The intense interest aroused in the public by what was known at the time as “The OvallyBalls Case” has now somewhat subsided. Nevertheless, in view of the world-wide notoriety which attended it, I have been asked, both by my friend Poirot and the blogmembers themselves, to write an account of the whole story. This, we trust, will effectually silence the sensational rumours which still persist.
It all began when a chap named BorderBoy idly commented, “Wonder who’ll end up killing me first?” BB, as he was affectionately called, seemed only to be referring to a domestic situation engendered by the current lockdown, but his comment brought on a sinister load of abuse, invective and general rotterness.
Poirot, knowing my aptitude for these kinds of cases, has asked me to transcribe my characterisation of the main suspects at this point in the proceedings.
Suspects
OurTerry
Far from having any sympathy for BB’s imminent demise, OT raged that “This lockdown and home schooling has already cost me 250 quid for a better router.”
He later tries to cover his tracks by suggesting that a fancy new router can distract one from the woes of lockdown.
Chimpie
Chimpie seemed to sympathise at first, when he commented that “Lockdown and home schooling is costing me my sanity”, but quickly made it All About Himself when he went on to say “And a melbury. Can I moan about electricians not turning up when they’re supposed to?”
Must investigate this Melbury fellow. Sounds unreliable.
Craigsman
This utter bounder’s callous response to BB’s plaintive question was “Hard to say. There’s so many to choose from.”
I shall keep an eye on him.
Deebee7
His comment that “It’s at times like this that I’m glad my sprog was born 26 years ago…” may seem innocuous, and even supportive of BB, but does it hide darker thoughts?
* * *
Just as I had finished writing out these incisive insights, BB surprised us all by posting again: “Daughter 2 (at the posh end of the table) is 27 and working from home (and still staying here, despite her best efforts to leave).”
What could this signify? I mean, we all thought he was dead. Perhaps, I thought to myself, it is a coded message from his killer, who has hijacked his login. In which case, what could ‘the posh end of a table’ mean? Could it be that BB, posing as a humble librarian, was actually a person so wealthy that his table stretched to different post-codes.
And I fear for his captive daughter, who probably has auburn hair and is rather beautiful.
* * *
A new suspect has emerged.
A dubious character named ClydeMillarWynant has responded to OT’s comment about the £250 router with “My lot will just have to get behind with their wodwork.”
What could this mean? What are these wods they’re working on, and why should they get behind with it?
He also goes on to show an unnatural interest in the case:
“BB listed the candidates. They were Mrs BB, Daughter 2 and, somewhat bizarrely, Chimpie.
“It’s not many when you think about it.”
He then makes suspicious distractions around fractions and cricket. Well, that’s just not cricket. I have my eye on you, you rotter.
* * *
A very disturbing conversation then took place.
The murderer, posing as BB again, wrote, “Think we can safely rule Chimpie out as one of my killers. Next door neighbour’s cat keeps giving me evil looks though, so may count him in.”
This heightened my suspicions of Chimpie (who, by the way, is a llama). It’s preposterous that it could be a cat.
The scoundrel then had the effrontery to reply under his own moniker, “It’s all right BB why would I want to kill you? It’s not like I could eat you or anything…. Legally.”
But then Craigsman remarked that he now has “a rather gruesome image of BB toasted on one side, covered with a massive pile of cheese, being slid under a grill.” And I suspect he has his neighbours tied up with wire.
Chimpie responded, “I’d probably go for charbroiled cutlets. Or maybe even a pot roast.”
To which MisterIks, a known Prog-hater, suspiciously replied, “Well I’m in the clear. No motive whatsoever to snuff out the Blog Progmeister.”
* * *
Poirot read through my notes with great interest, and complimented me on my eye for detail. “But, mon ami,” he said, “You have forgotten one leetle detail.”
“I say, Poirot, whatever do you mean?”
“You forget that BB works with students and does not detest immigrants.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“The murderer himself confessed without meaning to do so, when he wrote about ‘woke poncey student types’.
“That’s right. It was … ExPro!”
Onna telly this week
Friday 22nd January
| Scarlets 10 – 13 Cardiff | 20:00 |
Saturday 23rd January
| 13:00 | Bulls v Lions | Sky Sports Arena |
| 13:00 | Zebre v Edinburgh | Premier Sports 2 |
| 14:30 | Western Province v Sharks | Sky Sports Arena |
| 19:35 | Munster v Leinster | Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 24th January
| Connacht v Ospreys | 15:00 | TG4 / FreeSports |
Ovally Balls 
Final score Bristol 48 – 3 Bath.
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Sale beat Leicester as well. Good.
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And the EU’s fucked it. And Macron’s a fucking idiot. Happy Days!
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A bit of a good news story (and a helluva player)…
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/55860080
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I can imagine the commission standing firm against parties with paramilitaries and governments with armies on their side but folding as soon as they bring the Archbishop of Canterbury into it.
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More like:
– erroneous action by EU borne of reasonable distrust of UK w.r.t. agreements leads to sanctimonious response from 10 Downing Street
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@slade
To be fair this has nothing to do with the UK government and everything to do with commission naivety when it comes to scale up of biopharmaceutical manufacturing. That 3 month gap is crucial to the entire story.
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I’m scratching my head over the project management / change management aspects, and why the supply chain problems came as a big surprise to the EU ‘team’.
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@iksy
The main problem is biology. At the heart of the AZ process is the culture of mammalian cells which, to do well, is a bit like witchcraft. To try and get high yields is really hard and finding a way that works in Oxford or Keele takes a lot of time. Once you find out how to do it you can’t just transfer that knowledge to Belgium because it won’t work. To set up the Belgian operations you have to learn how to do it from scratch for a process that works at the particular plant. Which takes time and losing 3 months will put you right back.
That’s not AZ being cynical, or the UK government trying to prove a point, it’s just harsh reality. And any public tantrums from Von Der Leyen or Macron or Kyriakidou isn’t going to magic up a better yield of mammalian cells.
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New post shortly.
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