Links to Chapter One and Chapter Two
Edmund slipped and shivered through the snow until he eventually found the Witch’s castle. It looked quite creepy, but bolstered by thoughts of Turkish Delight (oh, his Saracens – and the Scarlets were his favourite Welsh side), he crept through the imposing main gate.
He found himself in a courtyard filled with statues. They had snow settling on them, and they all looked very sad. Near the gate, there were a couple of magnificent Lions, and then he spotted a statue that looked very like Lucy’s description of Mr Iknus. There was a collection of stone rugby balls, and what looked like a few referees. (“Those referees probably deserved it,” thought Edmund.)
Suddenly, Edmund was rooted to the spot by a chilling low growl. He turned his head to find himself staring into the eyes of Maugrim, chief of the Witch’s Very Secret Police.
“Come,” said Maugrim, “Her Majesty is expecting you.”
* * *
“What!” said the Witch, not at all friendly like the last time, “Have you come alone? I told you to bring the Daughters of Maeve and the other Son of George.”
“B – b – but,” stammered Edmund, afraid of her icy stare and stern manner, “I couldn’t get them away from the Beavers. They were all talking about the return of Paulan to Narnia.”
The Queen turned even paler, if that were possible.
“Paulan!” she muttered to herself, “No, it cannot be possible. My spells are strong.”
Before Edmund knew what had happened, she had crossed the room and spear-tackled him with one strong arm. “Tell me all,” she said, preparing to drive his head into the ground.
Edmund, quaking with fear, told her all that he knew.
The Witch released him with a thump on the floor, and clapped her hands to summon her minions.
“Harness the springboks and prepare my sledge immediately! Get my dwarf! Maugrim: take the swiftest of your wolves, go to the Lodge, and kill the children and the Beavers. If they have already gone, then proceed to the Stone Stadium.”
In the twinkling of a drop goal, the sledge pulled up, driven by a dwarf who looked suspiciously like a scrum-half. Edmund was bound, and unceremoniously dumped into the bottom of the sledge. There wasn’t even any Turkish Delight.
* * *
“Susan,” said Peter, “Where’s Edmund?”
“I – I don’t know. Now that you mention it, I haven’t noticed him for a while.”
“Ah, children,” said Mr Beaver, “I’m afraid he’s gone to see the Witch. We must be on our way quickly.”
“What?”, said Lucy, “No, surely Edmund would never betray us.”
“Daughter, I’m afraid he has the look of one who is in the Witch’s favour. How long that favour lasts is another matter.
“Did anyone notice when he left? Did he hear that Paulan is on the move?”
Nobody was quite sure.
“Then we must be off at once. Mrs Beaver, please pack us up as quickly as you can.”
Mrs Beaver – for of course it’s always the females who are prepared for anything – had already got nearly everything ready for travelling. She had a pack ready for everyone, and they were off in less time than it takes to reset a scrum.
* * *
They had a long, cold and weary journey, and stopped after some hours at a safe hiding place, where they cast themselves down on the floor, covered themselves with the blankets kindly provided by Mrs Beaver, and fell asleep immediately.
They were awakened at dawn by some faint voices, which became clearer as they drew closer.
“Ho, ho ho! Go left! It’s on!”
“I’m straighter than that throw-in.”
The children rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked in confusion at the Beavers.
“It’s Father Jiffy and Father Nige,” beamed Mr Beaver. “The Witch’s magic has kept them from Narnia for so long, but her enchantment is fading. The voices of rugby have returned to the land.” They rushed outside to find a volley of rugby balls flying through the air, and the snow at last melting.
Ovally Balls 
Deebs – I took ‘all over’ to mean all over. I’m sure you can find some other hair.
Your back for example.
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‘Do you multiply or divide your original equation though?’
Depends. If it’s Bloodborne you apply a fetal matter on the half-blood moon to get the answer.
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Make it 30% for bloodborne references.
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Wow. South Africa losing in a final! Must be because they played Scotland……..
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“I took ‘all over’ to mean all over. I’m sure you can find some other hair.”
My Whereby calls with my family are the only ones where the people at the other end are getting less hairy in these strange times. My mum has now lost almost all of her hair due to the chemo, she says my stepfather grows more hair out of his ears than he does on his head and my brother who has been trapped in Hereford with them for the duration of lockdown has had virtually none left for a while. Hair everywhere at our end of the calls though.
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If my stepfather gets his ear and nose hair trimmed then I think we’re not far off my eyebrows beating the lot of them on their own.
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“he lacks that half a yard or yard of pace”
That vital 2’3″ of pace is sadly lacking.
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‘”Do you multiply or divide your original equation though?’
Depends. If it’s Bloodborne you apply a fetal matter on the half-blood moon to get the answer.”
As we’re already at 50/50 and the audience have fucked off I think I’d be asking to phone Gazza for the answer to this one.
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There is only one pair of clippers in the house and the temperature was tipping twenty four degrees the other day.
Me and the dog were looking at each other from either end of the kitchen, nervously flicking glances at the clippers, like Lee Van Cleef staring down Clint Eastwood.
I’d tried the hand stripping knife, but it’s not an easy process and when you get it wrong it pulls as many squeals and snaps from long teeth as it does hair, plus it’s difficult to do the back of your own head.
There was only ever going to be one winner, the dog now has a slightly scruffy short coat and I’m growing in my Castrogiovanni look.
On the plus side I won’t be spending £60 – £80 twice a year on having Bramble hand stripped anymore, on the other side I need new clippers for myself.
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I’d never heard of “hand stripping” – so Google being my friend….
“But with hand stripping, the groomer needs to remove fur by hand; pulling it out by the root (not just the top layer) so a new coat is able to grow in”
pulling it out by the root?
“Here are a few breeds that have a coat need hand-stripping:….
small dog, small dog, medium sized dog, small dog, Irish Wolfhound, small dog, small dog”
I’d definitely be last in line to try pulling out the hair of an Irish Wolfhound by root….
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Dog torture.
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Deebs – I took ‘all over’ to mean all over. I’m sure you can find some other hair.
I suppose so.
Your back for example.
No. And let’s leave it at that!
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Trisk, there is a facebook page dedicated to hand stripping Irish Terriers. My wife read all about how to do and handed me the stripping knife.
To be fair I have done it once before, it was a horrible job, neither me nor the dog enjoyed it and it took several hours.
Apparently once you’ve clipped a dog you can’t go back to hand stripping, it’s a relief to be honest
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Went to the casino last night to play some roulette. Been working on a new technique to beat the system.
In something like over 3.99 billion years and 364 days I should have doubled my money. Can’t believe it’s so easy.
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Tomp – wearing a dinner suit?
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Ya knows it, son.
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My mental image of tomp has been updated to Daniel Craig in Casino Royale
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More like Cary Grant in this still:
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Which one is Cary Grant?
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Chimpie – tomp doesn’t give a shit if his whisky is shaken or stirred.
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George Horne’s previous Bronco best time of 4:14 has been beaten by Beauden Barrett, who clocked a speedy 4:12
Damien McKenzie was tipped to beat Barrett’s time but could only manage a pedestrian 4:20 something, according to NZ media
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Which one is Cary Grant?
Are you serious? You people nowadays etc.etc.
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Cary Grant in one of his less famous films
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Just checking it’s not the woman in the photo.
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YOUNG people nowadays.
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Sorry, there’s 2 women in the photo. Any of them could be Cary.
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afternoon all………………..
………………………….there aren’t 40 are there?
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Last man who said that to me was Archie Leach – just before he cut his throat…..
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A national election model has predicted that Donald Trump will suffer a “historic defeat” in November’s election due to the coronavirus economic recession.
Well that’s gone and done it. Biden is absolutely fecked. FECKED!!!!!
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If kjh is reading –
I’ve just seen that yer man Seamie O’Dowd is doing a lock-in session on Saturday evening at 10pm, it’s on Filan Centra’s Facebook page, which I see is a store in Sligo.
Seamie’s a great guy, he’s been doing a lot of online stuff, helping to run the Sligo Online Musician’s Festival since all this stuff happened.
For those that don’t know it, he comes from a long line of Irish trad musicians. He recently did one online gig of just Seal songs, that’s the musician, not the water-based, fin-footed mammals.
Then he did a night of Dick Gaughan songs, I think on Saturday it’s all Thin Lizzy numbers
Seamie used to be in Dervish, and here he is with Cathy Jordan from that band
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Trisk – I’m not allowed sharp implements anymore.
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U2’s 40 greatest songs list on t’graun. That should stimulate some lively debate.
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@ticht
Seamie seems like a great guy and great fun as well. I’m one eighth Sligonian so feel I am able to culturally appropriate his ouvre.
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Chimpie – may as well list all their songs as they’re all shite.
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Pfft
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They did some cracking tunes back in the day.
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@craigs
Leave it to Johnny Cash to show them how to do their own songs properly
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And some dogawful mince, especially over the past couple of decades.
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I like Johnny cash’s depeche mode cover
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Well, U2 are certainly no ABBA…
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Slade – Rob Baxter on Sam H-C….
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BB – correct. They are not as shite as ABBA.
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Nah, what you MEANT to say was, “They’re not shite and neither are ABBA”.
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Craigs, Cary Grant’s the one that looks like me. Someone actually said I looked like “that guy from the movies – Ralph Bellamy” but I let it pass as I knew I looked like Cary. Anything else is just rot.
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Sports media update:
https://www.ecn.cricket/european-cricket-network/news/european-cricket-network-and-czech-cricket-join-forces?fbclid=IwAR3krdAc_QV6C_2JlAyJwab-kPBg5TdClcf87EPr8SonZte3tAWJLuzJilE
I love the idea of my pal as the COO of a sports organisation.
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BB
I missed that – gah!…………….there is no article on the news page.
I see he was born in Granada, Spain, which is nice………………………………
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Whenever I think of U2 I think of their collaborations with Brian Eno
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Aim to misbehave
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Poor Cary!
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Who is Ralph Bellamy?
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