As usual, the Celts took the up-front hit: Ireland v Wales was cancelled postponed, followed by Treviso v Ulster and Zebre v Ospreys. Then came the news that Mako Vunipola was self-isolating from the England camp, although apparently it’s okay to infect the Saracens camp. (They’re relegated anyway: who cares?) Today’s shocking news is that Italy v England is also sacrificed to Covid-19.
But fear not, rugby fans! There is one person on our side, one person who knows that it’s all a big hoax. A person whose intimate involvement with Scottish golf courses has led to a love of rugby, inspired by Gavin Hastings.
“I think the 3.4% [death rate] is really a false number.
“Now, this is just my hunch, based on a lot of conversations with a lot of people that do this, because a lot of people will have this, and it’s very mild – they’ll get better very rapidly, they don’t even see a doctor, they don’t even call a doctor.
“You never hear about those people, so you can’t put them down in the category of the overall population, in terms of this corona flu, and/or virus. So you just can’t do that. So there is no reason for Six Nations matches to be deep-sixed. DBWR are just a bunch of wimps.”
This is of course very comforting, as everyone knows that Donald Trump’s hunches are enormously more accurate than the wild speculations of the World Health Organisation. While it’s true that a vast number of Americans won’t even call a doctor because they can’t afford to, deathly ill or not, the POTUS’s clarion call to laugh and snap our fingers at what the so-called experts are openly referring to as a pandemic will save our Six Nations and Pro-Woo.
The President is being undermined by snivelling lefties who are rejoicing at the thought of millions of people dying, economic Armageddon being unleashed, and – more importantly – rugby matches being cancelled, just to criticise The Donald. As the Guardian (itself a very dubious source) reports:
Peter Hegseth, a co-host of Fox & Friends Weekends, admonished Democrats’ criticism, saying: “They’re rooting for the coronavirus to spread. They’re rooting for it to grow. They’re rooting for the problem to get worse.”
“They’re probably jumping for joy,” Fox & Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt said about the Democrats’ reaction to Six Nations matches being cancelled.
OvallyBalls can also reveal that Donald Trump is behind Vunipola’s decision to train with the Saracens:
“If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better, just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work, some of them go to work, but they get better, and then when you do have a death, like you’ve had in the state of Washington, like you had one in California, I believe you had one in New York.”
While it turns out that no-one has yet died from coronavirus in New York (it’s only Trump’s home state, so why should he know?), the President’s message is clear: Get to work, you slackers, and you will be healed. Front up to the scrummage. Un-cancel the rugby matches. Work makes you free of coronavirus. Unless you’re dead.
Televisual rugby feasts not cancelled as yet:
Friday 6th March
| Sunwolves 14 – 47 Brumbies | 03:45 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Crusaders 24 – 20 Reds | 06:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Waratahs 14 – 51 Chiefs | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Dragons 25 – 37 Treviso (really?) | 19:35 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England 22 – 23 Wales U20s | 19:45 | BT Sport Action |
| Worcester 10 – 16 Saints | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
Saturday 7th March
| Hurricanes 15 – 24 Blues | 06:0t | Sky Sports Action |
| Rebels 37 – 17 Lions | 08:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| England 66 – 7 Wales (women) | 12:05 | S4C / Sky Sports Action |
| Sharks v Los Jaguares | 13:05 | Sky Sports Arena |
| Bulls v Highlanders | 15:15 | Sky Sports Arena |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Scotland v France (women) | 19:45 | BBC Alba / website/ button |
Sunday 8th March
| Bristol v Harlequins | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Scotland v France | 15:00 | BBC One / website / button |
Ovally Balls 
Easiest way for English forwards to dominate is to point at the scoreboard, not twat about at Wales level
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Agreed. And sadly they’re miles off.
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Unfortunately, that will be the takeaway from the braying classes and the Graun journos who aspire to be so
In isolation, I thought that was quite funny from Marler. But it will be eulogised as immasculating Wales’ warrior
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Ha, yes Flair, it was!!!
HalfP elbowed Jonny in the face, BOO.
Wales still well in this, England too many penalties and not clicking at 10.12 and 13. Forwards need a bit more oomph, would like to see Earl and Genge early.
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FBC, a guy once grabbed my balls during a football game. I instinctly elbowed him. He went down. The ref didn’t spot it, unlike some of his partners. None of them complained. Am not proud of it and I admire AWJ for showing restraint.
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Halftime music at Twickers, “Sunday, bloody Sunday” by U2
Hmm….
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I fuckin love Alfie
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What a try!
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Told you so
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Great try, but that’s individual skill. That’s not planned.
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Alfie Thomas just won TV punditry forever 🤣🤣🤣
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Wait, what? I’d barely started paying attention again.
Nice that Tips was on the end of it.
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Top top timing on the passes
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Top bantz from Gareth Thomas, followed by the try of the tournament.
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Wonderful try! Game on.
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Damn, I missed that!
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I fucking love Justin Tipuric
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Fantastic try by Wales.
And here I was, writing I didn’t know how they could score.
Tarte d’humilité ?
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G’wan big Dave. Bit of respite for England after the Welsh start.
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Great turnover by Lawes. Timed it so well
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Pfft. Too soon to change the scrum half.
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Tomos was having a great game. Unless he was hurt, I dont get that.
Big trust in Webb to deliver something
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All too frantic from Wales though, and defence looks confused.
Playing catch-up against this England pack is unlikely. Game not over though…
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Subbed the wrong prop. Lewis was going well vs Marler, Evans not so well vs Sincler
Scrum penalty will settle England nerves
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I think the ref has been good so far but he should have penalised Sinclair
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Sinckler, even
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*gets Shingler at lock pitchfork out*
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Not sure about Kruis’s kick, but he did impressively well to cat 1/2P.
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Dumb from Wales keeping the kicks in play when Ball was knacked.
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Mr O’Keefe playing the “no knock.on” interpretation beloved of super rugby fans
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Looks like he’s broken somthing.
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C’mon Shings!
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Oh, but that one is a knock on, then
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The Welsh RG Snyman.
That’s throwing Carré into the lion’s den as well.
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Kruis has been the heart of England today, as he has for most of his career. Great player. If that is his last game, England will miss him. No highlight reel to.speak of, but such an influencial and reliable player
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There was an inevitability about that
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The very definition of “earning the right to go wide”.
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Wales gone full youth. The substitutions look a bit detached from the state of the game. Getting Pivacitis again.
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Ford the crucial link again
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You don’t expect Daly to put a hit in like that (going off his previous), especially on a forward.
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There have been some very long passages of play in this match.
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That Lawes hit looks a tick reckless.
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Yes
Inevitable.
England have been the better team, and have played some great stuff.
Through no plan of Wales’ coaching team, Wales’ players have played with great heart and no little quality. Then Pivac’s shit selections, utter lack of gameplan and poor management of the bench come home to roost. No more kiwis for Wales (unless Gats wants to come home)
England are a very good team.
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Utna, France were lucky that Youngs was crap and Tuilagi quickly crocked. Still believe England is the best 6N team this year.
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AWJ carrying on, unbelievably.
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Fair play North has looked up for it today.
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Not overly impressed with the lifting Sinckler’s legs there.
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The only positives are coming from individuals. Anything based off the structure has been village level.
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Shings has been crocked out there for 5 mins. What’s going on?
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