As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
Big hi to Claw, Meadesian and Boa. And Xan (?).
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Sanzaar, the governing body behind Super Rugby, have announced that the competition will be suspended “for the foreseeable future” following the completion of this weekend’s matches due to the Coronavirus outbreak.
The announcement comes after the New Zealand government declared that every person arriving in the country would need to self-isolate for 14 days, in order to prevent the spread of the virus. The policy will take effect from midnight on Sunday. There are currently no such travel restrictions affecting Australia, South Africa, Argentina or Japan.
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Hmm. Claw and Xan announced their intention of doing some wanging and were last seen heading down an alleyway together.
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Is Boa scarfed up?
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Boa is not scarfed up. But Meades was yesterday.
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Boa is the one who used to wear scraves, no? It was either him or CJ. I always get them mixed up.
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Oh what a raft of sanity this site represents. More concern about a duck pond in Germany than anything else now that rugby has been cancelled for the duration
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All set up for “miles Davis: Birth of the cool” BBC2 9pm. Expect full critique from the Ovally balls
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I always get them mixed up
That’s brutal Tomp. Next you’ll be saying that CJ likes overpriced duck.
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I’m recording the Miles Davis documentary, SLMC, so I can luxuriate in it over the next week, I’m really looking forward to it.
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Nakarawa seemingly staying on at Glasgow for another year according to Midi-Olympique
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Just finished watched the Miles Davis doc. A hard person to like I think, but definitely a musician to admire, even if his music isn’t what you’d normally listen to.
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Good on you, BB. I know that is outside your normal viewing/listening pleasure, so …*salutes*
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Brumbies thrashed the Tahs in possibly the final match of Suoer Rugby this season. Unless restrictions are lifted in the next month, the logistics would be a nightmare to complete a full season. A contrived, truncated version may be possible I suppose.
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Sharks well placed in that case!
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Hmm, dunno where that came from. Popped up on super rugby site, must be old.
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I didn’t care for the Miles Davis documentary, much as I am an admirer of his music. I felt like it glamourised and excused his abusive behaviour towards women, although it at least acknowledged it.
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No update from Heidelberg. They must still be on it. Herr Iks leading the charge as ever.
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My concern is that they will light the spark that will finally make rugby catch fire in Germany. Can you imagine how good the Germans would be at rugby if they really got into it?
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Ahem.
It is true that there are many Teutonic Amazons just walking about on the loose.
Iks is not feeling well today.
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Watched a couple of games yesterday – Affies destroyed Diamandtveld, 83-10 and the ref called it a few minutes early. Some good players for the Pretorians. Affies are playing Jordan Venter’s Paul Roos on Saturday. That’ll be a much closer game.
Paarl Boys High v Monnas was a ride. Fiercely competitive, some brutality from both sides and some eccentric reffing. Two very good tries in the mix as well.
This was the hit of the match:
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Dog awful column by Ugo. ‘Marler shouldn’t have gotten such a long ban, because he’s got a unique sense of humour’ FFS. https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/mar/14/level-of-inconsistency-over-joe-marlers-ban-for-an-act-without-malice
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Who’d be the poor sub-editor on one of Ugo’s pieces? No one it seems.
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Sorry Ticht, meant to get back earlier, but its been DRY here so I could (at last) get out into the garden.
I could take his 50s and early 60s stuff (the ‘smoky jazz club vibe’ was very strong!), but once he got into the electric stuff (tune? What tune?) it was far more off putting for me.
I did think it was interesting in how it showed a driving force in a particular genre (but not the only one, obviously) can dominate (sorry, DOMINATE) it , even when they go through dark periods (like Cash in country).
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I love how the quins players queued up to take a shot a sarries for breaking the laws but are all defending Marler.
There’s sticking up for your mates but this is a tad hypocritical (looking at you Danny Care).
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Mike Brown’s on it as well, according to WalesOnline quoting the Daily Mail. No links available,
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@Tom – double boak.
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Marler deserved his ban just for the look on his face as he “made his move”. He obviously thought he was being funny. Found out it was really him who was the dick of the piece.
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Good grief, bollockgate still rolling on?
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Chimpie – it’s not like there’s any other sport to talk about.
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I see Iks sitting by the filled in duck pond singing this song after all his ducklings from around Europe have gone back their separate ways. Hope you all had a great weekend.
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Good morning to all – on St Patrick’s Day eve … where as of last night the pubs are closed for 2 weeks.
I work from home anyway – but now have 3 scholars to “home school” for 2 weeks – minimum. Suspect it will be longer as going back on 30 March means they’d be off again for Easter on 3rd April. So, I can foresee no return until after Easter.
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On Saturday – they showed Wales vs Ireland from 2009, and England vs Ireland from 2018. The elapse of time meant I’d forgotten how hairy that game in 2009 was – we really staggered over the line that year.
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If/when they shut the schools in the UK I expect the home schooling to result in rapid progress of career mode within Cricket 19 on the PS4. That’s one plan in my house, anyway. I won’t be feeding any donkeys anyway
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Was asked by the Six Nations Committee to be the Pools Panel for Round 5 of the Championship. Here are my decisions:
Wales – Scotland ………………. Home Win
Italy – England ………………. No Score Draw
France – Italy ………………. Score Draw
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Pffffft
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Latest rumour from up here is that schools will close for the Easter break & not open again until August. Eeek.
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@chimpie
I blame Arlene Foster for the 16 weeks figure.
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Back at home. Shame. Found Germany a very civilised place.
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What’s foster done?
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VPN’s creaking and falling over already. Not even been seriously tested yet. this bodes well for remote working.
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@chimpie
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/14/coronavirus-northern-ireland-schools-will-close-for-at-least-16-weeks
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Separate rumour source up here I think, but same result
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Sinn Fein wanted to fall in with us and close schools now – DUP wants to align with UK.
Now to be fair – I’m not expecting ours to go back at all – or if they do it’ll be some kind of exceptional “short” summer term (not sure how feasible that would be).
Our eldest is due to finish 1st year secondary end of May. Can’t really see him getting back by then – so Arlene isn’t completely incorrect – but as ever there’s an element of gainsaying involved….
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and if anyone knows how to occupy a 13 year old through months of June to August – I’m all ears….
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Any urgent gardening jobs need done?
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Should have seen the reaction of a 7 & 10 year old when we told them even if school was off, they’d still get sent school work to do at home. The look of horror was pure comedy.
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Well, we’ve a small garden but yes – there’s a weeks work there anyway. Cut back briars and nettles coming in from the waste ground next door, grub a few failed shrubs, plant some new lavender, edge the lawn and re-seed the bit the dog dug up, clean up the paving….
Chimpie – you’re a genius.
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