As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
Tomp, it began with an F. Dutch apparently, rather than German.
Frankendinkel? Something like that.
It was drunk food eaten sober.
Ah shit. Nice try France
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If you let him have his hands on the ground.
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My feed (the TV variety) is obviously a couple of minutes behind. Good reading of the situation by France.
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Frikkadel’s a meat ball.
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Ambitious!!!
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Shoulda taken points
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Frikandel.
Just looked it up. Tis a sausage
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Deebee – both.
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@TomP – probably the name of a failed boy-girl diet from Pretoria too.
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Duet. FFS. But this is Pretoria…
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Scotland are not good in the opposition 22.
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Could Johnson have been a bit more decisive and stopped the kick for the French try? Not sure.
France cynical killing the ball after the ref signalled penalty advantage right in front of them. “You don’t get more for two penalties” says Moore, but the ref does have options.
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*sigh*
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Another punch!
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French 3 is stupid. What is it about props? Feck, forwards and Farrell in general?
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And that’s a red.
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Bye bye
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What an idiot. Should be gone.
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Well that was dumb
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That’s a red.
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Wot a nob
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Galthier looks furious, quite rightly.
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Silly lad. Good player but that wasn’t smart. Good night.
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Caught a glimpse of a more trad chicken hat as he was walking off.
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Tit. No idea what he’s complaining about.
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Oh daft buggerado. Dumb beyond belief.
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What is the ref doing telling a Scottish player to not join a ruck?
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He might have meant that he shouldn’t add to the ‘caterpillar’?
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Yes!
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Ya beauty
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Treacle!
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YES!
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Great time to score.
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Annie looks happy….
Or she’s maybe actually asleep behind those glasses.
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Anne does not look amused. Does she secretly hold French sympathies?
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Well, well, well!
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Jamie Ritchie article
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/51742616
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A good try each, but not the best of games. Surely Scotland can’t fuck this up from here.
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“Surely Scotland can’t fuck this up from here.”
Pfft
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Read that article earlier, Ticht. He’s been through a lot, a come through a lot of tough times (only to get punched by a French idiot…)
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Well done, Scotland. France have been terrible, really poor, but Scotland held up to the fizzicality pretty ok and should do this.
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Resting her eyes after cosmetic surgery to the peepers. Apparently she times the operations prior to trips to Murrayfield, when there’s not much to strain the eyes.
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Deebee, can we an update on the rightness of the score?
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Wycombe Wanderers would definitely put Portsmouth away from this position.
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@tomp
The score reflects the number of points scored.
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Shit. Missed the try. France not at the races I’m afraid. Can Scotland ensure the man advantage counts? I think they can. Can France up their game? Yes, for sure, but they’re being beaten to the punch, so to speak, by Scotland.
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OT,
Deebee needs to determine the about rightness.
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Dupont’s kick for Penaud was majestic. Doesn’t make up for most of his play but still a top-class chip.
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And back to square one. Ach… it did not last long.
Was good while it lasted though.
France rattled from the start. Deserved lead for Scotland.
Scotland/France games aren’t usually so niggly. A bit weird.
Don’t think Haouas will see a France jersey soon. There should be a special color for particularly stupid RCs. Like a medal or something. At least Tuilagi was trying to prevent a score.
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14-7 is about right.
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