The intense interest aroused in the public by what was known at the time as “The OvallyBalls Case” has now somewhat subsided. Nevertheless, in view of the world-wide notoriety which attended it, I have been asked, both by my friend Poirot and the blogmembers themselves, to write an account of the whole story. This, we trust, will effectually silence the sensational rumours which still persist.
It all began when a chap named BorderBoy idly commented, “Wonder who’ll end up killing me first?” BB, as he was affectionately called, seemed only to be referring to a domestic situation engendered by the current lockdown, but his comment brought on a sinister load of abuse, invective and general rotterness.
Poirot, knowing my aptitude for these kinds of cases, has asked me to transcribe my characterisation of the main suspects at this point in the proceedings.
Suspects
OurTerry
Far from having any sympathy for BB’s imminent demise, OT raged that “This lockdown and home schooling has already cost me 250 quid for a better router.”
He later tries to cover his tracks by suggesting that a fancy new router can distract one from the woes of lockdown.
Chimpie
Chimpie seemed to sympathise at first, when he commented that “Lockdown and home schooling is costing me my sanity”, but quickly made it All About Himself when he went on to say “And a melbury. Can I moan about electricians not turning up when they’re supposed to?”
Must investigate this Melbury fellow. Sounds unreliable.
Craigsman
This utter bounder’s callous response to BB’s plaintive question was “Hard to say. There’s so many to choose from.”
I shall keep an eye on him.
Deebee7
His comment that “It’s at times like this that I’m glad my sprog was born 26 years ago…” may seem innocuous, and even supportive of BB, but does it hide darker thoughts?
* * *
Just as I had finished writing out these incisive insights, BB surprised us all by posting again: “Daughter 2 (at the posh end of the table) is 27 and working from home (and still staying here, despite her best efforts to leave).”
What could this signify? I mean, we all thought he was dead. Perhaps, I thought to myself, it is a coded message from his killer, who has hijacked his login. In which case, what could ‘the posh end of a table’ mean? Could it be that BB, posing as a humble librarian, was actually a person so wealthy that his table stretched to different post-codes.
And I fear for his captive daughter, who probably has auburn hair and is rather beautiful.
* * *
A new suspect has emerged.
A dubious character named ClydeMillarWynant has responded to OT’s comment about the £250 router with “My lot will just have to get behind with their wodwork.”
What could this mean? What are these wods they’re working on, and why should they get behind with it?
He also goes on to show an unnatural interest in the case:
“BB listed the candidates. They were Mrs BB, Daughter 2 and, somewhat bizarrely, Chimpie.
“It’s not many when you think about it.”
He then makes suspicious distractions around fractions and cricket. Well, that’s just not cricket. I have my eye on you, you rotter.
* * *
A very disturbing conversation then took place.
The murderer, posing as BB again, wrote, “Think we can safely rule Chimpie out as one of my killers. Next door neighbour’s cat keeps giving me evil looks though, so may count him in.”
This heightened my suspicions of Chimpie (who, by the way, is a llama). It’s preposterous that it could be a cat.
The scoundrel then had the effrontery to reply under his own moniker, “It’s all right BB why would I want to kill you? It’s not like I could eat you or anything…. Legally.”
But then Craigsman remarked that he now has “a rather gruesome image of BB toasted on one side, covered with a massive pile of cheese, being slid under a grill.” And I suspect he has his neighbours tied up with wire.
Chimpie responded, “I’d probably go for charbroiled cutlets. Or maybe even a pot roast.”
To which MisterIks, a known Prog-hater, suspiciously replied, “Well I’m in the clear. No motive whatsoever to snuff out the Blog Progmeister.”
* * *
Poirot read through my notes with great interest, and complimented me on my eye for detail. “But, mon ami,” he said, “You have forgotten one leetle detail.”
“I say, Poirot, whatever do you mean?”
“You forget that BB works with students and does not detest immigrants.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“The murderer himself confessed without meaning to do so, when he wrote about ‘woke poncey student types’.
“That’s right. It was … ExPro!”
Onna telly this week
Friday 22nd January
| Scarlets 10 – 13 Cardiff | 20:00 |
Saturday 23rd January
| 13:00 | Bulls v Lions | Sky Sports Arena |
| 13:00 | Zebre v Edinburgh | Premier Sports 2 |
| 14:30 | Western Province v Sharks | Sky Sports Arena |
| 19:35 | Munster v Leinster | Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 24th January
| Connacht v Ospreys | 15:00 | TG4 / FreeSports |
Ovally Balls 
The purpose of a greenhouse is to create a warmer climate by stopping the escape of convection currents*. You’re best off opening a window.
*Observant readers will notice that greenhouses do not warm in accordance with the so-called “Greenhouse Effect”. There’s loads of convection currents in the atmosphere moving about nice and free and untrapped.
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I hesitate to ask what you are growing………………..but?
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Herbal remedies
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I like the idea of cooling a greenhouse by circulating warm moist air.
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OT – I know, but we may add a heater in colder months and I had a bright idea of a fan cooler but it might be easier to open a window a touch like you said.
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I like the idea of cooling a greenhouse by circulating warm moist air
Have you been in my greenhouse recently?
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I’d be concerned if OT has been in your greenhouse recently if I were you craigs
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A fan won’t cool a greenhouse. You might feel cooler if you are in there but that’s because you’re a warm-blooded mammal carrying a blanket of warm air around with you that gets disturbed by the draught. Plants won’t feel that.
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OT – it will even out the temperature though. So my plan was to have 2 temperature sensors. When the temperature high up gets too high the fan would circulate the colder air at the bottom. And I would use my brewing temperature controllers connected to single fan.
In theory.
Anyway, you can buy specific fans for this:
https://www.greenhousesensation.co.uk/ora-floor-fan.html
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I’m quite honoured that my greenhouse is of so much concern to the notablog.
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perhaps it’s more we don’t want you to electrocute yourself
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-thermostat controlled high-level self-opening vents work pretty well
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There you go – Slade is thermodynamically correct once again.
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Slade – thanks. I’ll figure something out.
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I’m more concerned that people might be stalking you and / or your greenhouse.
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greenhouse autovents have wax in them. No electrics or thermostats required.
got a row from mrs chimpie for forcing one and breaking it before I knew how it worked.
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I have no interest in Craigs’s greenhouse other than potentially sensing an opportunity to publicly humiliate him on a technical issue a la Chek.
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OT – people get fans for their greenhouses so you lose.
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Shame on you, OT. Shame on you.
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perhaps it’s more we
don’twant you to electrocute yourselfMy thoughts exactly!
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@craigs
It’s not quite Chek celebrating the destruction of the UK’s manufacturing economy on environmental grounds, I grant you.
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Its always good to check out all the options before confirming that a round wheel is in fact the best option and has worked well before. As an accountant, I am sure Craigs is used to carrying out due diligence, so I think it is harsh to criticise him for exploring all the options from first principals. Obviously, he is asking in the right place, as it has taken a little under one of Deebee’s long lunches to get to the crux of the matter. He could have gone to Defra, who could have set up a working party to discuss forming a committee to produce a report on all the current best practices, employing consultants who were at school/uni with Boris, and got the same result a couple of years and several million squids later.
Bravo.
And cheers for the ATL, Thaum. Can we have a Foyles War version of the next schism ? Got a thing about Honeysuckle Weeks.
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It wisnae a schism, it wis a murrrdurrrr.
Apparently.
Although I do seem to be worryingly alive – which may mean that our blog murderers (as opposed to blog killers) are about as competent as a Tory government.
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Actually
we’re being approached to advise Craigs with only partial information to hand.
I believe Craigs lives in the south of England where there is plenty of insolation and a short period risk of freezing.
An auto-ventilated greenhouse is sufficient for most requirements.
Complexity arises when_
– Craigs wants to grow UK frost sensitive stuff out of season (trad. greenhousers install low output background heaters to deal with this) e.g. Georgian orangeries
– He wants to grow non-UK exotics e.g. orchids (artificial heating or humidifying may be required)
– He wants to grow weed (of which I am reminded by the mention of fans)
Simple on-line research will reveal the regional greenhouse requirements for any and all options – it’s one of the nerdiest occupations known to man and reference/advice is available by the skip-load).
Only Me!
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Slade – tell us about your previous use of fans in greenhouses.
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SBT – that might be tricky as I’d never heard of Foyles War before.
I know a (very little) bit about fans. Air is a fluid, apparently, at least for the purposes of fan engineering.
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Craigs
they help stop the cracks and creases from getting over-damp when working in g’houses on sunny days
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@thauma
That’s right. You follow in a long list of illustrious physicists and engineers – Archimedes, Bernoulli, Navier, Stokes, Thauma etc etc
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:-)
I had done some work on computational fluid dynamics, and was fascinated that air works exactly the same way.
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CFD is hard. All those unsolvable differential equations must drive you mad.
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When I say I did work on it, I mean that I was working with CFD software, mostly from a pre-sales point of view … the software engineers did all the hard sums.
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Underhill out of the England squad. They’ll be lucky to raise a XXIII by this rate.
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Speaking of which, Doncaster were awarded the win against Sarries at the weekend as the Fallen Ones could put a side together because of injuries, suspensions and quarantines.
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Had to crack open a bottle of wine to provide a cork furra science experiment tomorrow. Sometimes it’s tough being a parent
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Didn’t have to finish the bottle. But hey….
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We’ve been boozeless in SA for nearly a month now, after Covid infections surged and government wanted to keep emergency wards open to those patients, rather than the usual A&E booze related admissions. Starting to run dangerously low on all booze now. If my posts seem snarky, sarcastic, aggressive or belittling, please just note that it’s got nothing to do with the ban, it’s just the façade slipping.
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Deebs – I’ve noticed no change if I’m honest.
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Pfft! YOU? Being honest?
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Got my professional integrity to think about.
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Will accept gifts and cash payments.
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Presbyterians is an anagram of Britney Spears. I think you all needed to know that. Except Craigs, he’s too busy setting up a patreon account to care.
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“…they help stop the cracks and creases from getting over-damp when working in g’houses on sunny days”
Karl.
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Deebs – subscribestar or whatever one the nazis use nowadays.
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OT – so she should stay at home and rely on her husband’s income?
This could be your fan day.
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That’s NSFW BTW.
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No. She just has to get on with it like the rest of us have to. Both my grannys worked full time and they didn’t have an au pair. Same with my folks.
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OT – sounds a bit Douglas Adamsesque to me.
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