Links to Chapter One and Chapter Two
Edmund slipped and shivered through the snow until he eventually found the Witch’s castle. It looked quite creepy, but bolstered by thoughts of Turkish Delight (oh, his Saracens – and the Scarlets were his favourite Welsh side), he crept through the imposing main gate.
He found himself in a courtyard filled with statues. They had snow settling on them, and they all looked very sad. Near the gate, there were a couple of magnificent Lions, and then he spotted a statue that looked very like Lucy’s description of Mr Iknus. There was a collection of stone rugby balls, and what looked like a few referees. (“Those referees probably deserved it,” thought Edmund.)
Suddenly, Edmund was rooted to the spot by a chilling low growl. He turned his head to find himself staring into the eyes of Maugrim, chief of the Witch’s Very Secret Police.
“Come,” said Maugrim, “Her Majesty is expecting you.”
* * *
“What!” said the Witch, not at all friendly like the last time, “Have you come alone? I told you to bring the Daughters of Maeve and the other Son of George.”
“B – b – but,” stammered Edmund, afraid of her icy stare and stern manner, “I couldn’t get them away from the Beavers. They were all talking about the return of Paulan to Narnia.”
The Queen turned even paler, if that were possible.
“Paulan!” she muttered to herself, “No, it cannot be possible. My spells are strong.”
Before Edmund knew what had happened, she had crossed the room and spear-tackled him with one strong arm. “Tell me all,” she said, preparing to drive his head into the ground.
Edmund, quaking with fear, told her all that he knew.
The Witch released him with a thump on the floor, and clapped her hands to summon her minions.
“Harness the springboks and prepare my sledge immediately! Get my dwarf! Maugrim: take the swiftest of your wolves, go to the Lodge, and kill the children and the Beavers. If they have already gone, then proceed to the Stone Stadium.”
In the twinkling of a drop goal, the sledge pulled up, driven by a dwarf who looked suspiciously like a scrum-half. Edmund was bound, and unceremoniously dumped into the bottom of the sledge. There wasn’t even any Turkish Delight.
* * *
“Susan,” said Peter, “Where’s Edmund?”
“I – I don’t know. Now that you mention it, I haven’t noticed him for a while.”
“Ah, children,” said Mr Beaver, “I’m afraid he’s gone to see the Witch. We must be on our way quickly.”
“What?”, said Lucy, “No, surely Edmund would never betray us.”
“Daughter, I’m afraid he has the look of one who is in the Witch’s favour. How long that favour lasts is another matter.
“Did anyone notice when he left? Did he hear that Paulan is on the move?”
Nobody was quite sure.
“Then we must be off at once. Mrs Beaver, please pack us up as quickly as you can.”
Mrs Beaver – for of course it’s always the females who are prepared for anything – had already got nearly everything ready for travelling. She had a pack ready for everyone, and they were off in less time than it takes to reset a scrum.
* * *
They had a long, cold and weary journey, and stopped after some hours at a safe hiding place, where they cast themselves down on the floor, covered themselves with the blankets kindly provided by Mrs Beaver, and fell asleep immediately.
They were awakened at dawn by some faint voices, which became clearer as they drew closer.
“Ho, ho ho! Go left! It’s on!”
“I’m straighter than that throw-in.”
The children rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked in confusion at the Beavers.
“It’s Father Jiffy and Father Nige,” beamed Mr Beaver. “The Witch’s magic has kept them from Narnia for so long, but her enchantment is fading. The voices of rugby have returned to the land.” They rushed outside to find a volley of rugby balls flying through the air, and the snow at last melting.
Ovally Balls 
Flouncier than a Check flounce???
Shame on you.
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Good point. I think the chekflounce was flouncier on the flounce scale. A solid 11 out of 10.
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I Pffft-ed the boss this morning, and he didn’t seem amused.
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The flounceometer has a number of milesones on its scale. A Michael Heseltine is quite mild, Bee Gees vs Clive Anderson middling, Preston vs Simon Amstell quite high.
But the Chek flounce scored a full Owen Jones on the flounceometer.
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Did it trigger a full on flounce though thaum?
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‘But the Chek flounce scored a full Owen Jones on the flounceometer.’
I’m sure chek would appreciate the comparison.
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Chimpie, nope because he needed things from me!
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He sure would. Being a writer who gets published in a newspaper was one of Chek’s dreams.
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Did Owen Jones flounce or is it just a useful comparison?
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Listening to a lot of Gogol Bordello since Tomp’s ‘Bloody Foreigners’ reference. This song hits the spot for me:
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Pretty good going, though, sitting next to the fragrant Julia Hartley-Brewer for almost 10 minutes.
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This by Iain Dale is up there:
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It’s exactly 15 years to the day since Eddie Jones last coached a Super Rugby game:
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That Iain Dale one is very good. They kept interrupting him but he didn’t have the balls to shut them up himself. His fellow panellists were not exactly the most fearsome.
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OT – Lot’s of early Beadlekalxoning early on in that clip.
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Deebs – is it temperature controlled storage?
Nah, commercial storage, but it’s on the lower level and out of direct sunlight, so the wine stays at a relatively constant temperature. Not like the amazing champagne farm I went to in France, where the wine is stored in a maze of tunnels in an old chalk quarry. Year round, the temperature is a natural 9 degrees. Quite spectacular!
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3 enjoyable videos. I enjoyed OJs sulk despite the topic and I don’t think that I’d liked being shown up by a younger woman if I’m honest.
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Enjoy enjoy enjoy
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Deebs – OK sounds good. I use a temperature controlled fridge for homebrewing. I place a greenhouse heater inside the fridge which is also plugged into the controller which then heats or cools the inside of the fridge to the desired temperature.
Not the same as a disused quarry but we all need something to aspire to!!
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I’ve always had a hankering for one of these-
https://www.spiralcellars.co.uk/spiral-cellars/
Though the exorbitant cost and risk of death from going to get just one more bottle after a heavy night puts me off
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Michael – I’ve seen those in a showroom. This might be a stop off between what I have now and the underground wine quarry Deebee was talking about.
I’ll be dreaming a long time I think.
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One of those would be great. Sadly a long way down the priority / expense list though.
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Oooh, those spiral cellars are cool! Does it come with the wine?
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Would hope so for those prices.
1,000 bottles would keep me going for a few weeks.
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I’m a fan of CndP & Sauternes … suspect that little lot may cost a bit!
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Someone has just pointed out that tomorrow would have been the final day of David Cameron’s five year term as PM after the 2015 election win.
There have been one or two forks in the road since then.
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Those wine racks are rubbish, you couldn’t store the five litres containers that you fill up at the supermarket on those shelves
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A thousand bottles of whisky, though
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Ticht – bumped into a former colleague who retired some years ago, on my daily allotted walk, so we had a (properly socially distant) chat for a bit. He told me about a cask/barrel of whisky he’d bought years ago. He eventually managed to get it bottled (something like 150 bottles he got out of it), of which he has about 80-odd left. He actually said he doesn’t like it much, but he said that once this is all over (so in about 3 years then) I should go round and have a wee dram or two. Or three. Or four….
He did say its about 53% proof. The bottle of Glengoyne 10 year old I have at home is only 40%. I maybe shouldn’t go on a work night.
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Ha ha. Thank flip we didn’t end up with any of that chaos.
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The Great man has spoken. Here endeth the debate:
“I love my ice cream. I always found on a Friday night you’d earned it for the week. It got me ready to go.”
So which flavour was the obvious follow-up question.
“I quite enjoy mint-choc chip. But with an apple crumble the night before a game a bit of vanilla used to be pretty perfect,” McCaw added.
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Thats apple, Avs. Ring him up and ask him about rhubarb.
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Apple crumble’s no good without the blackberries as well. But must have ice cream.
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“X Æ A-12. Well, it’s … it’s …”
“Yes, we didn’t want him to stand out in primary school. On Mars.”
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Rosena Allin-Khan, Shadow Minister for Mental Health – (from wiki)
Medical career
After qualifying as a doctor, Allin-Khan worked at the Royal London and Homerton Hospitals.[7] She went on to complete a Master’s degree in public health.[8] Following this, she spent many years working as a humanitarian aid doctor.[9]
Prior to her election to the House of Commons, she worked as a junior doctor in the accident and emergency department at St George’s Hospital in Tooting.[6][7] Allin-Khan continues to work occasional shifts at St George’s Hospital alongside her political career.
Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care (from wiki)
After university, Hancock briefly worked for his family’s computer software company, before moving to London to work as an economist at the Bank of England, specialising in the housing market. In 2005, he became an economic adviser to the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne, later becoming Osborne’s chief of staff.[6][8]
Hancock was selected as the Conservative candidate for West Suffolk in January 2010.
Today Dr Allin-Khan asked the Secretary of State a question in Parliament about testing, or lack of it, and how the front line emergency services will feel about it.
Hancock told her to watch her tone.
This on the day the UK death rates topped the European tally.
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@ticht
I’ve been shouting at the telly all day as the media keep reporting this as if it means something. Not all countries are reporting it the same way so there is no way we can know (at this stage) who is doing well and who isn’t. But it doesn’t stop the journalists harping on about something they don’t understand in case it spoils their headlines.
Having said that I think it’s perfectly acceptable to take the piss out of Professor Neil Ferguson who has just resigned his position on SAGE after he has breached lockdown rules by having his married lover visit him over the past few weeks. Ferguson was the one whose undocumented modelling of flu epidemics was the justification of the short lived herd immunity policy the government followed for a few days before it was pointed out a) there is no reason why covid-19 should be assumed to behave like flu (turns out it doesn’t) and b) there is still no evidence people get immunity for a significant length of time. He tweeted this a few weeks ago which gobsmacked me at the time that he didn’t realise how daft it made him look, as well as undermining the government policy it justified.
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Ticht – Allin-Khan also mentioned how she’d had to inform patients’ relatives about their deaths before Hancock told her to ‘watch her tone’. Supertwat.
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Here’s the clip:
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“as if it means something.”
It means quite a lot of people have died a bit earlier than they would normally be expected, which is a tragedy. Perhaps some of those deaths could have been prevented, which is more of a tragedy and perhaps more than a tragedy.
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OT, we were told not that long ago that if the UK kept the death toll to “only” twenty thousand we could count that as some kind of success.
We are currently at over thirty thousand and counting, with no end in sight.
Frankly, I’m not going to go into whether or not recording methods are the same here as they are in Italy, the fact is this is a catastrophe and it is being mishandled by a bunch of clowns in government who shirk responsibility behind a mantra of “following the science”, where in real life political decisions are made as to “what science” to follow .
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@thauma
Nothing wrong with her tone.
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Having said that, recoding methods are important, there were inflated reports of deaths due to” radiation poisoning” after Chernobyl that included tens of thousands of deaths by liver failure/liver cancer and other alcohol-related diseases in an area where alcoholism was at a terrible level.
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OT – Graun says that Ferguson was the one who convinced the gov that the ‘herd immunity’ strategy was a bad idea? That’s also my recollection.
Still an eejit.
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And yes, there is absolutely nothing with her tone. It’s remarkably measured under the circs, in fact.
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Her tone’s not quite forensic enough.
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@thauma
I think he may have realised he was wrong and told them over the weekend, hence that monumental shift over that weekend (I have been told as much off the record).
His admission in that tweet is incredible. Problem is politicians* (as a species) allow themselves to be fooled by fancy maths they don’t understand and won’t make decisions on the grounds that nobody really knows what is going on. That’s why they should have stopped all travel from China on 1st Jan but didn’t, on the grounds “there was no evidence” this new virus was a problem.
*See also: directors of banks.
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The other WTF moment today was Peston’s question at the daily coronavirus presser. From the G’s live blog (which makes it sound less idiotic than I remember it):
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Then Hancock waffled on with some blatant lies. Arse
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