You wait bloody ages for an ATL, and then two turn up at once….
No prizes for guessing which is the work of Craigsman, and which of Deebee7.
The Glorious Series Continues
Pre/Ramble
So it’s a bit weird that, with a Lionz series in south Africa being poised with one game each, rugby fans seems quite deflated about the last match in this series. No fans, empty stadiums, accusations of biting, of slowing down the game, of racism, of influencing the referee have all played a part. But really it’s the fact that the rugby hasn’t set the world alight that’s the problem (Springbok tries aside) in this Craigsman’s opinion. Both sides seem to be playing low risk stuff seeing who breaks first. Kick, kick, kick. The Kiwis would lap this up. Form-wise, apart from the last half of the second game (and a bit in the first half of the first game) the Lions forwards have been able to get the dominance needed to win but they have been blunt in attack. Here’s hoping that rugby* wins and we get a game on Saturday. Let’s have a look at the teams innit.
LionzTM
So this makes me wonder what the feck Gats is playing at with his selection for the third test. I am but a simple accountant, unused to the complexities of rugby coaching, but I’m trying to work out some of the choices made at 9 and 10 and 21 and 22. Starting with a live wire scrum half and a … solid fly half and then ending with a … solid scrum half and a live wire fly half seems to be negating the strengths of each player. Either start with the live wire options and when the Springbok defence proves too miserly to score tries against or a nice healthy lead has been built, end with the … wise old heads who like to kick and do the game management stuff. Or, do the opposite to chase the game. What do I know? Everything else in the team seems reasonable. Courtney Lawes has done well to ignore the instructions from Dan Biggar and the rest of the pack looks solid. I would probably have Tadhg MK II in the finishers but hey ho. The back 3 look like they could negate a dastardly kicking game and we have two lumps in the centre to negate the Boks and the “amazing” Elliot Daly to come in against the tired legs at the end. So, I’m sanguine there.
Springboks
The Springboks look rubbish and will get hammered whatever happens look like a settled unit right now with the only changes have come from injury and OH MY GOD IT’S MORNE FECKING STEYNE!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just more trolling from Rassie and we’ll see a last minute ‘injury’ and a proper player like Wynand Olivier will replace him. Just ignorant speculation on my part. Other than that, I can’t see anything to pick at. It’s a formidable side and Lionz supporters everywhere will have breathed a sigh of relief that Duane Vermeulen hasn’t yet come back from injury. I think they will rinse and repeat what worked in the second game. And why not? I hope that their fantastic wingers see some more ball in this game though. If only for them to be bundled into touch at the last second.
Prediction
Whoever gets the forward grunt and manages the ref will win. I really hope it doesn’t come down to the ref or some bs unseen citing or time wasting or whatever. Hopefully the ref will keep the game flowing and we’ll have a classic* on our hands. So who do I think will win?
Erm… hopefully Gats will put me in my place and Finn will catch a perfect box kick to sling an amazing pass to Sam Simmonds for his record breaking hat trick and the Lions win by a point or more.
Or… the Springboks grind the plucky tourists into the dirt and they will win by 18 points. Morne Steyne kicking the final penalty from the Springboks 22.
Or… the test never bloody ends.
Ok, ok Lions 24** – 21 Springboks. There, come at me you bastards.
Final ‘thoughts’
The real question on everyone’s lips is ‘what will this mean for England’? I’ll be btl to give my thoughts on this shortly.
* Which means the Lions win. Anything else is one for the purists.
** Have I mentioned that Siya Kolisi has a special place in my heart? I’ll have another poster to put on my bedroom wall after this series so all is not lost if the Lionz lose.
My Way, Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb Squad
Gats and Rassie loom into view through the smoke-filled karaoke bar, each picking up a mike and ignoring the other, before launching into their tuneless non mea culpa est:
And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain
My friends, we’ll kick it clear, we’ll force the pace of which we’re certain
We’ve kicked a ball out full, we’ve launched the oval skyway
But more, much more than this, we did it our way
Attacks, we’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention
We kicked what we had to kick, and soar it through without invention
I planned each scrumming force, each sideways step and passes astray
But more, much more than this, the blame is his way
The lights dim, the mikes clatter emptily to the floor, clunking soullessly as they slink to the exits, grim, with regret etched on their faces. But enough of my whisky and chocolate addled dreams last night.
The third Test. The series is alive, if not exactly kicking, if you ask many followers. The changes have been wrung, the die is cast and now we’re 80 minutes (or up to 120 depending on how things pan out) from anointing the victors with bragging rights for the next 12 years. Enough has been written about the quality (or absence thereof) of the first two Tests and the series in general, much of it accurate, much of it bilge, so let’s focus on the match to come, shall we?
Six changes in the Lions camp and 3 (one positional) in the Boks. The Lions have been roaring all week about speeding up the game, gaining tempo, running the Boks ragged and raiding the trophy cabinet in the process. In come Price at 9 to speed up delivery from the base – but to Biggar at 10 who hasn’t set the world light in ether teste thus far. Outside him, Bundee Aki, a poor man’s Damian de Allende, comes in to allow Henshaw to move to 13 in an attempt to create more space in midfield, whilst at the back, the Welsh duo of Williams for Hogg and Adams for Watson on the right wing aims to get more incisiveness in attack. On the bench, Connor Murray and Finn Russell are paired, a conservative slower 9 with a heads-up 10, seems strange, to say the least and suggests that Gatland remains conservative and not trusting of an all-out assault on the Bok defence.
Up front the Welsh duo of Jones and Owens are slotted into a front row that struggled last week, despite the Lions leading at oranges, the second and back row is unchanged, slightly surprising given the backseat they took and enormous energy expended seven days ago. AWJ, warrior that he is, must be feeling the effects, whilst Lawes was fairly anonymous last week.
The bench looks strong, but not overly stellar and there must be some concerns in the Lions camp that six new players who’ve spend much of the last month carrying tackle bags will be disruptive – if it is early one, the Lions will be playing catch up.
The Boks have two enforced injury changes, with talismanic 9 Faf de Klerk and indispensable blindside PS du Toit both out. These are huge blows, however much Bok fans will try to sugar-coat things. De Klerk is without peer at the box kicking game and all-round nuisance value, whilst du Toit is an 80 minute machine across the park. It’s resulted in considerable rejigging in the Bok side, with Lood de Jager back in the second row to partner Eben Etzebeth and Franco Mostert moving to blindside in du Toit’s place. Big moves. De Jager back is great news, adding considerably to the scrumming department and lineout, as well as carrying in heavy traffic, but is more limited out wide. Mostert has played flank, but with limited success. That said, du Toit only played 20 minutes last week, half of them knackered, and the Boks coped just fine without him. The rest of the pack is as is for the starters, and that’s good news.
The bench forwards are the same front row, which is formidable and duffed their opponents last week, whilst Mostert will slot back into the second row later on, with Kwagga – far better on the flank replacing du Toit than playing at 8 as in the first Test – and Marco van Staden coming on later to pinch ball, slow things down and add some vim to the forwards.
The backs have Cobus Reinach at 9, a different player to Faf, without the pinpoint kick accuracy, but absolutely electric around the fringes and in open play. If he brings his ‘A’ game (assuming he’s given licence) he presents an entirely different headache for the Lions – and possibly his own side. The rest of the backs are the same as the first two Tests and pick themselves. Perhaps Reinach can offer some space for Kolbe and Mapimpi to snipe down the blindside every now and then? However, an inaccurate display by Reinach could set the tone for the Lions to dictate the pace and shape of the match. It’s a critical piece of the jigsaw.
Key areas to watch, then, are:
- Whether the Lions can maintain parity up front for the full 80 (or near enough) to dictate what happens behind the scrum;
- Will six new players be too disruptive to the Lions, despite much of it revolving around national combinations – some of the guys are pretty rusty;
- How Gats introduces his bench – do Murray and Russell join the fray together, and if so, what’s the point?
- Will the Boks be able put down a marker from the get-go and dominate the Lions up front to dictate the pace (and crucially the scoreboard) to negate the threats out wide;
- Will Faf’s absence prove too disruptive to a Bok plan that has been well honed for a couple of years now and will allow the Lions to move the ball wide to their very good back three;
- Will the Boks surprise and give it a bit of width themselves earlier in the piece; they’re certainly more than capable of scoring tries whilst maintaining a mean defence;
- Will the refereeing quartet come out unscathed? In many respects, I think the last point is maybe the most important.
Prediction? I’ve gone Boks by 2 on Superbru, which portends, unfortunately, a Lions win based on the last two matches…
South Africa
15 Willie le Roux, 14 Cheslin Kolbe, 13 Lukhanyo Am, 12 Damian de Allende, 11 Makazole Mapimpi, 10 Handre Pollard, 9 Cobus Reinach, 8 Jasper Wiese, 7 Franco Mostert, 6 Siya Kolisi (captain), 5 Lood de Jager, 4 Eben Etzebeth, 3 Frans Malherbe, 2 Bongi Mbonambi, 1 Steven Kitshoff
Substitutes: 16 Malcolm Marx, 17 Trevor Nyakane, 18 Vincent Koch, 19 Marco van Staden, 20 Kwagga Smith, 21 Herschel Jantjies, 22 Morne Steyn, 23 Damian Willemse
British & Irish Lions
15 Liam Williams (Wales), 14 Josh Adams (Wales), 13 Robbie Henshaw (Ireland), 12 Bundee Aki (Ireland), 11 Duhan van der Merwe (Scotland), 10 Dan Biggar (Wales), 9 Ali Price (Scotland), 8 Jack Conan (Ireland), 7 Tom Curry (England), 6 Courtney Lawes (England), 5 Alun Wyn Jones (captain, Wales), 4 Maro Itoje (England), 3 Tadhg Furlong (Ireland), 2 Ken Owens (Wales), 1 Wyn Jones (Wales) Substitutes: 16. Luke Cowan-Dickie (England), 17 Mako Vunipola (Saracens, England), 18 Kyle Sinckler (England), 19 Adam Beard (Wales), 20 Sam Simmonds (England), 21 Conor Murray (Ireland), 22 Finn Russell (Scotland), 23 Elliot Daly (England)
Ovally Balls 
The decline of the English language mirrors the decline of Empire, followed by relevance as a Global Power and now, little more than a blustery outcrop off the coast of Europe. Do we all need to learn French and German again? Or maybe Mandarin? There is also a strong correlation between between decline of Empire/Global Power status and the UK embracing awful Australian soaps and music. Yip, I think that’s it.
LikeLike
English Language is not in decline. It is constantly evolving, adopting new words like “peng” and “bazzin'”
LikeLike
OT, I didn’t expect the first response to make my point so eloquently. I thank you, good sir!
LikeLike
The state of the ‘English’ language in England is atrocious; hardly anyone seems to grasp basic grammatical structures or punctuation any more. This is far more worrying that the odd slang term.
I put this down to the shocking education in England. (And yes, I do mean England, although Wales doesn’t seem to be great either.)
Harrumph!
LikeLike
It’s never been that great, thaum. And there’s a long history of people complaining how it was much better in the old days.
LikeLike
English is still like the most common language spoken inna wurld innit. When you add together all the first and second languages. It’s so sick.
Controversial plans for an enormous Brexit customs clearance park in Dover with a capacity for 1,200 trucks have been dramatically downsized in a major victory for local opponents.
Devastated homeowners have spent seven months fighting the plans, under which former farmland would have been concreted over, an ancient Roman way destroyed and night-time light and noise pollution caused for families living just 25 metres away.
This was mentioned a while back. Seems like it won’t be that bad. Victory for the Men of Kent!!!!
LikeLike
Like wot this article says and shit
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_as_a_lingua_franca
LikeLike
TomP – indeed, there are ancient Greek texts complaining about da yoof today.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had a Brazilian colleague a few years ago and we were talking about the most widely understood languages – Mandarin? Hindi? French, with the ex-colonies? Portuguese or Spanish for the same reasons? – and he just said “most understood language? Bad English.”
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thauma, how right they were! Such foresight!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Your Brazilian colleague had no problem understanding your English, Deebs?
LikeLike
Battled through, but he managed.
LikeLike
In 2013 we went on a good holiday down in Montenegro. Travelled by train and spent a night in Belgrade – liked it – on the way down and a couple of nights in Budapest on the way back – didn’t like it.
Because of the Slavic languages thing and because Czech and Slovak are mutually comprehensible, I thought my missus would be able to speak Czech in Montenegro and be understood but it didn’t really work. Then I tried my limited Czech – it was (is) limited, always bottom of the class I was – and it opened so many doors for us. It was terrific. I understood that perhaps I hadn’t been speaking Czech at all but rather Montenegrin.
So on my return to Prague I started taking Montenegrin lessons and for the teacher I was a disaster. One test I got 7% and 3 of the marks were for spelling my name correctly. However, I could suddenly speak to Czech people with confidence and. and I don’t want to sound boastful here but I shall, a certain style, a certain elan.
Now I need to put my brain in Montenegrin mode when speaking to Czechs and when they compliment me I say that I don’t speak Czech but Montenegrin.
I thought it might work with Polish as well but somebody asked me why I was speaking Bulgarian.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Dominic Raab, an almost ex-colleague of mine, was on holiday when blah, blah, blah.
Part of the package was an INSTAGRAMMABLE FLOATING BREAKFAST EXPERIENCE. This is what it looks like (not featuring Raab but some Belgian pop singer):
pbs.twimg.com/media/E9I-qruWEAAivb1?format=jpg
LikeLike
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E9I-qruWEAAivb1?format=jpg
LikeLike
The coolest thing about the holiday is it costs like 40 grand (FORTY THOUSAND) quid for a week but they mention you get free wifi as part of the deal.
https://amirandes.reserve-online.net/
LikeLiked by 1 person
It might well be an INSTAGRAMMABLE FLOATING BREAKFAST EXPERIENCE but judging by that photo you don’t get the option of a Full English. Rip off, if you ask me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good on the Wasps fans
LikeLiked by 1 person
And another thing on that INSTAGRAMMABLE FLOATING BREAKFAST EXPERIENCE thing – if you do get a nice bit of bacon or sausage or summat, there’s no way you can eat it with a knife and fork as you’d probably catapult your dining companion’s toast and marmalade straight into their face. So you’d have to eat it with your hands, and the grease would wash off in the swimming pool leaving a nasty film on the surface of the water for the rest of the day.
They just haven’t thought this through. It’s just another example of where Wetherspoon’s have got the edge.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And you’d probably avoid dining with Dominic Raab in Wetherspoon’s too.
LikeLike
Dominic Raab bludgeons blog.
LikeLike
Wetherspoon’s withers wit. Whither wit with Wetherspoon’s?
LikeLike
Whit?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Whit wanker went to Wetherspoons?
LikeLiked by 2 people
One of my favourite parts in Dublin is Camden Street/Aungier Street. Wetherspoons has just opened a 90-bedroom hotel there. A blot on the landscape.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wetherspoons opening a hotel is great customer service. Its regulars don’t ever have to go home and they can have a pint with breakfast.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shit, you’re a bloody sweary bunch of fuckers in the UK!
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/aug/20/bloody-loses-its-place-atop-swearing-lexicon-as-british-use-of-expletives-falls
LikeLike
And an absent lot!
LikeLike
Fuckity-bye!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve not done a decent anecdote for a bit, but this one I read on an Oldham Facebook group is a corker
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bit of an arm wrestle in the rugby. Arg ahead in penalties conceded, SA ahead in points scored. 0-9 to SA after 20 mins.
LikeLike
hi there – got a link?
LikeLike
@Slade – http://cricfree.live/watchfeeds/demand/183
Half time has just been whistled.
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
“Shit, you’re a bloody sweary bunch of fuckers in the UK!”
I’ll have you know that the Whit Wanker is an important figure of ancient folklore, a remnant of the festival of Beltane and Thaum wasn’t being rude at all.
“Fuckity-bye!”
Oh well.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Even our roads are sweary https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gropecunt_Lane
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lavanini gets another yellow, to add to his collection. 82nd minute, he almost ran out of time for it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Only saw the highlights, which weren’t very inspiring, but 5 Tests on successive weekends will take its toll I suppose. Who knows what will happen now that the Kiwis have pulled out. Hope we get to play some form of RC but who knows?
LikeLike
Colleagues in Aus aren’t painting a very good picture of what’s happening there or the slightly disjointed responses to it by the national and state governments.
LikeLike
It wasn’t a very exciting match because South Africa were easily better and Karl Dickson blew his whistle constantly. Mapimpi’s try was good.
LikeLike
Mapimpi has grown tremendously as a player in the last three years. When he first played for the Boks his defence was all over the place and he tended to wait for the ball to find him – completely different player now. He’s got 16 Test tries in 18 or 19 matches and his defence stats this year are pretty good – he’s made 15 of 17 tackles (and has also contested well in the air).
Dickson is an ex-9, so you can expect him to want to ref the match whether he’s the actual ref or not.
LikeLike
One of the big sporting day of the year yesterday here – All Ireland hurling final. Reigning champs Limerick vs Cork (who were traditionally one of the “big three” but have been going on something of a lean spell last 15 years in terms of national championships).
High hopes that Cork would make game of it – and they did for the first 15 mins – then they were blown away. 1-4 to 1-5 became 1-10 to 3-18 by halftime. Second half wasn’t more like a challenge match.
And hurling is becoming the preserve of bigger and bigger players – I’d reckon any of Limerick’s half backs (5, 6, 7), midfield (8,9) or half forwards (10, 11, 12) would be in the second or back row of any rugby team – they’re all 6ft+ …nearest thing would be Tadhg Beirne – big, strong but nimble.
LikeLike
Would love to watch a hurling match live.
LikeLike
We were out at Glendalough in Co. Wicklow and came back to Dublin in the late afternoon. Saw a few unhappy Corkonians around the place so knew the result. They had played so well in the semi-final but this was a beating.
LikeLike
trisk, is there a problem that the players are getting too good or rather scores too high? 3-32 is the highest ever score in a final and these lads can whack the ball over from 60 metres pretty easily. It’s an amazing skill level but a little bit basketballish.
LikeLike
Good to see the UK government is making the right moves now by appointing Lord Botham as trade envoy to Australia.
Previous UK trade envoys have included Prince Andrew.
LikeLike
But, but, but, Liz Truss says Lord Botham will “bat for business Down Under.” Surely it’s a stroke of genius?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Refit – every time you see ‘grape street’ or ‘ the grapes pub’ you know what happened there.
LikeLike
Always have a knife, in the darkness.
LikeLike
@tomP – both I’d say.
The game has changed – like (gaelic) football – once upon a time you had your fixed position, so did your opposite number and you stayed in your zone – the ball was pucked from zone to zone and there was lots more “ground hurling” – you fought for the ball with your opponent. players who ran with the ball were few and far between as was hand-passing
Now, it’s really a running / passing game – more like soccer at times – you get the sliothar, find a man in space … move to accept the return pass.
There’s a school of thought that says sliothars are too light and don’t have enough of a ridge – so they fly far and true, Limerick are certainly well able score from 70-80 metres at ease. They were criticised last season for not scoring goals – in the championship they scored 0-36, 3-23, 0-25, 0-27, and 0-30. This year they scored 2-22, 2-25, 1-27, and – yesterday – 3-32. So an upgrade – but they are comfortably winning games with needing too many goals.
LikeLike