“Peter! Susan!” cried Lucy, “Edmund has been to Narnia too now, and he can tell you all about it!”
“Edmund – is this true?” asked Peter.
Edmund shuffled his feet in a shifty sort of way. “Ah no, we were just playing a game about her imaginary country, Peter. We had fantasy Narnian Lions v British & Irish Lions teams.”
Lucy turned pale, and ran out of the room.
Peter was very angry with Edmund for encouraging Lucy in her apparent silliness. Susan, also concerned, scowled at Edmund. Such a scowl he had never seen before, barring seeing Peter O’Mahoney once, and he also left the room.
“Peter,” said Susan, earnestly, “I think we should speak to the Professor. Lucy is going mad.”
* * *
“Bless me, me bairns,” said the Professor, taking off his glasses and wiping them, “Whatever makes you think that Lucy is mad?”
“But … but … Professor, we have told you about her imaginary country and Lions,” gasped Susan.
“Have you ever known Lucy to tell lies before?”
“Well … no,” admitted Peter, “She’s always been particularly truthful. That’s why we fear for her sanity.”
“The young lassie seems very sane to me, and we’ve established that she doesn’t tell lies. Perhaps she is telling the truth, hmm?” answered the Professor. “There are more things in space and time than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
As soon as the children had closed his study door, the Professor took a favourite memento out of his drawer, and stroked it absently. “Thank ye, Karlus, for the Narnian Lions medal,” he whispered to himself.
* * *
Things rumbled on for another week or so, with Lucy morose, Edmund gloating in a sulky sort of way, and Peter and Susan concerned.
Another wet day ensued, and the housekeeper, Mrs Weir, was showing another lot of visitors around the house. This was really a bit naughty, but they were all doing their best to maintain social distancing, which made it even harder to dodge the party.
No matter which way the children went, there seemed to be visitors wearing face-masks heading in their direction, and they were inexorably pushed towards the dusty gym. Assembled inside, they could hear voices approaching. It was as if some magic were pressing them into a hiding-place in the gym.
“All right, Lucy,” said Peter, “Show us where to go.”
Lucy pulled open the rustiest locker with the Lions shirts, and led them inside. Soon they found themselves gazing at snow-covered conifers.
They wandered around in amazement.
“I say,” said Edmund presently, “If we’re heading for the lamp-post, we should be going that-a-way.”
Peter and Susan stopped dead in their tracks.
“So you have been here before!” said Peter. “You absolute rotter. You bounder and cad. You … you Saracens fan, you!”
“Lucy,” said Susan, “I do apologise.”
“That’s all right,” replied Lucy. “Let’s go and see Mr Iknus.”
* * *
Lucy led them towards Mr Iknus’ cave, but as they neared its entrance, she gasped in dismay. The door was wrenched off its hinges. She spotted something white, and rushed forward.
There was a note pinned to the door.
To Whom It May Concern,
The Traitor Iknus has been arrested by the order of the Queen of Narnia for fomenting rugby enthusiasm against Her Majesty’s express wishes.
Any fellow enthusiasts will also be hunted down and arrested.
Signed,
Maugrim
Chief of Her Majesty’s Very Secret Police
* * *
As Lucy stared, dumbfounded, at the notice, Peter caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye.
“Oh Peter, Susan, Edmund,” wailed Lucy, “We must help Mr Iknus! It is probably my fault that he was caught!” She explained to the others all about Daughters of Maeve.
“That’s odd,” said Susan, “My mother’s name is Maeve too. I’m not sure why, because she is from the Valleys.”
“Well, my mother’s name isn’t Maeve,” said Peter. “It’s Eve, and my Dad’s George. But he’s always called Hamish on account of being born in Glasgow.”
Edmund’s eyes boggled.
* * *
Mr Beaver burst out of the undergrowth.
“Two Daughters of Maeve and two Sons of George, upon my word!” he cried.
The children all took a step back, because they had never seen a large Talking beaver before, and were a little surprised. But they were soon reassured by his smooth patter (“Call me Clyde”), and gratefully accepted the invitation to his lodge for tea, because they were getting right peckish.
“Shh!” said Mr Beaver, putting his paw to his teeth, “We must be very quiet and careful. The Witch’s spies are everywhere.”
They all crept cautiously after him through the forest until they came to the river, and scurried into the lodge under the cover of the fallen darkness. To their delight, Mrs Beaver, who didn’t seem at all surprised to see them, was just laying out a large feast, and they all tucked in heartily, along with the three Beavlets. (The Middle One occasionally made some disturbing pronouncements, but not disturbing enough to put them off their food. They were very hungry.)
As they all pushed back from the table, replete, Mr Beaver lit a fag, which he sucked through his teeth.
“Please, Clyde,” said Lucy, “tell us what you know of Mr Iknus!”
“Ah, my dear,” sighed Mr Beaver, “That’s a very bad business.
“We last saw him being taken by the Witch’s Secret Police towards her castle. Few who enter those gates come out again. They say that the whole castle is furnished with statues – but these statues are Narnians who have been turned to stone by the Witch’s evil spells. Some of them are even Narnian Lions.
“But there is a prophecy in Narnia that when two Daughters of Maeve and two Sons of George sit on the High Thrones of Cair Paravel, then we shall be freed. And lo, we hear that our true ruler – the great Narnian Lions Captain Paulan – is on the move from his long exile, and we shall meet him tomorrow at the Stone Stadium.”
Unnoticed by everyone else, Edmund had sneaked away to find the Witch’s castle.
Ovally Balls 
Nope, that didn’t work, it is worth playing all the vid, or if you don’t want to, try clicking on to the point at just over 9 mins
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Might have a listen tomorrow, Ticht, off to bed shortly.
Been a bit of shit day. We were working manically last week on a major software release that’s been planned for many months, and today I find out that the best developer of the part of the software I mostly work on, and four more of his cohort, have been canned. Not because of CV-19, or any bad deeds on the part of my colleague, but entirely due to management fuck-up.
He is Indian, and I’m not sure what his visa/work status is.
He’s also the only person who understands how this bloody software really works.
We are doooomed.
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That version of Boots of Spanish Leather is all very nice, but Dan did it better….
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Sorry to hear that Thaum. Funny how it always seems to work out like that – management fucks up, someone else carries the can for it.
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Thaum, Mrs TH’s old workplace was chock-full of Spanish data analysis specialists who worked in a very specific area, that organisation was supposed to be getting “extraordinary measures” put in place to protect the workforce as it’s vital to the future of health care.
Now that my wife has retired we don’t know what is happening, but it is worrying.
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I haven’t thought about Nazereth for a while BB, they were an underated band, imo, they were always overshadowed by SAHB, who were a different kettle of fish to be fair, but there were superficial similarities
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Saw Nazareth 3 times in about 5 months in the early 80s when I was at Uni. I think they played the same songs in the same order at each gig. Put on a damn good show though, from what I could remember. Dan basically had to quit the live band (and then quit them altogether) because he had a problem that meant he couldn’t really sing live.
He did release an album last year, but his voice isn’t what it was. This video is quite poignant really…
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Oops. Not Spanish leather again. This one… (Crosses fingers)
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Best Zoom call ever
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I always had the centre square as the biggest star of the show so it’s a surprise to me that William (!) Rushton is there.
This is a fairly good doco by Ray Alan from the 80s:
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Think Willie Rushton was always in the middle? That’s what I seem to remember from it being on in the 70s. Bit like Alan Davis on QI – only Willie was funnier.
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Although I had a Zoom call a bit like this the other day
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That reminds me of another conference call…
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Fantastic words Thaum.
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OT – I’m 40mins in to a 2hr zoom call. Makes me miss unemployment.
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haggis pakora
Hehe, someone charged chimpie double furra keema naan.
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Everything about employment is starting to make me miss unemployment. Apart from getting paid. Which was supposed to happen on Monday but didn’t. Unless this last month has been a hilarious wind up.
I miss getting paid.
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Getting paid is good
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Especially if one is working
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Downside of all these conference calls is it gives people who love waffling on more of a platform than they’d otherwise have.
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Chimpie – no one is enjoying this call.
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I’m sure there’s at least one masochist enjoying it.
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I wish I were a health boss:
https://www.scotsman.com/news/politics/scots-urged-moderate-alcohol-intake-and-quit-smoking-during-lockdown-2545482
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Tomp – at least Sag can ramp up his drugz.
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My meeting strategy has always been: get a good question in early, then sit back and enjoy making lists (Top 5 South American crime films, 7 favourite types of penguin, the 9 bouncy things I like most) in one’s head.
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I really hope this was taken out of context:
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Rugby! Rugby! Rugby!
Sort of.
The Pro Woo team of the season according to Opta starts. A Chimpie & Ticht-pleasing number of Embra players in it. Also Thaum & Larry-pleasing number of Ulster players. Perhaps surprisingly few Real Evil players in – maybe because, with the size of their squad they’ve all only played about 3 games each?
https://www.pro14.rugby/latest/analysis-opinion/opta-index-conference-combined-team-of-the-season?dm_i=5GVN,6YE7,20FKTO,QMDN,1
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15: Hallam Amos
14: Dave Kearney
Yos pleasing
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TBH that’s a pretty honking side. Got the wrong Embra players in furra start (apart from Matt Scott)
I doubt P-Horne is the best 10 in the ProWoo either (he’s an inside centre!!!!)
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@TomP
No, apparently not. It’s more important to get the economy going – if a few people die, so be it.
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Who needs life anyway. As long as the stock market is doing well.
I foresee a slight flaw with this plan….
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Chimpie – people can always have more children to work in my sweatshop. Even if they die in the process it’s all good in Craigsman Towers.
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My youngest woke up this morning saying that he missed the pub. Absolute LAD.
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odd choices in that Pro-14 team – I’d have thought Kelleher of Leinster was a shoo-in for hooker.
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Thos Opta teams are always shite. Here’s the world cup 2019 one:
15. Beauden Barrett (New Zealand) 14. Kotaro Matsushima (Japan) 13. Manu Tuilagi (England) 12. Anton Lienert-Brown (New Zealand) 11. Semi Radradra (Fiji) 10. Richie Mo’unga (New Zealand) 9. Gareth Davies (Wales)
8. Kazuki Himeno (Japan) 7. Pieter Labuschagne (Japan) 6. Chris Vui (Samoa) 5. Kane Le’aupepe (Samoa) 4. Maro Itoje (England) 3. Kyle Sinckler (England) 2. Shota Horie (Japan) 1. Joe Moody (New Zealand)
More Samoan players than Springboks. Aye, right.
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The only rankings worth their salt are the RPIs.
Richard Wiggelsworth not one of the World’s Top 10 players? Sorry, pal, but you’re system’s fucked.
https://index.rugbypass.com/rpi/all/all/all/7-days/high-to-low/players/
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your system’s as fucked as my spelling.
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I’m hearing rumours that Sir Keir Starmer might be forensic.
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50% of the top 14 are 2nd rows (Snyman, Ryan, Toolis, Petti, Barrett S, Isiekwe, Etzebeth) plus Kruis in #17
I’d be suspicious that my KPIs are heavily loaded to “what second rows do”…or is it easier to assess influence of locks – ruck involvement, tackles, yards carried, line outs won, lineouts stolen ..than other positions ?
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World-class wet weather box kicking seems to be given a lot of weight as well.
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Nice to see Scottish football not being a laughing stock again.
No, hold on…..
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/52381370
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Barclay (and possibly/probably Scott) leaving Embra. From what I’ve seen and heard from Ticht and others, Scott has been pretty good this season, so that would be disappointing as I’m not sure Edinburgh are strong enough in the centres for Scott to be leaving as they are in the back row for Barclay to be going.
Wonder where they’ll go? Reckon Barcs will have another season or so left (having been out for a season with his injury and not playing much this year). Scott’s 29 so has a few years left.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/52379987
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i was at university with Auchinleck Talbot. Very decent cove,
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You didn’t want to mess with his cousin Irvine Meadow though.
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Very Scottish sponsors of their league in 2018-19:
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I used to have no evidence that MIA is a moron but now this:
“I think [5G] can confuse or slow the body down in healing process as body is learning to cope with new singles wavelength s [sic] frequency etc @ same time as Cov”
Maybe it’s just drugs. Let’s blame on the drugs.
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I had never heard of this MIA person before today, but apparently she’s also said that she’d rather die than have a Covid-19 vaccine.
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It’s a shame. I really like her music and she’s done good work highlighting the plight of the Tamils. ‘Tis a pity she’s a moron.
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Refit – me too. She has her moments.
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“odd choices in that Pro-14 team – I’d have thought Kelleher of Leinster was a shoo-in for hooker.”
The Ospreys have an embarrassment of riches.
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