Links to chapters One, Two and Three
Fathers Jiffy and Nige had not only brought rugby balls to celebrate the fading of the Witch’s power. They had other gifts for the children: for Peter, a gumshield embossed with the Narnian Lions’ logo and a sword; for Susan, a bow and quiverful of arrows, and a referee’s whistle that could summon help when desperately needed; and for Lucy, a little oval bottle containing half-time-oranges juice infused with Magic Spray to heal the wounded, and a dagger.
“But despite the warlike nature of your gifts, you girls should not be in the battle,” said Father Jiffy. “Competitions are ugly when women fight.”
“Don’t be so fucking sexist,” said Father Nige.
* * *
Meanwhile, Edmund was having a bad time of it. Instead of being treated like a Maro of the Match and having minions feeding him Turkish Delight while he reclined on a worshipful pundit’s sofa, he was cold and tired and lucky to get some very stale bread and yucky water – mostly just to keep him alive.
Then the Queen ordered him into her sledge to accompany her on her long drive to the Stone Stadium. She didn’t provide him with any furs this time, and he was properly freezing. The journey was very long and very bumpy, and he started to wish that he was back with his friends. The Queen didn’t seem like such a jolly nice person after all.
The bumpiness got worse and worse as it became apparent that the snow was melting. A sledge is not much good without snow. Eventually, the Queen ordered her dwarf to bind Edmund’s hands, and they started to walk.
* * *
The Beavers and Peter, Susan and Lucy continued their journey towards the Stone Stadium, delighting in the signs of spring all around.
At last they reached their destination, which was at the top of a big, raven-infested hill. There was a large stone slab of exactly the measurements of a rugby pitch, and with the proper markings. It looked very old, and had carved writing on it, but in an unrecognisable language.
And there was a pavilion pitched next to it with Narnian Lions flags fluttering in the breeze.
Next to the pavilion stood Paulan with a host of magical creatures around him: sublime tichtheids and looseheids who never caused a scrum reset; hookers who could throw straight; locks who looked like centaurs; a proper 7; and backs who weren’t worried about their hairdos.
Now Paulan looked both cuddly and terrifying at the same time, so there was some debate amongst the beavers and children about who should pluck up the courage to speak to him first. At last, Peter decided it was up to him, and approached Paulan, drawing his sword in salute (we hope literally).
“Paulan – we have come.”
In a deep and solemn voice with a slight Munster accent: “Welcome, son of George and daughters of Maeve. Is there not another son of George?”
“Erm, yes, well, that’s a bit difficult: he threw a strop and went to see the White Witch. I’m afraid I might have wound him up a bit.”
Lucy the absurdly compassionate couldn’t contain herself, and asked, “Is there nothing we can do to save him?” “Hmm. Yes, there is,” replied Paulan in sonorous tones, “but it may be a bit tricky.”
O frabjous rugby onna telly!
Friday 14th August
| Western Force 8 – 28 Waratahs | 10:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Harlequins 16 – 10 Sale | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 15th August
| Highlanders 38 – 21 Hurricanes | 08:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Reds 19 – 3 Rebels | 10:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Worcester 15 – 44 Gloucester | 12:30 | BT Sport Extra |
| Exeter 26 – 13 Leicester | 14:00 | Channel 5 / BT Sport 1 |
| Bath 34 – 17 London Irish | 15:00 | BT Sport Extra |
| Bristol 16 – 12 Saracens | 16:30 | BT Sport 1 |
Sunday 16th August
| Blues v Crusaders | 04:35 | Cancelled |
| Northampton 21 – 34 Wasps | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Congratulations to all Slades apparently!
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Baby named Olive – wonder if that’s in honour of Andrew Cotter’s dog?
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Decent dayboo for Big Jonny today.
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SH-C is a handsome fella.
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“Well, he’s pulled it back. Needs to win the next frame to go to a tie-breaker.”
Interesting technique, Karl the Ball.
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Point of order on the ATL Thauma. No back deserving of the name would neglect their hairstyle.
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Iks – dirty bugger! (‘Aren’t they supposed to be?’)
Now come on Bristol!
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I love seeing a Semi in the late afternoon.
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Now THERE’s a Karl
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First game of the restart for me
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Callum Hunter Hill got a couple of good lineout steals in that half, Bigly is looking fit
Shall we start a sweepstake on what club is being investigated for breaching the salary cap?
all that we know is that it isn’t Sarries this time
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Would hope Tiggers, but based on results, probably Exeter?
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Sale?
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That looked like a cracking try, by Morahan. Checking for blocking.
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Ah, bollocks decision.
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Boooo! (seemed like a fair decision)
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There was no way Itoje was getting close to Morahan there
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He did look like he knew what he was doing, but also agree with Ticht.
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Now that’s a better decision! Penalty try, and yellow of course.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh … don’t like this!
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Wooooooo!!!!
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BRIIISSSSTOOOOOLLLLL!!!!
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Ha, the good guys win, deservedly.
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Good win for Brizzle.
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Well done, Bristol.
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Stuart Christie, one of the most interesting people in modern Scottish and British history, died today sadly. His “Granny Made Me an Anarchist” is a scarcely believable story.
This interview tells only a bit of the story:
https://www.3ammagazine.com/politica/2004/apr/interview_stuart_christie.html
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Marmite houmous or Marmite hummus? Oh, to be in Britain right now. A golden age of yeast extract products.
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I actually saw that in Sainsbury’s just after its previous mention here. Did not buy, although I do like both peanut butter and Marmite.
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thaum, I don’t much like peanut butter but love Marmite. Bought it. It’s ok.
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I suspect Marmite is a gout trigger. Seems whenever I scoff Marmite, by big toe starts a-throbbing soon after.
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It is, Iksy. High in Purine. Best avoided.
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Click to access goutsociety-allaboutgoutanddiet-0113.pdf
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Stop drinking the claret with it then.
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BT Sport are DESPERATE for Man City to go through here.
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Hah! Sterling (who has been City’s best player) misses an open goal, then Lyon go up the other end, the goalie makes a mistake and they go 3-1 up!
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Well done Lyon!
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Cheers TomP. I will download that chart because I’ve grown lazy about monitoring the gout triggers. Basically I turn down the beer consumption whenever I feel an attack is in the pipeline.
But I came really close to a full attack the other week, and it coincided with me scoffing a lot of Marmite after buying a jar from the exotic foods emporium on the outskirts of town in beaver country.
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Ach, not good Iks. Joking aside, you take care of yourself, old man.
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It’s a bugger that the high purine stuff happens to be the Lebensmittel I like the best.
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Anyway, now watching the Mighty Marillion at the Royal Albert Hall on Sky Arts.
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Will do BB. But what’s this ‘old man’ malarkey? I’m as fit as a squirrel in my dreams at night, especially when I have to find a free toilet in my old haunts in Wales.
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I’ve had peanut butter and marmite sarnies. Rather nice.
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Morning folks! A disastrous day yesterday with Coddfish easing ahead of yours truly on the Bru Super rugby table. Unconscionable.
More importantly, I need some advice. A mate of mine had an unstable tree in his garden chopped down a couple of weeks ago and promised to drop off some kindling for me. He dropped off most of the bloody tree, which is now sitting in my garden in large log size. Need to chop it into fire-sized pieces, but don’t know if it’s better to do it now, with the wood still wet, or wait until it’s dry? Or doesn’t it make a difference?
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A disastrous day indeed. About to get in the car for round 4 of the Don Coates Trophy u9s – match away vs Woodford Wells. My lad’s team is so far unbeaten having walloped every team they have encountered this season. Then we get a text saying the match has been called off, too wet apparently.
Still top of the league but they won’t get 3 points for the win. Am trying to come up with a conspiracy theory. Will let you know when I’ve made one up.
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The pine I’ve been splitting is much easier when dry. On the other hand, the eucalyptus seems to go like concrete when dry (or maybe it was a different species). Get yourself a splitting maul and bash away. If it seems too much like hard work and you don’t mind having it sit around for 12 months, leave it to dry and try again.
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Thanks BK, I’m going with the waiting for it to dry method. Chopped a few logs yesterday, but the axe kept getting wedged, whereas with dry wood it splits it fairly cleanly. Mrs Deebee’s not gonna be happy, especially if I keep watering it every second day.
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Deebee, if the tree has been cut into rounds let them dry for a wee bit and little cracks will start appearing in the heart. Stick a wood grenade or a splitting wedge along the line of the crack and tap it in, then blooter it with a sledge hammer – far more effective than an axe.
I used to do this for a living. I used the above method or a saw table driven from a pto off the back of a tractor, but that isn’t really a domestic option.
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