
I think Ireland will beat us next week but don’t think they’re that nailed on by any means.
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Beautiful from Baptiste!
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Nice by serin
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Utter brilliance from Serin.
It’s just unfair to take off Dupont and bring this guy on.
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That was good play.
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Result fair even if the scoreline flatters the hosts (very slightly).
Italy miles better, thank fuck. Last week was awful.
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We can dine out on that semi final forever but NZ literally decided to play to what, at the time, were our strengths.
Still cany believe how badly they got it wrong. They kick a lot and well against anyone until they are clear and can turn it on. They just ran into our defence from everywhere that day, throwing their usual pla out the window.
We were boss though…
Great day
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Score not currently flattering.
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Did that Italian try at the death stand? I fear I dozed off and dreamt of Fiji in their pomp. And my link went down.
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Iks – yes, it did. They took the conversion immediately, and were allowed the restart that they apparently wanted, and then kicked it out. :-/
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Ta Thauma. Seems an odd thing to do. Try was marvellous though.
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A win is a win but…
Fitness/ lapses of concentration have to be adressed. I guess France eased off after last week big game. They’re very good in open play and mediocre in pre-planned moves ( except Ntamack’s try).
Italy improved from last week but France’s defence was not as good as last week. All in all, a bit predictable.
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Pro Memorial Try Scoring Table:
France – 8
Wales – 7
Ireland – 5
Italy – 3
England – 3
Scotland – 0
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When I left to watch this afternoon’s match, Mrs Iks checked if we can lose again today after my moping face and sour mood from last night.
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@tomp
The unsmiling Irish will lose style points, however.
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TomP, I’m more impressed by the 5 tries Ireland scored than by the 8/7 that France and Wales scored, mostly vs Italy.
I certainly hope France win in Cardiff, but considering the way they play during their second halves, that won’t happen. Team’s too callow.
Ireland in Twickenham? Mmmm. They look better than England now, but two weeks is a long time. I wouldn’t mind them losing in England as it’d mean we’d still have four contenders until the end.
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