Links to Chapter One and Chapter Two
Edmund slipped and shivered through the snow until he eventually found the Witch’s castle. It looked quite creepy, but bolstered by thoughts of Turkish Delight (oh, his Saracens – and the Scarlets were his favourite Welsh side), he crept through the imposing main gate.
He found himself in a courtyard filled with statues. They had snow settling on them, and they all looked very sad. Near the gate, there were a couple of magnificent Lions, and then he spotted a statue that looked very like Lucy’s description of Mr Iknus. There was a collection of stone rugby balls, and what looked like a few referees. (“Those referees probably deserved it,” thought Edmund.)
Suddenly, Edmund was rooted to the spot by a chilling low growl. He turned his head to find himself staring into the eyes of Maugrim, chief of the Witch’s Very Secret Police.
“Come,” said Maugrim, “Her Majesty is expecting you.”
* * *
“What!” said the Witch, not at all friendly like the last time, “Have you come alone? I told you to bring the Daughters of Maeve and the other Son of George.”
“B – b – but,” stammered Edmund, afraid of her icy stare and stern manner, “I couldn’t get them away from the Beavers. They were all talking about the return of Paulan to Narnia.”
The Queen turned even paler, if that were possible.
“Paulan!” she muttered to herself, “No, it cannot be possible. My spells are strong.”
Before Edmund knew what had happened, she had crossed the room and spear-tackled him with one strong arm. “Tell me all,” she said, preparing to drive his head into the ground.
Edmund, quaking with fear, told her all that he knew.
The Witch released him with a thump on the floor, and clapped her hands to summon her minions.
“Harness the springboks and prepare my sledge immediately! Get my dwarf! Maugrim: take the swiftest of your wolves, go to the Lodge, and kill the children and the Beavers. If they have already gone, then proceed to the Stone Stadium.”
In the twinkling of a drop goal, the sledge pulled up, driven by a dwarf who looked suspiciously like a scrum-half. Edmund was bound, and unceremoniously dumped into the bottom of the sledge. There wasn’t even any Turkish Delight.
* * *
“Susan,” said Peter, “Where’s Edmund?”
“I – I don’t know. Now that you mention it, I haven’t noticed him for a while.”
“Ah, children,” said Mr Beaver, “I’m afraid he’s gone to see the Witch. We must be on our way quickly.”
“What?”, said Lucy, “No, surely Edmund would never betray us.”
“Daughter, I’m afraid he has the look of one who is in the Witch’s favour. How long that favour lasts is another matter.
“Did anyone notice when he left? Did he hear that Paulan is on the move?”
Nobody was quite sure.
“Then we must be off at once. Mrs Beaver, please pack us up as quickly as you can.”
Mrs Beaver – for of course it’s always the females who are prepared for anything – had already got nearly everything ready for travelling. She had a pack ready for everyone, and they were off in less time than it takes to reset a scrum.
* * *
They had a long, cold and weary journey, and stopped after some hours at a safe hiding place, where they cast themselves down on the floor, covered themselves with the blankets kindly provided by Mrs Beaver, and fell asleep immediately.
They were awakened at dawn by some faint voices, which became clearer as they drew closer.
“Ho, ho ho! Go left! It’s on!”
“I’m straighter than that throw-in.”
The children rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked in confusion at the Beavers.
“It’s Father Jiffy and Father Nige,” beamed Mr Beaver. “The Witch’s magic has kept them from Narnia for so long, but her enchantment is fading. The voices of rugby have returned to the land.” They rushed outside to find a volley of rugby balls flying through the air, and the snow at last melting.
Ovally Balls 
Mrs Deebee and her twin brother share a birthday
Yep
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Deebs – enjoy. The wet and wild coast sounds fun so it’s a shame that you couldn’t make it. There’s always next year!
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*that should have been ‘enjoy the birthday’.
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Just catching up – interesting thread. Some illuminating comments (and a fair few that obfuscated too)
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@trisk
here’s a more detailed criticism (obviously from a non-independent source, judging by the URL): https://lockdownsceptics.org/code-review-of-fergusons-model/
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Someone passed this quiz on to me, so I am passing it on to the wonderful brains of OB. First tracks of albums, guess the album and album artist.
1. She’s no good
2. Let’s go crazy
3. Respectable street
4. Two of us
5. The new stone age
6. Pseudo silk kimono
7. A sort of homecoming
8. Go
9. Invaders
10. EXP
11. 15 step
12. Eleventh Earl of Mar
13. Free fallin’
14. Welcome to the working week
15. Cold as Christmas
16. Praying for time
17. Davy
18. Custard pie
19. Finest worksong
20. Wheels of confusion.
Can think of a couple of people who will get 100% or close to it…
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Hmm, I know 2, 4, 13 and 18, and ought to know 1, 7 and 20.
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@OT – interesting review (and some interesting comments BTL – not all seem to be from lockdown sceptics)
I’m really just a bog standard programmer / IT manager so a lot of this is above me – data warehousing is my thing (these days), but certainly a lot rode on the outputs from this model and it doesn’t seem – even to my eyes – to have been well-constructed code.
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@BB – I know very few of these. Can recall the artist for 13 and 19 (and probably ought to know 14 and 20)
Pitiful really…..
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@trisk
From the little experience I have academic code is often very poor* like this. It is effectively written by itinerant PhD students and postdocs over many years in a very amateurish way and the professors just see the output. There is a very similar story in climate science, unfortunately, and the people that highlighted the poor quality code are dismissed as “deniers” and similar.
*The exception to this appears to be the particle physicists – because they were forced to work in long standing international partnerships while using the the highest levels of statistical significance they seem to routinely adopt good practice years ago.
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Takes me back to my postgrad days – my supervisor had a model for predicting road surface temps (and thereby chance of ice/frost).
As you say… although he adapted it from some initial source (from where I’ve long forgotten) – it was hacked about by various research assistants etc. I’d say my supervisor was more involved than just looking at outputs – but I can see how that process could be the sole involvement after the initial construction.
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I know 2, 13, 16, 19 & 20
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kicking myself now I’ve checked on Custard Pie
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Musk update
‘ELON MUSK PREDICTS HUMAN LANGUAGE WILL BE OBSOLETE IN AS LITTLE AS FIVE YEARS: ‘WE COULD STILL DO IT FOR SENTIMENTAL REASONS”
Ok
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Would probably get 3 or 4 of those
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Don’t put any money on that down Ladbrokes, Chimpie. Mostly cos you won’t be able to ask for your winnings should the fool Musk be right.
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Ticht – honestly thought you’d know more of these.
I’ll put the answers up tonight and you can kick yourself all over again!
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Also Ticht, I don’t know if you’ve been following the Graun’s 100 Greatest UK Number 1 Singles? They now got to number 20, which is apparently Carly Rae Jepson’s “Call Me Maybe”. Now I will admit it is a catchy, lightweight tune (and one I’ll be happy never to hear again), but the 20th best UK number One in over 65 years?
The BTL comments have been quite fun on this, though.
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Chimpie – he said talking to each other might become obsolete. I guess we’ll all be on a massive notablog.
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@BB
The 1 person/group per entry means that the consistently good / excellent are penalised. I can see this is a device to avoid a Top 100 where half a dozen of the usual suspects (Beatles, Stones, Queen, Stevie Wonder – you’ll have your own ideas I’m sure ) make up 30 or so of the 100
Also seemed a little weighted towards last 15-20 years – then again I don’t listen to much current stuff and I’m getting on (cue ” in my day” etc etc)
Top 19 will be interesting to see….
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Is this thing on?
Craigsman contravened S6(4)a.ii of The Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (England) Regulations 2020 by sending an email to within 2m of my computer, reminding me that I had been rude and not popped in recently to say hello and see how you all were. Sorry about that.
Hello. How are you all?
I expect it must be quite restricting, what with all of you self-isolating round at Thaum’s place? I suppose the sofa’s safe if Killer’s still in Finland, but, still, it must make the arguments over who gets to choose the music for the record player quite heated. And it can’t be pleasant having the whole Saracens team pop round for coffee and biscuits every morning?
Oh well, at least there’s rugby on the TV.
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@DCI
there you are! Been worried sick.
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Hi OT! I trust the BBC’s replays of every RL match since 1895 are meeting with your approval?
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@brookter – good to hear from you….!
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Brookter! Nice to see you (but not in a Brucie sort of way).
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Brookter! Lovely to hear from you. Hope that all is well at your end of Chester (and that Toby is still demanding walks).
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@DCI
Am more engrossed in the cricket on Sky Sports – managed to watch the latter part of the 2005 Edgabston Ashes Test yesterday. Watched the world cup final from last year at least twice. It’s amazing what you’ll watch when there’s nowt better on.
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Hi Trisk! What’s it like living under a competent government? I can’t remember that far back.
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I’ve actually been watching some *confession time* Super League – Hull v Hull KR (spits), Challenge Cup semis and finals etc. As others have said, amazing the depths of depravity one will sink to when under pressure.
Hope all is well with you and your kin, DCI.
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OT, Would you watch the Ashes 1989?
DCI, no rhymes?
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*waves at Brookter*
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@thaum: …and to see you nice, too!
@BB: Cheers — Toby has spent the time recovering from another operation on this bad leg, so it’s not been quite as bad as it could have been. He’s back up to his 3 walks a day, but obviously can’t go running… I suppose you’ve been watching all the people on TV broadcasting from home, and criticising their Dewey?
@OT: I followed the test on Test Match Special again — 15 years ago, bloody hell. What a match…
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Happy birthday Mrs Deebs, wil have a smoke for you.
Deebee, perhaps you can take us all down to the wet and wild coast for a couple of days when we come over to yours for the Lions Tour next year ?
Other news, jeez, only 2,9,13 for definite, and a couple of others can’t remember the album. Mind you, haven’t had second coffee yet.
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Ooh, and hello DCI.
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@tomp
Strangely they haven’t shown it. 1981, yes. 1985, yes. 2005, yes. 2009, yes. 2013, yes.
They seem to have lost the tapes for the ones between 1989 and 2003.
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@avs: indeed. These are worrying time. We’re fine thanks – how about you and yours? I know we’re all very impressed here with the integrity and competence of our masters, but you are even more blessed in that regard.
@tomp: I’m with Tom Lehrer on this — no point in satirical poems when real life acts like this.
@craigs: *waves back*
@Tim: Hi!
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Wotcha, Guv.
Sorry to hear about Toby, we had to take Bramble to an emergency vet appointment to have a tooth extracted – she’d managed to completely dislocate a front tooth from the gum and it was only hanging on with a bit of flesh. She must have bitten a piece of flint or something when digging in the garden, she’d have bitten through any chalk and the Downs are made up from chalk and flint
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Hi Titch!
Poor Bramble — ouch, that sounds painful (and expensive…). It’s always distressing watching them suffer. Toby’s operation was in late January, so we had six weeks of having to keep him in the garden, and had only just started to walk him outside when lockdown began.
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Well, there are critics here too – but in the main the feeling is that the government has managed things well enough. Varadkar announced a 5 phase plan – phases at 3 week intervals – to emerge from lockdown…and the supporting documents were available when he spoke on May 1st (IIRC).
At least, there’s “clarity” on the plan. Even if execution in parts isn’t up to scratch – rumours abound that the 14-day quarantine / self-isolation of new arrivals isn’t being followed up methodically.
Biggest criticism is over schools/education – they cancelled/postponed the Leaving Cert last week after a lot of dithering – initial plan was for it to be held in late July/early August. So, now teachers will predict grades. That probably opens the way for 3rd level institutions to go back in early Oct.
Had the LC not finished until mid-August – by the time scripts were marked and validated, there would be no results until late Sept I’m guessing,and no way for students to start Uni before late Oct/early Nov. No clarity on when children might go back to school.
Overall, it’s been solid enough. If all goes to – ahem – plan rugby can come back after 10 August. Still waiting on IRFU guidance on how to manage that.
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trisk,
They did that in the CR early on for people (15,000) who’d returned from Italian skiing holidays and were able to follow up on it through anonymised mobile phone/ bank card data. The findings were 46% of people broke the quarantine. One of my students had to do it after she got back from the States in March. She lives alone in a flat and only stepped outside twice in the two weeks to sling out her rubbish. She told me she only did so late at night – and, of course, left her phone in the apartment.
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DCI – old chap?
Comment vas-tu?
Have you been listening to the daily readings of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner via the Graun website?
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@trisk: Interesting, thanks!
I think that mistakes are inevitable: few governments will ever face a bigger crisis than this, and there has to be acknowledgement and willingness to allow that — which I think most fair-minded people accept. But that has to go along with the government keeping people informed and about the difficulties, explaining the trade-offs, and not carrying on with stupid games. The nonsense over the fudged test figures, the stupidity of the messaging over the last few days, the internal briefing against Hancock, and so on, means they’re alienating the very people who would have wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
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In more upbeat news, and it’s a shame FD isn’t around as he’s the man for this but he’s probably enjoying the jetset life now that his book’s gone to the top of the best-sellers list*, the attempted coup in Venezuela last week is absurd and funny.
* Number one in the Australian Academics Currently Working in the Oldest University in the Republic of Ireland and whose Catchphrase Includes the Word Mean and Are Involved in a Bromance With a Stoke -raised Rugby Shirt Fetishist Who Lives in Edinburgh list.
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@Slade:
Salut, mon pote! Je m’débrouille, merci — et toi?
I haven’t been listening to big Sam Coleridge — I didn’t realise it was on. I’ll check it out, thanks!
Coincidentally, though, I have been reading Wordsworth’s The Prelude, which is dedicated to him. I’ve meant to read it for years — I’m not a big fan of Romantic poetry (too much schmaltz…) but I thought I ought to give a go, reading one book a night. I’m up to book 6, and so far, I’m enjoying most of it — but he doesn’t half witter on at times. Takes 20 lines to say they played cards at night.
Can’t help thinking he could have cut this down bit — perhaps we should do a Wordsworth Without the Waffle?
Or
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OT, the DCI’s back now. He could investigate. It’d be like that Cold Case thing with Jimmy Bolam and Dennis Waterman and Alun Armstrong and Amanda Redman.
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They’re not guilty.
Who are we talking about?
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DCI, Any news of sag?
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And, Brookter, get on a Percy Shelley tip. There’s a man who could bang out a verse or two.
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Always liked Bruce Dickinson’s introduction to a live version when iron Maiden did a cover of Rime…
“This is what not to do when a bird shits on you…”
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@tomp: Unfortunately not — not a word since the old blog suddenly went dead. I emailed him a few times but got no answer, and had no other way of getting in touch. Obviously, I very much hope he simply got bored and walked away, but I worry that something happened to him — he did have health issues. I miss him.
As for the good old Bysshe, OZ He-Man Dyers is the one of the two great poems I can remember by heart[1], but I haven’t read many more than that, I’m afraid.
[1] The other one is Four and Twenty Virgins Came Down From Inverness.
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