As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
Princess Anne
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France were scared of Hogg for the Scottish try. Good pass by SH and bread-and-butter centre play by Johnson. Good score.
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“Surely Scotland can’t fuck this up from here.”
Are you familiar with Scotland teams?
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Looks like a stuffed Anne dummy rather than a person
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The red card might be an excuse down the road, but France have seemed out of sorts for this game from the beginning, while Scotland have looked decently prepared but nothing more.
That prop needs firing into the sun because he’s nobbled their GS unless the French coaches can work motivational miracles at half time.
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Murrayfield PA playing The Rembrandts at half-time. Sounds like the record’s jumping as it’s just the riff at the beginning again and again.
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Thank flip for the mish and his mullet
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Uh-oh, Other France has turned up for the second half. Scotland saved by St Fuckface.
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OH yes!
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Double Treacle!
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Treacle toes again!!!
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Yes! We didn’t start this half well, but that was a good move.
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Great try Scotland!
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Good by harris
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Don’t know what Harris brings…
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Game over. Find the forward, run around him and a couple of phases later it’s all over.
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BB, that was Hogg’s play rather than Harris. He did all right with the pass to Price but Hogg’s vision and pass made it.
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Lovely stuff.
Scotland are one team you fancy to put a big score on a beaten 14 men. So many game breakers
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The fates seem really stacked against France today but Scotland are not riding their luck, rather they just seem more present in the game than France, from the start.
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That new French lad’s got a bit of heft to him.
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Fuck. Missed the next tey too. Making trinchado which is isn’t tricky, but I seem to be timing my forays into the kitchen very badly!
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Awful decision from the ref – that was very offside!
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Dab, Ollivon pushed Price into it but yeah.
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Anyway great for the Blog Meet next weekend when Scotland turn up in Cardiff with their tails up and France need to prove against Ireland that it was not all a mirage.
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Bonus point incoming.
Largest winning margin for Scotland is 28.
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21-7 seems about right.
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Hmph, I am not looking forward to a revenge-seeking France.
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Ou ball retention is still pish
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Jalibert is doing an amazing job at stealing metres at every kick.
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Still far too close for comfort
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Come on Scotland, don’t let them have a bonus point!
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Argh fecking lineout
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20 to go. C’mon Scotland! Fucking darts!
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Cunning lineout ploy that
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Scotland’s terrible lineout gets them a try!
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McInally plays a 1-2 with the French lineout and scores a try! Meant that…..
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Murrayfield goes mad….
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Gwan Rambo
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Might win this now…..
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Scrappy, but what a try! Wow!
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One of the Ayrshire Steyns on now…
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Bouthier is very good
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Townsend’s a wonder coach.
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Don’t like that they’ve shortened the Murrayfield in goal area.
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Ok don’t think we’ll lose this now
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Sorry Flair, my pre-match prediction sunk your side. 28-10 being about right isn’t my fault though.
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Ah poop
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Superb from France.
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We’re far too loose now.
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Big Jim Ollivon celebrating strangely
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