the Not Johnny Clegg Story of Travel In Africa
We climbed quickly into the air and escaped the clutches of Kinshasa below us, with Brazza rapidly fading behind us too as we headed towards Douala and sanity. It’s a relatively short flight, across Congo-Brazza, Gabon, and I would imagine Equatorial Guinea, before getting to Cameroon. There was the odd bit of turbulence as we flew into the darkness of a tropical night, the sun setting very quickly in Africa, no dilly-dallying like in Europe. We were to transfer from the international side to the domestic side and get a flight to Yaoundé from there, with our host Eric, who would provide our visas on arrival. Douala soon appeared on the horizon, lights flickering in the distance, a reassuring sign that we were on track. Then they disappeared. Just for a couple of minutes, then reappeared. If we’re being blocked by mountains, I thought, we’re pretty fucking low to the ground. But the lights were well below us – it was just a normal night of patchy electricity, with generators kicking in whenever the power failed. Which was often.
We landed without problems and soon made our way into the arrivals hall. Rob and his Gabonese business partner rounded us up, including a young woman from South Africa’s tourism board, who spoke fluent French, having grown up in exile in Paris and attended a swanky school there, she told me. Several times. Where was Eric? We needed our visas and clearance to get to the domestic flight. Turns out his flight from Yaoundé had been cancelled due to bad weather. No visas, no entry. No power, no lights. And every time the lights came back on, the South Africans were clear to everyone – diving on their luggage to make sure nobody stole it in the dark. For shame! After a couple of hours of hanging around the humid arrivals desk, our Gabonese colleague arguing with the officials in a combination of French and English, with a few choice Zulu and Afrikaans swearwords thrown in, had managed to get us out of the airport and off to a hotel for the night, our connecting flight having long since departed. Only problem, we had to leave our passports behind.
We headed to the Akwa Palace Hotel, not too far away and close to the Wouri River, where logs were floated down from the interior, destined mainly for China. It was late by now and everything was closed. Our host managed to get a chef and waitress to serve us dinner. “Just remember – everything makes you sick, so stick to overcooked chicken!” Rob hissed in my ear. I looked at the menu, and asked the waitress what she’d recommend. “The ndolé! It’s delicious!” was the immediate, infectious response. I was sold. It’s basically a wild spinach that is cooked in a variety of different ways depending on location and culture. Mine came with chillies, shrimp and peanuts. It was superb. I got lost in the tastes as Rob was demanding sauce to make his overcooked chicken palatable. He lathered it on the leathery fowl and launched into it, before lunging for a beer and gulping it down as the piri-piri sauce caught his throat. Once he’d stopped choking, he shut up for a bit. What a win!
Before dawn the next morning we got into our air-conditioned 4×4 and started the five hour, 230km trip to Yaoundé, Cameroon’s capital city. We’d arrived about two weeks before the elections, held faithfully every seven years by incumbent Paul Biya in the solid knowledge that they’re rigged in his favour and France prefers him in power to the unknown*. What it did mean, though, was that as we traversed the countryside, we hit army roadblocks every 20 or 30 kilometres. The process was simple: the driver drove as fast as he could through the winding roads of the forest and open grasslands, overtaking massive logging trucks and petrol hauliers without much thought for what may be coming the other way, at equally breakneck speed; hooting at everything in sight, through small villages with timber houses, some painted brightly, others not, scattering chickens, children and goats as he went. As the rudimentary roadblocks loomed – a plank with nine-inch nails facing upwards and soldiers with AK-47s manning them in case you decide to skip them – he would swear, screech to a halt and put his subservient smiley face on. Because we didn’t have our passports back yet. No sweat, he calmly gave his identity card and a wad of cash at each stop and we were on our way again. In retrospect, we were beyond lucky that we weren’t locked up for days or weeks on end while the issue was sorted out, but yours truly was filled with the bonhomie of a man released from the shame of apartheid, and faith in the humanity of all people. Basically, a naïve idiot. But it was this trip, careening through the rainforests, our driver and minder** regaling stories of Roger Milla and other football heroes, the forests flying by with stunning majesty, smells, sounds and lighting, with Manu Dibango, Salif Keita and Youssou N’Dour for company, that cemented my love for the continent, my people and its music. I can still smell those rainforests whenever I hear that music. I can still recall the arguments about which of the Biyiks was the better footballer. Magical.
We arrived in Yaoundé just before 9 am, so just in time for the start of the main conference to cement ties between South Africa and Cameroon. We sat at the podium, with yours truly to do the introductory speech, much to my horror. We waited patiently for the local dignitaries to arrive. Then took a coffee break at 10am. By 11am, when the local governor and minister of trade had decided which of them would enter last to the greater fanfare, we got underway. Sort of. We had to wait for the TV crews to get back from their own break and then repeat the sweeping entrances and ovations. That done, brief introductory speeches out of the way, it was time for lunch.***
Host Eric was in fine fettle by now, with coverage on national television assured, and took us to an ‘eco-lodge’ for lunch. It was a beautiful wooden house perched on top of a hill looking across tropical forests as far as the eye could see. It was built from the trees that once inhabited the hill and the now lack of vegetation was creating serious erosion, which the owner, who wanted to build another twenty of them on the hills around there, seemed oblivious to. Lunch was great though – donkey, pork and goat meat skewers presented on a grooved wooden platter with different spices in each groove. You rolled your skewer in whichever one you wanted, and they then grilled it for you. Served with deep-fried plantains, now a firm favourite of mine and washed down with a small 33 Export. Back to the hotel just in time for the coffee break.
By this stage, trouble was brewing in paradise, with Rob and his sidekick demanding our passports back and accusing Eric of effectively holding us hostage. Eric was incensed, accusing them of wanting a free trip that they were simply using for their own business. I stayed out of it, figuring that he who holds the passport is king. And he also had my plane ticket. The afternoon flew past, with recriminations replaced by reconciliations and renewed animosity by turn, but I was meeting with great people, many of whom were interested in sending their kids to South African universities. I was happy to oblige, having recently been at one and helped them with entrance requirements on return.
Eric then introduced me to a good friend of his – the CEO of the local branch of one of the world’s largest tobacco companies. We were soon off to his aunt’s fantastic restaurant* for dinner, with a bunch of South African Air Force pilots for company as well. They were training the Cameroon Air Force, but seldom got into the skies because of the weather, so spent most of their time drinking in the hotel. And then being grounded because they weren’t in any condition to fly. Dinner was sublime, again, with a variety of seafood, meats, vegetables and casava concoctions that I can’t remember the names of. The rest of the week followed a fairly similar pattern of torturous Cameroonian hierarchy politics, wasted time, great meetings, better food and excellent company. Time to head back to Douala and the final leg of our journey – still (worryingly) no passports in sight.
*Sorry Flair, that was the distinct impression given to us at the time, and it persists today!
**We imagined he was just there to keep us safe from harm, but was in fact Secret Service assigned to us to make sure we weren’t spying on the elections, we found out much later.
***I think you’re getting to understand that I’m a victim of largesse in all of this and lunches were thrust one me at an early age.
As digested by Deebee7
Onna telly this week
Friday 30th April
| Leicester v Ulster | 20:00 | BT Sport 2 |
| France v England (women) | 20:00 | BBC iPlayer/Red Button |
Saturday 1st May
| Stormers v Sharks | 13:00 | Premier Sports 2 |
| Toulouse v Bordeaux | 15:00 | Channel 4 / BT Sport 3 |
| Bulls v Lions | 18:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
| Bath v Montpellier | 20:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Sunday 2nd May
| La Rochelle v Leinster | 15:00 | BT Sport 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Had mine (AZ) last Monday (10th) – felt a bit rough (flu-type symptoms …shivers, aches) on Monday pm / Tuesday am – and a kind of relapse Thursday (like start of a cold / hangover) . But nothing a couple of paracetamol couldn’t handle…. I was advised I could take 2 every 4 to 6 hours for 24-36 hours…. but didn’t need anything like that amount
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Went to Argentina (a worryingly long time ago it turns out. Gettin’ old) with my brother. who is a vegetarian.
Some very puzzled looks he got when he explained this. A genuine struggle to understand the concept.
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@Trisk – I sweated buckets for two days and nights, was pretty unsteady on my feet and was completely knackered if I tried to talk to anyone for more than a few minutes. I drank a lot of water but still ended up dehydrated which meant another couple of days unable to have a dump after that which was pretty uncomfortable. Can’t really recommend it as an experience, but all in a good cause and all that…
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Though you get penguins in the temperate middle too (Magallanes penguins IIRC) – and the penguins are a bit run of the mill compared to some of the other wildlife (rheas, guanacos, orcas)
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Isn’t there an apochryphal tale from SA or Namibia – where they announced the various meats available at the braai …and end with the announcement “..and for vegetarians – we have chicken!”
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@Trisk – I don’t doubt it, I think you can see penguins in pretty much all of NZ too though I ‘ve only been to the South Island. However, what penguins mean to people and the reality are two different things as Melville would have said in Moby Dick if it had been about penguins.
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You can see penguins all over the UK. Chester Zoo, London Aquarium etc.
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Ha ha. Chicken, that well known vegetable (see also fish).
Another classic was on an aeroplane, brother gets served with a plate of meat & accompaniments. In response to his complaint about ordering a vegetarian option ‘but sir, you don’t have to eat the meat!’
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I’m sure I’ve got more ‘travails of travels with a vegetarian’ stories tucked away somewhere.
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Me getting ill from the vaccine has made discussions about Covid with vaccine-sceptical Mrs CMW all the more ‘entertaining’. She did have her jab eventually and was fine, but she got Moderna as she’s lucky enough to have a defective heart while I got AZ.
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@cmw
Quick question – is your missus on blood thinners?
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@CMW
Sorry to hear that … I think the worst bit for me as the “flu” came on – was thinking … “how bad can this get?” Thankfully, not too bad.
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@OT – No. All she has is a wee umbrella doodah that was put in her heart to close up a hole (ASD) that she’d lived without knowing about until she was pregnant with The Eldest. She doesn’t have to take any medication, just has to go and see someone to have it checked once in a while. On the vaccine front she was sent a text some time before her age-group came up, but didn’t respond to it for a while until someone engaged in behaviour that may or may not constitute bullying. When she then did she was told it had been a hoax. However, when she then didn’t respond for a couple of week s after her age-group did come up she was then asked why she hadn’t booked a vaccine when originally contacted. I don’t know for certain who she spoke to the first time mind.
It’s only guesswork that she got Moderna (or didn’t get AZ) because of this, but there is obviously something going on to sort people into getting different ones as the York site seem to be giving out the different vaccines to different people on the same days.
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@cmw
That’s what I am trying to get to the bottom of. It’s all quite interesting when you look into details a bit. My father-in-law had the AZ vaccine and 2-3 weeks later had a minor ischemic stroke (caused by a blood clot rather than a burst blood vessel), despite being on Rivaroxaban to thin his blood. He recovered quickly but was really worried about the second dose – he spoke to his GP on the phone who just happened to be overseeing vaccinations at the local library and told him they were administering Pfizer that day and that he could come in if he wanted, which he did.
The clots caused by all the non-mRNA vaccines (not just AZ) are caused by an antibody called PF4. PF4 has previously only been found in patients taking Heparin (blood thinning drug) and is a known side-effect. But people have started testing +ve for PF4 with a blood clot without ever taking Heparin after having one of these vaccines. So my conjecture is that there could be some interaction between the non-mRNA vaccine and the blood thinning drug (other than Heparin) that causes the same reaction. So that could be part of the sorting process you mention.
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Had both jabs, AZ each time. Been fine, apart from a bit of a sore arm after. Although that stopped when I told Mrs BB to quit hitting it.
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Flus and similar tend to go through me very quickly and violently so I assume getting ill from the vaccine was part of the same phenomenon. Have to admit my understanding of these things is very limited though.
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@OT – Hope your father-in-law is OK after all that.
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@cmw
Thanks mate – he’s fine thankfully but it was all very confusing because his medication was supposed to stop things like that happening. He spent a couple of days in hospital and didn’t change his medication or anything.
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No major reactions to Pfizer jabs, but I did notice that I was cold and unable to get warm for 10 days or so afterwards, both times. Weird. Loaded up on clothes, and was either cold and shivery or sweating cos I had too many layers on.
Friends elderly father and stepmum both died within 48 hours of having Az first shot, relatively healthy up until then apparently.
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Whereas I think I had covid in March last year. Had a slight temperature that came on around Saturday afternoon, slightly tight chest so megadosed on vitamin C. All symptoms gone by midday Sunday.
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@Trisk, I saw that on a programme called ‘Somebody Feed Phil’ who after a few days in Buenos Aires asked if they served chicken and the terse reply was ‘chicken is for vegetarians’.
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@OT – “You can see penguins all over the UK.”
Whereas the range of the giraffe in the UK is largely restricted to Lancashire. Job for you:
Click to access milk001979-lc-lanky-wanted-poster-a4.pdf
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Commiserations with all those who have suffered from the vaccine, must be a bit scary given that there haven’t been multi-year clinical trials to understand the potential side-effects. Unlikely I’ll be eligible for a jab this year at the pace and configuration of our rollout, which is frustrating me no end, but such is life. I just hope that the vaccines already administered are effective against newer variants (initial reports suggests they are) or we could be in for a completely disrupted environment for years.
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Got my jab on Saturday. Think it might be Pfizer. Mrs Craigs says I’m not allowed to be ill as she was fine after hers and we have to go to her mates birthday party after.
Think about me.
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Real cricket update.
My daughter played cricket for her school yesterday and beat the other team by 3 runs. She didn’t seem to understand that the 2 wickets and 12 runs (out of 46 in total) she got likely contributed significantly to the narrow win and the glowing praise from her teacher but I was pleased. She just shrugged like a 10 year old and asked me what was for dinner.
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I’ve had one dose of the AstraZeneca and get my 2nd next month.
Felt like I’d the flu for a day last time, but it seemed to pass pretty quickly for me. I’m hoping the next dose treats me the same
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Courtesy of the mister:
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Have had one dose of AZ, and didn’t suffer any symptoms other than sore arm and fatigue. Second jab on Sunday!
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@MichaelW448 – same experience (as detailed above)
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Had a jab of AZ one month ago, got what looked like a serious flu 12 hours later. Was over in a day. Unpleasant but I don’t care. Feel much safer now. Next shot 3 months after, so early July.
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What does the blog think about the two European finals?
To find Montpellier there is quite stunning, they’re fighting to avoid relegation, and they’re certainly not pleasant to watch. How about Leicester?
LaR vs Toulouse on the other hand is quite intriguing. Will Toulouse get their 5th star? Will LaR get their first?
LaR was in the division below six or seven years ago. On paper, Toulouse should be favourite but LaR has a mean pack, clever halfbacks and excellent backs. Might be more balanced than most people expect. And more attritional.
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Flair I have absolutely no idea! So let me launch into it… key concern is that Boks in line to face the Lions emerge unscathed at the end. Er, yeah, that’s about it.
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Three French teams in the final four? Mumble mumble salary caps, mumble piss easy league, mumble EU regulations, mumble Jersey fishermen will sort them out, mumble, Pro Woo is soft so no teams in the finals, mumble, Pro Woo is too competitive so no teams.
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Think I’ve summed up the debates on the Graun and early AOD. If I’ve left anything out, please feel free to add.
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Won’t get to see the games live, so hopefully see them with my croissants on Sunday morning.
Croissants over Walkers crisps by 22.
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50 years ago this month…..
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And while I feel like it…
Born today 1944.
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Also, one of this lot (none of whom were Danny Wilson)
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@CMW – MrsIks who was always sports mad and fitter than the proverbial came down with a virus circa 18 months ago which she tried to ignore and bosh through. But then her super-fit heart went into arrhythm madness so she has a pacemaker now. She still leaves me in her wake though.
@OB. Apologies if I am repeating myself but I got the first Pfizer jab a month ago and felt rough for two days afterwards. I still feel weary and despondent till now, but I assume that’s just me. Mrs.Iks felt no side effects at the time, but of late she’s been plagued by tiredness and headaches. Again, that’s probably just everyday life sticking the boot in.
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Not enraptured by either rugby final, but will try to watch the Big Cup showdown somehow. Who I want to win it will depend on which team tries to win it in a good way on the day.
Just biding my time until the Drags are setting the top table aflame a couple of years from now…
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I felt dreadful the day after my az jab, but that might have been contributed to by the booze, it was after the ScoItaly game and I’d been off it for ages.
I prefer cross-border finals but since the Top14 isn’t shown here now the Big Cup has the allure of the unknown and a proper Toulouse side.
The Wee Cup is a little disappointing for my one eye since Matt Scott is missing from the Tiggers, presumably injured as he’s been a good first choice for them this season, still, it’s a game of rugby innit?
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MrIks, Edinburgh have been so bad this season they had me looking for shinty or ice-hockey to follow. I don’t think we’ll be troubling the top end of any table any time soon, not as long as we are playing stuff it up the jumper rugby with a pack that doesn’t dominate anyone.
It’s a bit depressing, especially having some decent players and seeing them playing with the handbrake on.
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That posted too soon.
I was going to say that the Drags are looking promising, I like their ambition and pace.
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An early morning steal doesn’t count, but I’ll take it.
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Re music, Bob Dylan is 80 in a couple of days.
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Can’t believe that Marvin Gaye LP is 50. What’s worse is that I’ve never had a copy of it. Will have to remedy that as soon as the overpriced commemorative album is released.
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Canes 14-3 up at oranges against the Rebels. Haven’t seen any of it and unfortunately will only be able to peek every now and then whilst I try to get some work done.
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It’s a great great album.
A friend and I do a thing sometimes when we listen to loads of versions of the same song. The Donny Hathaway version of What’s Going On the song is gorgeous.
The friend also introduced me to this Czech cover version of the title song:
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I know it’s a bit late but, if it is encouraging to others, I have had both my Pfizer jabs with zero side effects.
Mrs Slade has had her first Pfizer jab and ditto.
We do know of others who have had the AZ jab and have been poorly afterwards but in most cases they had underlying conditions or, cruelly, one might have predicted it (harsh).
On a sample size of bugger all it seems that the AZ jab is less sympathetic to underlying conditions or booze.
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