Links to chapters One, Two, Three and Four
Paulan clapped his slightly terrifying paws together and ordered a feast for all, which only increased his popularity. But he drew Peter aside, and took him to a hill that overlooked a very pretty castle that, he told Peter, contained four thrones that he and his companions should occupy.
“That,” said Paulan, “is Cair Paravel. You will sit as Kings and Queens, but because you are the first-born, you shall be Captain.”
“That’s a bit ageist,” thought Peter, “Susan is easily the bossiest of us.”
But just then, they heard the sound of a referee’s whistle, but a whistle so loud, so shrill in tone, and so enforceable-sounding that everyone within earshot froze.
“It is Susan’s whistle,” said Paulan.
For a moment Peter did not understand. Everyone else was scurrying around, with multiple spontaneous sessions of handbags in evidence, but then the movement coalesced towards a real enemy.
Then he did understand, and set off running towards the pavilion, where he saw a dreadful sight.
The defence was in tatters, and Susan was running down the pitch pursued by a massive wolf-lock. The Narnian forwards rallied and attempted to form a ruck around her, but she was still vulnerable to the snapping teeth.
Peter didn’t have a lot of time to think, but he knew he had two weapons: the sword, and the gum-shield. As the sword was probably against the rules, he popped the gumshield into his mouth and snarled at the wolf-lock.
The wolf-lock hissed, “Saracens until the end!” and disappeared in a steaming stream of boiling pish.
* * *
Meanwhile, the Witch had forced Edmund to do five hundred press-ups and walk five hundred miles. He was feeling a bit tired and cheated. When they finally stopped, he collapsed on the side-lines, but could hear the Witch talking to her scrum-half dwarf.
“Four thrones in Cair Paravel,” she said, “What if only three were filled? That would not fulfil the prophecy.”
“We should keep this one for bargaining. What with all the press-ups he’s been doing, we can up his price for transfer.”
“Pah! And have the other side out-bid us. No, we must do what we have to do at once. And that should be done at the Stone Stadium.”
At that moment, another wolf-lock rushed up to them to tell them of the events at the pavilion. “Fly!” said the wolf.
“No,” said the Witch. “There need be no flying. Go quickly. Summon all our people to meet me here as speedily as they can. Call out the giants and the werewolves and the spirits of those referees who are on our side. Call the Saracens, and the Blue Meanies, the French Ogres and the Saffer Minotaurs. We will fight. What? Have I not still my wand? Will not their ranks turn into stone even as they come on? Be off quickly, I have a little thing to finish here while you are away.”
That ‘little thing’ turned out to be Edmund. Just as the Witch illegally tackled him into the mud, he heard the drumming of hooves (forwards, no doubt) and the sound of wingers, and a scream from the Witch. Paulan had sent a rescue party.
The wingers said some nice things to him, but the forwards were saying things like, “Where’s the bloody Witch gone after that scrap?”
* * *
The next morning, the other children woke up to see Paulan walking with Edmund, and talking seriously with him. Edmund never told them about the conversation, but never supported the Saracens again.
Then Paulan’s wolfhounds approached with the Witch, who had come for parley.
“Remember the Deep Magic,” said the Witch. “That creature’s blood is mine, as he is a traitor. Unless I have blood as the Law says all Narnia will be overturned and perish in fire and magic spray.”
“This is true,” said Paulan. And he and the Witch walked off where no-one could hear.
Eventually Paulan came back to say that the Witch had renounced her claim on Edmund’s blood.
* * *
Paulan then announced that they should move elsewhere as the Stone Stadium would be needed for another purpose.
As they walked to the new camp, he began to explain his campaign to Peter: You should defend the attacking maul this way; you should arrange your forwards like this; you should make sure your half-backs stand not too deep, and so on.
“But you will be there yourself, Paulan.”
“I can give you no promise of that,” answered the Lion. And he continued giving Peter his instructions.
Merry xmas, Everyone!
Onna telly this week
Saturday 26th December
| Zebre v Treviso | 13:00 | FreeSports |
| Harlequins v Bristol | 14:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Western Province v Griquas | 14:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport Extra |
| Dragons v Cardiff | 15:00 | S4C / Premier Sports 1 |
| Northampton v Worcester | 16:30 | BT Sport 2 |
| Blue Bulls v Golden Lions | 17:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Ospreys v Scarlets | 17:15 | S4C / Premier Sports 1 |
Sunday 27th December
| Cheetahs v Sharks | 14:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Sale v Wasps | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Connacht v Ulster | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
Great stuff Thauma!
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Merry Christmas to one and all.
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May the force be with you all in 2021
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….and to you as well, WCC
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ps I’ve never read any of this Narnia stuff – have I missed anything?
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Slade, I haven’t either, but my understanding is that this version is a vast improvement on the original.
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Good job, thanks Thaum. Happy Christmas all.
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Gloucester Rugby Team to traumatise the Chiefs
15. Kyle Moyle
14. Louis Rees-Zammit *
13. Chris Harris
12. Mark Atkinson
11. Jonny May *
10. Lloyd Evans *
9. Charlie Chapman *
1. Val Rapava-Ruskin
2. Jack Singleton
3. Fraser Balmain
4. Ed Slater
5. Matias Alemanno
6. Jordy Reid
7. Lewis Ludlow * (c)
8. Ruan Ackermann
16. Henry Walker *
17. Jamal Ford-Robinson
18. Ciaran Knight *
19. Alex Craig *
20. Seb Nagle-Taylor
21. Toby Venner *
22. George Barton *
23. Tom Seabrook *
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‘your’ Exeter team to be terrorised by Glos:
15 Stuart Hogg, 14 Olly Woodburn, 13 Ian Whitten, 12 Ollie Devoto, 11 Tom O’Flaherty
10 Joe Simmonds (capt), 9 Jack Maunder
1 Ben Moon, 2 Luke Cowan-Dickie, 3 Harry Williams
4 Jonny Gray, 5 Sam Skinner
6 Dave Ewers, 7 Jannes Kirsten, 8 Sam Simmonds
16 Jack Yeandle, 17 Alec Hepburn,18 Marcus Street, 19 Don Armand, 20 Richard Capstick, 21 Sam Hidalgo-Clyne
22 Harvey Skinner, 23 Tom Hendrickson
No Slade; Nowell and Vermeulen still on injury list; Francis out to pasture.
Glos. by 50
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The Narnia books are fab – Norn Irish: how could they not be?
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ps I’ll add the fixtures for the next week at some point….
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Words Thaum.
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And merry Xmas everyone, you beautiful dingy people.
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Hoping there’s a letter missing there Craigs.
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dingey
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Dingey, for anyone who got confused.
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Started the third bottle of red before 7pm. Cos of Jebus etc.
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The older Prince Charles gets, the more he looks like Gareth Edwards:
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Camilla looks like Faf de Klerk.
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I asked my mum for the family glögg recipe. Lots of mention of wine steeped in whole spices (cardamom, cloves, cinnamon) and orange peel which sounded like a recipe that had gone back years.
The incorporation of 0.5l of vodka to the mix seems like a recent addition but I didn’t want to question it.
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I’m so fucked right now.
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Happy crimbo to you.. .
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Craigs – reminds me of parties in my yoof when the Long Island Iced Teas were mixed up in the sink because that was the only container big enough.
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Today’s haul included:
Glen Moray Single Malt
Tamnavulin Single Malt
Bell’s 8 Year Old Blended (that’ll go in the decanter to make it look posher).
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Thank you Thauma, for today’s ATL and for being captain of the ship that keeps sailing.
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Our Tim did some heavy lifting on the Christmas tunes last night, so here’s a new song from a favourite of mine written for these covid times.
‘I don’t like this holiday, but I miss it all the same’. Well quite.
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Iks – you’re too kind. What makes this blog is the contributors.
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Eclectic Iks broadening our horizons again. Good job.
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Happy boxing/ st Stephen’s day to you all. Hope you all had as good a Christmas as is possible under the circumstances.
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…two of those turtles are way off side………………..bloody ref’s not looking, as usual
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Fixtures added….
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the best xmas story I have read so far……….
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/dec/26/drumchapel-united-helping-glasgow-children-cope-with-covid-life
marvellous!
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– special thanks, Thaum!
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Can’t find any reason why Henry S is not in the Exeter Squad. Could be either:
– Baxter is saving him for the more important games, within his England/Premiership rationing
– Covid doesn’t agree with his diabetes.
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Thaum
extra-special thanks because I thought today was Friday and only by reading your fixture list did I see that Exeter are playing this afternoon!
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I was also confused about what day of the week it was!
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Ticht: I know I’m really late with this but excuses. You mentioned a problem with linux/windows10 dual boot, and I found a similar problem. But I had faith that out there somewhere, a clever bastard would have sorted it. So I searched for linux+win10 dual boot+clever bastard and of course a clever bastard had indeed sorted it. Long story short, the linux installer usually partitions the hdd when you install in dual-boot, but can’t do this in windows10. So you partition the hdd first in windows using the windows partition tool, then install linux .
Merry Christmas to the blogizens of the only sane corner of the internet.
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Happy happy 448. Got all yer brexiting work done ?
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Slade, could just be squad rotation, no ? Need to keep the other boys sharp, cos Sladey is going to be off with Eddie again sooon.
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Ouch. Probably my favourite cricketer as a kid, Robin Jackman, just died. Only a couple of days after John Edrich too. Surrey stalwarts.
https://www.kiaoval.com/main-news/obituary-robin-jackman/
https://www.kiaoval.com/main-news/obituary-john-edrich/
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Bristol Quins is a lot of fun. Quins ahead by 3 pens to a try back just before half time. Bristol got half a dozen almosts, the ball hasn’t been sticking. Quins also had a fair try disallowed because to ball couldn’t be seen on the ground.
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Bloody PremierPlayer not working, so forced to listen in gibberish.
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Slade commentators mentioned Marler rested according to agreement with England, so presumeably the same for Slade.
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SBT – I hope its that – thanks
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Glos on top in first half and sluggish Exeter yellow carded – then Glos made the mistake of letting Exeter into their half.
result 7-6 to Exeter at half time.
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Glaws comeback begins.
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Dragons v Scarlets is incredibly tedious. 12-6, all penalties.
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Cardiff fatty try.
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Thanks BRB, I’ll have a go once the festivities are over.
Seasons Greetings to all.
Thaum, have you seen the bad news about Coetzee?
He’s going to the Bulls next season, Jonnie Petrie has just tweeted that it’s against Ulster’s wishes and it’s nothing to do with IEFU finances, it’s entirely his and the Bulls’ decision.
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