2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
Lame. Musk would have a much cooler yacht with pinball machines, rocket launch pad, hacky sack area and the captain would be a robot dog.
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Government is officially working on the Scotland – Norn Iron bridge
Must should build it
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‘Must should build it’
Musk
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@chimpie
There’s a lifetime’s work for you there, chimpie
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*bottlegate lack of update*
Unverified rumours of video footage showing bottlegate was a wind blown item.
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‘There’s a lifetime’s worth of bungs for BoJo’s chums’
Fixed for you OT
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Been a lot of blog casualties of late, the Irish contingent, FD, Edinbuggers. Talking of which saw Dermott posting on the graun.
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craigs has got no-one to talk bloodborne with. Sad times.
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In BREAKING NEWS I’ve managed to find some secret footage of the Jo’burg Lions talent scouts in action:
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England currently 15-0 up against Scotland in the rescheduled Women’s 6N match. 31 minutes of the 1st half gone. No live feed for me, just following on the BBC website.
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Picked England to win by 16, so they either need to call full time now, or Scotland need to find out about this curious thing called scoring.
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Considering what’s supposed to be at the bottom of Beaufort Dyke – lifetime could be fairly short.
They ‘admit’ to 1m tonnes plus sarin and tabun – so we can only speculate on what’s really down there and the condition it might be in….
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Nothing a positive mindset can’t overcome, trisk.
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22-0 to England at HT, with the Beeb commending Scotland for their defence, saying England could have had a lot more points.
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@trisk
Reminds me of the way the UK government were convinced to set up the Nuclear Decommisioning Authority:
There’ll be plenty of work for Chimpie.
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Chimpie – don’t forget MVML. He was just too disgusted by your cheese on toast tbh.
That’s how I remember it anyway.
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Still haven’t finished Bloodborne.
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don’t do marine stuff these days. And someone else can deal with the radionasties fanks.
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Pfft. MVML flounced off amid accusations of echo-chamberism.
And no sane person would have a problem with my cheese on toast.
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27-0 to England. Apparently snowing at the ground.
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No-one in your echo chamber of one, anyway. I’m bloody starving now. Haven’t eaten all day. Cheese on toast (of any description) sounds excellent.
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32-0; England have five tries. I need to go, so will spare you all the misery unfolding there.
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Sorry Chimpie. Just had a job interview with 2 people. One of which spent most of the time on the phone and interrupted me with admin during my answers.
They asked me what I liked about the job and I quoted the job description. They said that was wrong and then said it back to me as I just described.
Literally don’t know what happened there. Really frustrating.
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Who of the Irish contingent has flounced off? They still seem pretty well represented, no?
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Some folks have just faded out. A couple of definite flounces though.
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That’s properly rude Craigs. Shouldn’t interrupt an interview with phone calls. Tell them to stuff the job up their collective hole.
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I liked the job though. Ffs.
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I think Expro has a few notches on his belt regarding the demise of the Irish contingent.
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Iks – sure does. Come back TCod and Lara!!!
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Well, Larry, Piper, MickeyNumbers are still here (and me) – Lara pops up from time-to-time but a good few have dropped off for one reason or another – Crash, Tcod, DroptheClaw, Gedmen, KJH (who I see on Twitter occasionally) and MrsKJH (who used to comment sometimes) , Canary (who’s still BTL on the Graun), Lurkio…
Quite a long list I suppose. Not sure anyone really “flounced” – just comes a time when you have to do some work in work hours…
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And claw. Although I didn’t think that was pro related.
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In more news to delight Scotland fans, Johnny Gray out for the rest of the 6N.
This is all going wonderfully well.
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‘just comes a time when you have to do some work in work hours…’
It’s an outrage, frankly.
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As Billy Connolly would say, well that’s just fuckin great
Sam Skinner might be available in a fortnight
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a fit & firing Skinner would be straight in the starting line up if you ask me. He’s only just back after a long lay off though.
Really is turning into a clusterfark of a 6N.
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Chimpie, if Italy tunr us over it might well be the end for Toonie.
Dog knows who we’d get to take over, we need our own Gats or Henry or Uncle Joe. I’m pretty sure Scott Robertson signed a new conract with Canterbury very recently
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Phil Davies has got a good CV.
Well, his LinkedIn profile is okay.
Yes it’s economical with the truth.
But he’s put himself out there. I don’t see Rassie Erasmus doing the same.
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Toonie couldn’t survive a wooden spoon after that world cup debacle surely.
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https://www.scottishrugby.org/news/update-from-gregor-townsend
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Time for Scotland to get a French coach. Plenty of them available. All well versed in inconsistency. A common point: they can all teach Scotland about successful first halves since Scotland don’t need a coach for second halves.
What a mess!
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Flair – Shaun Edwards, perhumps?
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In other bad news, end of season for Rattez, he broke his fibula two minutes before the end of the game vs Italy. Ouch!
Don’t know if Penaud/Vakatawa will be fit. Then it’s Retière ( from La Rochelle) or a recall for Raka?
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Thaum, leave our Shaun alone!
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Or you can have him if France lose in Cardiff.
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Ooh, Rattez didn’t look too good when he went off.
As for Shaun, a couple of weeks ago you didn’t rate him very much, as I recall?
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I neither rated Shaun nor “disrated” him, I just thought he was given too much credit for a man who had been in camp for a short time while Galthié was mostly ignored whereas he had been there for months.
France defence was very similar during the WC to what it is now .
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“Johnny Gray out for the rest of the 6N.”
Cold feet and melancholia?
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Was Johnny Gray in the 6N?
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Had he been Australian, I’d say hypothermia.
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