Links to chapters One, Two and Three
Fathers Jiffy and Nige had not only brought rugby balls to celebrate the fading of the Witch’s power. They had other gifts for the children: for Peter, a gumshield embossed with the Narnian Lions’ logo and a sword; for Susan, a bow and quiverful of arrows, and a referee’s whistle that could summon help when desperately needed; and for Lucy, a little oval bottle containing half-time-oranges juice infused with Magic Spray to heal the wounded, and a dagger.
“But despite the warlike nature of your gifts, you girls should not be in the battle,” said Father Jiffy. “Competitions are ugly when women fight.”
“Don’t be so fucking sexist,” said Father Nige.
* * *
Meanwhile, Edmund was having a bad time of it. Instead of being treated like a Maro of the Match and having minions feeding him Turkish Delight while he reclined on a worshipful pundit’s sofa, he was cold and tired and lucky to get some very stale bread and yucky water – mostly just to keep him alive.
Then the Queen ordered him into her sledge to accompany her on her long drive to the Stone Stadium. She didn’t provide him with any furs this time, and he was properly freezing. The journey was very long and very bumpy, and he started to wish that he was back with his friends. The Queen didn’t seem like such a jolly nice person after all.
The bumpiness got worse and worse as it became apparent that the snow was melting. A sledge is not much good without snow. Eventually, the Queen ordered her dwarf to bind Edmund’s hands, and they started to walk.
* * *
The Beavers and Peter, Susan and Lucy continued their journey towards the Stone Stadium, delighting in the signs of spring all around.
At last they reached their destination, which was at the top of a big, raven-infested hill. There was a large stone slab of exactly the measurements of a rugby pitch, and with the proper markings. It looked very old, and had carved writing on it, but in an unrecognisable language.
And there was a pavilion pitched next to it with Narnian Lions flags fluttering in the breeze.
Next to the pavilion stood Paulan with a host of magical creatures around him: sublime tichtheids and looseheids who never caused a scrum reset; hookers who could throw straight; locks who looked like centaurs; a proper 7; and backs who weren’t worried about their hairdos.
Now Paulan looked both cuddly and terrifying at the same time, so there was some debate amongst the beavers and children about who should pluck up the courage to speak to him first. At last, Peter decided it was up to him, and approached Paulan, drawing his sword in salute (we hope literally).
“Paulan – we have come.”
In a deep and solemn voice with a slight Munster accent: “Welcome, son of George and daughters of Maeve. Is there not another son of George?”
“Erm, yes, well, that’s a bit difficult: he threw a strop and went to see the White Witch. I’m afraid I might have wound him up a bit.”
Lucy the absurdly compassionate couldn’t contain herself, and asked, “Is there nothing we can do to save him?” “Hmm. Yes, there is,” replied Paulan in sonorous tones, “but it may be a bit tricky.”
O frabjous rugby onna telly!
Friday 14th August
| Western Force 8 – 28 Waratahs | 10:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Harlequins 16 – 10 Sale | 19:45 | BT Sport 2 |
Saturday 15th August
| Highlanders 38 – 21 Hurricanes | 08:05 | Sky Sports Action |
| Reds 19 – 3 Rebels | 10:15 | Sky Sports Action |
| Worcester 15 – 44 Gloucester | 12:30 | BT Sport Extra |
| Exeter 26 – 13 Leicester | 14:00 | Channel 5 / BT Sport 1 |
| Bath 34 – 17 London Irish | 15:00 | BT Sport Extra |
| Bristol 16 – 12 Saracens | 16:30 | BT Sport 1 |
Sunday 16th August
| Blues v Crusaders | 04:35 | Cancelled |
| Northampton 21 – 34 Wasps | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Ticht, that makes a lot of sense! Think I watched too many movies with guys casually swinging an axe and creating mountains of perfect firewood. Got a lovely splitter for making kindling with, but first need to get the logs into smaller portions.
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Two Dova-displeasing tries in the first quarter, but then Wasps have a man binned, and Saints starting to win a few penalties.
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6-14 at oranges.
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Saints get a try and convert it.
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But Wasps respond with another of their own.
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Biggar appears to be the Wasps’ biggest asset.
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Biggarest asset?
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Wasps lose another man to the bin & Saints score again.
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Biggar drops the ball (again) in their own 22 and now Wasps have an attacking scrum.
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After several scrum resets, Wasps get a pen in front of the posts. 6 mins to go.
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And then Saints manage to lose possession and Wasps score another good try – the BP.
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FT: 21-34
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Half time it’s 0-0 at St Helens v Castleford. Tommy Makinson has made me feel very nostalgic by doing an old school squirrel grip on Liam Watts.
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Thanks Thauma – coverage is patchy down here. Just delighted we’ve got live rugby on the go again.
OT, I’m desperately hoping a squirrel grip isn’t Karl-esque.
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@deebee
A squirrel grip means he grabbed his bollox.
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Oh dear, what is it with English rugby players and the tackle area?
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Just trying to work on their ball handling skillz Deebee
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Arthur Brown still going strong
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/aug/17/arthur-brown-the-god-of-hellfire-returns
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Arthur killed the blog though.
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Freddy Lim would have something to add to Artie:
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/aug/17/we-want-a-fairer-society-freddy-lim-taiwans-metalhead-mp
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England should avoid the follow on here. I’m sensing a drawn match.
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Follow on avoided. If England can put on another 300 before 6pm that will give them an hour or so to get 10 wickets and get the victory.
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Yip. Who said Teat cricket is dead?
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That sounds like a particularly niche version of cricket.
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Popular on Mumsnet I hear.
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Ewww.
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Testing
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Right logged in again. Kiwi North-South squads announced (with background):
The North v South match is steeped in history, with the first match played in 1897 (won by the North 16-3) and was last played in Dunedin in 2012 (won by the South 32-24) The 2020 match will be the 81st match with the Northerners having won 50 matches and the South 27, with three draws. The North and South squads (and the player’s first province played for) are as follows:
NORTH SQUAD (Looks weak)
Hookers: Asafo Aumua (Wellington), Ash Dixon (Hawke’s Bay) and Kurt Eklund (Auckland).
Props: Alex Fidow (Wellington), Ayden Johnstone (Waikato), Angus Ta’avao (Auckland), Karl Tu’inukuafe (North Harbour) and Ofa Tuungafasi (Auckland).
Locks: Scott Scrafton (Auckland), Patrick Tuipulotu (Auckland and captain) and Tupou Vaa’i (Taranaki).
Loose forwards: Lachlan Boshier (Taranaki), Akira Ioane (Auckland), Dalton Papalii (Auckland), Ardie Savea (Wellington) and Hoskins Sotutu (Auckland).
Halfbacks: TJ Perenara (Wellington), Aaron Smith (Manawatu) and Te Toiroa Tahuriorangi (Taranaki).
First five-eighths: Beauden Barrett (Taranaki).
Midfielders: Rieko Ioane (Auckland), Anton Lienert-Brown (Waikato) and Peter Umaga-Jensen (Wellington).
Outside backs: Caleb Clarke (Auckland), Mitchell Hunt (Auckland), Damian McKenzie (Waikato), Sevu Reece (Waikato) and Mark Telea (North Harbour).
SOUTH SQUAD (Looks weak too)
Hookers: Liam Coltman (Otago), Andrew Makalio (Tasman) and Codie Taylor (Canterbury).
Props: George Bower (Otago), Alex Hodgman (Canterbury), Nepo Laulala (Canterbury), Tyrel Lomax (Tasman) and Joe Moody (Canterbury).
Locks: Mitchell Dunshea (Canterbury), Manaaki Selby-Rickit (Southland) and Samuel Whitelock (Canterbury and captain).
Loose forwards: Tom Christie (Canterbury), Shannon Frizell (Tasman), Dillon Hunt (Otago), Reed Prinsep (Canterbury) and Tom Sanders (Canterbury).
Halfbacks: Finlay Christie (Tasman), Mitchell Drummond (Canterbury) and Brad Weber (Otago).
First five-eighths: Josh Ioane (Otago) and Richie Mo’unga (Canterbury).
Midfielders: Braydon Ennor (Canterbury), Leicester Faingaanuku (Tasman), Jack Goodhue (Canterbury) and Sio Tomkinson (Otago)
Outside backs: Jordie Barrett (Canterbury), George Bridge (Canterbury) and Will Jordan (Tasman).
Injured (and weak):
A number of players were unavailable for selection due to injury, including 2019 All Blacks Dane Coles, Scott Barrett, Sam Cane and Ngani Laumape.*
*There may be some bits not in the original article.
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Dylz on what to do about pro rugby:
‘He advocates central contracts, a six-month season and fewer league games, with bone-on-bone contact training restricted to pre-season alone. ‘
Some sense in there
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Dylz mitigated against burnout by taking a whole load of suspension time.
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Glasgow are going to be without Naks, Steyn and Sieuli
Struggling for a recognised FB. Apparently going to be an ‘experiment’ there.
Embra by 70.
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Rumour has it that Huw Jones is to play fullback, Chimpie
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That would be an interesting selection, Ticht. He may relish the space going forward, but I don’t know how he’d cope positionally on defence or if he has a decent boot on him.
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Seems a bit odd as they’ve got Glenn Bryce on the books. Anyhoo will be interesting to see whether it’s tactical genius or a confidence destroying clusterfark.
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Seymour can do FB too.
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Siggi Held, German footballer international, with the eyebrows there.
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He needs to get some wax or something on them eyebrows
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Never really knew what this Qanon nonsense was about
‘QAnon believers follow clues generated by an anonymous person(s) called “Q”. Supposedly, Q is working with Donald Trump to fight the deep state, which covers its tracks by eating trafficked children for magical powers. ‘
Well there we go
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Must be Star Trek fans then….
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_(Star_Trek)
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Or Luther Blissett fans.
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Chimpie, Marjorie Taylor Greene’s the one to watch. She’s going to be in Congress soon. Has some disturbing views in addition to her QAnon ideas.
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Amazed he doesn’t trim them, mine do that a bit and its really fucking annoying.I get the scissors out weekly, and personal grooming is not particularly high on my list of, well, anything, really.
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Update for Utna. Watched the Raiders Broncos game last night, and even tho it was the Broncos, I thought Canberra looked sharper than they have for weeks. Charnze had a good second half last week, and was sparky again this week, I think Williams is 100% better with Starling ( who I really like ) and Bateman in the team. Bateman really is very good at everything, and he is bringing Scott and Cotric into the game, I think, as a non league guy. Walker and Cleary still looking way sharper than George tho, imho.
Perfect timing now the premiership is back, as I can only watch that live, and then catch up on the NRL during the week. Eels Storm should be a cracker tomorrow, but work etc, so hopefully can avoid results until next Monday.
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Solid 12 hour kill there SBT
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Everyone saving themselves for the glory of ProWoo returning.
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Jack Clifford retires aged 27. Should have been a winger.
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Doc Roberts brings plague to the Drags. Marvellous.
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