As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
I’d make 100% out of that
LikeLiked by 3 people
anyhoo, based on a photo? What is this, phrenology?
LikeLike
<blockquotebased on a digital photo
You’ll have to share this…..
LikeLike
Eheu!
LikeLike
I’m calling it early but our government has fucked this up big time. How can so many ill NHS workers be off whilst not knowing if they have it at the same time as loads are in work not knowing if they’ve got it?
Lack of testing has lead to the worst of both worlds.
LikeLike
@chimpie
It could conceivably have some reasonable basis. After all you can look at some people and with confidence say they have east Asian, or Indian, or sub-Saharan African DNA. Nobody would think I am from any of those places, and I doubt anyone would look at me and think I’m Italian.
24% Puerto Rican is a bit suspect mind.
LikeLike
True. Some broad conclusions can be drawn.
Phrenology was more about defining character IIRC.
LikeLike
2% Native American though ….you’ll be telling us next you support Exeter…. and were always strangely drawn to them…
LikeLiked by 3 people
I got:
Columbian – 35%
Brazilian – 30%
North African – 20%
Cuban – 15%
Cheers for the laugh OT.
LikeLike
@trisk
Nope. My photo DNA test means it’s London Irish all the way for me now. Pass me my Guinness top hat and green false beard and I’m as authentic as anyone.
LikeLiked by 2 people
35% Scottish-Irish, 30% Han Chinese, 20% Dutch, 15% European Jewish
Crazy combination…..
LikeLike
Where do I do this photo DNA thing?
LikeLike
God love him:
LikeLike
Deebee, photodnathing.com
LikeLike
https://en.vonvon.me/quiz/9447
LikeLike
First photo (not a great picture, tad blurry):
European (!) 80%
Italian (that would be good) 10%
Dutch (Whit!) 6%
Scottish-Irish (now you’re talking) 4%
Second photo (better likeness and clearer):
Scottish (hurrah!) 99%
East African (Whit?!) 0.5%
Native American (Double Whit?!) 0.3%
Polynesian (Triple Whit?!) 0.1%
Dread to think what the missing 0.1% is. Martian? Or worse, Welsh?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dutch (whit?) 55%
French 20%
Northern Irish (hurray!) 13%
Han Chinese (WTAF?) 12%
LikeLike
Actually I think the French is more whit? than the Dutch. I do not look French, but am sometimes accused of being Dutch (or German) when travelling.
LikeLike
I think this photo DNA thing might well be a bag of shite.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LikeLiked by 2 people
OT – it’s very odd. It’s picked up Scottish for BB and Norn Irish for me. It’s not going off my IP address because I’m not in NI. Then the random odd things.
LikeLike
@thauma
When it gave me 70% Scots-Irish I thought it might be on to something. Then I tried it again and it gave me 99% East African.
LikeLike
OT – ha!
To be fair to it, I uploaded a pic of me wearing sunglasses.
LikeLike
Cross-posting this from elsewhere:
One thing we find out from this crisis is which workers are really important. They are: NHS employees, delivery/lorry drivers, cleaners, supermarket employees, farmers and farm workers, and, er, IT staff. Most of those are not paid very well, and are in danger of losing their jobs and homes at the mo.
LikeLiked by 3 people
@thaum
I’ve just been informed Department for Transport has just relaxed maximum driver hours for delivery vehicles. Means the system is under a lot of pressure. If it carries on like this the food supply system may run out of story. I expect a similar effort to the ventilator one to be announced at some point.
LikeLike
*stock not story
LikeLike
OT – that’s not surprising, but worrying, especially if drivers start to feel ill. And I don’t relish the idea of unqualified drivers driving artics.
LikeLike
Mmm, minty biscuits
LikeLike
Mint is for perverts.
LikeLike
Well, with lamb I’d agree
LikeLike
*Caveat*
Lamb is one of the few things with which mint is not offensive.
LikeLike
Pfffft
LikeLike
“A comedian hijacked a radio show with a genius wind up about mint flavoured biscuits.
Alex Lowe assumed the role of ‘Barry from Watford’ for the gag which took place on a BBC WM phone-in to host Iain Lee.
The debate about disabled parking was driven off course as ‘Barry’ continued to turn the conversation to his wife’s love of biscuits – much to the annoyance of the host.
As he kept trying to describe the treat, 40-year-old Lee struggled to turn the chat back in the right direction.
Listeners were left giggling away as more detail about the crumbly snack kept flowing.”
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/best-radio-wind-up-ever-3647373
LikeLiked by 1 person
mint is great in an “amuse bouche” mixed with armagnac and peach juice on crushed ice…………………………..
LikeLiked by 1 person
…….or eau de vie instead of armagnac, for a stronger kick
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eau de vie … someone got us on the schnapps on the Friday night. It was quite nice.
LikeLike
“I think this photo DNA thing might well be a bag of shite.”
Unless you are sitting in Nigeria harvesting data for Moscow.
LikeLike
Iks – indeed! I did question my judgement on uploading a photo.
LikeLike
Pat in that Minty Biscuit recording sounds sooooo much like my sister Merryl.
LikeLike
Just when you think Chimpie has been rehabilitated for food abuse and can be released back into the paddock he starts dissing mint sauce!
LikeLiked by 1 person
On ketchup
“Sanders hasn’t been subjected to the full misinformation campaign yet, imagine he’d have had plenty of mud slung his way (commie! Destroy the country! etc.). ”
Bernie got that from the feckin Democrats, let alone what the Orange ringpiece would vomit at him.
Saunders was a candidate with good policies, as was Warren.
LikeLiked by 1 person
First pic I was 97% Brazilian. I’ve been there lnce and don’t think I picked up that much of the local flavour. Second picture I’m 40% ‘European’, 35% French-Canadian (WTF? My aunt lives in Calgary FFS!), 15% Russian and 10% Polynesian. Bag o’ shite indeed! I’m 100% African! According to Kwame Nkrumah, anyway, which is good enough for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ince? once – although I’ve been reliably infomred I have a more cultured right cross than he does.
LikeLike
Mint sauce is marvellous. Especially with roast lamb, gravy and peas. And roast potatoes. Mint jelly is acceptable with lamb chops, but only in some circumstances. Mint julep is acceptable on hot days (trust me, you’ll have to take my word for it). Chocolate-mint sauce is excellent for making vanilla ice-cream edible. Mint in Indian-style chutney is wonderful and mint is a great part of Vietnamese cuisine too. If you hate mint, you’re a synt. Justice 4 Mint!
LikeLike
@deebee
Karl
LikeLiked by 1 person
I got 25% Norn Irish which isn’t surprising
Then 25% Cuban,
25% Venezuelan
25% French Canadian
I’ve not done one of those actual DNA list but my mum and dad have and their results were more focused on Scotland, bit of Scandinavia / Northern Europe – not sure my complexion would suit Latin America!
LikeLike
OT – not an image for sensitive viewers!
LikeLike
Got 48% Human., 24% Axolotl, 23% Warthog, 3% Somewhere just beyond the ring road on the western approach to Yerevan in Armenia and 2% Northern Irish.
Still not convinced it’s an accurate judge.
LikeLike
65 percent dutch 35 percent Hungarian.
LikeLike
It’s a bag of shite.
LikeLike