As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
Farrell winning the twat-off with biggar currently
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England well on top physically. Tackling Wales backward.
Morr shithousery from Farrell – got away with it so well played
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Oh dear, that was poor from Biggar.
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Form is temporary, chimpie, class is permanent.
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In a common theme so far this 6N, Tipuric superhuman efforts keeping Wales in this
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@Chimpie
Farrell is the captain. So he is allowed or something
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Biggar aint fit
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May not coming back.
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England not protecting ball very well.
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Plus ça change Dab.
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Farrell might single-handedly (and -armedly) lose this for England.
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Navidi looking bright considering he’s barely played in 5 months.
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Brutal game. Quite entertaining.
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I can see this game unraveling for us.
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What was the name of the guy who used to stick his arse right out in his kicking routine?
I think he played with Glaws, it was pretty funny
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Wales cheating by having 3 full-backs.
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Ticht – I believe he’s on commentary.
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Well bought penalty there.
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Rob Cook
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Navidi justifying his place
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Hadleigh again with a drop. Was in the gap between and Ford and Farrell as well.
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Rucksy dropsy
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This ref is letting too many offsides go, both ways.
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Sink with the early drive there
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Sinckler ate Rob Evans there
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This is looking like a big moment. England score here and its a long way back
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Ford did well there
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Fabulous conversion by Faz to a well executed try by Daly.
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Fresh hope! God I hate this game.
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And a well worked try. Good finish by Daly. Great play by Ford
Again, though, Wales defence in the wide channels a shambles. Tough when on the back foot, but it shouldnt be that easy to get outside the last man.
Was getting the hope for a while there
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Not even an attempt to go low from Parkes there. Almost Farrell-esq.
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Good pirate look from Manu there, arrrrrrrr!
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Parkes is taking a leaf out of Farrell’s book, and trying to lose the game single-handedly.
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Poor from Parkes. Lucky to escape yellow.
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Ticht – rAmen.
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Eng have to turn the screw now
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Or not… go for goal,
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I’m really enjoying having Watson back in the side.
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I like that Tom Curry has a shit hair cut, it gives you something to criticise him on.
Absolutely brilliant player
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They know they have got us. Pretty pleasing attitude and commitment from Wales, but England are the better team
Give J Evans a half, Taulupe for Moriarty with Navidi going to 6. Carre for R Evans.
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That was harsh. Lewis outscrummed marler and deserved a reward
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Half time at last, I been waiting 20 minutes to post this.
The aforementioned Rob Cook
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Embarrassing to have a test match out of reach at 35 minutes.
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Utterly shite play from England. Wales alive and kicking thanks to shitty execution.
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That was a bad one as well. Itoje deserved a yellow. Plenty of swinging arm in that
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@Yos 11 point deficit at half time? No problem against a psychologically weak England team. Still anyone’s game. England not protecting own ball well, offside line barely exists, England one injury away from crisis.
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There is a track record of England only bothering to win the first half so there may be true hope here
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Really found the Marler ball grab distasteful, there’s a bit of English arrogance about sexually assaulting someone then winking at the camera
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@ yosoy
I agree. Almost as if Gats knew Wales were limited so made them into scrappers to frustrate and sometimes beat better teams.
Pivac is the Kiwi version of Gyppo
That said, Wales have played their best game of the 6N so far here against a very good England team.
Tipuric just gets better amd better. Tomos going well, North angry. Navidi and Liam look good. Dylan L maturing nicely.
I expect a rogering 2nd half, but there are pastries.
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You’re not playing a well-drilled team that can squeeze errors out of you, make few themselves and eke their way back into the game. They’ll carry on with the HI-NRG nonsense to fashion something, make an error and England will capitalise.
It was England’s game at 35. It was theirs long before that, truthfully.
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