The intense interest aroused in the public by what was known at the time as “The OvallyBalls Case” has now somewhat subsided. Nevertheless, in view of the world-wide notoriety which attended it, I have been asked, both by my friend Poirot and the blogmembers themselves, to write an account of the whole story. This, we trust, will effectually silence the sensational rumours which still persist.
It all began when a chap named BorderBoy idly commented, “Wonder who’ll end up killing me first?” BB, as he was affectionately called, seemed only to be referring to a domestic situation engendered by the current lockdown, but his comment brought on a sinister load of abuse, invective and general rotterness.
Poirot, knowing my aptitude for these kinds of cases, has asked me to transcribe my characterisation of the main suspects at this point in the proceedings.
Suspects
OurTerry
Far from having any sympathy for BB’s imminent demise, OT raged that “This lockdown and home schooling has already cost me 250 quid for a better router.”
He later tries to cover his tracks by suggesting that a fancy new router can distract one from the woes of lockdown.
Chimpie
Chimpie seemed to sympathise at first, when he commented that “Lockdown and home schooling is costing me my sanity”, but quickly made it All About Himself when he went on to say “And a melbury. Can I moan about electricians not turning up when they’re supposed to?”
Must investigate this Melbury fellow. Sounds unreliable.
Craigsman
This utter bounder’s callous response to BB’s plaintive question was “Hard to say. There’s so many to choose from.”
I shall keep an eye on him.
Deebee7
His comment that “It’s at times like this that I’m glad my sprog was born 26 years ago…” may seem innocuous, and even supportive of BB, but does it hide darker thoughts?
* * *
Just as I had finished writing out these incisive insights, BB surprised us all by posting again: “Daughter 2 (at the posh end of the table) is 27 and working from home (and still staying here, despite her best efforts to leave).”
What could this signify? I mean, we all thought he was dead. Perhaps, I thought to myself, it is a coded message from his killer, who has hijacked his login. In which case, what could ‘the posh end of a table’ mean? Could it be that BB, posing as a humble librarian, was actually a person so wealthy that his table stretched to different post-codes.
And I fear for his captive daughter, who probably has auburn hair and is rather beautiful.
* * *
A new suspect has emerged.
A dubious character named ClydeMillarWynant has responded to OT’s comment about the £250 router with “My lot will just have to get behind with their wodwork.”
What could this mean? What are these wods they’re working on, and why should they get behind with it?
He also goes on to show an unnatural interest in the case:
“BB listed the candidates. They were Mrs BB, Daughter 2 and, somewhat bizarrely, Chimpie.
“It’s not many when you think about it.”
He then makes suspicious distractions around fractions and cricket. Well, that’s just not cricket. I have my eye on you, you rotter.
* * *
A very disturbing conversation then took place.
The murderer, posing as BB again, wrote, “Think we can safely rule Chimpie out as one of my killers. Next door neighbour’s cat keeps giving me evil looks though, so may count him in.”
This heightened my suspicions of Chimpie (who, by the way, is a llama). It’s preposterous that it could be a cat.
The scoundrel then had the effrontery to reply under his own moniker, “It’s all right BB why would I want to kill you? It’s not like I could eat you or anything…. Legally.”
But then Craigsman remarked that he now has “a rather gruesome image of BB toasted on one side, covered with a massive pile of cheese, being slid under a grill.” And I suspect he has his neighbours tied up with wire.
Chimpie responded, “I’d probably go for charbroiled cutlets. Or maybe even a pot roast.”
To which MisterIks, a known Prog-hater, suspiciously replied, “Well I’m in the clear. No motive whatsoever to snuff out the Blog Progmeister.”
* * *
Poirot read through my notes with great interest, and complimented me on my eye for detail. “But, mon ami,” he said, “You have forgotten one leetle detail.”
“I say, Poirot, whatever do you mean?”
“You forget that BB works with students and does not detest immigrants.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“The murderer himself confessed without meaning to do so, when he wrote about ‘woke poncey student types’.
“That’s right. It was … ExPro!”
Onna telly this week
Friday 22nd January
| Scarlets 10 – 13 Cardiff | 20:00 |
Saturday 23rd January
| 13:00 | Bulls v Lions | Sky Sports Arena |
| 13:00 | Zebre v Edinburgh | Premier Sports 2 |
| 14:30 | Western Province v Sharks | Sky Sports Arena |
| 19:35 | Munster v Leinster | Premier Sports 2 |
Sunday 24th January
| Connacht v Ospreys | 15:00 | TG4 / FreeSports |
Ovally Balls 
I think you should suffer some sleepless nights before finding out.
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Chimoie
I thought you had just turned over a new leaf – but you are not helping are you?
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Pffft
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wipe up after yourself, please
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…perhaps I’m in a bad mood this morning1
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1 / !
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Bad mood from sleepless nights not knowing how a Wombat squeezes out a square jobbie?
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They pat them into shape after releasing them.
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Is not the answer.
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Week and a bit till 6N
*twiddles thumbs*
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Oh dog does this mean we have another week of ‘facts’ from Chimpie? Haven’t you got some home schooling to do, or another erection to build?
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Chimpie, you could fill in those 190-odd hours by watching every minute of all of Scotland’s victories in the 6 Nations (2000-2020).
4 or 5 times.
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One erection is enough for me.
I can avoid the kidz more easily now too, so you have my erection to thank for that.
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Some 6N news for you all:
Stuart Hogg: ‘I’m not saying we’re going to win the Six Nations … but I’m excited’
Kitson said so, so it must be true.
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Nah, Hoggy said it. He’s just loving life in Devon – he is a Border Boy after all (albeit one from Hawick, but I can just about forgive him for that) and he’s excited about playing rugby after a few weeks off with an injury. We probably won’t win the 6N but we’ll have a damn good go at doing so. Why should he be criticised for thinking this?
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Link to interview
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2021/jan/29/stuart-hogg-interview-scotland-six-nations-rugby-union
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Why should he be criticised for thinking this?
He shouldn’t. But if it can stir up some healthy debate here, then so much the better! I mean who really wants to debate English centres again?
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Currie Cup Final tomorrow, Deebs.
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@TomP – Yip! And you know I’ll obviously be backing the Sharks. It’s my brother-in-law’s team. Cough. Should be a great game actually and interesting to see if Curwin Bosch can shed his no-BMT tag and get the better of Morne Steyn. Battle of the two fetchers should be brilliant too -van Staden against Richardson, although for my money the Bulls loose trio as a unit is better than the Sharks. Richardson got under Duane Vermeulen’s skin very successfully in the last match between the two though, so I’m sure ‘Thor’ will be looking to crunch him properly this weekend!
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Ahhh the annual Scottish 6ns hope. Ready for the annual grinding into the Twickenham/Paris/Cardiff/ Dublin/Rome/Murrayfield dirt.
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I miss Chekh for providing most of this misplaced optimism at this time of year.
And I miss MVML for his cool, calm expectation at this time of year.
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the graun have remembered rugby in Scotland exists? amazing.
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doubt we’re going to win it, doubt we’ll come last. Whatevs.
Just hope the ladz play some good footie. or something
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Chimpie – aye mate. I just want rugby to win.
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LOL
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‘George Clooney joins reboot of classic sci-fi series Buck Rogers’
good heavens. Buck Rogers was dreadful.
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Nice article about John Mayall:
https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2021/jan/29/john-mayall-teenage-obsessions-i-lived-in-a-tree-house-until-i-got-married
We were very close neighbours but a few years apart – but it got me into hearing some top stuff at a very young age. My (mono) ‘Beano’ album is treasured but Bare Wires is my favorite.
Think I’ll give them and others from him a run through…………………………..
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Buck Rogers is a classic:
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If Ticht is about, this is pretty rad:
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he’s one crazy kid
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Imagine the scenes when people with Covid are chased through the streets by giant rats
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Chimpie – he is 🔥
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RugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugbyRugby
And a try for Brizzle to keep Refit happy.
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Bath are shite.
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Oh look, a second :)
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And that warms the heart.
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You could have had another one there too. Bath obviously missing their Scottish international badly…
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Scottish squad member, BB.
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What a sidestep by Piutau.
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Ooh, Brizzle fun to watch.
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Cam – if you want to get away from Bath, come up to Glasgow. We could do with a decent inside centre and Scotland SQUAD PLAYER/international…
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Bristol remind me of Glasgow in their pomp (and that IS a complement) when the backline with Hoggy, Finn, Niko et al would attack from anywhere on the pitch.
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I have this weird superstitious feeling that if I watch, or even think about, rugby this weekend, then 6N will be called off.
Completely irrational and especially silly because this sounds like a good match.
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I believe the correct term is ‘an absolute shoeing’?
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It’s not much of a match, thaum. Bristol are good. Bath are not.
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So Redpath is playing then? Thought he was with the Scotland squad – he should be.
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Refit – so a very good ‘match’, then. :-)
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@BB – yep, Redpath is trying to do his best or Bath.
@Thaum – if you’re a fan of razzle-dazzle, or Bristol, then yes, a good match. If you’re a Bath fan, you’re not gonna be watching this a second time.
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But Bristol aren’t just razzle-dazzle – they’ve got the grunt to go with it. Could well be the favourites this year, Exeter haven’t hit the heights this year yet.
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Bristol – 775m made.
Bath – 167 tackles made, 43 missed..
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