2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
Been in Belgium for work.
Still allowed through the EU passport lines.
I did hesitate but the guy was very amusing in ushering me through like he was people smuggling. Said something like, ‘its alright for now but be quick friend’
I guess he’s cracked that one a few times.
What a state of affairs..
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Belgium is cool.
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I was liking Deebee’s connectivity, not the ‘tune’.
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Well done, Craigsy.
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I like Belgium. First overseas trip with my youth club. First coffee I ever enjoyed. First beer I ever had in a cafe/bar.
The sun shone, did a bit of courting.
We went to a Holocaust museum or exhibition, maybe in Ostend or Zeebrugge, and that was literally a startling education for the lot of us. Talk about having your eyes opened when history at school was obsessed with the Agricultural Revolution and the Corn Laws.
Went to Brussels with work a few times a lifetime later. Always enjoyed malingering around the centre and backstreets. Eat well too.
C’mon Europe!
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Went to a wedding in Brussels a few years ago. It was remarkable that rooms were a whole lot cheaper on the weekends than during the week, because of the EU of course.
Really enjoyed it.
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Belgium always looks to me like it needs a bit of a dust and a lick pf paint. It’s good, though.
Their 1984 kit is very very football casual.
http://www.footballshirtculture.com/Retro/belgium-1984-euro-adidas-originals-home-replica-jersey.html
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Why is that allowed?
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TomP – *buries head in hands*
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From yesterday’s FT:
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Final thing before I go to bed. Where exactly is this museum do you think, rugby fans?
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Cheers everyone. Congratulations on the retirement Ticht!
I’ve been to Bruges numerous times. Especially over new year. They have a big sing song in the main square. Always led by the same bloke. Good, wholesome fun.
Fantastic beer too but shitty hangovers.
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Oh and Ticht the whiskey debt was for taking our friend to the hospital for child birth. Met said child today. Whiskey was mentioned by the mother.
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Congrats Craigs! Sorry, forgot to mention it earlier
Also congrats to Ticht on retirement! So how long is the list of stuff Mrs Ticht wants you to do, now that you have ‘time on your hands’?
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Cheers everyone, I’m very lucky, I’m still only 54. We’re not going to be rich by any means, far from it, but it’s worth it to get off this 4am alarm, back from work at 9pm, plus having an “easy” eight hour day on a Sunday shite
We’ve done it for a very ling time now, time to call a halt.
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@TomP – Leighton Buzzard?
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Dodgy sci-fi film related musical interlude. ( Invaders from Mars, if you are asking.)
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Congrats on the job Craigs and congrats on the early retirement Ticht
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Good to see the Ospreys/Dragons/Glasgow/Edinburgh bringing through local talent:
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This could be Risca, it could be Ghent.
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Risca, Gwhent.
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@ticht
You can finally become a social media star by restoring guitars and mandolins on youtube.
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Nice work, Yos.
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Good thinking OT.
Ticht Strings, at your service.
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Well done Craigs. Heidelberg awaits your victory tour, on borrowed money.
Didn’t realise our Craigs was Napoleon! Thought he was a wee bit taller. But congrats on the new job, Craigs – you’re one up on the Emperor on that score!
Well retired Ticht! Both my folks worked literally until they died and I have no intention of making it a family tradition. Would like to put the old feet up (well, more accurately on the Defender accelerator) and bugger off into the wildernesses of Africa in about 8 years, before I’m too old and decrepit to do these things.
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Happy improved employment status to Craigs and Ticht.
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I’m actually only half joking. Things I have fixed by watching youtube:
– replacing a cracked washing machine handle
– fixing a toilet that wouldn’t stop flushing
– replacing a kitchen tap
Alternatively Ticht could do this:
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I’d love to retire. got so much stuff I’d rather be doing than work.
Sadly I’ll be working till 70 probably at least.
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Happy retirement Ticht.
I am just about of an age with you and am horrendously jealous that I am not anywhere near a position to retire (bad decisions etc..)
Good luck and enjoy it to the full
Congrats Craigs on the job
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Hong Kong & Singapore 7zzzz rescheduled. Coronavirus innit.
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Aye OT. I’ve cleaned fixed vacuum cleaners, unblocked and cleaned the dishwasher, and found out what was wrong with the tumble dryer as well.
Blocked sink next.
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I should add I’m absolutely hopeless at DIY.
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The ‘tube is good for all those kind of jobs and fixing/building computers as well. Also handy if you want to learn licks from country songs.
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The mister took my car apart & put it back together by watching YouTube videos. It still works! Even better, in fact.
Ticht, I am also very jealous of your retirement.
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Chimplet the eldest said he wants a gaming PC. Not sure why he wants it in addition to the PS4 but there we go.
I said he could have one if he builds it himself & saves up for the components himself, yachoob is a source of great info on this. Still reckon this’ll be a 5 year project for him.
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Did he do it backed with a country music soundtrack?
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Youtube also helped me to work out how to stop a leak on p trap compression fitting.
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@chimpie
You can knock together a gaming build fairly cheaply by buying a knackered Dell Optiplex from ebay and then add a half decent graphics card. Me and my bro did this last year but as it doesn’t have all the flashing lights on it, it is not a ‘cool’ build according to my nephew.
Kidz don’t even know what cool is.
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Embarrassingly I had to resort to YouTube when trying to change an inner tube on my bike the second time I went out cycling as I didn’t realise the valve on my tubes had to be unscrewed first and I spent the guts of 10 mins pumping without any sign of the tube inflating
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Kidz don’t even know what cool is.
A ZX Spectrum (issue) 2 is pretty much the epitome of cool.
Only really ever surpassed by the BBC Model B Microcomputer. The “B” stood for Badass
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@yos
Ha. the case & flashing lights will be the most important things I imagine. He won’t appreciate stuff like graphics cards, processing speed etc.
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I tried finding youtube vids on how to remove push fit elbows on copper pipes yesterday. It turns out to be a piece of piss if you dismantle the whole plumbing system and have the pipe and fitting in your hand. It’s less straight forward when you are trying to get at the fitting through a just-larger-than-your-hand hole in the wall and there is a shower mixer taking up almost all of the hole.
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Ticht Strings would have been a good name for a livestock fencing business 30 years ago
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OT, the first word that springs to mind after watching that video would set off the Beadleklaxon.
The second is “resiliant”
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Ticht Lineman
Congrats on retirement……………………….I hope that, like me, you will never be busier yet have the ‘space’ to smell the roses.
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@ticht – congratulations on retirement “young man”
I won’t be joining you soon – my youngest is 10, and eldest is 13 – so there’s a few more years to go … I hope – got to get those college fees put aside .
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I wonder if Storm Dennis will allow any rugby to be played this weekend.
My main focus is on Llanelli between the hours of three and five on Saturday afternoon. The current forecast is for very heavy rain and 65mph winds.
As I write a huge hail storm interrupts the rain for a few minutes
The main question is why “Dennis”?
Dennis is Dennis Taylor or Dennis Law, at a push it’s Dennis the Menace, but not a huge storm.
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Trisk, your post makes me wonder about something, I guess there will be no requirement now for Scottish universities to waive tuition fees for EU students (or have them paid by the student’s govenment)
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Weedgies
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A valentines day glasgow squad no less. Feel the romance
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