2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
Bobby is good, Denis better, George Best.
And Dennis Nilsen boosts the Dennis shiteness factor by loads.
LikeLike
Oli Kebble on the tight head!
LikeLike
a bit of valentines day role swapping, ticht.
LikeLike
You can stretch a metaphor too far, Chimpie
LikeLike
Congrats on your retirement Ticht!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dunno, think there’s some stretch left in this one.
LikeLike
One way to address sea level rise I suppose
‘One mega-infrastructure scheme put up for discussion by a Dutch government scientist suggests addressing the issue in northern Europe by damming in the entire North Sea.’
They just heard this waffle about a bridge to Norn Iron and wanted to go bigger
LikeLike
LikeLike
Yeah…well that worked well..
Anyway, interesting bit is to see Hodnett at 7. He was a wrecking ball for the Irish U20s last year (TomP – a Clon man)
LikeLike
Try this:
LikeLike
Dragz v Treviso off due to Storm Dennis
LikeLike
Hodnett ahead of Cloete? No new contract for Chris, then.
Exciting selection though.
LikeLike
Badass Badass C Model Badass Microcomputer.
The C is for Cool.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No! I was looking forward to watching the Drags this weekend.
LikeLike
Trisk, I like him. A skilful tough lad. He was very good v England in the Under 20 World Cup. He’s Clon RFC but from Rosscarberry. There’re a few West Cork boys in there now – Sweetnam, Wycherley.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Stupid storm Dennis
LikeLike
Yeah – it’s becoming a conveyor belt – Coombes and the younger Wycherley too.
LikeLike
Just watched the 1955 version of The Ladykillers. The horse that munches on Frankie Howerd”s pippins is called Dennis.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There was a superb level of wordplay in those old films, “infamy, infamy…” is one of the best lines ever imo.
The innuendo in Frankie Howerd’s pippins wouldn’t be lessened by reference to his cox.
There was a Carry On film where Sid James (who other than the British film industry would cast Sid as the sexy lead?). Anyway Sid is in trouble with his wife who complains that he has the hots for the young woman who works in the tobacconists, and he says, “Don’t be silly, you know I only go in there for my shag”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Question: Is Mick Taylor the most underrated guitarist to ever play for a major band?
LikeLiked by 2 people
I don’t have a definitive answer, BB, but Sticky Fingers is my favourite Stones album and Sway is sometimes my all time favourite Stones song, it’s always up there.
LikeLike
It’s quite something to think that that was 48 years ago
LikeLiked by 1 person
That run of albums he played on was just phenomenal. I think that even though Woody’s ‘image’ fits the band, his guitar playing isn’t at the same level. And that’s not to say he isn’t a good guitarist, just not as good as Taylor.
And as a wee tribute to him, and a congrats to you on your retirement (lucky bugger)….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dinner out of the freezer tonight, just fish and oven chips, that sort of thing. Went to see if there were any frozen peas and in the compartment that they’d normally be in I found instead an ice-cube tray containing a number of plastic dinosaurs frozen in the ice cubes with their heads or tails sticking out. Also an incidental haggis that Mrs CMW bought seven years ago. Asked the kids about the dinosaurs and they knew nothing about them.
Mrs CMW: “This is quite a normal thing in an early years educational setting.”
There we are then.
LikeLiked by 6 people
The ancient haggis or the frozen dinosaurs?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Caught a bit of rugby talk on Radio 5 that was Sara Cox and JP Doyle talking about refereeing, the differences between the women’s and men’s games that lead to them being refereed differently (how many players contesting the breakdown, stuff like that) and the issue of how male players are to address a female referee (a lot of them end up calling her sir which is fine by her). Was quite good.
LikeLike
@Ticht – I didn’t ask. The haggis is older than the dinosaurs, I did know it was in there, but it had been buried until today’s reshuffle. Going to be used for ‘science’ tomorrow apparently, but that could apply to either.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Romantically she offered me
a haggis that she’d frozen for seven years.
I said No thank you
I do not want your haggis
I’d rather have
a triceratops
instead.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always liked triceratops. When we were little if we got given dinosaurs my brother always seemed to get them and I would get something a bit shit like a stegosaurus. At Christmas one of my girls asked him what his favourite dinosaur was and straight away without a moment’s thought he says “stegosaurus”. Could have strangled him.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Cheers everyone.
LikeLike
If the ref is female Shirley she’d be called ‘ma’am’?
LikeLike
Madam? Ma’am?
LikeLike
Triceratops were racist bullies. Observe:
LikeLike
“your”
CHIEFS SIDE TO FACE GLOUCESTER
15 Stuart Hogg, 14 Tom O’Flaherty, 13 Ian Whitten, 12 Sam Hill, 11 Olly Woodburn
10 Gareth Steenson (capt), 9 Nic White
1 Ben Moon, 2 Elvis Taione, 3 Harry Williams, 4 Jannes Kirsten, 5 Jonny Hill, 6 Dave Ewers, 7 Jacques Vermeulen
8 Sam Simmonds
16 Jordon Poole, 17 Billy Keast, 18 Enrique Pieretto, 19 Dave Dennis,20 Sam Skinner,21 Jack Maunder, 22 Harvey Skinner, 23 Phil Dollman
Hogg and Skinner playing…………
Jo Simmonds suspended
Vermeulen continues to sparkle.
LikeLike
It’s quite something to think that that was 48 years ago
And Mick and Keith were both 105 then already!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“If the ref is female Shirley she’d be called ‘ma’am’?”
First they come for the pronouns …
LikeLike
Blues started well against the Crusaders and led 5-0 deep into hte first half, but now trail 8-18, with the Saders having scored a couple of very good tries (by all accounts). Is the dam wall breaking? Is the damn wall breaking? Havili apparently having a good game from the back for the Saders.
LikeLike
I decided to believe her about what she says she gets called.
The female host raised the question by saying that she herself has called female refs “sir” as she was so used to being reffed by men.
LikeLike
Tomp – but I was not a pronoun?
LikeLiked by 2 people
*because
LikeLike
8-25 as Jack Goodhue, who seems to be at the heart of everything good the Crusaders are doing, goes after a chip and chase.
LikeLike
‘Incidental Haggis’
Could be the name of some Scottish arty, indie pop rock band.
LikeLike
Thanks for coming. This is the last song. It’s called Incidental Haggis.
And a-one and a-two…
LikeLiked by 5 people
Looks like me and craigs are starting a band.
LikeLike
adolf hitler on vibes………………………………….?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Incidental Haggis could also realistically be a Half Man Half Biscuit Song title.
E.g Asparagus Next Left, Joy Division Oven Gloves, Baguette Dilemma for the Booker Prize Guy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There is something quite splendid about the irreverence of “Joy Division Oven Gloves”.
LikeLike
8-25 FT. Normal service resumed after the Blues won and Crusaders lost last weekend.
LikeLike
@ticht
They did do one relatively serious song in the 80s – Turned Up Clocked on Laid Off.
Anyone who remembers 80s unemployment will get the sentiment.
LikeLike
Rebels leading the Tahs 14-10 with about 13 minutes left. Doesn’t sound like a thrill a minute skillsfest from the feed I’m following.
LikeLike