Links to chapters One, Two, Three and Four
Paulan clapped his slightly terrifying paws together and ordered a feast for all, which only increased his popularity. But he drew Peter aside, and took him to a hill that overlooked a very pretty castle that, he told Peter, contained four thrones that he and his companions should occupy.
“That,” said Paulan, “is Cair Paravel. You will sit as Kings and Queens, but because you are the first-born, you shall be Captain.”
“That’s a bit ageist,” thought Peter, “Susan is easily the bossiest of us.”
But just then, they heard the sound of a referee’s whistle, but a whistle so loud, so shrill in tone, and so enforceable-sounding that everyone within earshot froze.
“It is Susan’s whistle,” said Paulan.
For a moment Peter did not understand. Everyone else was scurrying around, with multiple spontaneous sessions of handbags in evidence, but then the movement coalesced towards a real enemy.
Then he did understand, and set off running towards the pavilion, where he saw a dreadful sight.
The defence was in tatters, and Susan was running down the pitch pursued by a massive wolf-lock. The Narnian forwards rallied and attempted to form a ruck around her, but she was still vulnerable to the snapping teeth.
Peter didn’t have a lot of time to think, but he knew he had two weapons: the sword, and the gum-shield. As the sword was probably against the rules, he popped the gumshield into his mouth and snarled at the wolf-lock.
The wolf-lock hissed, “Saracens until the end!” and disappeared in a steaming stream of boiling pish.
* * *
Meanwhile, the Witch had forced Edmund to do five hundred press-ups and walk five hundred miles. He was feeling a bit tired and cheated. When they finally stopped, he collapsed on the side-lines, but could hear the Witch talking to her scrum-half dwarf.
“Four thrones in Cair Paravel,” she said, “What if only three were filled? That would not fulfil the prophecy.”
“We should keep this one for bargaining. What with all the press-ups he’s been doing, we can up his price for transfer.”
“Pah! And have the other side out-bid us. No, we must do what we have to do at once. And that should be done at the Stone Stadium.”
At that moment, another wolf-lock rushed up to them to tell them of the events at the pavilion. “Fly!” said the wolf.
“No,” said the Witch. “There need be no flying. Go quickly. Summon all our people to meet me here as speedily as they can. Call out the giants and the werewolves and the spirits of those referees who are on our side. Call the Saracens, and the Blue Meanies, the French Ogres and the Saffer Minotaurs. We will fight. What? Have I not still my wand? Will not their ranks turn into stone even as they come on? Be off quickly, I have a little thing to finish here while you are away.”
That ‘little thing’ turned out to be Edmund. Just as the Witch illegally tackled him into the mud, he heard the drumming of hooves (forwards, no doubt) and the sound of wingers, and a scream from the Witch. Paulan had sent a rescue party.
The wingers said some nice things to him, but the forwards were saying things like, “Where’s the bloody Witch gone after that scrap?”
* * *
The next morning, the other children woke up to see Paulan walking with Edmund, and talking seriously with him. Edmund never told them about the conversation, but never supported the Saracens again.
Then Paulan’s wolfhounds approached with the Witch, who had come for parley.
“Remember the Deep Magic,” said the Witch. “That creature’s blood is mine, as he is a traitor. Unless I have blood as the Law says all Narnia will be overturned and perish in fire and magic spray.”
“This is true,” said Paulan. And he and the Witch walked off where no-one could hear.
Eventually Paulan came back to say that the Witch had renounced her claim on Edmund’s blood.
* * *
Paulan then announced that they should move elsewhere as the Stone Stadium would be needed for another purpose.
As they walked to the new camp, he began to explain his campaign to Peter: You should defend the attacking maul this way; you should arrange your forwards like this; you should make sure your half-backs stand not too deep, and so on.
“But you will be there yourself, Paulan.”
“I can give you no promise of that,” answered the Lion. And he continued giving Peter his instructions.
Merry xmas, Everyone!
Onna telly this week
Saturday 26th December
| Zebre v Treviso | 13:00 | FreeSports |
| Harlequins v Bristol | 14:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| Western Province v Griquas | 14:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Exeter v Gloucester | 15:00 | BT Sport Extra |
| Dragons v Cardiff | 15:00 | S4C / Premier Sports 1 |
| Northampton v Worcester | 16:30 | BT Sport 2 |
| Blue Bulls v Golden Lions | 17:00 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Ospreys v Scarlets | 17:15 | S4C / Premier Sports 1 |
Sunday 27th December
| Cheetahs v Sharks | 14:30 | Sky Sports Mix |
| Sale v Wasps | 15:00 | BT Sport 1 |
| Connacht v Ulster | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
Ovally Balls 
… and then lost it in overtime.
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@Thaum – I guess the semi-final is now the regular season game. Perhaps Munster will have the good sense to let you get 5 points against them but will still go all out in their game against the blue nasties as they normally would, not that I really think anything will make much difference, but perhaps they could deny them a bonus point…
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@sbt
Referring back to John Edrich – my lasting memory of him is as one of the great “walkers” – bat under the arm, gloves off and quick march to the pavilion….
I saw that his 310 vs NZ in ’65 consisted of 50+ 4s and 9 sixes…. most runs ever from boundaries …(or something). Sort of thing you have expected from one of the legendary “big lads” like John Jameson – who weren’t keen on quick singles ….
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Connacht vs Ulster was a strange kind of game…. Connacht had somewhere in the region of 80% territory (talamh) in the 1st half…. (watching in on TG4 – the Irish language station).
But it was obvious there was a strong wind – Ulster hung on in to h/t with a bunch of pens from Madigan.
Second half wasn’t as unbalanced – although Ulster had much the better of it. Final score line of 32-19 was flattering but Connacht really didn’t get enough scores in 1st half….it was more than a 5pt wind.
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Impressive….12 hour blogkill….
Yay, me!
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Munsterous.
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Norfolk put out whole teams of Edriches way back when. I think my uncle played with one or more of them or didn’t get to play because of them (though it would have been later than the whole team thing) or something.
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1 x Edrich = 12 hours
11 x Edrich = ?
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?>7
I’m thinking maybe 70+…
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Jamie Bhatti speaks: https://www.rugbypass.com/news/jamie-bhatti-on-why-he-had-to-leave-edinburgh/
Didn’t know much about him before. Best of luck to him now.
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He’s sure come up the hard way. No idea why Glasgow didn’t re sign him, he was on great form at the time.
Tough for him behind Sutherland and the saffa bloke at embra. He’s a decent player, hope he goes well at bath.
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That micro management doesn’t sound ideal at embra. Certainly helps explaithexway we play.
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Dear Boris, have it ever crossed your mind that if the NHS directly employed care workers and nurses, instead of them getting paid 10 or so quid an hour while the government pays intermediary employment consultants 50 quid an hour the whole problem may be resolved? You cunt ?
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Apologies for the appalling expletive, I am a bit old fashioned, and I mean it in the best possible taste.
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No apologies required. Especially considering the target.
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Chimpie, as far as I recall it was a timing issue with Bhatti and Glasgow, he’d been injured and struggled with form on his return. By the time he’d picked up and was playing really well he’d already signed the deal with Edinburgh because Rennie didn’t want him at Glasgow.
In the few days since that interview with Bhatti broke there have been a good few ex-players from around the game stating they had experienced the exact same scenario wrt to weigh-ins and how your game time and ultimately your livelihood depends on saunas and sweating off a couple of pounds before stepping on the scales, guys like Ally Miller have had the opposite problem, he was told he wouldn’t play until he’d put on weight from the gym, that is widespread in the sport.
We’ve had numerous stories on the stress these young men experience, Matt Smith retired at the age of 23 because of suicidal thoughts due to the severe pressure, guys in their teens are juicing up to make the weight of pro rugby and we are seeing more concussions and the fallout from them.
I’m beginning to feel about rugby what stopped me watching boxing, we enable all of these things because we follow the sport and if I’m being honest it’s making me uncomfortable,
It just all feels so very different from the sport I fell in love with at age 10.
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ticht, the sport (business) side of it I can leave and that’s what Bhatti’s case seems to be about.
But the game itself I still love.
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Having said that, the sport (power, economics, historically nation building/cultural ties of Empire) side of it is interesting, even if I’ll never buy things like, for instance, the Springboks winning the last World Cup ‘will bring the nation together”.
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@SBT – I forgive you for saying “Boris”.
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Boris blugeons blog. Brexit Bastard.
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@TomP, the 95 one did a tremendous amount of nation-building, although, as is the nature of such things, it was fairly quickly forgotten in the daily humdrum of life. The 96 Afcon win was a major boost as well and we were riding high – rugby world Champs, continental football kings, hosting the World Athletics Champs, and a few more over the next couple of years. Salad days indeed.
Last year’s win was a surprise as much as anything and a brief respite from the grinding malaise of poverty, corruption, racism and crime that continues to blight our beautiful country. Obviously having our first permanent black skipper lifting the Web Ellis trophy (videos can be supplied on demand) was a major event and a great story – as was Mapimpi’s, especially when told by Rassie Erasmus in the documentary ‘Chasing the Sun that recently aired here. But not the same level of hype as 95.
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Here’s a brief overview of Makazoli Mapimpi’s story:
https://www.news24.com/amp/sport/rugby/springboks/rassie-breaks-down-in-tears-recalling-mapimpis-tough-upbringing-20201102
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Here’s Siya Kolisi lifting the trophy:
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Look at that lovable scamp Eben grinning bashfully in the background!
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Nice to see documentary evidence confirming that the Game That Never Happened (according to Our Friends In The South) actually did.
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BB, I’d post the tries as well, but that might cause uncontrollable sobbing in some parts. Not that there was anything particularly special about them: Mapimpi’s was clearly forward on two passes and Kolbe’s sidestep was simply an act of self preservation with No-Arms Farrell looming large.*
*It’s Irish whiskey making me feisty.
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Think I’ll have another:
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The ‘Like’ was for the try, not for drinking Irish Whisk*y. Sure you have none of the good stuff?
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Deebee, it allows some people to concentrate on something else for a bit, doesn’t lead to any long-lasting change. The uniting the nation stuff is hot air.
Better to read Mapimpi’s own words than have a white guy talk one through it: https://www.newframe.com/mapimpis-natural-talent-for-rugby/
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Lukhanyo Am’s play in that Kolbe try is just outstanding.
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BB – we’re back to booze bans here, so saving the whisky for special occasions. Drinking a Jamieson’s Caskmate, which is decent enough for a quiet Tuesday evening. The Glenmorangie is in store for New Year’s Eve.
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TomP, never took you for one who would dismiss a view based on ethnicity? Been in Eastern Europe too long I fear.
Am and PS du Toit were excellent, especially Am’s pick up and pass under pressure.
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I’m not dismissing the view.
It’s how Am waits to get the ball that I love.
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Better to read Mapimpi’s own words than have a white guy talk one through it
Sounds dismissive to me. But in the spirit of the Festive season, let’s focus on his try rather:
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Am’s timing on the Mapimpi try was also superb.
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It’s not. Mapimpi’s story’s greater when he tells it.
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It is when you dismiss Rassie as ‘a white guy’. But if you watch the documentary, you’ll understand it a bit better. Rassie, a true-blue Afrikaner from Despatch in the industrial heartland of the Eastern Cape in floods of tears relating the story. I simply linked the first news article I found, didn’t expect that response to be honest.
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In that case I must have misunderstood your use of the word “especially”. I took it to mean “above all others”.
The tears are a thing about it as well. It’s good TV.
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Whilst we’re on the subject of South Africa, Connor De Byun is the latest teenage centre signed up by a Scottish club, This time Glasgow.
He has an England sh mum and a Scottish Granddad
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The especially was a direct reference to the series, not the news clip, so I can see where we got our views crossed. It’s an absolute joy as well as sadness to watch rugby in the rural Eastern Cape, Boland and Griqualand West regions, with an abundance of talent that will – in most cases – simply be lost under the radar.
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Boan Venter, the Cheetahs prop who’s signed for Embra had another very good game this weekend against the Sharks. Hopefully his 2 1/2 year deal isn’t extended past that.
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ticht, here he is:
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Same school as Brad Barritt and Matty Two-Sides Stevens.
SARU rationalised the Currie Cup Under 19 tournament from a 12 game pool stage + finals to a week-long thing a couple of years back so there’re fewer contracts available for school leavers. It’s not surprising these talented young lads are looking overseas for possibilities. When I was there, the Bulls were signing 40 or so kids out of school. Earlier this month the main recruiter in those days got 3 years prison for fraud.
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TomP, watch this space for Jurie Roux and the millions he siphoned through to Maties rugby from the University. He’s in deep shit.
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I saw that earlier in the week. He’s very slippery.
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I see that Jacques Vermeulen, who plays at Exeter, was born in Paarl.
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Ticht
– I think this is what a young prop should look like:
https://www.exeterchiefs.co.uk/
..played for England U20s at age 18…
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Sladey, Paarl’s a tremendous rugby town. The two biggest rugby-playing high schools. Paarl Gim and Paarl Boys, are always very very strong. Their interskole is a huge event, parades, reunions and 20,000+ in the town stadium for the big match, which is broadcast live on TV. Just from Vermeulen’s school you’ve got Handre Pollard, Jean de Villiers, Schalk Burger, JD Shickerling and the lad Deebee was punting a couple of weeks back Zak Burger.
Also, lots of wine and an ok brewery as well. My top tip in that area is the arts centre bookshop in Wellington, where Schalk Burger’s from, and the good but expensive second-hand bookshop in Franschhoek.
And the Bain’s Kloof Pass between Ceres and Wellington is a great road.
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I see that Wasp’s Barbeary ( a new great white hope for no.8) is seriously crocked. I watched Wasps on Sunday – Barbeary looks very overweight for his frame, made up of lots of muscle and some fat.
In my simple view, his bone structure can’t cope with the forces applied – rather like Tuilagi. It just can’t be right.
Sam Simmonds of Exeter is about the same height lots of muscle for sure, but no fat at all.
Result is that he is very fast (can play a Tuilagi style centre) and relatively durable.
Surely this latter body dtyle is better for everyone – plus, Barbeary hasn’t stopped growing/maturing yet. He won’t last.
EJ has a lot to answer for with his little man’s envy of big players.
Of the home nations, Stander looks the best balance of weight/strength/speed at the moment.
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Barbeary was a hooker until very very recently, Slade. Played there at school and in age group rugby, and in the 2019 JWC for about 3 minutes before he tried to kill an Irish kiddy.
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