Links to chapters One, Two and Three
Fathers Jiffy and Nige had not only brought rugby balls to celebrate the fading of the Witch’s power. They had other gifts for the children: for Peter, a gumshield embossed with the Narnian Lions’ logo and a sword; for Susan, a bow and quiverful of arrows, and a referee’s whistle that could summon help when desperately needed; and for Lucy, a little oval bottle containing half-time-oranges juice infused with Magic Spray to heal the wounded, and a dagger.
“But despite the warlike nature of your gifts, you girls should not be in the battle,” said Father Jiffy. “Competitions are ugly when women fight.”
“Don’t be so fucking sexist,” said Father Nige.
* * *
Meanwhile, Edmund was having a bad time of it. Instead of being treated like a Maro of the Match and having minions feeding him Turkish Delight while he reclined on a worshipful pundit’s sofa, he was cold and tired and lucky to get some very stale bread and yucky water – mostly just to keep him alive.
Then the Queen ordered him into her sledge to accompany her on her long drive to the Stone Stadium. She didn’t provide him with any furs this time, and he was properly freezing. The journey was very long and very bumpy, and he started to wish that he was back with his friends. The Queen didn’t seem like such a jolly nice person after all.
The bumpiness got worse and worse as it became apparent that the snow was melting. A sledge is not much good without snow. Eventually, the Queen ordered her dwarf to bind Edmund’s hands, and they started to walk.
* * *
The Beavers and Peter, Susan and Lucy continued their journey towards the Stone Stadium, delighting in the signs of spring all around.
At last they reached their destination, which was at the top of a big, raven-infested hill. There was a large stone slab of exactly the measurements of a rugby pitch, and with the proper markings. It looked very old, and had carved writing on it, but in an unrecognisable language.
And there was a pavilion pitched next to it with Narnian Lions flags fluttering in the breeze.
Next to the pavilion stood Paulan with a host of magical creatures around him: sublime tichtheids and looseheids who never caused a scrum reset; hookers who could throw straight; locks who looked like centaurs; a proper 7; and backs who weren’t worried about their hairdos.
Now Paulan looked both cuddly and terrifying at the same time, so there was some debate amongst the beavers and children about who should pluck up the courage to speak to him first. At last, Peter decided it was up to him, and approached Paulan, drawing his sword in salute (we hope literally).
“Paulan – we have come.”
In a deep and solemn voice with a slight Munster accent: “Welcome, son of George and daughters of Maeve. Is there not another son of George?”
“Erm, yes, well, that’s a bit difficult: he threw a strop and went to see the White Witch. I’m afraid I might have wound him up a bit.”
Lucy the absurdly compassionate couldn’t contain herself, and asked, “Is there nothing we can do to save him?” “Hmm. Yes, there is,” replied Paulan in sonorous tones, “but it may be a bit tricky.”
O frabjous rugby onna telly!
Friday 14th August
| Western Force 8 – 28 Waratahs | 10:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Harlequins 16 – 10 Sale | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 15th August
| Highlanders 38 – 21 Hurricanes | 08:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Reds 19 – 3 Rebels | 10:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Worcester 15 – 44 Gloucester | 12:30 | BT Sport Extra |
| Exeter 26 – 13 Leicester | 14:00 | Channel 5 / BT Sport 1 |
| Bath 34 – 17 London Irish | 15:00 | BT Sport Extra |
| Bristol 16 – 12 Saracens | 16:30 | BT Sport 1 |
Sunday 16th August
| Blues v Crusaders | 04:35 | Cancelled |
| Northampton 21 – 34 Wasps | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
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No matter how badly the government up here got the results thing wrong (and the SNP, Swinney and, most importantly, the SQA did get it wrong), Williamson And His Algorithm have been infinitely worse.
Wonder how long he’ll take to do a u-turn?
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Afternoon all…..
“your” Exeter team to play Leicester:
15 Stuart Hogg, 14 Tom O’Flaherty, 13 Henry Slade, 12 Ollie Devoto, 11 Olly Woodburn
10 Joe Simmonds (capt), 9 Jack Maunder
1 Alec Hepburn, 2 Luke Cowan-Dickie, 3 Harry Williams
4 Jonny Gray, 5 Jonny Hill
6 Dave Ewers, 7 Jannes Kirsten, 8 Sam Simmonds
16 Jack Yeandle, 17 Ben Moon, 18 Tomas Francis, 19 Sam Skinner, 20 Don Armand, 21 Sam Hidalgo-Clyne, 22 Gareth Steenson, 23 Ian Whitten
Too many Scots?
You’re welcome!
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Not enough Scots.
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Never enough Scots
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Are 7 and 20 Scottish yet?
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There’s an absolutely bonkers snooker frame going on.
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Thaum – that’s not a phrase you often see…..
Is it as good as the last frame between Denis and Steve? (Probably the last frame of snooker I watched).
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It’s been going for just under an hour. It’s for the place in the final.
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It’s over! Shame, really.
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Kirsten was in the same school 1st XV as Scottish Pierre Schoeman. And they sing a song to the … erm, tune of Flower of Scotland at home games so yes.
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Points for spying Kirsten and Schoeman in that photo.
There are two or three others still playing pro rugby in there as well.
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Winner (Kyran Wilson) is bawling. ‘I didn’t want to win it like that!’
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Schoey fourth from left in front row, next to guy in jacket?
Haven’t a clue what the other guy looks like.
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Thaum – so he’s the guy who gets to lose to Ronnie then?
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Not correct, BB.
The guy in the jacket is Pierre Edwards, the then headmaster of the school. He won a couple of caps for the Springboks in 1980 . Got injured in the second and was replaced by Gysie Pienaar, Ruan’s dad. Never played for the Boks again. Gysie Pienaar was a fine player.
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BB – yes, probably! But it’s Selby v ROS now.
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All the pundits keep saying ‘I have never seen anything like it’ about the Wilson v McGill semi-final. This will seem like an anti-climax, probably.
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Young fella called Robshaw doing a Proper 7 job in Twickenham.
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9-0 to Quins. Very good attack just got them into the Sale 22 but a knock-on followed.
“Mike Brown pins his ears down” says Ugo. I’ve missed Ugo.
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Ugo had a column in the Graun today, which I didn’t bother reading.
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The way things are going in the football, it might be a similar score. Just over 30 minutes played and Bayern lead Barcelona 4-1. And Barca could have had 3 more goals of their own too.
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Rob du Preez misses a sitter to leave it still 9-0 at the oranges.
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thaum, a thousand words and 30 of them “I”.
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Missed Sale’s try but Scottie Baldwin’s just gone over for Quins. They lead.
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Ronnie O’Sullivan is playing snooker like me: hit and hope. He may not make the final. His mood seems fey.
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Well, he’s pulled it back. Needs to win the next frame to go to a tie-breaker.
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And he has!
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Good win for Quins there, surprising grit from the pack.
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Bayern absolutely hammering and humiliating Barcelona 7-2. First time Barca have conceded 7 since 1949.
Now its 8!!! And the last two goals have been scored by a player on loan to Bayern from Barcelona!
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That was a very un-Quins like performance there. Sale never really started and I feared Q’s ability to throw the game at the end. Oh and footie ended 8-2
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Tom, my guess is Schoeman is directly above the headmaster, middle of the three in the second to back row
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Harry Thacker should be starting. Good luck tomorrow Refit.
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Ticht, you sure know your Pierre Schoeman.
Also in there are Nicolaas Jamse v Rensburg of Montpellier and Ryno Eksteen, who’s in that American league.
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Barclay officially retired now. Bit of a shame he didn’t go put playing, can blame vivid for that.
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Out. Covid. Stupi autocorrect
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It’s the Republic of Congo’s Independence Day. Here’s a classic to celebrate:
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Deebee and I mentioned Sapologie a few months ago. This is a history of the movement and a top piece of music, also from Brazza, the R of C. Has a couple of pictures in it as well.
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Worcester all tied up at home 8-8 v Gloucester but had a player sent off.
The “crowd” noise far too loud on my feed.
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Worcester looked the better side early on, cutting thru Glaws at will. Nanai headshot on Jonny May, both off, only Jonny replaced. Gloucester looking in the mood to throw it around and stretch the depleted Warriors defence. Could be a fun second half.
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A second for Thorley, and a first for Zammo. Bonus point try and Glaws having fun.
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Tough luck Worcester, looked the better side for 18 minutes, Cippers and 36 brutally exploited the extra man after sending off. Beadle must be happy.
Who is Seabrook, Beadle?
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Dylan Hartley showing his abysmal lack of knowledge of collective nouns:
Hartley describes Jones as the best coach he ever played for but claimed the Australian was harder on him than anyone else. “I was absolutely fucking bollocksed,” he told the Telegraph. “‘That was fucking shit, mate. That’s fucking shit … you’re shit. You shouldn’t be here.’ Anyone who looked even slightly out of shape had about as much chance of survival as a wildebeest wandering into a herd of lions.
Of course a mate of mine loves telling stories of being in the bush and coming across a pride of buffaloes. When he’s corrected, “herd of buffaloes” he retorts “of course I’ve heard of buffaloes! I wouldn’t be talking about them otherwise!”
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Lovely Hoggy-finished try!
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Tigers’ foul play has cost them a third Exeter try.
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Exeter get a BP penalty try (even though they actually scored one).
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Oh dear, Hoggy’s dropped a high ball for no particular reason.
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Oh dear, but now Tiggers get a penalty try.
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