2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
he takes literally longer than the Cambrian age.
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To be fair I think once the booing started he took even longer just to wind them up more. I would do exactly the same.
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What’s the world coming to when we can’t boo England players?
It’s a basic human right
I’m being oppressed!
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They were saying Boo-urns
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*throws beer bottle in general direction of England*
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*throws beer bottle in general direction of England*Let’s wind blow soft cuddly beer bottle gently in the vague general direction of England.Much like Scotland’s attackLikeLiked by 3 people
Sexton used to take ages. He got pinged once for taking too long during his short stay in the T-14. Can’t remember which game it was but his outraged expression was priceless.
We all know one minute is too long and it is as boring as the endless resetting of scrums. Clock should be stopped as soon as the ball is out of the pitch or still before scrums or kicks.
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Chimp, I did not know your mother was a hamster.
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………………………clunk……………………………ouch!
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The Highlanders kicker almost got charged down a couple of times by the Sharks on Friday – I think the last kick may actually have been charged down, but certainly he missed them all because even after taking an hour to set up, he then had a glacial approach, allowing the Sharks backs to get very close by the time he kicked. Actually thought a Sharks player was going to pick up the one ball.
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Just got a job offer!!!
It’s for my least preferred job but they must have taken my dour face as a sign of enthusiasm.
Waiting for another…
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Is that the one for freelance pharmaceutical distribution craigs?
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Doing the accounts at Sazzacens?
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Yos – already have a a second house.
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Chimp – far less salubrious.
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Yes.
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She stayed with me until
She moved to Notting Hill
She said it was the place she needs to be
Where the cocaine is fair trade
And frequently displayed
Is the Buena Vista Social Club CD
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What the fuck, if I may ask politely, is a sustainable diamond? I was in Congo-Brazzaville a few years ago and whislt we were at the port in Pointe Noire, the government official we were with noticed that we were looking at the thousands of logs that were stacked and waiting to be shipped out. He claimed that they were harvested in a sustainable manner and that for every tree cut down, one was planted.
The guy I was with said to me that the rate of deforestation meant that they would run out of harvestable wood in 20 years and have to wait for about another 100 at least before the newly planted trees were ready for harvesting – so sustainable, but not actually. He remarked that even oil and diamonds were sustainable if you were prepared to wait a few hundred million years between extractions!
Look, I’m fonda Jane, but I’d like to see more thought going into her announcements.
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Got my coat, no need to push me out the door.
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I don’t know. Stopping the clock just makes the game longer. Players will take even more time with their kicks. Just enforce the one minute rule. If the ball isn’t airborne within 60 seconds of the penalty / try being awarded, a free kick is given to the opposing side in the case of a penalty, or play is restarted with a kick off in the case of a conversion.
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I agree with AVS. There. I’ve said it. Like much else in rugby, instead of changing the rules, just enforce the existing ones properly – scrum feeds, lineout throws, offside lines, ruck entry etc. It may disrupt the game for a bit, but in the longer run will be much better for it.
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Finngate installment #134
Toonie Talks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/51452035
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A simpler, more equitable solution would be to ban Johnny Sexton from playing altogether.
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#finngatefatigue
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Sounds like she’s just after seeing “Europa Report”….
(I enjoyed it)
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I just read that Finn used to play for Lincoln University in Christchurch in 2013.
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On that scholarship thing. Lots of Scottish lads of been on it.
https://www.theoffsideline.com/latest-recipients-of-the-john-macphail-rugby-scholarship-announced/
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Dai Young – sacked?
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“They can blow you apart in 20 minutes and then rest on their laurels”
And their hardies.
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“What the fuck, if I may ask politely, is a sustainable diamond?”
At your service, DeeBee.
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Pffffft.
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Think DeeBee has defeated me. I just messaged MrsIks that Bay Jok the Thai restaurant she was planning to go to tonight is closed on Tuesdays. But in my message I called it Bok Joi.
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This will be right up your street, Iks. Songs you used to love but can’t stand anymore.
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/feb/11/i-cringe-when-i-hear-rihanna-now-the-songs-guardian-writers-cant-listen-to-any-more
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I cringe whenever I hear Rihanna
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Ha yes BB. I wrote a comment btl on that one, but it was dissing Kate Bush so I’m probably banned on the Graun by now.
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I kept it within the spirit of songs I really liked, rather than list a top 10 of songs that always gave me the boaks.
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I think some people BTL got the wrong idea and just listed songs (and artists) they hated. Quite a few seemed to be from shop workers who had to put up with a small number of songs on an endless rotation (especially at Christmas).
I can’t think of any songs in particular that I used to like but now hate. That’s the good thing about prog – by the time you’ve listened to an album, you’ve forgotten what the first track sounded like!
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There is a lot of music I think I want to listen to and then when I put it on I think, “Stuff this, I’ve heard it too much”
So while it’s not hating it, it’s certainly not still loving it.
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Joseph Shabalala died today. This music’s better than prog:
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Bok Joi.
The best of Afro-Asian fusion food. Finely sliced in impala rump with a light mandarin jus and tempura vegetables. Or if left to average Saffer, elephant steaks covered in MSG. Vegetables being fed to the impala to fatten it up for dessert.
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@TomP – Shabalala and Ladysmith Black Mambazo really are musical icons in SA. Poignant that he passed away on the 30th anniversary of Nelson Mandela’s release from Victor Verster Prison as well.
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Finely sliced in impala
‘in’ obviously doesn’t need to be there.
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For MrIks (and BB)
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Elephant steaks kill blog.
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I’m not angry, deebee, I’m disappointed.
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Pinging squint scrum feeds isn’t going to stop some scrums taking four or five minutes to go from blown whistle to ball in play. Totally unacceptable. This can happen when everything is being reffed by the book. Just saying “enforce the rules” is trying to fix a different issue.
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Absolutely, Enzo, but it will fix some issues that are regularly complained about and some lead to calls for rule changes, like the offside line and rucks and mauls. You’re never going to have a 100% by the book match because players and coaches will always look for ways around stuff, but it’s a start. You can’t just say that because scrum setting is a cock up that we shouldn’t ref everything according to the book. Ref the setting of scrums strictly, blowing sides immediately for early engagement or collapsing (where possible). Maybe go for sequential engagement? I don’t know, but so much complaining is about needing to change rules because the ones we have aren’t implemented.
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Deebee, I’m in the sequential engagement camp. I think if the front rows have to bind and stay still, add in the second and back rows, there is far less chance of “slips”.
There is a also case for coloured patches on the props’ shirts where the opposition has to bind.
I must be worth a shot, because if you have two settled packs we can have a genuine contest at the scrum.
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I’ve followed the argument for “by the book” refereeing, and there must be diktats handed down on this because despite our protests, there is a uniformity of sorts in how games are refereed, if not in the consistency between teams in a game. There balance to be met between keeping the game flowing and keeping players honest.
I get the argued that if players are pinged for every offence they will stop doing it, but there has to be competition for the ball at all times, it’s what separates Union from League. Probably 95% of the time players will honestly think they are doing nothing wrong. If we sanitise the breakdown to the point that no defenders compete there, we get more defenders spread across the park, at which point we really mays as well get shot of two of them and have a “play the ball”
This isn’t a dig at League, but it’s not the sport I want to watch.
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