As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
Dam right ticht. He does have that right.
Doesn’t change my wider point but glad you said that. Think I got that small point wrong maybe
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So that said, Dov, I can have a real go at Marler, he should kop a very lengthy ban for his actions, the potential is apparently four years Thaum said.
The question, I guess, is do you take “rugby culture” into account? The “laddish” shite is always something I’ve hated about rugby, and it’s that which leads someone to think it’s okay to grab someone’s genitals.
But it’s a thing in rugby to act like a clown when you’re with your mates, and that spills on to the pitch at times.
Is there mitigation for Marler under the circumstances that rugby culture can be pretty crap at times?
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No.
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You don’t think that the sort of thing Hask was overseeing on that boat on the Thames has any impact on how players act in the rugby environment?
I’m not trying to excuse Marler, btw, I’d rather fling Hask and all that shiteyness overboard from rugby for good.
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Rugby culture?
Might as well say, they knew what they were getting into.
Nah. Cultures collide and people are part of many. You cant say something like this is less bad in one than another when its imposed on someone.
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But rugby cultures do vary, the culture I played in in France was very different to that in Scotland.
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I just don’t see that hanging Marler out to dry as an individual is correct, I think there is a deeper thing at play within the sport itself.
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I do ticht, yes. The hask was wrong then and contributing to a problem.
It will impact yes, so we are where we are.
You should note that whilst I might have gone after Marler a bit, what I’m really shouting about is the culture that excuses it. (Not saying you excuse it in those terms).
I guess we could say he’s a victim of a culture that made him think something would be okay?
Not sure about that.
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In society ticht. The sport just exaggerates and highlights what big powerful men think they can do for a laugh and get away with.
It really makes no odds if theres some kind of code they’ve all signed up to (they haven’t).
It spreads and is looked up to.
If we excuse or explain away this shit it’s just another bad example to young fellas and a continuation of mens poor behaviour and attitude (on a macro scale, not individuals)
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I’m absolutely not excusing the culture, Dov, I’m blaming it.
It’s something I railed against as a player, I’m less in touch with clubs now but I don’t think things have changed much for the better.
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A big man hurt my wife many years ago and claimed she knew the rules. Thankfully he’s in prison now. Not that it really helps much.
Plenty of big fellas beat the shit out of me as a lad.
I’ve probably been ‘triggered ‘ by this so,
Sorry.
I’ll leave it.
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Dov, no need to apologise, I was always a big lad but, I really hope, never a bully.
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@Dova thanks for disagreeing on such an emotive subject to you in such a measured way, and respect to all for your views and how you’ve expressed them. I’ll go away and interrogate my cynicism on this matter in more depth.
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Finally, have you followed that shocking story from Durban between Durban High and Glenwood, a poaching row that turned into an overage player row?
I’ve not followed it in much detail, other than to say that player poaching has been around for years. Moreover, it was the KZN schools who first introduced ‘6th Form’, ostensibly to give guys a chance to study A-levels (which carries no weight in SA and was introduced way before the great white flight from SA anyway), but in reality to give them a chance to have 19 year-old kids in their teams. Many of the 1st team players at school are only 17, so it is a helluva difference. The private schools in the rest of the country soon followed suit. As have many of the top government schools.
I remember quite a funny incident from back in my day, where a guy from one of our local rival schools repeated his final year 3 times and was 20 or 21 and still playing schoolboy rugby on the wing for them. It was preposterous – he had a full beard by then but still couldn’t finish on the winning side.
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Following the Marler thing on here is fascinating and thankfully, being debated in a very mature manner – kudos to all involved. My take on it is that Marler is an unstable bloke (I’m sure that’s not the correct term, but not sure how else to put it) and has history for doing stupid things because of it. I’m sure that before he was recalled to the England side, he’d have to have gone for some kind of counselling to get over his depression and anxiety issues that he said were responsible for his actions and maybe this was just a slip back into the old ways.
Alternatively, he’s a gobby tit who tries to hide his shitty actions behind a mask of sympathy and the mask slipped again. I really don’t know and I suspect none of us here does. What I, and everyone here, knows is that his actions have no place in the modern, professional game and he needs to cop what’s coming to him.
I’m gonna go on a limb here and probably get a shellacking for it, but is it just my impression or has the England side become a bit dirty of late? Watching on Saturday I thought that there were a few borderline incidents – is it Farrell’s hyper-competitive captaincy or Eddie’s cynical approach? I don’t know, but there seems to be an edge that borders on the unacceptable at the moment. Fire away!
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ticht, your boy Jordan Venter’s team’s playing this afternoon. Kick off should be about 16.35 UK time. This link’ll take you to the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NseOBg7IQBU&feature=youtu.be
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Deebee, further to your thing about SA schools rugby’s professionalism – Swys de Bruin is helping out at Helpmekaar this year.
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Helpmekaarl, shurely?
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Squirrels freak me out a bit too…
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@TomP – my old school poached a Bulls Academy coach a couple of years ago apparently. Results have been predictable.
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Can’t help the super posh boys. Is your old school the one that’s good at rowing? I know it’s a strong cricket school.
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My brother coxed a schoolboy VIII that beat the national men’s crew back in the day. They used to regularly beat the men’s 8s at regattas, including the uni crews who consisted of many of the guys from a few years ahead of them at school. Our 1st VIIIs were almost unbeatable for about a decade, but then faded a bit – but we’ve always been a very strong rowing school. Cricket and squash as well, water polo to a lesser degree, but not so much in tennis, rugby or athletics.
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Just on the catch up I have a few points to make.
I think Alfie’s joke was fine and anyone in the studio could have made it. It wasn’t literally true, and it was light hearted enough for everyone to know that. Sure, it was just after the incident, but AWJ seemed more perplexed and annoyed as it happened than upset. So for me it was relatively safe territory. I can think of far worse things to say as a joke in that situation.
Re the culture. I don’t think that it is a rugby problem. More of a blokes getting together problem. Vinnie Jones grabbed Gazza far more aggressively a few decades back. It needs to be guarded against but isn’t something unique to rugby. The guy who grabbed me describes himself as a ‘working class Manc’ and ‘would rather boil his own head than watch rugby’.
It’s toxic masculinity innit. And Marler is a tool*.
* I actually thought he had moved on from his previous shite. He seemed contrite about his racist comments (and donated to charity) and I think retiring was good for him. Probably the best thing for him to do is apologise and step away.
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Craigs, yes, I agree. I avoided using that phrase at risk of starting a whole other debate, but in this context it describes perfectly what I was going on about.
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@craigs
I bet he’s from Didsbury. Or Chorlton.
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More deflection.
That you’re spending more time and energy on AWJ is quite enlightening. This is an ongoing gripe from you, going back years and you have been determined to turn this into your own little England v Wales battle.
Fine, you want that scrap then you can start by giving me a timestamp for this: “AWJ was hypocritical in acting like he has never tried to wind up an opponent at the press conference”. I’ve just watched the whole press conference and I’m calling bullshit and I’m also calling you one-eyed.
This, in particular, needs calling out: https://ovallyballs.sport.blog/2020/01/10/leaked-six-nations-squads/comment-page-4/#comment-19277
Think he winds everyone up yet doesn’t think he’s niggly, even though we’ve just told you that he always has been. You’re full of shit.
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Its all flat caps and whippets round here OT.
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OT – No idea what those places are like but this guy isn’t a faker like my previous boss. I can’t think of any specific reasons why. I just believe him more from my interactions with him (cock grabbing aside).
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Pretty sure OT is the only ‘real man’ in Didsbury after watching that.
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I’ve never been to Didsbury. I once drove to Chorlton to drop my mate off after a Stone Roses gig but that was it.
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‘I’ve never been to Didsbury’
Everyone can dream.
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@Slade. Read that article just now. The actual evidence submitted to the inquiry by Browder which is embedded in the report is astonishing. I was particularly gobsmacked by that list of Brits who’ve registered hundreds of different companies at Company House for money laundering purposes.
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My takes:
Marler tried a sneaky wind up in the hope of provoking a response Didn’t work and he got caught out. Will rightly get a ban. How long? No idea
AWJ’s history, or not, has no bearing
Tuilagi was rightly red carded under the current laws. Bit unfortunate, but you can’t lead with the shoulder and strike the head with force, even if a player is falling. Reckless. Unless a red is automatic ban (is it?), the card itself should be enough.
I thought, and commented during the game itself that Farrell should have seen yellow for the early head high on Biggar and Parkes likewise for his head high (but not red as he did try to wrap the arms and it was head on head – though couldn’t have too many complaints if he did walk)
Nothing in Halfpenny on Daly – just a contest similar to Fikou on North the other week.
Williams on Curry and Farrell on AWJ were stupid and should have been penalised, but no more than that.
Bad tempered game. Seems to be a problem with the “no punching”rule – you can do whatever you like (within reason) and provoke and push and shove but nothing ever comes of it. Not that I am advocating a return to the all in brawl but if you (rightly) come down on fighting, then you must also come down on provoking/instigating. A team yellow after a warning for repeated pushing, shoving, head patting may be a way to go.
Actually think the yellow is underused for repeated offside and scrum shenanigans. 14 vs 14 for 10 mins may be a better outcome than repeated pushing and niggle.
Eddie Jones is a disgrace. Can’t believe he is getting away with his comments. Objecting to the red card? Wrong, but I have no problem with his opinion being expressed. 16 vs 13 comment is implying the ref was cheating and he should face a significant sanction for that.
Still, best team won, and a difference greater than 3 would be justified. England do look the strongest and most complete outfit. Wonder what they think now when they reflect on that opening 20 mins vs France?
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One day, when I’m ready, I will go to Didsbury.
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Dova goes to Didsbury every day.
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Dova is clearly a king among men.
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Joe Marler (our Joe Marler):
– biggest burk playing international rugby
– best defensive loose head in world rugby.
No-one is indispensable – ban him from Internationals (if he hasn’t re-retired already) let him enjoy life at Quins and give the man some help, for dog’s sake.
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The Polish bakery in Chorlton – best in UK………..
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As for Wales, think they have bigger problems than England roughing them up a bit.
Defence is a shambles, and their attack is brave but stupid. Flinging it about played into the English umbrella defence (Mitchell has done a great job) and they were often caught behind the gain line trying to go wide.
Appreciate the ambition, but sometimes turning the rush with a chip from 12 is the better option. Surprised they didn’t pick and go either – England didn’t commit to the narrow channels.
Ok, when it works (Tips try) it is great, but there needs to be better decision making and communication. Also on defence. They are at sixes and sevens. One jams in, the other rushes up and the 3rd drifts out. Easy picking for the passers on the opposition. Not much they can do about losing the physical collision if you are against powerful players, but you can be smarter and try to hold them up or chop and jackal (rather than trying the driving hit).
Pastries: Navidi and Tips were excellent. Dillon Lewis is developing (but injured). Biggar has a lot of heart. Tompkins had his best game by far.
What to do? Got to look at changes. Sadly, think Owens and HalfP may be nearing the end. Even AWJ is looking a bit weary at times. Parkes has had his day.
Would try Carre, Elias/Dee, Brown (any choice here) up front. Rowlands at lock (why can’t Seb Davies get good?). BR unchanged. Big push for Webb in at 9 – I would stick with Williams and Davies on the bench. Watkin and Tompkins, LRZ and North, Liam.
More than personnel, they need to change their defence strategy, kick more intelligently and accurately vary the point of attack and most of all, keep things simple
Sadly, without finding some genuine blockbusting carriers, and robust scrummagers, they are going to struggle vs Scotland and in the times to come.
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Iks
It’s the ‘do nothing/look the other way/trouser the dosh’ attitude of the establishment that breaks my bones.
I’d machine gun them all.
The longer these affairs are left and the more widely they are reported the nearer the violent revolution comes…………
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I work here.. I used to live here but in the bit that wasn;t really didsbury but they invented the concept of West Didsbury to make the houses more expensive and make it seem posh.
It is posh now so I couldn’t afford to live there either.
Unless you’ve had the chance to have a few drinks with Ray Winston and the corrie cast in The Metropolitan you haven’t lived.
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That fella from Cold feet (which along with corrie, I’ve never actually watched but recognise him from other stuff) used to walk his dogs past my house.
I’m telling you. They were glorious days.
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What’s a ‘corrie’?
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I was once in the Angel Inn in Lees with a mate of mine and a relative of his who were visiting from Scotland. Someone asked him what he thought of Oldham – he said “it’s just like Coronation St”. As soon as he said it Martin Platt from Coronation St walked in and ordered a pint.
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Used to live in the part of ‘Chorlton’ that used to be Whalley Range as well.
Wayne Rooney had a medical in the Spire hospital down the road. Its not there now.
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The other thing about Alfie’s joke is that it was self deprecating. No need to apologise.
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I was walking through Piccadilly Gardens and this Irish bloke stopped me and asked for directions to Whalley Range. I thought “oh I know that – it’s that place with two words in the name” and sent him on his way with a detailed set of directions.
It took me a couple of hours to work out I’d actually sent him to Cheetham Hill…..
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Arf Thauma I think we are in different timezones.
By late pm I meant teatime, sort of around 5pm in the afternoon, before heading to the Friday evening restaurant. Certainly not a sesh, just a short wander around some recommended bars and having a pint in one or two them.
I haven’t been out after 10pm in Heidelberg Old Town in years and I don’t see that changing much even if the spirit is willing.
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Gregg Wallace lives near me and knows me as one of the people who had their house burn down.
Davina McCall served me tea (the drink you fools) once.
Not sure where we are going with this.
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