Links to Chapter One and Chapter Two
Edmund slipped and shivered through the snow until he eventually found the Witch’s castle. It looked quite creepy, but bolstered by thoughts of Turkish Delight (oh, his Saracens – and the Scarlets were his favourite Welsh side), he crept through the imposing main gate.
He found himself in a courtyard filled with statues. They had snow settling on them, and they all looked very sad. Near the gate, there were a couple of magnificent Lions, and then he spotted a statue that looked very like Lucy’s description of Mr Iknus. There was a collection of stone rugby balls, and what looked like a few referees. (“Those referees probably deserved it,” thought Edmund.)
Suddenly, Edmund was rooted to the spot by a chilling low growl. He turned his head to find himself staring into the eyes of Maugrim, chief of the Witch’s Very Secret Police.
“Come,” said Maugrim, “Her Majesty is expecting you.”
* * *
“What!” said the Witch, not at all friendly like the last time, “Have you come alone? I told you to bring the Daughters of Maeve and the other Son of George.”
“B – b – but,” stammered Edmund, afraid of her icy stare and stern manner, “I couldn’t get them away from the Beavers. They were all talking about the return of Paulan to Narnia.”
The Queen turned even paler, if that were possible.
“Paulan!” she muttered to herself, “No, it cannot be possible. My spells are strong.”
Before Edmund knew what had happened, she had crossed the room and spear-tackled him with one strong arm. “Tell me all,” she said, preparing to drive his head into the ground.
Edmund, quaking with fear, told her all that he knew.
The Witch released him with a thump on the floor, and clapped her hands to summon her minions.
“Harness the springboks and prepare my sledge immediately! Get my dwarf! Maugrim: take the swiftest of your wolves, go to the Lodge, and kill the children and the Beavers. If they have already gone, then proceed to the Stone Stadium.”
In the twinkling of a drop goal, the sledge pulled up, driven by a dwarf who looked suspiciously like a scrum-half. Edmund was bound, and unceremoniously dumped into the bottom of the sledge. There wasn’t even any Turkish Delight.
* * *
“Susan,” said Peter, “Where’s Edmund?”
“I – I don’t know. Now that you mention it, I haven’t noticed him for a while.”
“Ah, children,” said Mr Beaver, “I’m afraid he’s gone to see the Witch. We must be on our way quickly.”
“What?”, said Lucy, “No, surely Edmund would never betray us.”
“Daughter, I’m afraid he has the look of one who is in the Witch’s favour. How long that favour lasts is another matter.
“Did anyone notice when he left? Did he hear that Paulan is on the move?”
Nobody was quite sure.
“Then we must be off at once. Mrs Beaver, please pack us up as quickly as you can.”
Mrs Beaver – for of course it’s always the females who are prepared for anything – had already got nearly everything ready for travelling. She had a pack ready for everyone, and they were off in less time than it takes to reset a scrum.
* * *
They had a long, cold and weary journey, and stopped after some hours at a safe hiding place, where they cast themselves down on the floor, covered themselves with the blankets kindly provided by Mrs Beaver, and fell asleep immediately.
They were awakened at dawn by some faint voices, which became clearer as they drew closer.
“Ho, ho ho! Go left! It’s on!”
“I’m straighter than that throw-in.”
The children rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked in confusion at the Beavers.
“It’s Father Jiffy and Father Nige,” beamed Mr Beaver. “The Witch’s magic has kept them from Narnia for so long, but her enchantment is fading. The voices of rugby have returned to the land.” They rushed outside to find a volley of rugby balls flying through the air, and the snow at last melting.
Ovally Balls 
The scary part is that I get the impression that Hancock is actually the only member of the cabinet who actually might give a shit that people are dying. But he’ll still lie for the government.
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Back on Peston, I’m fairly sure his question actually queried whether the curve (of the cumulative death graph) could be brought *down*.
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Perhaps he’s been watching too many zombie apocalypse films during lockdown.
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The other thing I forgot to mention in the hubbub of the misogyny and the bullshit from Hancock, was yet another Governmental blunder – apparently there are no checks or social distancing or any kind of preventative measures taking place at Heathrow.
When asked about it a couple of weeks ago Hancock said there weren’t enough people flying in to Heathrow to warrant measures.
There are around fifteen thousand passenger per day flying in to Heathrow, even at a best-case scenario of a very low R number, around 0.7, that can still lead to large numbers of contagion, up to seventy five thousand per day for that 15k that comes in
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If you like dance, and have access to the BBC iplayer, this choreographer is just great
I was due to see his new work last weekend, but alas …
Anyway, it’s not an easy watch, but it’s rewarding
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0blmn01/performance-live-hofesh-shechters-clowns
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I just learned a new word – every day is a school day, or should be
A kakistocracy ([kækɪ’stɑkrəsi]) is a system of government that is run by the worst, least qualified, and/or most unscrupulous citizens.
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That’s a good word. I live in a successor state to old Kakania, which is the name given to the Austro-Hungarian Empire in Robert Musil’s “The Man Without Qualities”. Tom Nairn riffed on that when he called Britain Ukania.
Kakania works well as it’s a 3-way joke.
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Finally your moment has arrived Chimpie:
Belgian, U.S. scientists look to llama in search for COVID-19 treatment
BRUSSELS, May 5 (Reuters) – A llama called Winter could prove useful in the hunt for a treatment for COVID-19, according to U.S. and Belgian scientists who have identified a tiny particle that appears to block the new coronavirus.
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We’re going to be cutting up Llamas now? That’s a bit cruel.
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Although I suppose it would be for the greater good….
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sacrificial llamas? What is the world coming to
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Back to Inca times?
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Didn’t they sacrifice people? Or was that the aztecs
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Llamas aren’t people.
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Typical speceist comment
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Catching up….
I recall seeing this tweet at the time – and thinking how damning this is.
Ferguson may be a “brilliant genius” but not documenting code (even trivially with comments) is a huge error. Admitting it in publicly is a kind of reverse snobbery – I’m so clever I can understand 13 year old C that no-one documented, but you won’t. Not sure I’d trust any results from a model that is effectively a “black box”
I recall someone saying “comments in code are a love letter to yourself”. A few simple comments can save hours trying to work out what the code means or does or what problem it was designed to fix (even when you wrote the original code – nevermind when you have code written by someone who may have long left your team / company
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It’s a bit weird at work right now. I got a promotion over my normal responsibilities with this job so every time I want to escalate something I realise it’s to me who has to lay down the law.
I used to be a responsibility conduit. Now I have to know and do stuff. I don’t like it.
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@trisk
Course you wouldn’t. In reality you’d just ignore it, assume you don’t know what’s going on, and make decisions accordingly.
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Is anyone else enjoying the faux shock / horror amongst some elements of the press at the ‘married mistress’ element of this story?
Shocked! SHOCKED!!!
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@craigs
it is quite funny. The bit I am enjoying most is the link being formed between her climate change activism and the shutdown, meaning it’s all a left wing anti capitalist conspiracy.
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OT – the open marriage, the age difference, the climate activism, the social media comments, the £1.9m house in that London….
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The Telegraph’s lost its traditional August blonde teenage girls jumping in the air picture so has to go with what’s left.
The only thing that could make this worse would be if Fergie had arranged for Ms Staats to receive public funds and to go on three trade missions.
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Staats is such a too-perfect-to-be-true name.
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Tomp – I’d have preferred STATATTACK if I had a choice.
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I now get ads for spiral staircase wine cellars in my guardian page. Peak graunista.
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Please note, Dr Allin-Khan:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EXVOT-2UcAA5666?format=jpg
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Ah, he’s just annoyed that a different woman made him look like an idiot yesterday.
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It is a proven scientific fact that Boris Johnson finds it difficult to counter forensic questioning. It’s why he hid in the fridge that time when Piers Morgan wanted an interview. Or when he took that lad’s phone and hid it in his pocket. Or simply refused to turn up for the Andrew Neil interview.
Some say forensic is Johnson’s kryptonite.
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when we bought our old farm in france we looked seriously at installing one of those spiral wine cellar thingies,
……lovely idea but you also have to consider things like new wall underpinnings, groovy lighting, compulsory glass trap door access; new wine and conversation room above etc etc
toooo expensive but still wish we’d had the finances to stretch to doing it properly.
anyway, the food and wine cellar i created and built in the nw corner of the old house works a treat, very compact, good smooth temperature movement (gravel on clay).
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Ticht – I learnt a new word today: ‘sustainalytics’.
Well, I think ‘word’ is debatable in this context.
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My least favourite is “servitization”
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Whit?
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That’s a word.
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I want a proper wine and cigarette seller right now. Mrs Deebee is down to her last packet of smokes. I’m desperate!
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Deebs – I have proper wine and tobacco if you want to swing by.
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Servitization is when a manufacturer helps their customer out by providing services that involve the manufactured product. It can simply be replaced by saying “providing services”. At a push I will allow “service innovation”.
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……..after sales service?
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@slade
Er, yes it can be as simple as that but the academics like to give it a fancy name. It also extends to the Rolls Royce Power by the Hour model where the airline doesn’t buy the engine but instead pays a monthly fee to guarantee its availability. All maintenance, logistics issues etc remain the problem of Rolls Royce rather than the airline.
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i like the idea of the rr model – pre covid but i wonder how it looks now?
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@slade
The reason (in theory) it is attractive is because they can’t compete on cost against emerging Chinese manufacturers so instead they offer a service that removes a headache for their customers.
Problem is in their previous model they would sell the engine at a loss and make up the profit on the maintenance, meaning they would design the engine to require lots of maintenance interventions. Which meant when they moved to the new model what used to bring in lots of revenue suddenly became a massive cost. So they have had to start designing their engines differently…
What happens now is anybody’s guess in aviation. Extending the life of existing planes and engines might be attractive, as might be continuous improvements in fuel efficiency/costs (if the regulator lets them change the design incrementally over time), so the through-life service area might be useful for RR. Airbus were already struggling as they cancelled the A380 to concentrate on smaller planes, Boeing struggled with the mess caused by the 737 MAX, but they will both survive no doubt. I reckon there will be a big push to rapidly design new aircraft that are acceptable to modern post-covid travel but its not clear what that looks like, or what a commercially sustainable business model for the airlines will be.
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– couple of things:
1. this may be a ‘dreadnought’ moment that gets boeing off the hook if there is now an urgent reason for a technology leap.
2. given the plummet in the price of oil and the vast space available in an a380 – will it become re-viable in an increased personal spacing world – or will it mean that only those that can afford will, in effect, fly business class, thus killing off ryan air for example (i can’t remember whether they own their planes or lease them).
i’d love to spend more time researching/exploring this subject…………………
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I’m looking into the new technology thing and my conjecture at the moment is that the existing regulatory environment is not suitable for the use of AI etc. At the moment the regulator issues an airworthiness certificate at design approval stage and that’s it. But using AI means your aircraft must change its behaviour over time so some regulatory oversight is probably needed throughout its life. So that might enable the new tech to be used safely.
Good point about the A380 – previously it looked like medium sized aircraft were the future. But with social distancing does that make bigger ones viable? I hadn’t thought of that.
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Suspect air travel may return to being the province of the rich.
Re RR, saw/read something today indicating that they are planning large redundancies. Possibly posturing, possibly not.
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This is a story:
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/labour-mp-nadia-whittome-sacked-21985519
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“overheard” from Seamie O’Dowd, who one former member of this parish knows of, at least
A Heavenly conversation between God and St. Francis) God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of green. St. Francis: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers “weeds”, and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. God: Grass? But it is so boring. It’s not even colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, bees, or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing there? St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it; sometimes two times a week. God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay? St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. God: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize it to make it grow, but when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? St. Francis: Yes, sir. God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. St. Francis: You aren’t going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it then pay to get rid of it. God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the Spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the Autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of life. St. Francis: You’d better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winter, to keep the soil moist and loose? St. Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. God: And where do they get this mulch? St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch. God: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? St. Catherine: “Dumb and Dumber,” Lord. It’s a really stupid movie about… God: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!
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The formatting didn’t survive the C&P, but the Sligo accent did, I think
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Ticht – now I feel smug because we make our own mulch out of the cut grass and leaves.
😎
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mulch or compost?
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