2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
21-17 full time
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@Thaum – not all schools in the UK with ‘Grammar’ in their name are state schools.
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A bit scunnnered after that, but it was an encouraging performance from our tight forwards in the set piece.
England looked pretty handy with the ball in hand
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CMW – really? I didn’t know that.
I’m fairly sure they all are state schools (albeit selective) in NI, but possibly someone will prove me wrong there too!
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Thaum, it probably wasn’t when it started (Church of Ireland school for the kids of the Protestant plantation types) but is now. There’s another one in East Cork at Middleton College. Both are really good at hockey. Another sort of cousin taught there. He’s all right but his Dad was a diamond. Proper Cork City boy, boy who really loved cricket. Wouldn’t let me even make him a tea when the cricket was.
Munster heart-throb Darren Sweetnam is another Bandon Grammar lad.
Quite a few schools with Grammar in the name in England are private/independent schools – Manchester Grammar, Leeds Grammar etc
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@Thaum – the obvious one is Manchester Grammar. At the other end of things the school Mrs CMW went to in Scotland is still called ‘Grammar’, but has been a comp for donkey’s years if not forever.
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Well, you learn something new on a good day.
Calling a private school a grammar school is contrary to the laws of false advertising, if you ask me. (But no-one does.)
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I went to a grammar school that didn’t have Grammar in the name but was a state school that was desperate to be a very minor public school.
Also the alma mater of England scapegoat Charlie Ewels.
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Have been surprised with Scottish schools as to what turns out to be a state school and what isn’t – some places that look and sound like they must for all the world be private turn out to be state ones with a history of having been private a long time ago.
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Or indeed calling a comp a grammar school.
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I would have gone to a (state) grammar school in NI if we hadn’t been rudely moved to the uncivilised northern parts of the US at that particular time.
Since then, it seems I’ve lost touch with what’s going on in British and Irish education.
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My mate went to Watford Grammar which is technically a comprehensive but quite obviously isn’t. Mike Atherton went to Manchester Grammar which is a private school. Brian Cox went to Hulme Grammar, which is a private school and gives the best education money can buy in the Oldham Borough and he got a D in A level maths.
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@Thaum – that last one isn’t all that confusing if you live in a town with only one school in it and the next place with one is an hour’s drive away!
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thaum, my granny went to a very well-known rugby school in Belfast that despite it’s name accepted Presbyterians and Church of Ireland. I have reason to believe even Catholics are allowed in nowadays.
There used to be something called County Grammar schools in England and Wales that were like Super Grammar schools but didn’t cover whole counties.
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Thaum, I imagine Grammar Schools in Norn Irn are probably the same as in Scotland, it’s a state comprehensive., although that word came later.
I went to a Grammar school, it was the only school in the town, North Berwick has a High School and Haddington has Knox Academy, but they are all the same thing – state secondary schools. Tranent and Preston Pans had High Schools too – these five are a only towns in the county big enough to have secondary schools
There used to be a private school who we played rugby against, but it has since folded as a business.
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OT, the wonderful Michael Rosen went to Watford Grammar for 6th form from Harrow Weald Grammar. In his excellent So, They Call You Pisher. He talks about the differences between the two. Well worth a read.
John Taylor and Josh Lewsey both old boys.
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Lewsey was in the year below my mate. Nobody was as surprised as Dave when Josh hit the big time as a) Josh was a short arse and b) Josh was a knob.
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I haven’t done my Duolingo Gaelic today yet, so I’m going to attempt it after a bottle of wine and three beers
Is toil leam an uisge-beatha glè blasta
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thaum, my grandfather went to Bangor Grammar – effectively free in the 1920s and 1930s – while his less academically inclined brother got sent to Inst or the Royal Academy in Belfast, fee-paying. His two sister went to two different schools as well, both in Belfast. My grandad lucked out.
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@Ticht – Northern Ireland retained the eleven plus until recently and possibly still find ways round not having it for the most part?
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Lots of Scottish schools are called “Academy”, but they don’t have ‘academies’ which is good news for them.
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I’ve told this story before but JL was the best man at a friend of a friend’s wedding and his Best Man speech was 15 minutes about how brilliant JL was.
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This is all very interesting! The school I would have gone to was an all-girls school, and while I thought at the age of 10 or 11 that boys were a bit wick, in retrospect, I’m really not sure I’d have enjoyed an all-girls school.
At that time at least, you got into a grammar school by passing your eleven-plus. In some ways, it’s quite meritocratic, although of course middle-class families will hire private tutors to help their thick children.
In my wee primary school – which was *gasp* mixed! – a large part of P6 and all of P7 was concentrated on how to pass the eleven-plus. The school’s intake was quite variegated; there were some quite wealthy pupils, and also a fair few impoverished ones, including those from a local children’s home. That in itself was a good education.
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TomP – my dad went to Inst! I didn’t think it was fee-paying. So many illusions shattered.
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Caite a bheil an doras mor?
Where is the big door?
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Ollaimh, an toil leibh an garradh?
Professor, do you like the garden?
that will come in handy, I’m sure
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@Ticht – tha an doras mòr ann
hope that helps.
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My Dad went to Cardinal Langley Grammar School. Same as Steve Coogan, Clint Boon, and Kieran Prendiville.
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Think Dad may have been a scholarship pupil. Must ask him!
He did play rugby there, but didn’t enjoy it as he’s not the largest man – although he is certainly very competitive. Running was his sport.
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thaum, it is but it’s pretty cheap. Especially compared to the posh English schools.
There are a few private schools – normally English-medium schools – in the Czech Republic but here it’s more often about the university (free for the good ones) you go to.
South Africa was a bit weird. Almost every school charges fees but they have a clear line between private and state. Like Kolisis’s school, Grey High, is looks fantastic and the sports facilities are wonderful. The fees are 200 quid a month but it’s a state school. That 200 quid a month is money his family and many others could never afford to pay.
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TomP – in the US, schools are largely funded by local taxes, so wealthier areas have much better schools. And areas are very segregated. People beggar themselves to buy a house in a ‘good school’ area, and therefore property prices are seriously inflated where there are good schools, creating a vicious circle. There’s just so much wrong with that.
There’s a series of books by Shankill boy Tony Macauley, starting with Paperboy, that describes his early childhood, then getting into a grammar school, and so on. They are very funny and also very poignant.
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I work in two Academies (one of them is new, less than 20 years old, the other one is one of the oldest schools in Glasgow, started in about 1876), both local authority/state schools. I pass by a Grammar on my way to work, which is also a local authority/state school. A couple of nephews and a niece (and John Beattie’s daughter) went to Jordanhill School, which is a state school that is funded directly by the Scottish Government, not the local authority. In fact, they used to live right across the road from it.
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“in the US, schools are largely funded by local taxes, so wealthier areas have much better schools. And areas are very segregated. People beggar themselves to buy a house in a ‘good school’ area, and therefore property prices are seriously inflated where there are good schools, creating a vicious circle. There’s just so much wrong with that”
Thaum Brighton College is a very expensive private school here, it’s on a par with Roedean which is just along the road from it.
I think Marcus Smith is the most recent pupil we rugby fans will have heard of.
Anyway, the head a few years ago caused a bit of a stir by inviting an interview in the local paper in which he said that parents driving up house prices in good state school catchment areas was no different from those paying for their offspring to go to his school or others like it.
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One of Blair’s *spit* biggest mistakes was to weaponise university education. Not only did this necessitate student fees, but it universitised subjects that are really better taught in technical training schools, such as IT.
The IT graduates I encounter are fucking useless; they know nothing about any real-world situations. The best ones are those who went to technical training schools, went through apprenticeships, and so on.
Universities are great for theoretical subjects, but not so good at turning out practicality.
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Ticht
Yep, can’t disagree with that.
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What would have been quite cool for the pupils at Brighton College was a couple of years ago when Marcus Smith was invited to train with the full England squad at their regular camp at Brighton College – many of the kids will have remembered him at school as they watched the training sessions
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Thaum, one woman wrote to that same local paper to complain that her child hadn’t gotten the school of her choice – she was furious that the estate agent had apparently assured her the child would get into a particular school when they bought the house.
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Though of course schools aren’t the only reason for people to want to live somewhere. I would be surprised if those forking out for the private schools don’t also live in the areas with the ‘good’ state schools.
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Brighton College used to do a flyer drop around the houses here, they outlined their fantastic sports and other extra-curricular activities, they had regular trips to several countries in Africa as well as Central and South America where the kids will take part in relief work.
They had regular speakers at the school, BBC war correspondents and former government ministers were among those listed.
My school went to the Highland Show and had the local kirk minister in to speak once a month
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Basically, I think a meritocratic grammar-school system is fine, for those more academically inclined, as long as the comp system is equally valued and supported.
The vast majority of people are not interested in academic subjects, but they are the people who make the world go around. The educational system is failing for those who aren’t interested in uni, and even now many of those who do pay vast fees for uni for no tangible reward.
The comp system has failed not only in proper training for decent jobs, but also in basic civic education. Witness the Brexit vote: most people have no fucking idea how government works.
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thaum, I’ll have a look out for it.
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CMW. those particular schools I mentioned have a lot of boarders from overseas, my mate is a taxi driver and he used to drive the daughters of the Indian ambassador up to Gatwick at the end of term.
He also said he drove them to the Indian Embassy in London which is apparently spectacular.
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If you have grammar schools, you don’t have comprehensives.
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“Basically, I think a meritocratic grammar-school system is fine, for those more academically inclined, as long as the comp system is equally valued and supported.”
We had the one school but we had streaming, and it was a shit system.
One thing that always stuck in my head was that I was in a class room reading Shakespeare once and I looked out the window and saw my best friend helping the Janny paint the lines on the rugby and hockey pitches.
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TomP – Here’s his website: https://tonymacaulayauthor.com/
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The Blues’ Clash song? Train in Vain.
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@Ticht – of course, same with the ones here in York. But quite a lot of people in this country do send their kids to private schools and for the most part it’s hard to imagine those people don’t live in affluent areas with the kind of state schools some people move house to in order to get into. All I was saying is the two things are not equivalent.
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Ticht, It’s India House at the Aldwych, you’ll know it if you’ve been on Strand. Near the World Service building. The architect was Herbert Baker who did a lot of work in South Africa. Union Buildings, impressive but foreboding – fantastic gardens, is one of his. It’s the state President’s office. There’s a massive Mandela statue there that was designed by a guy I met who was a mate of my landlord’s. My landlord had a scale version of it that he was very proud of.
And for old time’s sake, and because it’s close to my missus’s heart, it’s the Indian High Commission rather Embassy in London.
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@Ticht – I don’t think many schools stream any more (may be wrong as areas of the country will be different), but they all generally set (though to differing extents) which is of course necessary. One of the problems with public debate on any of this is that people tend to confuse the two.
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CMW, yeah I agree.
There was an unedifying period here when the catchment areas were up for review and a lot of unsavoury behaviour came to the surface at council and local meetings
My three went to the so-called “best” comprehensive. Two had a good time and went on to Uni, they thrived because they had a good group of friends who all had the same goals,
Middle one had the fucking worst time imaginable (I do not exaggerate on this) and the school were absolutely shit in their response to her needs
I still get furious now thinking about it almost five years after her leaving
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