2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
I think it is mainly the telly commentators embiginning Shaun, when France e.g. show line-speed and aggression in defence. But if he’s improved the organisation and raised the tempo then good for him.
I have no idea what France and Wales gain or lose tactically from his departure; more that we worked very hard to reach his and Gats standards on fitness, organisation and effort.
I’ve already come round to thinking he’s no Alan Ladd.
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@flair
How do you rate his French language skills?
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Yosoy has been begging for this, and serves him right.
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https://www.wigantoday.net/sport/video-of-shaun-edwards-first-interview-in-french-1-10126037
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OT, Shaun is rarely if ever interviewed by French TV. No one denies his expertise or input on defence but he’s not put forward as much as he is in the English speaking media. Galthié is the undisputed boss, both in terms of selection, tactics and media presence.
I think Shaun’s quite commendable to express himself in French, even if I’m pretty sure the players understand his English more easily.
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My favourite England rugby guy speaking French is Steve Deakin. I was in the same class at school as both his brother and his son, and his older brother invented the Fez at Saracens. This is him speaking English:
And this is him speaking French:
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His brother and his son?
“invented the Fez at Saracens”
Just checking my Observer Book of Hats. Aye, you’re right. He invented the Fez. At Saracens.
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Nothing can beat Steve McLaren speaking Dutch:
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His Dutch is spot on for the most part. Occasional lapse back to English but when he takes his time and talks slowly its perfect
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@tomp
Big Irish Catholic family…
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OT, his Fench is very good, with a funny mixture of English and Southern French accents.
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New Kiwi coach Ian Foster, in pleading with the Boks not to join the 6N at Scotland’s expense, had this to say about the reports:
“My initial reaction was thank goodness it was written in an English newspaper because I don’t believe most of that stuff,”
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Have a look at some of these pictures from the match between Scotland and England in the rescheduled Women’s 6N match!
https://www.bbc.com/sport/live/rugby-union/51162285
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In honour of Finn and Gregor
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Utnap – the 1987 Wales v England “Battle of Cardiff” comes up linked to that Simpsons clip. Viewing it through a modern lens, there would have been any number of yellow cards and maybe a borderline red or two as well. Also, the ref would have checked the Wales try over and again for the wing being in front of the kicker, interfering with the England catcher, possible knock on, who had possession thereafter, did he ground it properly, was there a double movement, were the defenders blocked and probably a helluva lot more.
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“rumours of video footage showing bottlegate was a wind blown item”
Blew off it’s hinges.
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“What has become of sag, pro, and cat?”
Formed a black metal band.
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“Pro had a Celt-related flounce.”
Think there was half a ban-hammer thrown in. He did post something more recently, but given that said situation was still in place his post probably didn’t appear until he had buggered off again.
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Deebee,
https://theblitzdefence.wordpress.com/2020/02/07/rugbys-greatest-tries-should-have-been-disallowed-rugby-in-a-world-before-the-tmo/
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That’s an amusing piece, but lots of forward passes and misdeeds are missed in the modern game.
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A sad tale
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/feb/11/virtuoso-mourns-beloved-150000-piano-smashed-by-movers
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About the try table posted by TomP, and the much vaunted Shaun Edwards’ defence:
France scored 8 tries but shipped 5. Two vs England and three vs Italy, who only scored three tries each.
Iron defence? Meh…
I don’t think France’s changed that much since the RWC, or even the last 6N. They can blow you apart in 20 minutes and then rest on their laurels, considering the game over. Same pattern for about a year.
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That’s about right, flair. Even the 2018 England game was similar. Comfortably better for most of the game and then barely hanging on by the end. Makes for entertaining viewing.
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Ticht, sometimes I think modern rugby is players running around for 80 minutes and then supporters picking holes in the ref’s performance for days, weeks or (in Deebee’s case) 33 years afterwards.
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Ticht, he did one about the Barbarians try v NZ in 1973 as well:
https://theblitzdefence.wordpress.com/2015/04/11/the-greatest-try-of-all-time-has-been-disallowed/
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@TomP – those were all good examples of tries that would have been disallowed under modern rulez. And the game would be worse off for it. I loved how the refs made a decision on the spot and everyone just got on with it. No endless replays, frame by bloody frame before they eventually decide what everyone’s seen already. But I s’pose the genie’s out the bottle now so no way back. Same as cricket.
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@TomP – I was picking holes in the modern sanitised version of rugby, not the refs performance if the pedant must out. Comparing the feisty, rip-roaring game of yesteryear with the techno-molestation of intrusive technology we have today.
Rugby of yesteryear – so much better than today, eh? Discuss. I’m off to get lunch.
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What I liked about the decision on the spot without all the replays is that right or wrong the ref was the boss and highly respected.
Now, the replays have weakened the ref’s position as even the worst fan can be right from his couch.
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@deebee
For the Ireland/Wales game the rain was literally horizontal https://www.irishmirror.ie/sport/rugby-union/irfu-apologise-after-wales-womens-21463710
Then there was an appalling cock-up with the showers – storm seemed to have caused damage and no-one checked if there was hot water…. gee… I’d check it for our U14s never mind an international.
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Rugby of yesteryear – so much better than today, eh?
You know my views by now
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The best rugby is the one I’ve never seen.
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Just teasing, Deebs. We “scored” a really dodgy try against England in 1989 as well. Legend Mike Hall.
After the 87 game England sacked their skipper and banned him and a couple of other lads as well.
In the old rugby tour books about the NZ-SA rivalry, the visiting side are forever bleating about home refs.
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I expect Avs’ll be here later to re-litigate Bob Deans and 1905.
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No one likes Mike Hall. Legend status revoked.
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I think there is a lot more at stake now, before as a supporter you’d roll up to a game in your dozens, I’m talking about club rugby, and it was a fun afternoon before a good few pints in the club bar.
Professionalism has nurtured far more intensity, the clubs want supporters buying replica shirts and all sorts of paraphernalia, they want thousands, dozens of thousands of baying fans through the gate. It’s all about selling a product, and that is fine, but don’t try and tell me it’s any different from football or that referees don’t play a huge part in the game.
There is no way a professional referee in a professional game is in the same environment as 30+ years ago, that has changed as much as the game itself
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A conspicuous beneficiary of the Oxbridge cap player was Mikey.
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That wanker Quittenton still wouldn’t have gone to the TMO.
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Now, the replays have weakened the ref’s position as even the worst fan can be right from his couch.
***Tiptoes out the room, blushing (slightly).***
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I really think that there need to be two referees on the pitch these days in professional rugby. So much gets missed and a referee’s decision can swing the result of the game so easily.
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I’m with you, Dab, as long as Steve Walsh is one and Clancy isn’t either.
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@Tomp and Lacey is retired, right?
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*shudders at the memory of Steve Welsh*
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Ha autocorrect has it right!!
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Too late. I’m off to wreck the place and book a flight to Europa.
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Currently Owen Farrell is getting a lot of criticism for taking too long over his kicks.
Does he? I can’t say I’ve noticed him taking any longer than anyone else, but it’s not something I’ve been looking out for.
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@Dab
A minority of Scottish fans were booing him almost as soon as he put the ball on the kicking tee so it’s nowt to do with how long he was taking.
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