You wait bloody ages for an ATL, and then two turn up at once….
No prizes for guessing which is the work of Craigsman, and which of Deebee7.
The Glorious Series Continues
Pre/Ramble
So it’s a bit weird that, with a Lionz series in south Africa being poised with one game each, rugby fans seems quite deflated about the last match in this series. No fans, empty stadiums, accusations of biting, of slowing down the game, of racism, of influencing the referee have all played a part. But really it’s the fact that the rugby hasn’t set the world alight that’s the problem (Springbok tries aside) in this Craigsman’s opinion. Both sides seem to be playing low risk stuff seeing who breaks first. Kick, kick, kick. The Kiwis would lap this up. Form-wise, apart from the last half of the second game (and a bit in the first half of the first game) the Lions forwards have been able to get the dominance needed to win but they have been blunt in attack. Here’s hoping that rugby* wins and we get a game on Saturday. Let’s have a look at the teams innit.
LionzTM
So this makes me wonder what the feck Gats is playing at with his selection for the third test. I am but a simple accountant, unused to the complexities of rugby coaching, but I’m trying to work out some of the choices made at 9 and 10 and 21 and 22. Starting with a live wire scrum half and a … solid fly half and then ending with a … solid scrum half and a live wire fly half seems to be negating the strengths of each player. Either start with the live wire options and when the Springbok defence proves too miserly to score tries against or a nice healthy lead has been built, end with the … wise old heads who like to kick and do the game management stuff. Or, do the opposite to chase the game. What do I know? Everything else in the team seems reasonable. Courtney Lawes has done well to ignore the instructions from Dan Biggar and the rest of the pack looks solid. I would probably have Tadhg MK II in the finishers but hey ho. The back 3 look like they could negate a dastardly kicking game and we have two lumps in the centre to negate the Boks and the “amazing” Elliot Daly to come in against the tired legs at the end. So, I’m sanguine there.
Springboks
The Springboks look rubbish and will get hammered whatever happens look like a settled unit right now with the only changes have come from injury and OH MY GOD IT’S MORNE FECKING STEYNE!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just more trolling from Rassie and we’ll see a last minute ‘injury’ and a proper player like Wynand Olivier will replace him. Just ignorant speculation on my part. Other than that, I can’t see anything to pick at. It’s a formidable side and Lionz supporters everywhere will have breathed a sigh of relief that Duane Vermeulen hasn’t yet come back from injury. I think they will rinse and repeat what worked in the second game. And why not? I hope that their fantastic wingers see some more ball in this game though. If only for them to be bundled into touch at the last second.
Prediction
Whoever gets the forward grunt and manages the ref will win. I really hope it doesn’t come down to the ref or some bs unseen citing or time wasting or whatever. Hopefully the ref will keep the game flowing and we’ll have a classic* on our hands. So who do I think will win?
Erm… hopefully Gats will put me in my place and Finn will catch a perfect box kick to sling an amazing pass to Sam Simmonds for his record breaking hat trick and the Lions win by a point or more.
Or… the Springboks grind the plucky tourists into the dirt and they will win by 18 points. Morne Steyne kicking the final penalty from the Springboks 22.
Or… the test never bloody ends.
Ok, ok Lions 24** – 21 Springboks. There, come at me you bastards.
Final ‘thoughts’
The real question on everyone’s lips is ‘what will this mean for England’? I’ll be btl to give my thoughts on this shortly.
* Which means the Lions win. Anything else is one for the purists.
** Have I mentioned that Siya Kolisi has a special place in my heart? I’ll have another poster to put on my bedroom wall after this series so all is not lost if the Lionz lose.
My Way, Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb Squad
Gats and Rassie loom into view through the smoke-filled karaoke bar, each picking up a mike and ignoring the other, before launching into their tuneless non mea culpa est:
And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain
My friends, we’ll kick it clear, we’ll force the pace of which we’re certain
We’ve kicked a ball out full, we’ve launched the oval skyway
But more, much more than this, we did it our way
Attacks, we’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention
We kicked what we had to kick, and soar it through without invention
I planned each scrumming force, each sideways step and passes astray
But more, much more than this, the blame is his way
The lights dim, the mikes clatter emptily to the floor, clunking soullessly as they slink to the exits, grim, with regret etched on their faces. But enough of my whisky and chocolate addled dreams last night.
The third Test. The series is alive, if not exactly kicking, if you ask many followers. The changes have been wrung, the die is cast and now we’re 80 minutes (or up to 120 depending on how things pan out) from anointing the victors with bragging rights for the next 12 years. Enough has been written about the quality (or absence thereof) of the first two Tests and the series in general, much of it accurate, much of it bilge, so let’s focus on the match to come, shall we?
Six changes in the Lions camp and 3 (one positional) in the Boks. The Lions have been roaring all week about speeding up the game, gaining tempo, running the Boks ragged and raiding the trophy cabinet in the process. In come Price at 9 to speed up delivery from the base – but to Biggar at 10 who hasn’t set the world light in ether teste thus far. Outside him, Bundee Aki, a poor man’s Damian de Allende, comes in to allow Henshaw to move to 13 in an attempt to create more space in midfield, whilst at the back, the Welsh duo of Williams for Hogg and Adams for Watson on the right wing aims to get more incisiveness in attack. On the bench, Connor Murray and Finn Russell are paired, a conservative slower 9 with a heads-up 10, seems strange, to say the least and suggests that Gatland remains conservative and not trusting of an all-out assault on the Bok defence.
Up front the Welsh duo of Jones and Owens are slotted into a front row that struggled last week, despite the Lions leading at oranges, the second and back row is unchanged, slightly surprising given the backseat they took and enormous energy expended seven days ago. AWJ, warrior that he is, must be feeling the effects, whilst Lawes was fairly anonymous last week.
The bench looks strong, but not overly stellar and there must be some concerns in the Lions camp that six new players who’ve spend much of the last month carrying tackle bags will be disruptive – if it is early one, the Lions will be playing catch up.
The Boks have two enforced injury changes, with talismanic 9 Faf de Klerk and indispensable blindside PS du Toit both out. These are huge blows, however much Bok fans will try to sugar-coat things. De Klerk is without peer at the box kicking game and all-round nuisance value, whilst du Toit is an 80 minute machine across the park. It’s resulted in considerable rejigging in the Bok side, with Lood de Jager back in the second row to partner Eben Etzebeth and Franco Mostert moving to blindside in du Toit’s place. Big moves. De Jager back is great news, adding considerably to the scrumming department and lineout, as well as carrying in heavy traffic, but is more limited out wide. Mostert has played flank, but with limited success. That said, du Toit only played 20 minutes last week, half of them knackered, and the Boks coped just fine without him. The rest of the pack is as is for the starters, and that’s good news.
The bench forwards are the same front row, which is formidable and duffed their opponents last week, whilst Mostert will slot back into the second row later on, with Kwagga – far better on the flank replacing du Toit than playing at 8 as in the first Test – and Marco van Staden coming on later to pinch ball, slow things down and add some vim to the forwards.
The backs have Cobus Reinach at 9, a different player to Faf, without the pinpoint kick accuracy, but absolutely electric around the fringes and in open play. If he brings his ‘A’ game (assuming he’s given licence) he presents an entirely different headache for the Lions – and possibly his own side. The rest of the backs are the same as the first two Tests and pick themselves. Perhaps Reinach can offer some space for Kolbe and Mapimpi to snipe down the blindside every now and then? However, an inaccurate display by Reinach could set the tone for the Lions to dictate the pace and shape of the match. It’s a critical piece of the jigsaw.
Key areas to watch, then, are:
- Whether the Lions can maintain parity up front for the full 80 (or near enough) to dictate what happens behind the scrum;
- Will six new players be too disruptive to the Lions, despite much of it revolving around national combinations – some of the guys are pretty rusty;
- How Gats introduces his bench – do Murray and Russell join the fray together, and if so, what’s the point?
- Will the Boks be able put down a marker from the get-go and dominate the Lions up front to dictate the pace (and crucially the scoreboard) to negate the threats out wide;
- Will Faf’s absence prove too disruptive to a Bok plan that has been well honed for a couple of years now and will allow the Lions to move the ball wide to their very good back three;
- Will the Boks surprise and give it a bit of width themselves earlier in the piece; they’re certainly more than capable of scoring tries whilst maintaining a mean defence;
- Will the refereeing quartet come out unscathed? In many respects, I think the last point is maybe the most important.
Prediction? I’ve gone Boks by 2 on Superbru, which portends, unfortunately, a Lions win based on the last two matches…
South Africa
15 Willie le Roux, 14 Cheslin Kolbe, 13 Lukhanyo Am, 12 Damian de Allende, 11 Makazole Mapimpi, 10 Handre Pollard, 9 Cobus Reinach, 8 Jasper Wiese, 7 Franco Mostert, 6 Siya Kolisi (captain), 5 Lood de Jager, 4 Eben Etzebeth, 3 Frans Malherbe, 2 Bongi Mbonambi, 1 Steven Kitshoff
Substitutes: 16 Malcolm Marx, 17 Trevor Nyakane, 18 Vincent Koch, 19 Marco van Staden, 20 Kwagga Smith, 21 Herschel Jantjies, 22 Morne Steyn, 23 Damian Willemse
British & Irish Lions
15 Liam Williams (Wales), 14 Josh Adams (Wales), 13 Robbie Henshaw (Ireland), 12 Bundee Aki (Ireland), 11 Duhan van der Merwe (Scotland), 10 Dan Biggar (Wales), 9 Ali Price (Scotland), 8 Jack Conan (Ireland), 7 Tom Curry (England), 6 Courtney Lawes (England), 5 Alun Wyn Jones (captain, Wales), 4 Maro Itoje (England), 3 Tadhg Furlong (Ireland), 2 Ken Owens (Wales), 1 Wyn Jones (Wales) Substitutes: 16. Luke Cowan-Dickie (England), 17 Mako Vunipola (Saracens, England), 18 Kyle Sinckler (England), 19 Adam Beard (Wales), 20 Sam Simmonds (England), 21 Conor Murray (Ireland), 22 Finn Russell (Scotland), 23 Elliot Daly (England)
Ovally Balls 
World 12s?
– Baxter’s not impressed:
https://www.bbc.com/sport/rugby-union/58486763
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Williamson done a Leroy Burrell
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Howdy btw.
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OT – I love that itoje said he had to leave. Clearly didn’t find the conversation engaging.
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Tom Newton Dunn there. The guy who published a far-right document that used neo-Nazi sources in The Sun.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/dec/09/sun-publish-far-right-conspiracy-theory-labour
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My BFF.
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TomP – I’ve just finished reading Richard Osman’s The Thursday Murder Club, which is set in an upscale retirement community where the most powerful people in the community are the parking committee – zealous clampers for an extortionate unlock fee.
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@thauma
That is simply marvellous. I’ve been seeing similar shenanigans at one of the higher ranked local cricket clubs (not ours) about individuals restricting juniors access to the nets and driving money into family members pockets.
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OT – it’s an amusing book; the characters are very good.
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Being back in an Anglophone country again I’m a keen user of the library service. I used the CR one but the choice was limited. Catching up with Irish writers I knew little or less of. Big ups to Kevin Barry in particular. And Spanish language in translation – Comemadre by Roque Larraquy is the one am most recommending but of writers new to me Yuri Hererra is also terrific. As always Cercas and Marias do the business.
Trouble is the libraries might shut down soon so am building up my lockdown 2021/22 personal library by visiting charity shops and second-hand places. Got White City by Kevin Power for a quid today, spend a bit more in the 2nd-hand shops but the 2009 recession meant there’s plenty of places selling here.
Have seen the Osman book in a few, might punt a Euro on it but it sounds very, um, conventional.
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Essential reading this one, TomP. Although there are a couple of factual inaccuracies in it, it’s otherwise ok.
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SA team for Australia I on the weekend. Kolbe out, Vermeulen and de Klerk back in the starting XV. Lots of back-rowers on the bench.
15 Willie le Roux, 14 Sbu Nkosi, 13 Lukhanyo Am, 12 Damian de Allende, 11 Makazole Mapimpi, 10 Handre Pollard, 9 Faf de Klerk, 8 Duane Vermeulen, 7 Franco Mostert, 6 Siya Kolisi (c), 5 Lood de Jager, 4 Eben Etzebeth, 3 Frans Malherbe, 2 Bongi Mbonambi, 1 Steven Kitshoff.
Subs: 16 Malcolm Marx, 17 Ox Nche, 18 Vincent Koch, 19 Marco van Staden, 20 Kwagga Smith, 21 Jasper Wiese, 22 Herschel Jantjies, 23 Damian Willemse.
Also, Ruan Pienaar’s going to be back playing at the Kingspan this season. He’s signing for the Sharks and they get a game in Ulster in May 2022 – possibly, Covid allowing etc etc
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“it sounds very, um, conventional”
He said in an interview I read that he wrote a crime book because he reads crime books. Nothing I’ve heard about it makes me think he reads good ones. It could still be fun of course.
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OT, I liked the Inspirals way back when and enjoyed watching that Oldham team. Would definitely go up to two quid on that in the St Vincent de Paul shop.
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@OT – “Great fun. A football book that should appeal to fans way beyond the borders of Oldham”.
I got as close as Littleborough on Sunday and nobody mentioned it.
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That said it’s interesting that most football books are only read within the borders of Oldham.
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CMW, I don’t really know he is but think I read that same interview in The Guardian. His track record as a TV producer – copying ideas from Dutch TV and thinking up wallpaper afternoon quiz shows – isn’t a great advert for me.
I did notice that TV’s Celebrity Come Dancing star Anton du Beke has published a novel. The blurb almost had me taking it out but then I realised it’d be on my library record for ever and some evil librarian might try to blackmail me.
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This is the blurb:
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Jesus, he’s written 3 novels!
This review is helpful:
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Ah, the show’s called Strictly Come Dancing not Celebrity Come Dancing.
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Evil Librarian waves hello to TomP.
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@TomP – It was the interview where Osman sort of sidestepped the one thorny question – something along the lines of ‘that’s great that you try to make sure people are employed on your shows from all sorts of backgrounds, what they can do rather than who they are etc, but how does that sit with you now selling shedloads of books just because of who you are?’
I like his quiz shows, can’t help it even if they are trash.
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Surprised Oldham had a Borders to be honest.
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It certainly reads like a book written by someone who likes to read crime novels (that’s me too). The unconventional part of it is that our sleuths are retirees not at all in the Jane Marple mode.
Osman is also amusing in Pointless, if somewhat smug, and you get the definite impression that he’s a frigging Blairite, as his character Ron would say.
I haven’t half been reading a lot of shite lately, and his is among the better bits of shite. Get it from the library.
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I just finished ‘The Puzzled Penguin’ from the series ‘Zoe’s Rescue Zoo’. I do have an excuse though.
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I’ve seen a bit of Pointless. Didn’t manage a whole episode but they seemed kind enough to the contestants.
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Pointless is a good idea for a game. I might have seen enough of it now though I do still enjoy it if I end up watching it by accident.
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thaum, get hold of Kevin Barry’s Night Boat to Tangiers.
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Thanks, TomP, noted!
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One of the shit books I’ve read lately involves a plot twist where someone gets an ‘anonymous’ email that they then forward to an ‘IT expert’, who ‘traces’ it to a computer named ‘Barry’s laptop’ (or something like that).
Erm….
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For those of a literary bent, since that is the topic this evening, I enjoyed a BBC programme about Walter Scott, it wasn’t a hagiography, rather an engaging look back at the man and his legacy. It piqued my interest enough to perhaps go back to those novels I read over 35 years ago
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000yrpz/in-search-of-sir-walter-scott
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CMW, I don’t know how long it’s been on but I have only spent about 10 weeks in the UK in the last 8 years so things to do and people to see got in the way. We have the BBC on the telly here but am usually busy when it’s on. The one that I still find amazing is the Coin Pusher game on ITV. It’s – Drop Zone 3, please – mesmerising.
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The better stuff I’ve been reading has mostly been Daphne du Maurier: re-reading some I already had, and then a couple of ones I hadn’t read before.
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TomP – I can’t help feeling that the coin drop one is rigged. Only seen it a handful of times.
UC has to be the best quiz show, probably followed by Pointless.
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… And Only Connect must be the most irritating quiz show, not only because it’s hosted by the ineffably smug Victoria Coren, but because it’s ridiculous. (Yes, I am hopeless at it.)
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I always like the fact that her grandfather gave the world the Svengali and the trilby hat.
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Ticht – saw that last week. As someone who lived in his ‘backyard’ so to speak (Selkirk, Melrose, Abbotsford – which is worth a visit) there were still a few things I hadn’t known about him.
In “About As Far Away From Walter Scott As You Can Get” news, I’m just about to settle down with a large whisky and watch the Aretha Franklin doc ‘Amazing Grace’ on Prime.
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The coin drop one is genuinely awful. I like the way the contestants plead with the counters.
I’ve watched OC a few times. It was interesting the first time.
I knew of VCM when I was a student through friends and friends of friends who went to the same university as her. There was much surprise when she tried to take a stand-up show to Edinburgh as she was reportedly very unfunny. Pleased to see she’s not found a funny bone yet. Still, she’s better and funnier than her brother.
.
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She is not funny at all. I’ve luckily not heard her brother, as all reports are the same.
Dad was hilarious, though. I’ve a collection or two of his pieces, and it brings tears to the eye.
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Mitchell is not funny either imo. A match made in heaven of two middle-class smuggies.
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High culture news:
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Ah, that sounds … missable.
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Oh, good shout, BB. If that is still available during the November tests then I’ll watch it, as the Scotland games are only available on Prime.
Jennifer Hudson is the lead, I believe?
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Mitchell plays a posher version of Victor Meldrew. But, and here’s the twist, a Victor Meldrew who sits behind a desk and is filmed for BBC and Channel 4 filler shows and has nothing to lose but receives loads of cash to pocket after every show.
In Peep Show the character had something to lose – and lost it – so was better. Haven’t seen anything else he’s been in.
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Hudson was terrific in one of my favourite films, Dreamgirls
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Only Connect is a show I watch to play the games. VCM is a total irrelevance as are the contestants other than when they get stuff too quickly to give the viewer a chance. Or when they’re members of my cricket team or the historian that drinks in my local.
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OC does seem to be a programme biased towards Those Who Like Cricket.
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Ticht – it’s a film of Aretha singing gospel at a church over a couple of nights in the early 70s.
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