You wait bloody ages for an ATL, and then two turn up at once….
No prizes for guessing which is the work of Craigsman, and which of Deebee7.
The Glorious Series Continues
Pre/Ramble
So it’s a bit weird that, with a Lionz series in south Africa being poised with one game each, rugby fans seems quite deflated about the last match in this series. No fans, empty stadiums, accusations of biting, of slowing down the game, of racism, of influencing the referee have all played a part. But really it’s the fact that the rugby hasn’t set the world alight that’s the problem (Springbok tries aside) in this Craigsman’s opinion. Both sides seem to be playing low risk stuff seeing who breaks first. Kick, kick, kick. The Kiwis would lap this up. Form-wise, apart from the last half of the second game (and a bit in the first half of the first game) the Lions forwards have been able to get the dominance needed to win but they have been blunt in attack. Here’s hoping that rugby* wins and we get a game on Saturday. Let’s have a look at the teams innit.
LionzTM
So this makes me wonder what the feck Gats is playing at with his selection for the third test. I am but a simple accountant, unused to the complexities of rugby coaching, but I’m trying to work out some of the choices made at 9 and 10 and 21 and 22. Starting with a live wire scrum half and a … solid fly half and then ending with a … solid scrum half and a live wire fly half seems to be negating the strengths of each player. Either start with the live wire options and when the Springbok defence proves too miserly to score tries against or a nice healthy lead has been built, end with the … wise old heads who like to kick and do the game management stuff. Or, do the opposite to chase the game. What do I know? Everything else in the team seems reasonable. Courtney Lawes has done well to ignore the instructions from Dan Biggar and the rest of the pack looks solid. I would probably have Tadhg MK II in the finishers but hey ho. The back 3 look like they could negate a dastardly kicking game and we have two lumps in the centre to negate the Boks and the “amazing” Elliot Daly to come in against the tired legs at the end. So, I’m sanguine there.
Springboks
The Springboks look rubbish and will get hammered whatever happens look like a settled unit right now with the only changes have come from injury and OH MY GOD IT’S MORNE FECKING STEYNE!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just more trolling from Rassie and we’ll see a last minute ‘injury’ and a proper player like Wynand Olivier will replace him. Just ignorant speculation on my part. Other than that, I can’t see anything to pick at. It’s a formidable side and Lionz supporters everywhere will have breathed a sigh of relief that Duane Vermeulen hasn’t yet come back from injury. I think they will rinse and repeat what worked in the second game. And why not? I hope that their fantastic wingers see some more ball in this game though. If only for them to be bundled into touch at the last second.
Prediction
Whoever gets the forward grunt and manages the ref will win. I really hope it doesn’t come down to the ref or some bs unseen citing or time wasting or whatever. Hopefully the ref will keep the game flowing and we’ll have a classic* on our hands. So who do I think will win?
Erm… hopefully Gats will put me in my place and Finn will catch a perfect box kick to sling an amazing pass to Sam Simmonds for his record breaking hat trick and the Lions win by a point or more.
Or… the Springboks grind the plucky tourists into the dirt and they will win by 18 points. Morne Steyne kicking the final penalty from the Springboks 22.
Or… the test never bloody ends.
Ok, ok Lions 24** – 21 Springboks. There, come at me you bastards.
Final ‘thoughts’
The real question on everyone’s lips is ‘what will this mean for England’? I’ll be btl to give my thoughts on this shortly.
* Which means the Lions win. Anything else is one for the purists.
** Have I mentioned that Siya Kolisi has a special place in my heart? I’ll have another poster to put on my bedroom wall after this series so all is not lost if the Lionz lose.
My Way, Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb Squad
Gats and Rassie loom into view through the smoke-filled karaoke bar, each picking up a mike and ignoring the other, before launching into their tuneless non mea culpa est:
And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain
My friends, we’ll kick it clear, we’ll force the pace of which we’re certain
We’ve kicked a ball out full, we’ve launched the oval skyway
But more, much more than this, we did it our way
Attacks, we’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention
We kicked what we had to kick, and soar it through without invention
I planned each scrumming force, each sideways step and passes astray
But more, much more than this, the blame is his way
The lights dim, the mikes clatter emptily to the floor, clunking soullessly as they slink to the exits, grim, with regret etched on their faces. But enough of my whisky and chocolate addled dreams last night.
The third Test. The series is alive, if not exactly kicking, if you ask many followers. The changes have been wrung, the die is cast and now we’re 80 minutes (or up to 120 depending on how things pan out) from anointing the victors with bragging rights for the next 12 years. Enough has been written about the quality (or absence thereof) of the first two Tests and the series in general, much of it accurate, much of it bilge, so let’s focus on the match to come, shall we?
Six changes in the Lions camp and 3 (one positional) in the Boks. The Lions have been roaring all week about speeding up the game, gaining tempo, running the Boks ragged and raiding the trophy cabinet in the process. In come Price at 9 to speed up delivery from the base – but to Biggar at 10 who hasn’t set the world light in ether teste thus far. Outside him, Bundee Aki, a poor man’s Damian de Allende, comes in to allow Henshaw to move to 13 in an attempt to create more space in midfield, whilst at the back, the Welsh duo of Williams for Hogg and Adams for Watson on the right wing aims to get more incisiveness in attack. On the bench, Connor Murray and Finn Russell are paired, a conservative slower 9 with a heads-up 10, seems strange, to say the least and suggests that Gatland remains conservative and not trusting of an all-out assault on the Bok defence.
Up front the Welsh duo of Jones and Owens are slotted into a front row that struggled last week, despite the Lions leading at oranges, the second and back row is unchanged, slightly surprising given the backseat they took and enormous energy expended seven days ago. AWJ, warrior that he is, must be feeling the effects, whilst Lawes was fairly anonymous last week.
The bench looks strong, but not overly stellar and there must be some concerns in the Lions camp that six new players who’ve spend much of the last month carrying tackle bags will be disruptive – if it is early one, the Lions will be playing catch up.
The Boks have two enforced injury changes, with talismanic 9 Faf de Klerk and indispensable blindside PS du Toit both out. These are huge blows, however much Bok fans will try to sugar-coat things. De Klerk is without peer at the box kicking game and all-round nuisance value, whilst du Toit is an 80 minute machine across the park. It’s resulted in considerable rejigging in the Bok side, with Lood de Jager back in the second row to partner Eben Etzebeth and Franco Mostert moving to blindside in du Toit’s place. Big moves. De Jager back is great news, adding considerably to the scrumming department and lineout, as well as carrying in heavy traffic, but is more limited out wide. Mostert has played flank, but with limited success. That said, du Toit only played 20 minutes last week, half of them knackered, and the Boks coped just fine without him. The rest of the pack is as is for the starters, and that’s good news.
The bench forwards are the same front row, which is formidable and duffed their opponents last week, whilst Mostert will slot back into the second row later on, with Kwagga – far better on the flank replacing du Toit than playing at 8 as in the first Test – and Marco van Staden coming on later to pinch ball, slow things down and add some vim to the forwards.
The backs have Cobus Reinach at 9, a different player to Faf, without the pinpoint kick accuracy, but absolutely electric around the fringes and in open play. If he brings his ‘A’ game (assuming he’s given licence) he presents an entirely different headache for the Lions – and possibly his own side. The rest of the backs are the same as the first two Tests and pick themselves. Perhaps Reinach can offer some space for Kolbe and Mapimpi to snipe down the blindside every now and then? However, an inaccurate display by Reinach could set the tone for the Lions to dictate the pace and shape of the match. It’s a critical piece of the jigsaw.
Key areas to watch, then, are:
- Whether the Lions can maintain parity up front for the full 80 (or near enough) to dictate what happens behind the scrum;
- Will six new players be too disruptive to the Lions, despite much of it revolving around national combinations – some of the guys are pretty rusty;
- How Gats introduces his bench – do Murray and Russell join the fray together, and if so, what’s the point?
- Will the Boks be able put down a marker from the get-go and dominate the Lions up front to dictate the pace (and crucially the scoreboard) to negate the threats out wide;
- Will Faf’s absence prove too disruptive to a Bok plan that has been well honed for a couple of years now and will allow the Lions to move the ball wide to their very good back three;
- Will the Boks surprise and give it a bit of width themselves earlier in the piece; they’re certainly more than capable of scoring tries whilst maintaining a mean defence;
- Will the refereeing quartet come out unscathed? In many respects, I think the last point is maybe the most important.
Prediction? I’ve gone Boks by 2 on Superbru, which portends, unfortunately, a Lions win based on the last two matches…
South Africa
15 Willie le Roux, 14 Cheslin Kolbe, 13 Lukhanyo Am, 12 Damian de Allende, 11 Makazole Mapimpi, 10 Handre Pollard, 9 Cobus Reinach, 8 Jasper Wiese, 7 Franco Mostert, 6 Siya Kolisi (captain), 5 Lood de Jager, 4 Eben Etzebeth, 3 Frans Malherbe, 2 Bongi Mbonambi, 1 Steven Kitshoff
Substitutes: 16 Malcolm Marx, 17 Trevor Nyakane, 18 Vincent Koch, 19 Marco van Staden, 20 Kwagga Smith, 21 Herschel Jantjies, 22 Morne Steyn, 23 Damian Willemse
British & Irish Lions
15 Liam Williams (Wales), 14 Josh Adams (Wales), 13 Robbie Henshaw (Ireland), 12 Bundee Aki (Ireland), 11 Duhan van der Merwe (Scotland), 10 Dan Biggar (Wales), 9 Ali Price (Scotland), 8 Jack Conan (Ireland), 7 Tom Curry (England), 6 Courtney Lawes (England), 5 Alun Wyn Jones (captain, Wales), 4 Maro Itoje (England), 3 Tadhg Furlong (Ireland), 2 Ken Owens (Wales), 1 Wyn Jones (Wales) Substitutes: 16. Luke Cowan-Dickie (England), 17 Mako Vunipola (Saracens, England), 18 Kyle Sinckler (England), 19 Adam Beard (Wales), 20 Sam Simmonds (England), 21 Conor Murray (Ireland), 22 Finn Russell (Scotland), 23 Elliot Daly (England)
Ovally Balls 
“Didn’t CMW used to live and lurk in Lancashire?”
I would rather live in Coventry like Thaum.
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England is the odd one out – it’s a self-evident truth that West is best in Wales, Scotland and Ireland, but the reverse is true here.
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I did go to Lancashire yesterday to finally win a cricket match so it does have its uses. Yorkers are a sore point though as along the way I copped one full on the top of the foot and am still hobbling about in some pain as a result and wondering if anything’s broken.
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WARNING! Boring and potentially bollocks cricket theories:
In terms of bowlers not bowling more yorkers at the top level I think OT is right that the small margin for error is a big part of it. I think a lot of fast bowlers also have a ‘natural length’ that they hit as a rule and for some of them when they try to bowl fuller what comes out can be a bit floaty, sort of putting it there rather than fully bowling it and they therefore become much more hittable. This is also why some bowlers who are sometimes considered ‘unlucky’ because they pass the edge a lot can’t always just pitch it up further to get the nicks.
I also suspect it must be possible most of the time for top level batsmen to pick up the change in most bowlers’ actions when they bowl a yorker so making it a complete surprise probably isn’t that easy to do. My understanding is that this is generally the case with their bouncers which is why for example Archer’s bouncer hits people so often as he is unusual in that they can’t pick it. I think this was the case with the likes of Marshall and Wasim Akram with their whippy actions back in the 80s/90s.
I see Slade has already mentioned Gough who was the one who came to mind for England. Out of current bowlers Mitchell Starc bowls very full quite often, but I think he gets hit for four more than other fast bowlers do as a result. Mitchell Johnson used the yorker to great effect when he was on song.
It’s kind of interesting that of the bowlers that come to mind a number of them are shorter bowlers or bowlers with low actions. Garner obviously stands out as different. Something he would have had in common but for different reasons to say Wasim would be that he was very hard for batsmen to get forward to – in his case his height meant that good length balls bounced up to a much more awkward height than they would from a normal bowler. In Wasim’s case I think it would be the danger of the short stuff. I can think of other taller bowlers using the yorker well, but not so regularly that they were especially famous for it.
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…serves you right for being rude about the red rose county
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Maybe so, but it didn’t do them any good. I only had two at the time, but took the view that I should start carting anything on a length over mid-wicket and got my thirty (the retirement mark) pretty quickly. Probably should have gone for a sit down instead, but it’s a long way to go to retire hurt and watch other people play cricket.
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Steyn bowled a mean yorker.
My favourite but it doesn’t really match what we’re looking for is Harmison to Clarke in 2005.
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More boring and potentially bollocks cricket theories.
Few possible reasons for less yorkers these days:
One of the main uses was for getting crap tailenders out. Not so many of them these days.
Seems to be less reverse swing about which was obviously a huge part of it working for the likes of Wasim/Waqar/Gough/England 2005 lot/Malinga etc. Better outfields (very likely)? Better balls (probably not)? More chance of getting caught tampering with the ball (almost certainly)? Probably other reasons too.
Batsmen find it easier to get forward – the protective equipment is so much better that they’re not really afraid of getting hit, at least not to the same extent.
Decline of really fast bowlers – some of them just play T20 or one-day stuff, year round treadmill of international cricket seems to be discouraging for them etc.
Modern bats are better for hitting very full deliveries for four with.
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Less yorkering, fewer yorkers…
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I also blame the modern game for the rise in back-of-the-hand deliveries in kids cricket. A bowler can bowl 5 great balls on the top of off and then spoil it all by trying to trick the batsman on number 6. Usually goes wide.
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More day/night games, more dew on the ball, more difficult to get the art of the yorker right.
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@TomP – That only really applies to the shorter forms of the game though and there are plenty of yorkers bowled in them. With the fields set to make them telegraphed and a lot of them intentionally wide of off stump, but the skill is certainly there. Unfortunately the likes of Chris Jordan being able to deliver that sort of stuff isn’t going to make them great test match bowlers.
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Bumrah bowled the one today and is a very good test bowler.
Perhaps, old fogey cricket fan theory incoming, it’s because everything is so analysed today that the numbers just don’t make the yorker a frequent enough wicket-taking ball in Test cricket to be an attractive delivery.
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@TomP – The more I think about it the more I believe it has always been used pretty sparingly by most fast bowlers other than against the tail and it’s probably as simple as that they don’t like being driven and don’t see the need to risk giving that opportunity. Reverse swing changed that a bit (though not for all of them) and will continue to do so when it’s available.
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In the 90s it was the main weapon of choice for bowlers bowling at the death of limited overs matches. Batsmen probably got wise to it and found ways of scoring runs off them.
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CMW
I would rather live in Coventry like Thaum.
I’m sure I spotted you at Wetherspoons this morning.
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@OT – They got given bats with a lot more wood at the bottom end so they could do just that. As far as I can see it’s still one of the weapons for those overs though, but mainly with width so as not to be in the full on slogging arc.
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I suspect the quality of practice they do is just a wee bit better too.
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The wide yorker is a wonderful sight to see.
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@OT – I love the slower ball bouncer.
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Excellent analysis, CMW, OT and TomP! And well done on dodging Thauma’s Wetherspoon’s bouncer too. That had vicious intent written all over it.
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@Deebee – OT blocked out my lancasterer without any fuss too so credit where it’s due. It remains to be seen whether the East Scots will be able to leave outside off stump though.
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We were discussing what to do for our boy’s birthday later this month and we’re going to take him to Tayto World, Europe’s best crisp-themed amusement park.
Am learning more about Taytos – they invented cheese and onion crisps! Freestaytos are better than Protestaytos! – and learnt that in 2013 they produced a limited edition … the picture will speak for it:
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@TomP
Tayto Park is quite good fun – we went there (2015??) – day after a Kerry vs Tyrone semi final in Croker (won that one!) – rained all match. Our boys (then 9, 7, 5) liked it
My recollection is that queues were quite bad – my general feeling is that it’s been sorted – but check that out.
As for the Tayto chocolate …it wasn’t as bad as you might have expected.
And …yeah… Joe Murphy of Tayto invented flavoured crisps. IMO cheese and onion is still THE best flavour (with ready salted next) … you can keep the others.
‘Tayto’ – you may know or will discover – is a synonym for potato crisps here… “get me a packet of taytos” isn’t a request for that specific brand.
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That episode contains a great bit of fact checking by Edmond Elephamt, which remains one of the finest moments in the whole Peppa Pig catalogue.
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trisk, am a big fan already and know about them from old times. The NofI v RoI Tayto Cold War is one of my favourite things. Blindboyboatclub has a bit about the one up there being an Orangeman.
I went up to O’Connell Street last week cos I was looking to get my lad some boots for the rugby -started again on Sunday, 40 Under 8s training. However, the Elverys didn’t open to 10 so had some time to walk around Parnell Square and that Inner Northside bit near Croke Park before hitting the fabulous Chapters – my true reason for going.
At one point I walked down Moore Street and felt a sense of tremendous inner peace not disturbed by the old lady hawking cheap cigarettes. Came home and discovered that Joe Murphy’s first factory was on the street. That’s the explanation.
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One of my favourite youtube videos:
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OT, I like that episode. Very very similar to the trip to the moon episode, mind.
My favourite moment is in The New House when Daddy Pig tells Mr Wolf not to think about it.
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Tayto Park, of course.
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Freestaytos are better than Protestaytos
Are they fuck. I happen to wearing my Protestaytos t-shirt to show my allegiance to the best crisps in the world.
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thaum, I called them ones Protestant Taytos the other week and my friend (Dublin, Protestant) told me I shouldn’t bring religion into it.
His wife (Dublin, Catholic) told me she’d only learned of NI Taytos when she was in her early 30s. It reminded me of a story that my grandfather told me that he’d never knowingly met a Catholic until he was in medical school at Queens – he was from Bangor.
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New sport just dropped:
https://www.world12s.com/
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Looks and sounds awful.
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Stupit feckin Yanks need ta catch themselves on: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2021/sep/07/not-always-easy-to-comprehend-hollywood-struggles-with-belfast-accent
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What?
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@Deebee – That Coventry accent creeping in?
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Mrs CMW’s first day at school on her PGCE today. Went well, but when she went back to the car it had a flat tyre. Revelation to both of us that our car (and apparently most relatively modern cars) doesn’t have a spare wheel! What’s all that about?
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Anyway I enjoyed this highlight from the assembly at the end of the day:
Headteacher: Would anyone like to tell me the nicest thing for them about today?
Boy with hand up: It was my big sister’s first day at secondary school.
Headteacher: That’s lovely.
Boy: Yes, she was waiting for the bus and it turned out she was waiting on the wrong side of the road and it drove straight past and left her standing there.
Headteacher: Did it come back for her? (they live in a village so this could have been the case)
Boy: No, my dad had to go and get the car and drive her there, he wasn’t very pleased.
Headteacher: I’m not really sure that was the nicest thing that happened today.
Boy: I was killing myself laughing though.
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No spare wheel: run-flat tyres? (Apparently not!)
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That Coventry accent creeping in?
I was in Birmingham a few years back getting a new mobile for my son and the guy who served us was a young Afrikaans guy from Bloemfontein who had possibly the most impenetrable accent I’ve heard outside of Liverpool. The combination of Brummie and Boertije was quite something so I just spoke Afrikaans to him instead.
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@deebee
In my experience people in Liverpool are perfectly intelligible. Are you sure you hadn’t actually wandered into North Wales and they were actually speaking Welsh?
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OT, I was at the ferry station waiting to go to the Isle of Man. It’s a horrible little place so I asked them if there was a restaurant nearby that I could go to for lunch. Apparently the words ‘restaurant’ and ‘lunch’ marked me out as a southerner to be treated with contempt. Not sure they realised just how far south my origins were.
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@deebee
It’s not being a southerner that marks you out for contempt, it’s not being from Liverpool. It’s because you’re a “woolly back”. I once asked a Scouser what a woolly back is and he didn’t have a clue, other than it’s an insult.
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Deebee, try this on for size:
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Those are some pretty difficult accents! Not sure if Mikey from County Kerry is actually speaking English, mind.
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Have the Ireland-Zimbabwe ODI on in the background on my laptop and couldn’t make out a thing that Alan Lewis, ex-Ireland allrounder was saying. Then I turned the sound on. Was a bit better.
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Alan Lewis was the ref when Bakkies met Jimmy:
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@TomP
Perfectly intelligible – mind you, Dingle peninsula is Gaeltacht so he’s probably using his second language.
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