2020 dawns with the Springboks as World Champions, Rugby Championship Champions and Ranked Number One in the World! Why do I mention this you ask? Does it have any bearing on the likely fortunes of the teams? No. Not at all. But I’m gonna keep my bragging rights as long as I can, until, as Mick Jones growled, I go straight to hell, boy.
The Bulls:
After a surprisingly promising season last year when the Bulls played some decent rugby, they’ve been hammered with 18 players leaving. This includes their entire second-row stock of RG Snyman, Lood de Jager, Jason Jenkins and Hendré Stassen, Duane Vermeulen, another 4 backrowers, Handre Pollard, Jessie Kriel and the promising Duncan Matthews in the backs. Recruits? Juandre Kruger and Morne Steyn. Cough. They are, however, the only side in SA with a coach who has previous experience at this level.
Lots of grunt up front with Boks Trevor Nyakane and promising Lizo Gqoboka anchoring, but the rest of the pack has an almost journeyman quality to it. Behind them, two fringe Boks in Embrose Papier and Ivan van Zyl will be providing the service to one of past it Morne Steyn or hugely promising Manie Libbok (please not Marnitz Boshoff) with plenty of enterprise outside of that in 7z Boks Dylan Sage (centre, injured), Stedman Gans and Rosko Specman, as well as possible future Bok Burger Odendaal and the stalled Warrick Gelant.
Expect lots of huff and puff, the odd bit of absolute magic from Specman, and a string of defeats – starting with two away derbies in SA to the much-fancied Sharks and Stormers. They have two byes to follow (including the Blues), then two more home matches followed by a month in Australasia. It’s a bridge too far.
Clash Song for the season: ‘Lost in the Supermarket’ – they’ve been lousy at shopping and given away some bargains, struggling to deal with an increasingly commercialised world and rampant consumerism (thanks Wiki).
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Lions.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Lions and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Lions:
Three times the bridesmaid, never the bride – and now in freefall as a combination of virtually the entire pack from the halcyon days of 2016 to 2018 having left or retired through injury leaving the Lions shattered. Particularly galling is the loss of Malcolm Marx, the only remaining world class forward, but Whiteley being perma-crocked and Kwagga Smith off to Japan has left both a skill and leadership void. Add in the departure of some fine backs in Faf de Klerk, Rohan Janse van Rensburg, Ruan Combrink, Lionel Mapoe, Madosh Tambwe, Howard Mnisi and Aphiwe Dyanti (still protesting his innocence over a drug bust) and the Lions are a shell of their former selves. A total loss of 17 players is scary.
In come old hands Jannie du Plessis and Willem Alberts to give a bit of nous and grunt to the pack, along with perma-crocked Jaco Kriel (out until April!), promising Bulls discards Roelof Smit and Duncan Matthews (as well as mercurial Jamba Ulengo) and Stormers reject Dan Kriel.
Not promising and it showed in their battering in Buenos Aires in Round 1. A Bok halfback pairing that isn’t much cop behind a pack coming second and a callow back division, the Lions do have some promising youngsters in the engine room – Carlu Sadie and Sti Sithole in particular, whilst if fit and firing, the like of Hacjivah Dayimani, Marnus Schoeman, Roelof Smit, and Alberts could cause defences some problems on the ground and in close quarters from the loose trio berths.
This is definitely a rebuilding season and the Reds will fancy a win this weekend at Ellis Park. The Stormers visit next, whereafter the Lions head down south for four weeks – the only saving grace being a relatively kind fixture list. A couple of heroic smash and grab wins won’t mask the Herculean task facing the heroes of southern hemisphere rugby as they struggle through the rubble of past glories.
Clash Song for the season: Ghetto Defendant – (misrepresenting the meaning, but that’s tough shit): The ghetto prince of gutter poets; Was bounced out of the room; By the bodyguards of greed; For disturbing the tomb.
Position in SA Conference: Fighting for fourth with the Bulls.
Overall: Trying to stay above the Sunwolves, Bulls and assorted Aussie sides (and Blues).
The Sharks:
Like the Bulls and Lions, they’ve lost a lot of players in the last few months – the Du Preez trio, Beast, Coenie Oosthuizen, Armand van der Merwe, Ruan Botha, Jacques Vermeulen and a few others. But they’ve got a couple of very good players in, too: Ox Nche and Henco Venter from the Cheetahs, and James Venter and Madosh Tambwe from the Lions. They (like all the SA sides bar the Bulls) have a newbie coach at this level, but have a good matchday 23 to call on, with a good front row and a back division that won’t stand back for many, with Curwin Bosch, Lukanyo Am, Makezoli Mapimpi, Sbu Nkosi, Madosh Tambwe, Andre Esterhuizen, Aphelele Fassi, Louis Schreuder and new sensational 9 Sanele Nohamba giving them options all over the park. But they may be a bit callow in the 2nd row and loose trio, given all the defections and over the course of the season and will be sorely tested up front, as well as when the benches are emptied.
Following a routine (and typically SA-boshtastic) win over the Bulls in Round 1, the Sharks head on tour early this – and they’re one SA side that seems to genuinely tour well (okish, more accurately). They open against the Highlanders, who will be a bit rusty after a bye in Round 1, and don’t have the worst itinerary, with matches against the Canes, Rebels and Reds to follow. Not too bad. The tour could decide their fate, so it’s imperative to get a couple of wins at least out of it. Do that, and they could really gel as a unit, but have the Crusaders as their last regular season match and it could be down to that to make it to play-offs.
The Sharks will score some scintillating tries this year and hopefully Bosch really shines at 10 now that The Family have all buggered off. But there’s a lingering feeling that up front they’ll be found wanting.
Clash Song for the season: Rock the Casbah – Coach Everitt is raw at this level, but he can sure call on some jet fighters in the back division to rock the casbah. Kings Park will rock to some stunning tries.
Position in SA Conference: Probably 3rd, but possibly 2nd in a dogfight with the Stormers and Jaguares.
Overall: Playoffs are not beyond them – expect an away QF for the ‘Banana Boys’.
The Stormers:
For the first time in this scribe’s (cough) history, he believes the Stormers are the real deal to go deep into the play-offs. They have a core of World Cup winning Boks to call on, including skipper Siya Kolisi, World Player of the year Pieter Steph du Toit, Steven Kitshoff, Bongi Mbonambi and Frans Malherbe in the front row, magical 9 Herschel Jantjies and 10 Damian Willemse. The Magnificent Seven form the core of a side that has Boks Wilco Louw and Scarra Ntubeni also bolstering the front row, with a glittering array of junior and age group Boks throughout the side, including the looming presence of Cobus Wiese (his breakout season?) and new sensation Jaco Coetzee (being billed as the next Schalk Burger). Plenty more promising stars up front too. Major losses include Eben Etzebeth and Damian De Allende.
The back division will rely on the services of Jantjies and Willemse to get them going and with the likes of Seabelo Senatla, Seargal Petersen, Leolin Zas, Dillyn Leyds and Jamie Roberts (um, yes, that one), they have plenty of gas and experience in the back division – even if it is a little callow once the bench is emptied (and injuries take their toll).
A thumping first round win, nilling the Canes at Newlands sets them up for the old North-South derby against the Bulls, followed by a trip to Jo’burg which shouldn’t hold too many fears for this side. The Jaguares and Blues at home is followed by a bye and the Sharks away – a very nice start to the season. The travel leg is a potential bastard with the Chiefs, Crusaders and Brumbies lying in wait on consecutive weekends towards the end of the regular season, but the Stormers should, by then, be relatively comfortable in the SA standings.
Clash Song for the season: The Magnificent Seven – when last did a SA coach have half a Bok World Cup winning side to call on? Knuckle merchants and your bankers too; Must get up and learn those rules; Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents; English pounds and Eskimo pence won’t stop this gnarly mob in the SA conference.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Jaguares for 1st.
Overall: Top the SA conference and it’s all the way to the Final, finish 2nd and probably an away semi loss.
The Jaguares:
To be honest, your humble narrator knows less about this mob than any of the other sides, if that’s possible given the evidence above. Suffice it to say, they’re pretty close to a full-strength Pumas side, bar a couple of blokes sunning themselves in balmy Leicester (or wherever).
Dished out a 2nd half hiding to the Lions in Round 1, but that means little given the quality of the opposition. A kind start though, with the dismantled Canes up next followed by the Reds (both at home), before they start the first journey: Stormers, Bulls and Sharks away. April will test their mettle, with away matches to the Brumbies, (Blues) and Crusaders, which will show if they’re as good as last years’ beaten finalists.
Clash Song for the season: Sandanista! – so an album, not a song. Obviously picked it ‘cause they’re Latin American and it’s close to Nicaragua right? Bugger off! It, like the 36 tracks on Sandanista!, is a homage to the massive travel schedule that the blokes from Buenos Aires face every year.
Position in SA Conference: Duking it out with the Stormers for 1st. Overall: Finalists again? Possibly – but more likely a last four loss. Just because.
Predictions courtesy of Deebee7
Further Reading
Deebee7 on why France v England was a good match
Utnapistm’s predictions for the weekend
On the telly this week
Friday 7th February
| Highlanders 20 – 42 Sharks | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Brumbies 39 – 26 Rebels | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland U20 36 – 22 Wales U20 | 19:15 | BBC Two Wales / BBC Sport website / Red button / RTÉ Two |
| Scotland U20 17 – 21 England U20 | 19:15 | SRU website |
| Sale 28 – 7 Saracens | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| France U20 31 – 19 Italy U20 | 20:00 | YouTube |
Saturday 8th February
| Chiefs 25 – 15 Crusaders | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 12 – 32 Blues | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Lions 27 – 20 Reds | 13:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Ireland 24 – 14 Wales | 14:15 | ITV / S4C |
| Stormers 13 – 0 Blues | 15:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Scotland 6 – 13 England | 16:45 | BBC One / BBC sport website |
| France 45 – 10 Italy (women) | 20:00 | BBC Red Button / YouTube |
| Los Jaguares 23 – 26 Hurricanes | 23:00 | Sky Sports Action |
Sunday 9th February
| Scotland 0 – 53 England (women) | 12:10 | Sky Sports Action / BBC Alba |
| Ireland 31 – 12 Wales (women) | 13:00 | BBC Sport website / S4C / RTÉ Two |
| France 35 – 22 Italy | 15:00 | BBC One / BBC Sport website |
Ovally Balls 
Knackered, got fuck all sleep last night, this Ciara big dog isn’t due to really hit until Sunday but tell that to the weather at my house. Really this is my fault for living on a hill on the coast on a landmass on the edge of a continent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What I’m saying is Wales by 30.
LikeLike
@Larry – it would be a fine day to drive from Torr Head to Mull of Kintyre if only there were a bridge.
LikeLiked by 3 people
If I were still living where I grew up I would be saying stuff like “bit blowy today” as things floated past in the background towards the lowlands in the distance.
As it is where I am now is like a safe haven from the elements and is protected from Atlantic storms by the comfort blanket that is the rest of the British Isles.
So thanks for all your hard work.
LikeLike
Can’t wait till we move on to the seven times table.
LikeLike
Good win Warren.
LikeLike
@cmw
If you really want to show off with maths then the go to area is complex numbers.
LikeLike
First beer of the 6N weekend. A very nice “norfolk bitter” courtesy of Marks and Spencer
Nice to be back in civilised beer territory after months of formaldahyde tasting tsingdao
LikeLiked by 1 person
Imaginary numbers OT?
Couldn’t give 2j shits about them things.
LikeLiked by 2 people
CMW, to be honest we’ve gone far enough. 6s are the best, you can’t improve on those.
LikeLike
@Dova perhaps the term NOPEFEAR might be most apt,
LikeLike
“If you really want to show off with maths then the go to area is complex numbers”
No. If you really want to show off about maths you need to be awarded a certificate in front of the whole school and to get to tell them all that you are very, very, very good at fractions. This much I know.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Wales > Ireland
Scotland > England
France > Italy
………keeping it simple
LikeLike
@dova
Spoken like a true electrical engineer. The elitist physicist would never stoop so low as to use j. It’s i every time.
LikeLike
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved the way that my school decided on who went in the first language/second language Welsh classes. Lined us all up in the hall and asked which village we were from.
Now that’s what I call edumacation.
LikeLiked by 4 people
@Yos – more or less the same at mine. I think some of the ‘Welsh speakers’ were more English speakers who’d been to Welsh medium primary schools. I got lumped in with them after first year for coming top out of the learners and the class sizes determining that someone had to step up. I’ll have mentioned this before.
LikeLike
New game, to while away the time until the serious business begins:
Greatest /favorite all time international XV, made up of units (FR, halves, back 3 etc..) who all played intl rugby together.
Restrictions: only 1 unit per nation, no composite teams (Lions, BaaBaas etc)
Mine is
Popplewell, Wood, Clohessy (Ire 90s)
Botha Matfield (SA 00s)
Whetton, Jones, Shelford (NZ 80s)
Gregan Larkham (Aus 90s)
Charvet Sella (Fra 80s)
JJ Williams G Davies JPR Williams (Wal 70s)
LikeLiked by 3 people
Nigel Owens cementing his position as a national treasure
https://www.walesonline.co.uk/sport/rugby/beautiful-unseen-gesture-owen-farrell-17702027.amp
LikeLiked by 3 people
The england 2003 back row.
French centres 80s
NZ 2007 half backs just because carter
Irish front row circa 2018
Shit I cant have the kiwi locks now. The saffas as above then.
Not old enough for utnas Welsh back 3. Ozzies then. 90s.
LikeLike
Top team, utna.
I’ll go Leonard Moore Probyn for the bastardry..
Retallick + Whitelock for the skills
White, Jeffrey, Calder for the speed + bastardry.
Robbie + Campbell to get Campbell in the team
Gerber + du Plessis for the legend.
Blanco, Saint Andre and Lafond for the everything.
No Welsh but tempted by Tompkins + 1 at centre.
LikeLike
@Dov
Not sure about an Ozzie back 3. Some great players, but dont really remember a trio in the 90s that would, together, count as great.
Early 90s, it was Campo (arguably best ever), Roebuck (good but not great) and I cant remember who played on thr other wing.
Late 90s their best was probably Roff, Tune and Burke. Very, very good(Roff in particular) but not exactly the best of the best
LikeLike
I’d go for any backline that includes Joel Tomkins.
LikeLike
Tindall & Moon?
LikeLike
underrated pairings?………………….Carling and Greenwood – Carling and Guscott – though thinking of them tells me how much midfield play has changed…………………………………
LikeLike
Footage has emerged of Nick Tompkins practicing the national anthem
LikeLike
I’m making baba ghannouj and fondue for a pre-match feast.
LikeLiked by 1 person
@Slade
Not sure Carling would have ever played with Greenwood. A fair gap between them in age
LikeLike
Just made southern fried chicken.
So we’re talking favourites here, not the best?
I’m kicking off with Magne, Harinordoquy, Betsen.
LikeLike
Edwards, John is tempting but I’ll stick with units I watched play as it was happening so really 90s onwards.
LikeLike
@Larry
That BR was amazing, but then I wouldnt have been able to pick Charvet &Sella
Even I’m too young to remember John in any clarity. Never really warmed to Benny
LikeLike
Lomu, Cullen, Wilson
LikeLike
Poor Nick Tompkins. 1 game and he’s already a meme on here
Louis Rees who?
LikeLike
@Utna
stupid me – the leg, you know!
LikeLike
@utna, yeah, that’s the interesting wrinkle.
Healy, Best, Furlong
LikeLike
Genia, Cooper
LikeLike
Ackford, Dooley
LikeLike
Henson, Shanklin…
LikeLike
Utna, I just wanted campo in the team. Tempted to change to.french back three and ozzie centres to be honest
LikeLike
Ooh, enzo, well played indeed, loved that french back row and you managed to get Cullen in.
Not sure about your half backs. Front row same as me
LikeLike
Half backs – Bishop.and Ring.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Horan and little gotta be in there
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was thinking Bunce and Little.
Fourier and de Villiers also good.
And Nonu and Smith.
LikeLike
I saw Gerber play once and he was phenomenal. Michael du Plessis is talked of very very highly in SA.
LikeLike
Am in the North Bohemian mountains for the weekend. We made a nice climb up a snowy peak earlier. Bumped into someone I know from Prague. He introduced me to his companion- Lukas Bauer, “the cross-country skier” I was told. Never heard of him. Turns out Mr Bauer’s got two Olympic silvers and a Bromze as well as two World Championship silvers.
Basically, I just met the Steve Backley of winter sports.
LikeLike
Shaw and Johnno
LikeLike
Owen Williams injured. Jarrod Evans back to bench
LikeLike
Laidlaw (original) and Rutherford.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lascube, Moscato, Ondarts
Johnson, Shaw
Jeffrey, Calder, White.
A pack with a wee bit of an edge to it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Paul Griffen and Luciano Orquera
LikeLike