With four of the six nations on one win and one loss, it’s all looking very close; leaders France are only 3 points ahead of England and Ireland. Poor Italy are as usual languishing at the bottom of the table, although they have a glimmer of not-finishing-last to play for, should Wales go down and Italy actually manage to win one. (Not this weekend, obviously.)
Having consulted my crystal ovally ball, I can tell you how it’s going to go.
Scotland v France
According to Toonie, “France are one of the top two or three teams in the world right now. They’ve got a huge pack, momentum behind them, results behind them, so it’s a great challenge for us.”
Awa’ with yer underdogging. We see the secret weapon: Darge at 6 and McFuckface at 7. Poachers of the world, unite!
Prediction: home advantage to seal the deal. Scotland by 2.
England v Wales
England’s desperate toss of the dice in Manu-shaped form has been unsuccessful due to ham sandwich problems, throwing the coaching staff into such a tizzy that they aren’t even going to name the match-day squad until the day of.
Food-related issues continue to plague the side as captain Courtney ‘Two Brain Cells’ Lawes has a scrambled-eggs problem.
The Northampton forward said he “was worried about my head” when he first came into camp “not feeling great” after numerous incidents on the field.
But after seeing a specialist and getting a brain scan, Lawes told BBC Sport he was relieved to find it was “nothing to do with my brain”.
Instead, an issue with his inner ear meant “the connection between eyes, ears and neck was a bit scrambled”.
Meanwhile, Wales are having selection problems of their own, with talisman Alun-Wyn Jones still out, and the bizarre decision to drop Louis Rees-Zammit and bring back card-magnet Josh Adams in his place. However, fit-again Taulupe Faletau starts at 8.
Prediction: Never, ever write Wales off against England, especially a slightly discombobulated one. Wales by 3.
Ireland v Italy
This one is easy: first-cap Ulsterman Michael Lowry is going to bedazzle and befuddle the hapless Azzuri and score about six tries.
In the second half, fellow Ulstermen Herring and Hume will come on with Sexton (Carbery is starting) and complete the annihilation.
Leprechaun JGP at scrum-half – who should rightfully be a (fit) John Cooney or Nathan Doak if it weren’t for the bizarre and troubling vendetta against Ulsterpersons – will make a series of bad decisions and also, annoyingly, score a try.
Prediction: Ireland, with home advantage, by 56.
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Onna telly this week
Friday 25th February
| Scotland v Colombia (women) | 15:00 | BBC iPlayer/website/Alba |
| Zebre v Bulls | 17:30 | Premier Sports 1 |
| England v Wales (U20s) | 19:00 | BBC iPlayer/website / S4C |
| Leinster v Lions | 19:35 | TG4 / Premier Sports 1 |
| Worcester v Harlequins | 19:45 | BT Sport 1 |
| Ireland v Italy (U20s) | 20:00 | BBC iPlayer/website |
| Scotland v France (U20s) | 20:00 | BBC iPlayer/website |
Saturday 26th February
| Connacht v Stormers | 13:00 | RTÉ2 / Premier Sports 2 |
| Scotland v France | 14:15 | BBC1 |
| Treviso v Sharks | 15:05 | Premier Sports 2 |
| England v Wales | 16:45 | ITV / S4C |
| Brive v Toulon | 20:00 | Premier Sports 1 |
Sunday 27th February
| Northampton v Exeter | 13:00 | BT Sport 1 | ||
| Ireland v Italy | 15:00 | ITV | ||
| Montpellier v Stade Français | 16:30 | Premier Sports 2 | ||
| Toulouse v Bordeaux | 20:00 | Premier Sports 2 |
Ovally Balls 
Oh bugger.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/60509613
France by a few hundred thousand.
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Oh hell. Well, Darge will just have to double himself. I think he can do it.
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That’s the baw burst, BB.
You have to think that if it’s in the squad there will be more positive cases tomorrow morning
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Ticht – good point. He’s obviously done this just to ruin my beautiful predictions.
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How do we feel about highly NSFW but hilarious images? Don’t want to get into trouble for posting something rude.
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Half-arsed watching the Eng/Wal U20s. Wales had a man red-carded at about 20 mins, which has rather scuppered their chances.
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That’s a shame about Mish hope no one else is omicroned.
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Lovely break from Jones – playing a bit more like himself tonight. Just a shame he couldn’t get the pass away at the end.
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Crap. Wurr dooooo.ed I tells ya!
Scot sprogs getting a doing over by 14 French ladz. We’re not very good.
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So. None of our first choice back 5 of the pack. Just as well it’s only France eh.
*sigh*
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Wooo! Bristol did a win. 31-19 against Wasps.
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Scotland Under 20s are coached by Noddy and a lollypop man from just outside Murrayfield by the looks of things
Utter shite in all technical aspects of the game, France were down to 13 with ten minutes to go and there was time to win it if we had played smart, tied in their big forwards and moved it wide quickly.
But no.
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Kenny Murray’s the U-20s coach (plus Head of Development). Thought he was a better coach than that, but perhaps not.
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BB, I think it’s something we need to look at, aye France were big and bullied us up front but that wasn’t why our lineout was shocking and why our backs looked like they were recreational players rather than aspiring professionals, these guys are actually decent player playing badly and a lot of it must come back to the preparation.
In contrast the French team looked ready for professional rugby, the young backrow Ntamack in particular looks possibly even better than his older brother and dad.
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Greetings all! Scotland really have been hammered in the pack this year. Feel for them. Massive thunderstorm looming where I am and I expect it speaks French. Could get ugly.
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What I mean by that is been hit by injuries. Think France will pull away in the 2nd half.
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I’ve got a bad feeling about this
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Russia for the new ‘7 Nations’?………………………………………………………..oh, ah – I see………………..
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Fairly sanguine about today.
Doesn’t mean to say I won’t be shouting and swearing at the TV if we get chances to score though. Especially if it’s close going into the last quarter. (It won’t be).
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Good luck Scotland, reckon you will need a bit of help from the ref tho.
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Anyway, enough of this doom and gloom!
(Whimper)
‘MON SCOTLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Good start!
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Ball out on the full from the kick off! France are rubbish….
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Please keep updates coming! Lost the battle of the pub with a TV.
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It’s going to be one of those afternoons where we punch ourselves in the face repeatedly isn’t it.
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France miss a penalty sitter!
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That was quite the try.
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France not rubbish – brilliant break from Dupont, ran past the whole of Scotland and they eventually go over.
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Bunch of show offs
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Scotland score a pen. 3-7.
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At least we won’t get nilled
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He dropped that!
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Showing off again. Gits
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Off-load tastic. Fun France are here.
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THAT France have turned up.
Bugger.
Could they not have waited a couple of weeks?
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Oh, maybe not….
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Oh dear, that France have turned up.
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What a passage of play!
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Well, Deebee, a lot of mad things happened, but the upshot is that Scotland got a penalty which goes to 5m line-out, and….
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G’wan Scotland.
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… the try is held up, but they’re going back for a pen for a high tackle.
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DAAAARRRRGGGGEEE!!!!
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Yes!
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The New Mish scores!
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Oops, a premature ‘g’wanning’ there.
Darge over now.
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Darge has been great.
Needed that or we could have been buried
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Conversion is good, so it’s 10-12.
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During a counter-ruck after the restart, Price gets kicked in the heid, so Scotland on the attack again.
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France on the rampage but darge saves our bacon again
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There’s a knock-on or something and France get the ball back, but Darge brilliantly poaches it. Scotland attacking in French half.
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