2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
What strikes me most about the modern game, in contrast to the past, is there is not much of a contest for possession anymore.
Some people have compared the low scoring Sco-Eng game last weekend to the 6 (5) N games of yore, and indeed the scoreline would not have been uncommon. The reasons however are very different
In the past, scrums were contests for the ball, not contests for penalties. Lineouts were chaotic, but contests, now they are precise and steals are rare. Mauls are very different too. The “ruck” is almost impossible to win by the defence, unless a player gets over the ball straight away (and that more often results in a penalty than a turnover). Referees manage the game to ensure clean possession and it is not unusual for a team to go through 20+ phases before kicking.
Of course, the levels of fitness and defensive organisation now are so far in advance of the amateur years, and the game is unquestionably cleaner and safer. Ball in play time is much greater too and more tries are scored (storms notwithstanding).
It is a very different game (especially at the elite end) and far more gladiatorial and the go seems to be to “win collisions” and “generate fast ball” and then attack in patterns. In days past, much of the effort was to win the ball in the first place, hence why it may have seemed scrappy and chaotic at times. Possession, once gained, was to be treasured and being tackled was to be avoided (because it restarted the contest for the ball) rather than sought (to improve the speed of the ball and to disorganise the defence).
Kicking was more for territory through touch (you had a fair chance of winning the lineout) rather than to apply defensive pressure and force errors.
Not going the full “it was better in my day” but it was very, very different in almost every respect.
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Ticht, I don’t want the game sanitised – but straight feeds to scrum and lineout create more contest, no? And if you have a very strong pack then you know you can contest more by shoving the oppo off the ball if it’s fed in straight. May actually encourage more attention to scrummaging props rather than fancy dan fleet of foot retreated 7s (proper or not).
Keeping proper tabs on the offside line to deter’ line speed’ is another that can surely be better policed by the linesmen? Opens up more space for the attacking side. I don’t know enough about rucks and mauls to comment on those.
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I’m not saying don’t enforce the rules. I’m saying enforcing them won’t make scrums quicker. Sometimes minutes go off the clock because of resets. It’s a joke. If your team is a score behind with five minutes to go a scrum can run the clock down most of the way (this can happen at any time it’s just more tolerable in the middle of the first half, say, because the ultimate effects on the match aren’t so obvious).
My view would be to stop the clock, or cap the time run down at 30s. I’d stop the clock entirely for kicks at goal.
The only issue could be effect on how long games continue for, and total ball in play time. Could become very onerous but there are other ways to fix that. And it reduces the bullshit.
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Any opinions on RFU cutting funding to the championship clubs by 50%?
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Prelude to ring-fencing?
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Perhaps even ring-salting.
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Anyhoo, proper rugby again this weekend. ProWoo!
big game at the top of conference B with the 2nd place harlots hosting heroes-in-the-lead Embra. a home win would see these places reversed, with the loser also likely to drop below the red menace of Munster who host the basement Kings. One likely winner there. Mid table blues and Connacht to duke it out for 4th place while Benetton play the Dragons.
Meanwhile in conference A can anyone rein in the all conquering unbeaten blue Evil? Probably not. Cheetahs next up to be gubbed by Leinster B team at the RDS. Closest rivals Ulster will no doubt pile more misery on the sub-Zebre Ospreys while Glasgow host Zebre and should reel in the Cheetahs a bit. Dragons / Benetton a difficult one to call in theory but an improving Drags outfit at Rodney parade could well ambush the 6N denuded Italians.
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Chimpie, there is a quote in the BBC piece about this from RFU boss Bill Sweeney;
Could that be because the Premiership clubs hoover up the vast majority of the young talent that is trying to forge a full-time career in the game?
If you were a promising young player down here in Sussex for example, the closest teams you could play for would be in London anyway, so it would make sense to sign up for the Quins academy if they want you.
However, this does make me think, less incentive from the RFU means less reason for Ldn Scottish to take their shilling. It could be an opportunity for the SRU to step back in, though I think a few bridges are on fire, if not burned yet.
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@Ticht
He seems to be saying there’s no real pathway from champ to prem. Ring-fencing time I think with defunding the championship. concentrate more money in the prem.
Taking a different route in Scotland by trying the Strengthen the next tier down to improve the player pool and pathway. Different issues I suppose
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I got 16/24 in that test, with a few luck guesses thrown in.
I was duped by a couple, the roses one for example, if I’d thought about it I’d have got it right.
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I agree, Chimpie.
They will find a way to get the clubs they want in the top flight, which will obviously include Saracens and Newcastle. There was a feeling they wanted Yorkshire Carnegie in there too, but they are, well, not to put too fine a point on it, fucked right now – one point from eleven defeats
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embra have Scott, Crosbie, Haining, Gilhcrist & Nel released for the weekend. Should be able to put out a half decent team. A win would really help cement our place but we tend not to travel well.
Looks like none of them will be considered for the Italy game, surprise for Haining. Nel not considered as a match day 23 player now. Also Toolis in for Gray and a sub appearance for Craig? Can’t see Skinner being called up yet.
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It’s essentially ring-fenced anyway. Those few years when Bristol couldn’t get their shit together was the last time we’ll see one of the 13 PRL members not in the Prem.
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They’ve hired a top, top, top coach, mind.
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Chimpie, potentially we could see this Embra side –
Schoeman, Willemse, WP Nel, Gilchrist, Carmichael, Barclay, Crosbie, Mata
Groom, vdWalt, Farndale, Scott, Bennett, vdMerwe, Hoyland
Cherry, Bhatti, McCallum, McKenzie, Shiel, Taylor, Hickey
Which is better than many a first team we’ve put out in recent years
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I missed out Haining on the pine.
Yos, yeah I think Bristol mean business with their recent signings, I can’t see ‘Scottish or Jersey or Ealing fielding those sorts of players
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Haining was in fact a Bristol reject, but now a Scottish internationalist, all within a year
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that’s decent enough Ticht. I’d probably rate Cherry above Willemse. Don’t know how strong a team the Turks can put out.
If Pyrgos is released and Sheil doesn’t get game time I’ll be Quite Annoyed though.
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Cubby Boi is “close” to fitness aparently, with a few others back this weekend
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/51450179
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Turks away then Connacht and Blues at home. All winnable, all loseable.
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I’d rate Cherry and Fenton both above Willemse, but Cocker seems to like him.
I really hope we get Ewan Ashman back full time from Sale, he looks the business but Dimes won’t want to let him go.
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Ulster away at Ospreys. Gotta win that.
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Ulster are flying this season, Larry, playing some good stuff.
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‘Turks away then Connacht and Blues at home. All winnable, all loseable’
Apart from the Cardiff game. Should walk that one.
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Oops. posted too soon.
~Whether or not they have the resources to overcome the Blue Meanies is another matter, though I expect them to make the final, on current form
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Mind you, Leinster are on 47 points, ten wins out of ten, but only 7 try BPs, so they’re not all that.
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Only 7 TBPs? Probably even less than that in Europe. Totally over rated
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So I got the other job I wanted and went for that. The start date is late March which means that the pay date will be in April. Need to think about costs if I’m going to go to Heidelberg.
Otherwise I’m fairly delighted. 6 more weeks of unemployment to enjoy.
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Nice one Craigs
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Chimpie if the rfu ring fence with Sarries in the Championship then that will be farcical.
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Cheers Chimpie
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‘Chimpie if the rfu ring fence with Sarries in the Championship then that will be funny’
Fixed.
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Is that the job being Iks’ drugz mule to germany?
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Obviously not funny to sarries fans and others. It was just an attempt at a joke.
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Well done, Craigs!
Just remortgage your house to pay for the Heidelberg trip.
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Really you should. 2nd worst team in the conference and haven’t beaten anyone half decent in about 11 or 12 months.
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Space/cinema news crossover:
Don’t bother. Go watch Apollo 11 which is much better and doesn’t have Hanks in it.
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Looking at the Heidelberg trip it should be OK. Just need to sort out the details.
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*whiskey update*
Whiskey debt has been acknowledged in person and will be resolved.
*whiskey update ends*
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Yos, neither of them is particularly believeable. I would go for a Silent Running/Dark Star double bill if I was you. Both far more plausible scenarios.
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Oh, and congrats on the new job , Craigs.
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Well done Craigs. Heidelberg awaits your victory tour, on borrowed money.
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Congrats, Craigs, it is a nice position to be in, having the six weeks but with the security of knowing you will strike another match go start anew after that.
What’s this about a whisky debt?
BTW, I think it’s safe to say now that I’m officially retired. That’s it, no more grindstone.
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@sbt
I always get Silent Running mixed up with Cool Runnings. It’s a shame that the Dern wasn’t also in the latter.
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Nice double bill Tim. I’d show Dark Star first though.
My all-nighter would be something like This Island Earth, Forbidden Planet, First Man on the Moon, Planet of the Vampires, Alien.
Then the other side of the coin would be something like The Thing from Outer Space, It came from Outer Space, I Married a Monster from Outer Space, War of the Worlds, and The Day the Earth Stood Still so we all go home thinking ‘oh feck’.
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Bugger, should have googled first. First Men on the Moon that should read.
And I forgot Quatermass and the Pit!
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Did I see you like a Pink Floyd tune earlier? You feelin’ alright, old chum?
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One for you, flair:
https://www.the42.ie/analysis-shaun-edwards-france-defence-5004725-Feb2020/
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Retired you say ticht! A cause for celebration I’d say!
A new job Craig’s. Good stuff!!
I’d love to live long enough to retire. About 67 should do it looking at my latest pension statement. 27 years to go then.
Pensions are shite my my and all later generations. Hey ho.
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